There have been a variety of experiences in my life that have been way too much for me to handle. I mean, if you take a look at who I was as a kid, you’d think I couldn’t handle much.
I was super duper painfully shy. It hurt my head and heart to say things to people. (If you’ve never been shy, I don’t expect you to understand this, but if you have been or are shy, you know what it feels like!) I was also prone to a nerves, which meant I had frequent stomachs aches as a child. My mom did her best to get to the bottom of the stomach aches, but in the end (and looking back now), I believe it was anxiety. I just didn’t handle things very well. This led to an anxiety disorder in high school and college (yay, me) with accompanying panic attacks (awesome). I was also very, very, very thin. I was not anorexic, but no one told my body that. I was skinny.
If you told me back then that I would raise a strong-willed kid, I would have laughed because the idea of raising any children at that point terrified me, even though it was truly my heart’s desire. If you told me that I would walk through cancer with both parents, back then, there was no way. I would have hidden in a closet, away from it all. I have lost a parent when he was WAY too young, I have lost family members to suicide, I have seen young lives living through trauma, I have shared the real me (the ugly, vulnerable me) with people, and I have said “No” to things I have been asked to do. And I have survived all the scary things.
This evening I had to have a tough conversation and while my insides were shaking, my words were not. I said what came to my heart, and even interjected humor at the appropriate moments. And I walked out of the conversation confident that all had been handled and handled well.
But I also walked out of that tough conversation knowing that all of that wasn’t me. I found the courage to walk into it knowing it was the right thing to do and knowing that God would handle it. And He did.
And when I look back at all the big things I have walked through and survived thus far, I KNOW it is not because of me. Because I am not Wonder Woman. I am just a skinny (well, not quite so skinny anymore) kid who said, “God, use me.” And He has.
I still fight Him on some things because I’m stubborn. I’m human. But When I do walk
into the scary things, I do so confidently because He is bigger than me.
He is bigger than little ol’ me.
KC
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Tuesday, January 29, 2019
3 Lists for the Morning
My life has been changed!
For the good!
And hopefully forever!
Okay, that’s a bit too dramatic for what I’m sharing with you, but I am quite excited with the results of these three lists that I write everyday! So here’s the background (because I’m not awesome enough to have come up with this on my own): My good friend, Melissa, encouraged me to listen to a podcast from Rachel Hollis. She breaks down her “Start Today Journal”-ing Process in this podcast. My good friend, Carrie, took me to a goal setting workshop recently where Danny Lehr walked us through the goal setting process and then, because she’s awesome, Carrie agreed to be my accountability partner. And then I listened to another podcast interview of James Clear regarding his book entitled Atomic Habits. The combination of these things (and the necessity of needing a plan to survive this busy life so I don’t feel overwhelmed every. single. day.) led me to this morning habit of the 3 Lists.
The first list: My List of Gratitude.
More than one successful person has mentioned the value of starting the day in meditation. A few minutes of quiet to bring the mind into focus. Hollis mentioned that she focuses on what she’s grateful for. I use it as my morning prayer: to thank God for what He has done and to set my mind on the good. I try to write a minimum of ten things I am grateful for, from “a good night’s sleep,” to “progress,” to “cheeseburgers.” I don’t write long elaborate prayer sentences. I write simple words and phrases to connect myself to my Father first thing in the morning. And in one simple writing exercise I have spent time with God and set my mind in the right direction.
The second list: My List of Goals
This was a recommendation from all three of those successful folks: write your goals daily and write them as if they have already happened. For example: someday I’d like to play a role in people’s lives as a mentor so everyday I write: “I am a mentor.” I also would like to publish a book someday so I write: “I am a writer.” I jot down at least ten goals for myself. Usually I am writing the same goals that I wrote the day before, primarily so I am constantly reminded of what I am working on. Putting them down on paper makes me focus on who I am becoming instead of just who I hope to be someday.
The third list: My To Do List
This is the game changer for me. After I have focused my mind, I focus on my day. Here’s the deal for my brain: if I just keep everything that I need to do all up inside my head, I get stressed because every time I try to accomplish something, I think of something else I need to do and then I get distracted and can’t get the first thing done well. Things are just bouncing around like a bunch of super balls in my head and that makes me feel crazy and unsettled. So I write it down. I refer to my calendar to help me and then just start writing it all down. And then I get started.
