let me sleep!

Sometimes I wake up early in the morning from a deep sleep with intense thoughts. 

It's strange. I'll be in the midst of a dream only to wake to the realization that I didn't answer an email the night before, or worrying about an upcoming event, or stressing about the day ahead. It stinks because I really like sleeping and I'm not a fan of waking up before I'm supposed to!

The last time this happened was a couple mornings ago and my mind went through a whole process of thinking through the problem, stressing, and then realizing the solution that God put in front of my face and finally mellowing out so I could fall asleep again for an hour. 

I woke up thinking about being the mom of my two kids and wondering how many ways I was failing them. Were they going to resent me in the future? Would I regret the choices I made in parenting? Would my insufficiencies and short comings in parenting ruin them as adults? (If you can hear my voice getting faster and more high-pitched with each question, then you understand what was going on in my head that morning!) 

(This. For reals.)

As I lay there, thinking about all the things I could be and should be doing better as a mom, I realized once again that I'm not perfect and never will be. And again God reminded me that He's got my back. (Goodness, God must get tired of reminding me of things. He has to do it all the time!) 

This was the mental picture that He created for me (He knows what method of learning works best for me: pictures!) I imagined my children's lives as jars. I am constantly filling those jars with pebbles. Those pebbles are the lessons I'm teaching, the seeds I'm planting, the example I'm trying to be, the intentional conversations, the time, wisdom, amd experience I am pouring into them. But when I look at the jar, I see so many empty spaces between the pebbles. 

Then God comes along and pours sand into all the empty spaces. He fills in where I am lacking. I could not do this mom thing without Him right there, covering me with His grace for all my failures. 

He knows me. He knows my gifts and strengths as well as my shortcomings. And He still determined that I could parent these two kids. 

That's because He knew when He gave them to me, He'd be parenting them right beside me. They're gonna be okay because their lives are not solely in the hands of their earthly parents! Phew.

All of that took about 45 minutes to resolve itself at Way Too Early O'clock in the morning. I was finally able to fall asleep again for another hour (although I would have fallen asleep even if I knew I only had 10 minutes till I had to get up. I'm telling you, I like my sleep.) 

I appreciate God's revelations in my life. I really, truly do! But I'm hoping maybe He'll wait till I'm awake to share the next one with me. 

KC

if I'm going to be honest

(Ha! That's a funny title for one of my posts! I'm always honest, perhaps to a fault and maybe you don't want to hear it anymore. But if it gets to that point, then I guess you could just stop reading, right?)

(I suppose I should get back to my point so I don't forget what I'm writing about.)

The other day I started reading an article that was written by a homeschooling mom who was discussing the comments that other people make about how it must be tough be around her kids all day, what a drag. Her response was one of indignation and that she was tired of people assuming that she needed a break and that she didn't enjoy her time with her kids.

I stopped reading at that point. 

Because if I'm going to be honest, I don't like being with my kids all the time. There are times when it is a drag. I do need a break once in a while. And if I kept reading that article I would have spiraled down a tunnel of guilt that I don't need to add to the hurricane of short-comings that I already feel. 

You don't have to be a homeschooling mom to want a break from the kids once in a while. Parenting turned out to be 50x harder than everybody led on. It is the most challenging experience of my life. I am not ashamed to admit (ok, maybe a little ashamed to admit) that once everyone is asleep, I often head into the pantry to see what kind of junk food snack I can find to reward myself for making it through the day. Because the day is hard!! (I did not saying it is healthy or wise or that I endorse the habit. I'm just sayin' that I do it and I'm betting I'm not the only one.)

I love my kids fiercely, passionately. And I value the time I have with them.

But I also value the time I don't have with them. 

Because mommys have got to breathe. And if we take some time to breathe once in a while, we'll come back refreshed and ready to tackle this whole parenting thing all over again. 

KC

say it

I know I've written about this topic in the past, but because of the difference one kind comment made to me this past weekend, it bears repeating. 

If you have a kind word to give to someone, give it!! It is a gift to the person you are giving it to. You never know how big of a difference your kind word will make in someone's life, or how much they need to hear it, or how it might change their entire perspective on life or their attitude about themselves. 

