mom fruit

YOU GUYS!!!!
The coolest, most wonderful mom thing happened yesterday. It was so confirming and was a sign of fruit through all the tough and crappy mom stuff that I have done thus far. I NEED fruit. It's not a craving. It's a symbol of hope for all the time and tears and heartache and effort that has gone into this whole mom thing. To see that fruit happening is a beacon of light for this weary mom soul!

My bright, figure-anything-out, go-getter 12-year-old daughter had come up against her nemesis once again: math. No matter what super powers that girl brings to the fight, math always "one ups" her. It beats her down and frustrates her to tears! (She's got a phenomenal tutor and great math curriculum, in my opinion, so that is not the issue here.) Math, no matter what size or shape it comes in, pushes my girl's buttons.

And yesterday was no exception. Negative integers and deciphering between the area and circumference of a circle and the distribution property got her to her wits end and we heard all about it! Long story short-ish: she was frustrated with herself. There are so many things in this life that come easy to that girl (except for keeping her room clean and being nice to her brother) and to have one thing that doesn't come easy to her just aggravates her! It breaks my heart to see her frustration, but I can't do anything about it. Math is important in education and we won't let it slip around here.

It all came to a head when I stepped into the garage to find a piece of chocolate from the freezer. She came out after me, wrapped her arms around me and said, " I just want to be smart like my dad." I held her with all my love and told her I understood and then, a moment later, to lighten the mood, because that's how I work, I teased her and asked, " Wait a minute: if you want to be smart like Dad, what does that make me?! Not smart?!"

And you know what she did? She looked up at me (which I can only say for a few more years, I'm sure and then I'll be looking up at her!) and then buried her head into my chest and said emphatically, "You're wise, Mom!"

I'm immediately started laughing. It was a laugh that came from my soul! Partly because that was a good recovery on her part - she was quick with that response! And also because I knew she meant it. She's told me this before.

Y'all. My 12-year-old daughter thinks I'm wise. Amongst all the eye rolling and the talking back and getting the last word in, she still thinks I'm wise.

I often question my choices in parenting. Shoot, I often question my choices in what I snack on! But every once in a while, God allows me a little glimpse like this one into my daughter's heart and reminds me that I'm doing okay. And that makes me want to keep trying at this whole parenting gig.

Look for the fruit, my friends. If you haven't seen it, ask for it! God will give you a peek, if your eyes are open. And even if you have to wait a while for it (I waited years and years and I'm not even lying), keep at it because it'll come. And it'll be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears (and I'm speaking figuratively AND literally there!)

I'm praying for you all, my friends!

KC

Doritos

As I sat in front of my computer, eating cashews (because cashews are beyond delicious and better for me than Doritos), I kept trying to come up with something clever to write about. I started about 3 different posts, quitting after about a sentence for each one.

"No one wants to read what I have to write about. I don't have anything interesting to say. No one is going to care about what I've got going on in my life."

Would you look at that?! I totally discouraged myself, all by myself! I didn't need any help from anyone else. That's pretty typical of me: I'm my own worst enemy. If I try hard enough, I can talk myself out of anything and put my self worth as low on the ladder as possible... (I was going to say on the totem pole but being low on the totem pole actually means being wise and other good stuff and that's not what I've been telling myself!)

(I have now moved on to Club crackers, if anyone is interested. They are also quite tasty and maybe 25% healthier than Doritos.)

When I tend to get down on myself, I have usually forgotten one very important aspect of me: God created me with a purpose. He made me on purpose. He decided that He was going to put together a Kathy Lynn Cragin for reasons: His reasons!

Sheesh! If I could just get out of His way then maybe He could do some bigger and better things with me so that He could accomplish more stuff and things! But NoooOOOOoooo. I've got to put up walls and close doors and just get in the way of it all.
*eyeroll at myself*

I know I'm not the only one out there who does this...
People! We have GOT to get out of the way! At least once in a while!
Take a chance! Do a thing! Listen to that poking and prodding of God and stop doubting yourself. Because God wouldn't poke and prod you if He didn't already know that something good was going to come out of it all.

So tonight I just started writing and discussing my evening snacking habits with you and TA-DAH!!! He ended up coming up with something kind of cool to tell you (and me! Pretty much all of what I write to you is just stuff I need to hear too!)

Now, if someone could please bring me a bag of Doritos, I would greatly appreciate it...

KC

(Nacho Cheese, please.)

aaaaand: fail.

I don't know, y'all. (And yes, I do say "y'all" in real outloud life even though I'm from California. It's for emphasis!) I just don't think I'm cut out for this parenting thing. The more I strive to get ahead, the more I look around and see every where that I am failing!

I just put bath towels away in my kids' bathroom, only to have to rearrange the entire cupboard because one of my children has moved in and also started to take over the second cupboard in that bathroom. I'm going to start charging rent on cupboard space.

Earlier today, I kept getting sticky feet while walking in my kitchen. On hands and knees and with a wet towel, I identified the area of sticky-ness that no one seems to know how it got there. I now leave a pair of flip flops near the kitchen floor for when I get fed up with crumbs and sticky spots on the floor. I can't.

"Child, please don't eat this entire bowl of blueberries."
Returning 5 minutes later: "Where are all the blueberries?!"
Child: "I ate them all, I guess."
YOU GUESS?!

I constantly buy my children dental flossers. Those little sticks that have a small piece of dental floss to make it easy for them to floss every night. But I recently asked my children if this flossing is being completed. Can you guess the answer?! Can you guess when our next dentist appointment is?! Three days from now. Ugh.

My daughter rolls her eyes at me an average of 10 times a day.
My son's cursive handwriting leaves a lot to be desired.
Math. I'm not saying anything about math.
There were snails in my garage in a bucket for about a week.
Wet bathing suits and towels live on bedroom and bathroom floors, just beneath the hooks installed for just that purpose.
My kids eat candy. (See paragraph regarding dental flossers.)
Little Lego pieces everywhere. Just everywhere.

I look at every one of these and think: "There's more I can be doing as a parent to stop these behaviors! If I have so many parenting fails (y'all, this is like an eensy-weensy peek into a very large box, nay, garage full of parenting failures), then obviously, I'm not cut out for this!"

But there's always this word that constantly inhabits my mind. Sometimes it's loud and sometimes it's quiet. But it is always there. It is a gift that God gave to us, hand-in-hand with free will. There is absolutely NO way we can attain parenting perfection. (I'm telling you: the ones who show you their perfect parenting are not showing you every part of their parenting world.)

So God gave us grace.
He shows us favor and gives us blessings despite our shortcomings.
And that grace covers a LOT!

Today I had to apologize to my daughter for something rude I said to her. It was eating me up as her mom but when I told her I was sorry, she told me it was no big deal and hadn't really bothered her: grace.

Last night I failed as I hadn't even thought about what my daughter would wear to church on Easter Sunday. There was no way that we could find a dress for her before church the next day. She pulled out the one dress she had that was flowery and then looked at me and said, " Do I have to wear a dress?!" HA!! Nope! Grace.

I looked at the mess that I had just gotten frustrated over and my son came up and hugged me despite my aggravation: grace.

People, this happens every day. My shortcomings are greeted by God's grace. Sure, my kids are probably going to need counseling someday, but I believe that every step of my parenting is surrounded by the grace of God. What makes me think that I need to have it all together when I've got a great big wonderfully wise God walking right next to me in this adventure?! Guess it's time to show myself some grace...

KC