There’s something rewarding about marking something off of a list. It does something for my mental state. I feel accomplished. I feel like a boss! Even if it is only because I emptied the dishwasher. I am the boss of that dishwasher! And you know what? Sometimes I’ll do something that’s not on my list, then go back to my list and add it, just so I can mark it off of my list! It makes me feel validated, like someone’s going to walk past that list and say, “ Wow! Look at all the things Kathy accomplished today!” When in all actuality, I am the only one who looks at my list and I’m the only one who looks at all I accomplished and thinks it’s awesome. But that’s enough for me!
And the nice thing about the To Do List is that it is a constant list. I can add things throughout the day that need to get done. That way, every time something comes up in my brain and it needs to get done, I stop it from bouncing around in my head, give the responsibility of remembering it to the list in my bullet journal, and then get on with it.
I cannot tell you just how grateful I am for the people who played a part in helping me get started on My 3 Lists. I began this habit in early January and then we had a sudden shift in our household that made things a bit hectic. I paused my habit for a few days and realized that I was back to crazy super ball brain. So I started it back up again and now each day feels manageable. That, to me, makes a day successful.
Now let’s see if I can keep it up in February too!
KC
For the good!
And hopefully forever!
Okay, that’s a bit too dramatic for what I’m sharing with you, but I am quite excited with the results of these three lists that I write everyday! So here’s the background (because I’m not awesome enough to have come up with this on my own): My good friend, Melissa, encouraged me to listen to a podcast from Rachel Hollis. She breaks down her “Start Today Journal”-ing Process in this podcast. My good friend, Carrie, took me to a goal setting workshop recently where Danny Lehr walked us through the goal setting process and then, because she’s awesome, Carrie agreed to be my accountability partner. And then I listened to another podcast interview of James Clear regarding his book entitled Atomic Habits. The combination of these things (and the necessity of needing a plan to survive this busy life so I don’t feel overwhelmed every. single. day.) led me to this morning habit of the 3 Lists.
The first list: My List of Gratitude.
More than one successful person has mentioned the value of starting the day in meditation. A few minutes of quiet to bring the mind into focus. Hollis mentioned that she focuses on what she’s grateful for. I use it as my morning prayer: to thank God for what He has done and to set my mind on the good. I try to write a minimum of ten things I am grateful for, from “a good night’s sleep,” to “progress,” to “cheeseburgers.” I don’t write long elaborate prayer sentences. I write simple words and phrases to connect myself to my Father first thing in the morning. And in one simple writing exercise I have spent time with God and set my mind in the right direction.
The second list: My List of Goals
This was a recommendation from all three of those successful folks: write your goals daily and write them as if they have already happened. For example: someday I’d like to play a role in people’s lives as a mentor so everyday I write: “I am a mentor.” I also would like to publish a book someday so I write: “I am a writer.” I jot down at least ten goals for myself. Usually I am writing the same goals that I wrote the day before, primarily so I am constantly reminded of what I am working on. Putting them down on paper makes me focus on who I am becoming instead of just who I hope to be someday.
The third list: My To Do List
This is the game changer for me. After I have focused my mind, I focus on my day. Here’s the deal for my brain: if I just keep everything that I need to do all up inside my head, I get stressed because every time I try to accomplish something, I think of something else I need to do and then I get distracted and can’t get the first thing done well. Things are just bouncing around like a bunch of super balls in my head and that makes me feel crazy and unsettled. So I write it down. I refer to my calendar to help me and then just start writing it all down. And then I get started.
There’s something rewarding about marking something off of a list. It does something for my mental state. I feel accomplished. I feel like a boss! Even if it is only because I emptied the dishwasher. I am the boss of that dishwasher! And you know what? Sometimes I’ll do something that’s not on my list, then go back to my list and add it, just so I can mark it off of my list! It makes me feel validated, like someone’s going to walk past that list and say, “ Wow! Look at all the things Kathy accomplished today!” When in all actuality, I am the only one who looks at my list and I’m the only one who looks at all I accomplished and thinks it’s awesome. But that’s enough for me!