I happen to mention to my mom my struggles on homeschooling, how I will probably always feel like a failure (common thread here for me, I know...) She looked at me incredulously (what a great word, eh?) and pretty much put me in my place, as mothers are supposed to do. She told me that I was a great teacher to my 2 children, the things I do with them was much more than she did with us (which I doubt because she was pretty great!) and that my kids were fortunate to have a mom/teacher like me. 

(You know, you always believe in your heart that your momma is proud of you, but hearing out loud just confirms it!) 

Those words have stuck with me since last weekend. My mom thinks I'm doing a great job. When I think I'm falling short, I know my mom has confidence in me. When I'm struggling in the middle of the day, I'm leaning on those words for strength. When I think no one knows all the work I'm doing, I know she's watching. I know she sees it. 

See? My mom had no idea how those words would affect me, but they were huge!

So who needs to hear those words from you today? 

Give that gift. 

Make their day. 

(How cute is this?! I wish I knew who had created it so I could give credit.)

KC

weird kids

If I don't write this post soon, my daughter will be super bummed out. She sparked the idea for this post and keeps asking me if I've written it yet. She's relentless (which you already know, if you've read any of her long ol' texts to me 😳). 

The other day she and Lincoln were chatting in the backseat of the truck about being weird and they both agreed that they liked being weird. I kinda beamed with pride as I drove us home but asked them why they thought it was so great to be weird?

And then came the fruit: "Remember when you told us, Mom, to take pride in being different? That it was a good thing to not be just like everyone else, but to be proud of the things that make us unique? That's why we like being weird!!"

BOOM!! 

This topic first came up a while back when I chatted with my kids about being homeschooled. They were suddenly different from just about everyone else they knew. And other kids ask questions. And kids make them feel bad and call them "weird" because they aren't just like everyone else. Believe it or not, my 2 children have gotten a lot of guff, from other kids AND adults, because they are homeschooled. That's tough on my kids. 

But I strive to teach them that being different is a good thing. You know my biggest reason why? 

It's not just because I want my kids to have confidence in who they are as God's uniquely created children, although that is a huge part of it.

I want my kids to appreciate "different" so when they see "different" they won't make fun or bully, but will high-five the other person for being different.

I know we've still got a ways to go before my kids can appreciate and/or respect the many kinds of "different" but I figure if I start early, then maybe my kids will turn out to be inclusive instead of exclusive. 

Our world needs a bit more inclusiveness.

KC

74

That's how old my Pa would have been today: 74.
He's been gone nearly 9 years.
Do you know how much I have missed out on in those 9 years?
If you've never met him, you missed out.
If you knew him, you understand.
He was quite something.

Yeah, I'm going to give you one of those lectures:
Grab the ones you love and spend time with them.
Those "olders" in your life are pretty amazing, if you give them your time.
When my Mom has time to meet (she's busier than me, y'all!), we make the time to meet.
Because I didn't get my full share of memories with my Pa, I'm making them with my Mom.
I won't look back on my life and wish I had spent more time with her.
I won't let that happen.

Sometimes as a parent it hits me: I give so much of myself for my children. I am exhausted by the end of the day. That's why I am here: for my family. My husband goes to work every day. For our family. I know that as we get older, we will continue to do things for our kids and then their families. Once you become a parent, you never stop being one. That is SO MUCH WORK!!!

And my Mom and Dad did that. So I will give my mom my time back. I will take care of her whenever she needs me, no matter what her needs are. (Unless it is mowing the lawn because I HATE trying to start the lawn mower. Plus, that's why I have nephews...)

And someday, hopefully my children will feel the same way about me.

Leviticus 19:23 - Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord.

I'd say that's pretty clear. Wouldn't you?

KC

this strawberry-blonde of mine

How to survive (and by survive I mean be proud of the accomplishment of something crazy difficult in life. And by accomplishment, I mean not drowning) a day in the life of raising a strawberry-blonde daughter (and by strawberry-blonde I mean strong-willed, emotional, stubborn thing of amazingness and beauty). 

