for a purpose

Today my beautiful, strong-willed daughter flexed her will up against mine. I made the best decision for her and she didn't like it so she fought me. This is not an unusual thing for us. The two of us have gone head to head many times. And more often than not, she comes around and realizes that I am right in my decision.

As was the case today.

After my decision was made, she stormed away to sulk and be upset with me. Not 10 minutes later, she walked back into my room with tears in her eyes, apologizing and telling me that I was right. 

(Just a little sidebar: we have spent years learning how to deal with her tantrums appropriately and in a manner that God has called us to do. This fruit, the remorse and apologies, have been hard-earned, let me just tell ya!)

She apologized.

That would be a great way to end they story, eh? 

Nope. Too easy.

After I forgave my girl, she went on to beat herself up about what she had done. She leans toward being over-dramatic so I let her go on until she told me that she had no purpose here on earth.  Then I stopped her. 

After calming her down and getting her to a mindset where she could listen, this is what I told her (and I tell you this because maybe you need to hear it):

Never tell me that you have no purpose. God created you for a special reason. You ask what that reason is? Maybe it is something big! Or maybe something small. Or maybe you will never fully understand what your purpose is, but that doesn't mean that God didn't place you here for a reason. Maybe you are already affecting lives and you don't even know it! But God does. 

And just because you have a bad day or a bad moment or a bad week, that doesn't mean that you can't fulfill that purpose.

You have value. God chose that you would be here. He's planning on using you, if you are willing. 

So don't ever tell me that you don't have a purpose here on earth. You might not get it, but God does. 

I'd love to say that everything turned out honky-dory after that, and it did for all of 15 minutes when she moved on to something else! Some days are just like that around here...

KC

searching for the good

Every couple of weeks my mother-in-law brings me a rotisserie chicken and sour dough bread from Costco. I look forward to that day because it's a meal that I really don't have to think much about. And as much as I enjoy cooking, I rarely have that much time to put into it. 

I'm pretty fortunate. I have great in-laws. Not perfect, but no one is. But my mother-in-law will watch the kids at the drop if a hat, if needed. She will do any research I ask regarding my children: nutrition, health, education. She buys me practical gifts like sheets, vacuums, and towels so that I don't have to buy the mundane things. And if I need a new appliance, she will do the research to help me find the best one because she knows that I'm usually too busy to do that sort of research stuff. She doesn't step on my toes when it comes to parenting and rarely offers unsolicited advice. Like I said, I'm pretty fortunate!

But there are a lot of mother-in-laws that, well, don't exactly fall into the "wonderful" category. I know this because I've heard the stories! I think sometimes mother-in-laws feel they've earned the right to say whatever they want whenever they want. And maybe even to do whatever they want. Family relationships have been ruined because of the strain placed between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.

But have you ever looked at your mother-in-law and tried to see past all the negativity you feel? To look for the good? And not just your mother-in-law, but anyone you know? To find the good, the talent, the beauty in the crabby next door neighbor. To see the strength and determination and passion in your sister-in-law. To appreciate the dedication and discipline of the lady who sits near you in church but never smiles.

There's good. There's (almost) always good. But sometimes you have to search extra hard for it.

But I'll tell you this: once you start looking for the good, it gets easier and easier to find.

KC

evolving as a mom

I read something today that got me thinking about this whole business of being a mom. 

I remember before we had kids, we were going to be perfect parents. We had it all figured out: how to make our children behave, get them to brush their teeth 2 times a day, and make their beds every morning, how to get them to eat vegetables, how to protect them from this world. And we were going to raise the most respectful, obedient, well-behaved chidren. Everyone would be impressed...just you wait and see! 

I mean seriously, people, it really didn't seem that difficult.

God decided that humility was a good lesson to teach us. Apparently we were asking for it.

Our firstborn was the avenue that God decided to use to teach us humility. 

But she's a whole other story...

What I realized today is that who I thought I wanted to be as a mom has evolved according to the children that God has placed in my life. He has shown me where I need to change my priorities and where I need to put my focus as a mother. 

He has taught me to show grace.

He has given me gobs more patience than I started out (although I must say, I think I've earned that - I've been through many trying situations).

He has taught me how to look through the eyes of a child and to see life through their eyes and to feel it with their heart.

He has shown me that sometimes it's okay to look past the mess and just be with my kids. Messes will always be there. Bike rides and games with the family won't.

He has taught me that it's okay if my kids don't like all the veggies and forget to brush their teeth, and if they struggle with reading, and spill entire glasses of milk or forget to pick up their shoes...

They're not perfect, no matter how hard I try to make them be that way. And neither am I.  Not only do my beloved children need grace, I need to show myself some grace too.

KC

lessons from a kid

Kids teach us so much, if we just pay attention. 

Today my daughter taught me a good little lesson. I told her she could pick out something at the store for $3 or less. After she hemmed and hawed and asked for more expensive things and then drove me to exasperation because she couldn't make up her mind, I finally gave her another choice. 