And the nice thing about the To Do List is that it is a constant list. I can add things throughout the day that need to get done. That way, every time something comes up in my brain and it needs to get done, I stop it from bouncing around in my head, give the responsibility of remembering it to the list in my bullet journal, and then get on with it.
I cannot tell you just how grateful I am for the people who played a part in helping me get started on My 3 Lists. I began this habit in early January and then we had a sudden shift in our household that made things a bit hectic. I paused my habit for a few days and realized that I was back to crazy super ball brain. So I started it back up again and now each day feels manageable. That, to me, makes a day successful.
Now let’s see if I can keep it up in February too!
KC
Monday, January 28, 2019
organization
Well.
Here we are.
Nearly one month into 2019.
How did that even happen?!
In some regards it feels like it was Christmas just yesterday. And in other ways it feels like an entire year has passed in these 28 days. Am I the only one who feels that?!
This year has already kicked my butt.
But this year has already changed me too, in just 28 days. No, I’m not exercising every day or eating healthy (quite the contrary for both!😳) but I am 10 times more organized than I was when 2018 ended! I started this year off with a bang by vowing to meal plan one month at a time and by creating Daily To Do Lists for my kids on the Wunderlist App (I get no reimbursement for that but it has been a life saver for this homeschooloing mom!) I wake up and take time to create 3 of my own lists, as inspired by my friend Melissa, the last of which is my daily To Do List. I create these in my bullet journal that my niece, Kate, gave me because she already knows how my brain works, and then they look pretty and I get to mark them off when I’m done and feel super accomplished! I have other small goals that I have integrated into my calendar to help me achieve them over a long term basis and also so that they don’t get lost in this crazy life or forgotten because my brain often forgets...all things.
And BOOM!! Ten times more organized than last month!
And can I just tell you how grateful I am that all of those habits started up in the beginning of 2019, because about a week into 2019, we took on a challenge that God put before us which made our lives 2x (minimum!) busier than it was a month ago and suddenly all of those organization habits became necessary for sanity and survival!!
However, the most valuable habit that I put into place was my nighttime prayer. I tend to have constant conversations with God throughout the day, but they can to be “back burner” prayers, or one sentence momentary prayers. Things such as, “Jesus, I’m about to lose it right now. Please keep me sane.” Or, “I’m not in the mood for this so please give me the strength to handle it.” I often thank Him for beautiful sights, like the hills on a sunny day or even just to thank him for the sunshine because I’m not a fan of fog, gloominess, or overcast days. But again, these are my “here and there” prayers.
So I started my intentional nighttime prayer, which I used to do years ago in high school and college. When the rest of the house is tired or asleep and I’m ready to go to bed, I’m climb into my fuzzy blanket and start a conversation with God. We recap the day, talk about struggles and worries, and touch on the next day (but not too much because then my brain starts to get going and that’s not good for my brain...) And then He always tells me the same thing: let it go, let it go! And yes, the melody of that song goes through my head every. stinking. night.
But I tell you what: it works! I let it go and tell myself to trust the Bigger, Better Guy who has it all under control. He reminds me to take it one day at a time. And if I do that, I can handle each day as it comes.
I might have my little tricks to staying organized and keeping my sanity, but God’s got things organized on a much bigger scale. And my little self is so glad that He does.
KC
Here we are.
Nearly one month into 2019.
How did that even happen?!
In some regards it feels like it was Christmas just yesterday. And in other ways it feels like an entire year has passed in these 28 days. Am I the only one who feels that?!
This year has already kicked my butt.
But this year has already changed me too, in just 28 days. No, I’m not exercising every day or eating healthy (quite the contrary for both!😳) but I am 10 times more organized than I was when 2018 ended! I started this year off with a bang by vowing to meal plan one month at a time and by creating Daily To Do Lists for my kids on the Wunderlist App (I get no reimbursement for that but it has been a life saver for this homeschooloing mom!) I wake up and take time to create 3 of my own lists, as inspired by my friend Melissa, the last of which is my daily To Do List. I create these in my bullet journal that my niece, Kate, gave me because she already knows how my brain works, and then they look pretty and I get to mark them off when I’m done and feel super accomplished! I have other small goals that I have integrated into my calendar to help me achieve them over a long term basis and also so that they don’t get lost in this crazy life or forgotten because my brain often forgets...all things.