1. Roll out of bed mentally steeling yourself for the day ahead. Say to yourself, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." over and over until you pretty much believe it. (Completely believing it is pretty much impossible when you have years of experience with this child. Just sayin'.)

2. Avoid going downstairs until you have yourself all put together for the day because you are going down to a potential battlefield and might not escape to get back upstairs until you are war torn and exhausted.

3. Start the morning with a smile and hug because YOU have to be the grown up who sets the tone for the day as well as the good example of a positive attitude. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO FAKE IT!

4. Get your brain in "lawyer mode" knowing that you are going to be up against a strong debater who has not yet figured out how to separate logic from emotion. Crying, moping, yelling, and back talking are all to be expected.

5. Have your discipline arsenal full and be ready to execute at a moment's notice: no slumber party this weekend, no electronics today or tomorrow or for the rest of the month, no playing outside, no playing inside, no playing, no shopping for the rest of 2016.

6. Go! Tackle the day! Fight the good fight! Love through the frustration! Build up when you want to tear down! Try! Try! Try! And know that you are not perfect, you will make mistakes, but God's got you covered with His grace. 

7. When the day is done (after tying your strawberry-blonde child to the bed), sit your tired body down and rest. Zone out. Veg. Don't think. Give yourself a freaking break! 

Because tomorrow you'll do it all over again. 

And it is the most important battle you will ever fight. 

I'm proud of you.

KC

(*And for those of you who don't know me very well, I don't regard the parenting of a strong-willed child as a horrible experience. This is written in jest for those parents who understand how exhausting and difficult it is to raise amazing strong-willed kids. I consider it a privilege, even when I'm at my wit's end. I wouldn't change my girl for anything. Someday, she will accomplish great things for His kingdom. Just you wait and see!) 

perfect children

On Monday evenings, I go pow-wow with a small group of my dear mom friends. For about 2 hours (or more, if I get to talking...) we snack and chat about life. 

Most common topic of conversation: our children. 

I learn so much from these women. We don't all parent alike, but we all respect each other's choices in parenting styles. That's a pretty valuable thing to find in friendships: respect despite differences.

But tonight, we all agreed on one thing: the truth behind what our children tell us. 

So often my children with run into the house, exclaiming about the tragedy that has befallen upon them because of the dreadful behavior of a neighborhood friend. (Now any of my neighbors reading this will just chuckle because I'm pretty sure their children have run in to complain about my kids as well!) 

Here's how the conversation typically goes:

My child: "Whine, whine, whine, moan, complain, grumble, cry, sob, whiiiiiiiine!!" 

Me: "Really? That's too bad...what did you say/do to make them respond to you in that way?" 

My child: "Nothing!! I just told them blah, blah, blah..." (Which is often something that can be misconstrued by the other child as hurtful, exclusive, or just mean, even if my kid didn't mean it that way.)

Then I chat with them about how the other kiddo probably felt and why they responded the way they did and then I send my kid back out there to figure it out. (Please note, unless a line has been crossed, we do send our children out to deal. This is our personal preference in raising our children: to learn how to solve conflict on their own. We guide them and teach them and then send them out to figure it out. Sometimes they fail, but that's an important way to learn too.) 

Now, my parenting skills are not spectacular, but my friends will agree on this (I hadn't heard it before tonight, but it's right on): There are 3 sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth.

Now, I tell you all that to make this point: my children aren't always in the wrong. They haven't always been the ones to cause the treatment they have received. However, it has proved to be very valuable to me to find out the back story, the situation surrounding the hurt feelings by talking the situation through with my children. My kids aren't perfect. They don't always make the best choices or say the right thing. After all, they are kids. Shucks, there are plenty of adults out there who act the same as my children! 

And like one of my girlfriends said this evening: nobody's child is perfect. Not even yours! (Ok, I added that last part for emphasis.) 

And when we realize that, it helps us handle our children's experiences in life with a little more grace and understanding. 

Even if the other child is being a booger.

Here's to the moms and dad who are trying to raise not perfect children, but good and godly children. Keep up the good work!

❤️

KC