glory out of a mess

I'm a mess. Full of imperfections. I fall short all the time. This heart of mine isn't white. There are spots all over it. My decisions, my choices are not always made with the best intentions. I'm selfish. I'm weak. I don't always listen to His promptings. I fall into temptation. (Goodness, it's no fun to list your own short comings so I'm going to go ahead and stop right there!)

But. All that doesn't matter when it comes to God. He's going to use me despite my garbage. I gave my gifts to Him so He can take them and use them for what He wants. Because if I try to take those gifts and make them something great, as you can see from the previous paragraph, I'm going to fail. 

So if you ever see anything wonderful come from me, it is not of me. It is of God. Let me use this blog as an example. (I've told this story to a few of you so I'm sorry if you've already heard it). 

Most times when I write my blog, I am exhausted, probably because I wait to write it until it is super late at night. There are times when I fall asleep in the middle of writing it. I wake up, shake my head, and finish writing it. Then I proofread it with my eyes slowly drooping with very long blinks (which is why there are so many little errors). I try to come up with a strong finishing line to each blog. And then I try to make my brain function enough to create an appropriate short title and a catchy tag line for when I post it on Facebook and Twitter. 

When I wake up in the morning, sometimes I don't even remember what I have written the night before. I have to go back and read it to refresh my memory. And when I read it, sometimes I am amazed at how well everything came together in the midst of my exhaustion. When that happens, that is when I know I had little to nothing to do with it - it was all God.

And that's what I'm talking about. I am a mess. I can't take any glory but I can direct it to the God who works through me despite my weakness and does great things. 

KC

unpacking baggage

Baggage. Everybody's got it. Especially women. It starts when your memories begin to form. It's as if you get a little suitcase to pull around behind you and as life happens to you, that suitcase starts to fill up.

I remembering being in 4th grade and having a terribly hurtful experience. It felt as if the whole class was trying to trick me into thinking that a popular boy actually liked me. I was shy and I was naive. I ended up being made out to be a fool. Baggage: I withdrew further into my shell, thinking no one liked me.

I was a thin gal in Jr. High and high school. I had knobby knees (well, I thought I did). I had no figure (unless you consider "stick" a body shape!)  I was bony. I dressed a bit like a tom boy. No reason to wear fitted clothing when there was nothing for it to fit on! I was constantly being called skinny. Baggage: unattractive. Who's going to like a girl who doesn't look like a girl? Which leads into the next one:

In high school, I don't recall a single guy expressing any interest in me until I was a senior. And even he had to convince me! And after dating him for 3 years (thinking I was going to marry him), he broke up with me amd never gave me a reason. To this day, I have guesses, but no reason as to why. Baggage: not worthy. I gave 3 years of my life to this person and I wasn't worthy for even an explanation.

In the past I've mentioned my years of piano lessons and recitals and even a few competitions. For my recitals I put hours of practice into 7, 8, even 12 page pieces that I would memorize. And after that much work, the pressure to perform perfectly was great. On the day of the performance, I would be sick to my stomach. I wouldn't eat anything, even if the performance wasn't until the afternoon! It was a day that I dreaded. Baggage: no desire to use my gift. For a long time, I did nothing with my gift of playing piano.

In high school, I experienced an anxiety disorder that elicited panic attacks and this plagued me for probably close to 7 years. If you've never experienced a panic attack, do not judge someone who has. It is extremely frightening and they generally have no control over when it happens. The disorder changed the way I lived my life. Essentially, I lived in fear of when it would happen and how in the world I would handle the next attack. Baggage: lack of control. I changed my lifestyle to compensate for the attacks. I missed out on so many opportunities because it was safer to say no than risk having an attack.

Each of these things seem small. One little thing to try and work through. But if you add them all up and stuff each one into a suitcase, that suitcase is going to exceed the 50 lb limit by far!  And that gets heavy. You gotta unpack that suitcase!

But as you pull each piece out of your baggage, God reveals how each has shaped you, for good or for bad. And then you decide: take the past and let it drag you down? Blame everyone else for who you have become? Or hand that baggage over to God and let Him sort it out. Because God is awesome at that: taking something ugly and making it beautiful. 

KC

giggles

Found some more funnies!

I hope you smile. 😊

This is my truth!!

All over my legs...

This is a great idea. My Supergirl cape currently hangs on my bedpost. (I want my kids to think I'm a super hero).

Seriously, though, folks - it is hard!

No kidding!!

Mooooooommmmm!!! Where are my shoes?

(Usually they are 5 feet away from him.)

Enjoy your Tuesday!