And BOOM!! Ten times more organized than last month!
And can I just tell you how grateful I am that all of those habits started up in the beginning of 2019, because about a week into 2019, we took on a challenge that God put before us which made our lives 2x (minimum!) busier than it was a month ago and suddenly all of those organization habits became necessary for sanity and survival!!
However, the most valuable habit that I put into place was my nighttime prayer. I tend to have constant conversations with God throughout the day, but they can to be “back burner” prayers, or one sentence momentary prayers. Things such as, “Jesus, I’m about to lose it right now. Please keep me sane.” Or, “I’m not in the mood for this so please give me the strength to handle it.” I often thank Him for beautiful sights, like the hills on a sunny day or even just to thank him for the sunshine because I’m not a fan of fog, gloominess, or overcast days. But again, these are my “here and there” prayers.
So I started my intentional nighttime prayer, which I used to do years ago in high school and college. When the rest of the house is tired or asleep and I’m ready to go to bed, I’m climb into my fuzzy blanket and start a conversation with God. We recap the day, talk about struggles and worries, and touch on the next day (but not too much because then my brain starts to get going and that’s not good for my brain...) And then He always tells me the same thing: let it go, let it go! And yes, the melody of that song goes through my head every. stinking. night.
But I tell you what: it works! I let it go and tell myself to trust the Bigger, Better Guy who has it all under control. He reminds me to take it one day at a time. And if I do that, I can handle each day as it comes.
I might have my little tricks to staying organized and keeping my sanity, but God’s got things organized on a much bigger scale. And my little self is so glad that He does.
KC
Saturday, January 5, 2019
the fountain of bricks
I built a thing today. It wasn’t super awesome and I wasn’t super good at building it. But the result of the effort I put into it paid off in dividends! (I don’t know exactly what that means but I’m hoping it means the same as “hugely” because that’s what I meant).
I had a list of projects today that I was determined to accomplish. I have started a new system of achieving my to-do list and so far I feel like a winner! But I’m only 4 days in so hold the applause until at least day 7, please. Today I managed to get it all done (which is kinda a strange feeling for me) so I sat on the floor where my boy had been messing around with Legos for about a half hour or so.
Now typically when I build with Legos, I start with a floor and then windows and walls and then I add furniture to my house. It’s been my Go-To Lego creation since I was a kid. It’s not very exciting anymore so I rarely play when my kids pull the little blocks out. I encourage them and even let them dump the crates of them on the floor (I know - CRAZY!) because I like to see what they come up with. They are so much more creative in that building sense than I am.
Today I watched my boy build a few things (a truck and then an island and then a waterfall) and I decided to try my hand at something other than a multi-colored brick house. It took me forEVer but I made a little park with a fountain in the middle of it. Not kidding: it took me at least an hour, probably closer to an hour and a half. Legos were everywhere. You can check my Instagram story to see the mess. I broke a couple of fingernails before I discovered that they now make this orange tool that pulls stubborn flat pieces apart for you! I used to have to resort to using my teeth to get those stupid thin bricks apart! I value my teeth more now.
As Linc and I finished my little park (complete with a bistro set and coins in the fountain) he said to me, “This was the best play time I’ve ever spent with you.” I made him repeat it because I wanted to make sure I had heard him correctly!
Guys, my heart flip flopped! I’ve known and lived with this kiddo for ten years. We have played SO many things together. We have built puzzles. We have practiced baseball. We have played board games. I’ve even played video games with him.
But this.
This was his best play time with me.
Aaahhhh! My heart was full! Getting on my knees and playing with my ten year old son, even though I would have rather watched a movie or read a book, was SO worth the aches and pains of being on a hard floor and all the time spent picking up every little teeny brick.
Who knew that Legos was his love language?!
I don’t like playing with Legos that much, but you had better believe that tomorrow we are creating a garden out of all the green bricks.