She is saving her money for an iPod Touch. She has a long way to go. Out of frustration today, I told her that she could have the $3 to put towards her iPod if she would pass on purchasing something at the store. It was all stuff she didn't need anyway. Oh, but she fought me, still looking for that one thing she couldn't live without. We were rapidly reaching my patience tolerance level. (This happens often when I shop with my darling redhead...) 

Finally, I was done and started walking away, but this is when the lesson I had been trying to teach my daughter hit me square between the eyes. I had two throw pillows in my arms that I thought were fantastic and had told myself were worth the money, even though I was going to spend twice what I had originally planned. 

I walked away with a crabby, empty-handed daughter in tow. (At this point not only was she not getting some random trinket, she was also not getting the $3.  A terrible attitude does not get rewarded.) I took those pillows and brought them back where I had got them. 

My girl asked my why I was putting them back as she knew I really wanted them (and I did - one was bright green and the other had owls on it. And they were both soft and squishy!) I put off responding to her question till I got into the truck with her. 

When we sat together in the truck I explained: as much as I loved the pillows I had chosen, it was more valuable at this point to save the money for other things that were needed and wait to find a set of pillows that were in my price range. I related it to her debockle in the store: buy something now and waste the money or save it for something better. 

We drove down the road, headed home and she contemplated for about 5 minutes. Then she looked up at me and said, "Mom, I'm sorry." 

Seriously, people, there is almost nothing more valuable uttered from a child's lips: understanding the need to apologize. Her heart, prompted by Jesus Christ who has lived in there for years, recognized her need for remorse and apologized. 

So not only did this beautifully-hearted little girl remind me to make wise choices when purchasing, she also reminded me to listen to the promptings of my heart when I need to apologize. 

Kids. The lessons we learn...

KC

the non-perfect home

Tonight's blog will be a short one. (I got sidetracked watching Wayne's World. And then I fell asleep watching Wayne's World. I must be tired!) 

This past week we had our good friends stay with us for a few nights. (We have extra beds and rooms and clean towels - you ever need a place to stay, just ask!) At first I was a bit worried because I don't have the perfect house yet (give me 10 years and gobs of money, then maybe I'll have a perfect house). But then I realized this: my friends just needed a place to lay their heads and a bit of good company to go along with that. And because they are good friends, I knew that the non-perfectness of my house wouldn't bother them.

So they came and stayed and it was fantastic! I can't tell you how many laughs we had together and how many memories were made. And the best thing: all my concern about my house was definitely for naught. They both complimented me on my style and the layout of my decor. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but my decor is unique and to have someone appreciate it means the world to me! 

So my lesson learned from last week: good friends who need a place to stay care less about where and more about with whom. 

KC

anxiety and panic

When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I had panic attacks for the next 8 or so years of my life. If you don't know what a panic attack feels like, imagine not having control of your breathing, your heart rate, or anything else around you. Having no control = panic.

I don't share this with you to go into great detail about my experience. I did that in a post here: http://survivingbythegraceofgod.blogspot.com/2012/04/debilitating-anxiety.html (I'm not sure if that'll create a link, you might have to copy and paste - sorry!) (Truth is that I don't want to spend any more time trying to figure it out - I'm tired!)

I bring it up today because I was reminded in a conversation with a dear friend the other day, how lonely it can be to have an emotional or mental disorder. These things are still not talked about very openly. We are ashamed. Ashamed to show the world that we are not strong, that we don't have our act together. 

I don't know what you are dealing with, dear one, but you are not alone. When I bring my anxiety disorder up in conversation, so many women open up and share that they have had the same, or depression, or post-partum depression, or some emotional disorder that is difficult to deal with on your own. 

But if you never meet anyone else who has had to deal with the unfair feelings of an emotional disorder, just know that I have and you are not alone. 

KC

growing up

I had a conversation with a friend this morning. (I'll admit, many of my blog post ideas come from conversations with the amazing people I know). We chatted about birthdays a bit. Because, well, today (which is now yesterday) was my birthday. 

Each year as I anticipate turning a year older on my birthday, I wonder how I'm going to react to it. I worried that I might be sad to say good-bye to my 20s when I turned 30. And every year after 30, I worried that I would be sad moving further and further from my youth. 

It turns out that I'm not the type of gal who hates getting older. That kinda surprised me. As every birthday has occurred, I have embraced that year, that age. You know why? Because I earned it! I made it through an entire year of being me: of growing, maturing (sorta), fighting through tough days, and enjoying the awesome days. 

I look back at the 365 days that made up last year for me. God was working on me all year (but let me just tell you, He has a long way to go with me. Believe me, I know!) And what that means for me is that this coming year has great potential for the same. He's going to work on me. I'm going to grow and mature (sorta) and become an even better me than I already am. 

Imagine the adventures to be had. The memories that will be made. The challenges that I will overcome. The amazing stories that I will be able to tell. It makes me excited to have a birthday. It's not really about the gifts or the party any more (although I do enjoy both of those!) It's more about what the next year holds for me.

Sheesh. That perspective makes me sound like I'm growing up or something! I'm not sure I'm ready to be grown up...

KC