KC

taking the non-guilty break

My to-do list is a mile or two long. Once I cross something off, I add two more things to the bottom of it. It's never-ending. I don't "leave" my job or take the weekend off from it. I'm not complaining. This whole Mom/housewife thing is rewarding and I don't really want to take time away from it. (Except once in a while...)

So today I took a Saturday. This morning I sat outside on the back patio and enjoyed the breeze on this warm (not hot) day. And then later in the afternoon, I did the same thing! I sat and did nothing.  Later I took the kids to the mall (we never go to the mall - it was actually enjoyable!)  When I got home, my hubby grilled hot dogs and we sat on the back patio for dinner on paper plates that I could throw away and not wash! My favorite. 

I chatted with a friend about how I hadn't done much all day and this friend simply told me, "Sometimes you gotta do that, you know?" And I thought: that is the truth. Every once in a while it's okay to give yourself a break from the to-do list. Because that list weighs a lot. And you know what else? That list is still going to be there the next day!

But I have to be honest: tomorrow is Sunday and I take every Sunday off!! Sundays are a gift that God gave for us to have as rest. To take a break and not feel guilty about it. If I have laundry waiting to be folded in the dryer, I don't feel bad about leaving it in there to be folded on Monday...gotta run the dryer again to get the wrinkles out, but that's okay. And the cereal crumbs all over the rug can stay there an extra day. Makes things a little crunchy beneath the feet... 

So this week, I did take the weekend off, and I am enjoying it. I gave myself the chance to breathe and not stress. Sure, Monday's going to be a full day but when I start back in on our crazy and busy life, I can handle it knowing that a break is coming. If not on Saturday, then guaranteed on Sunday.

KC

a dozen things of happiness

Happy Friday!

A dozen happy things about this week for me. What about you?!

1. Date night!!

2. A good zombie movie - I will admit to being a sucker for a good zombie movie...

3. Quality time with my niece at the piano.

3. Rediscovering just how good hard-boiled eggs are.

4. The pool. I love having a place to invite family, friends and such over during the summer. A place for community.

5. Laughter. We went to a movie tonight where everyone in the theater laughed. I loved it!

6. Small town feel - went to a neighboring city and ran into someone I knew. We had a good laugh walking into Target together. How often does that happen?

7. Watching God put everything in place for something amazing. He does that, you know. You might think it's coincidence. It's not.

8. Sleep!! Speaking of which, I've got 4 more to get through and then I am out! 😴

9. Honesty - I love when someone feels comfortable enough to speak honestly with me.

10. Good conversation.

11. A clean counter: I love having all the dishes done.

13. Quiet. At the end of the day, after the hustle and bustle, there is nothing like quiet. 

And on that note...bedtime. 💤

KC 

ask

My husband taught me a valuable lesson a few years back.

I had an idea for a small business where I would sell items that were hand-crafted by talented women. I knew that I could make stuff for my little boutique but didn't know who else to ask. I was certain that anyone I asked would tell me, "no" simply because my idea was brand new and my business was not yet flourishing.

I sat and chatted with my husband for a while and he told me this: "Ask. What's the worst someone can say? No?" 

Truth! I went and asked a bunch of different ladies to participate and not a one of them told me "no" and I ended up having people seek me out to sell their items. Wow! 

I have taken that lesson with me and used it since that day. When I ask a favor of someone, I brace myself for the "no." I don't want to be too disappointed, after all. 

I've also realized that if you don't ask, then the answer is always going to be "no." And the funny thing is, more often than not, the answer ends up being "yes."

Me and Wayne Gretzky, thinking alike!!

But maybe this is a bit more scriptural:

KC

real conversations

I can be kind of a blunt person. Get me into a conversation with someone I want to get to know better or whom I find interesting, and I don't have a problem throwing out some in-depth questions.  Afterall, how can you get to know someone if you don't ask the deep questions. Sometimes I think it throws people off, but usually it opens the door for honest conversation. 

I used to really struggle with conversation. What do I talk about? Should I talk about me? Or maybe I'm not that interesting so maybe I shouldn't talk at all about myself. But what can I ask them? Are they bored? Is this awkward? I think it just became awkward...

But I realized that conversation creates relationships. Relationships are valuable. So why not take a risk, be confident, and start up a conversation? So, I started doing just that and let me tell you, I have met some interesting people just by smiling and saying "hi!" 

This is a quote I found that has rung true for some of the relationships that I have gained through honest conversation: 

Conversations like this expose the "realness" of people. And I like "real" people. 

So if my conversation makes you feel uncomfortable, please forgive me. I'm just trying to figure out why I like you so much!

KC