KC
I had a list of projects today that I was determined to accomplish. I have started a new system of achieving my to-do list and so far I feel like a winner! But I’m only 4 days in so hold the applause until at least day 7, please. Today I managed to get it all done (which is kinda a strange feeling for me) so I sat on the floor where my boy had been messing around with Legos for about a half hour or so.
Now typically when I build with Legos, I start with a floor and then windows and walls and then I add furniture to my house. It’s been my Go-To Lego creation since I was a kid. It’s not very exciting anymore so I rarely play when my kids pull the little blocks out. I encourage them and even let them dump the crates of them on the floor (I know - CRAZY!) because I like to see what they come up with. They are so much more creative in that building sense than I am.
Today I watched my boy build a few things (a truck and then an island and then a waterfall) and I decided to try my hand at something other than a multi-colored brick house. It took me forEVer but I made a little park with a fountain in the middle of it. Not kidding: it took me at least an hour, probably closer to an hour and a half. Legos were everywhere. You can check my Instagram story to see the mess. I broke a couple of fingernails before I discovered that they now make this orange tool that pulls stubborn flat pieces apart for you! I used to have to resort to using my teeth to get those stupid thin bricks apart! I value my teeth more now.
As Linc and I finished my little park (complete with a bistro set and coins in the fountain) he said to me, “This was the best play time I’ve ever spent with you.” I made him repeat it because I wanted to make sure I had heard him correctly!
Guys, my heart flip flopped! I’ve known and lived with this kiddo for ten years. We have played SO many things together. We have built puzzles. We have practiced baseball. We have played board games. I’ve even played video games with him.
But this.
This was his best play time with me.
Aaahhhh! My heart was full! Getting on my knees and playing with my ten year old son, even though I would have rather watched a movie or read a book, was SO worth the aches and pains of being on a hard floor and all the time spent picking up every little teeny brick.
Who knew that Legos was his love language?!
I don’t like playing with Legos that much, but you had better believe that tomorrow we are creating a garden out of all the green bricks.
KC
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
top ten for 2019
Wait, WHAT?! 2019?!
That means that it has been 19 years ago since we experienced 2000.
I think someone counted wrong.
That’s ridiculous, in my opinion.
But, as is the current tradition, I have started a list of goals. So far I have ten, but I am allowing myself the room to add more, if the hours in each day multiple by at least two.
I’ve decided to list them twice. The first list is actually the condensed version of the real list, created to see if it makes the original list feel easier or more difficult.
Let’s see.
Here goes:
1. Learn Spanish (well that seems hard/dificÃl)
2. Read (that should be easy - I read all the time on Facebook and Pinterest...)
3. Say No (I say that to my kids already quite frequently)
4. Make Rules (this makes it sound like we have no rules)
5. Organize (which is on every goal list everywhere for everyone)
6. Purge (interesting...)
7. Write A Book (well that’s lofty)
8. Write My Blog (already 6 or so years in so....)
9. Get Certified (as crazy?)
10. Plan Meals (I plan on eating every day so there’s that!)
I guess a little more detail helps with achievement so let me try that again.
1. Learn Spanish - using the Duolingo App for a minimum of 3 times a week. This has been my favorite way to practice a second language BY FAR. And my kids use it daily during the school week. You should check it out if you are interested in learning a second language. There are even a few made up languages on the app!
2. Read 12 books for enjoyment and 6 books for personal growth. Because I don’t think I should ever stop growing and reading/learning from other people’s life experiences is so valuable. And I really do love to read!
3. Say No. It is time for me to trim a few things from the schedule. I enjoy so much of what I do, but the busyness and stress wear on me, probably because I have turned old. I’m not good at disappointing people and I hate saying NO so this will be a tough one. (Don’t worry, piano students, I’m still going to teach piano!)
4. Make stricter rules for the kids pertaining to technology, sugar intake, and outdoor exercise. Essentially: create healthier kids.
5. Organize. I tend to just “make do” with what we’ve got, but when I do that, things get messy. So it’s time to invest in better ways of organization throughout the house and garage.
6. That being said, there needs to be less stuff to organize. Hence the purging. This is pretty much a goal every year, and every year I make at least two appointments for the Salvation Army to get a pile of donations from the garage. And then I breathe easier for a couple months until it’s time to purge again!
7. I have set up a schedule to write a book. My goal is to have a rough draft by the end of the year. It might not be good and it might not ever get published, but, by golly, I’m gonna do it!
8. I have also set up a schedule to write my blog more consistently. The goal is for me to NOT be silent for a couple months at a time!
9. Certified in foster care with the hopes of adoption in our future, God willing.
10. Feeding everyone everyday gets stressful. So I’m trying something new. Every month I plan on scheduling the entire month of dinner so that I don’t have to stress about it every night, just once a month! Sounds great, right? But it’s only January so we’ll see how it goes...
I’m sure there are a hundred other things I could add to this list like exercise more, eat better, spend less money, save more, spend more time with God, but those are things that I try to do all the time anyway (and fail at on a pretty regular basis). These ten things have been the top things on my mind for 2018 so it was time to be more intentional about them.
So here’s to being intentional in achieving our goals, my friends!
I hope 2019 is an awesome year for you!
❤️
KC
That means that it has been 19 years ago since we experienced 2000.
I think someone counted wrong.
That’s ridiculous, in my opinion.
But, as is the current tradition, I have started a list of goals. So far I have ten, but I am allowing myself the room to add more, if the hours in each day multiple by at least two.
I’ve decided to list them twice. The first list is actually the condensed version of the real list, created to see if it makes the original list feel easier or more difficult.
Let’s see.
Here goes:
1. Learn Spanish (well that seems hard/dificÃl)
2. Read (that should be easy - I read all the time on Facebook and Pinterest...)
3. Say No (I say that to my kids already quite frequently)
4. Make Rules (this makes it sound like we have no rules)
5. Organize (which is on every goal list everywhere for everyone)
6. Purge (interesting...)
7. Write A Book (well that’s lofty)
8. Write My Blog (already 6 or so years in so....)
9. Get Certified (as crazy?)
10. Plan Meals (I plan on eating every day so there’s that!)
I guess a little more detail helps with achievement so let me try that again.
1. Learn Spanish - using the Duolingo App for a minimum of 3 times a week. This has been my favorite way to practice a second language BY FAR. And my kids use it daily during the school week. You should check it out if you are interested in learning a second language. There are even a few made up languages on the app!
2. Read 12 books for enjoyment and 6 books for personal growth. Because I don’t think I should ever stop growing and reading/learning from other people’s life experiences is so valuable. And I really do love to read!
3. Say No. It is time for me to trim a few things from the schedule. I enjoy so much of what I do, but the busyness and stress wear on me, probably because I have turned old. I’m not good at disappointing people and I hate saying NO so this will be a tough one. (Don’t worry, piano students, I’m still going to teach piano!)
4. Make stricter rules for the kids pertaining to technology, sugar intake, and outdoor exercise. Essentially: create healthier kids.
5. Organize. I tend to just “make do” with what we’ve got, but when I do that, things get messy. So it’s time to invest in better ways of organization throughout the house and garage.
6. That being said, there needs to be less stuff to organize. Hence the purging. This is pretty much a goal every year, and every year I make at least two appointments for the Salvation Army to get a pile of donations from the garage. And then I breathe easier for a couple months until it’s time to purge again!
7. I have set up a schedule to write a book. My goal is to have a rough draft by the end of the year. It might not be good and it might not ever get published, but, by golly, I’m gonna do it!
8. I have also set up a schedule to write my blog more consistently. The goal is for me to NOT be silent for a couple months at a time!
9. Certified in foster care with the hopes of adoption in our future, God willing.
10. Feeding everyone everyday gets stressful. So I’m trying something new. Every month I plan on scheduling the entire month of dinner so that I don’t have to stress about it every night, just once a month! Sounds great, right? But it’s only January so we’ll see how it goes...
I’m sure there are a hundred other things I could add to this list like exercise more, eat better, spend less money, save more, spend more time with God, but those are things that I try to do all the time anyway (and fail at on a pretty regular basis). These ten things have been the top things on my mind for 2018 so it was time to be more intentional about them.
So here’s to being intentional in achieving our goals, my friends!
I hope 2019 is an awesome year for you!
❤️
KC
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