sunshine, glorious sunshine

Can I just say: Praise Jesus and Hallelujah for the sunshine!!

It has been so nice to see blue skies and puffy white clouds and I don't even mind having to squint while I drive because I forgot my sunglasses, because my bones are finally starting to get warmed up by the sunshine! It. Is. About. TIME. People!!

I hate rain. 

Okay, okay, "hate" is a pretty extreme word...I greatly dislike rain! 

I know we need it and it's good for our state and our crops and animals and people and whatever. 

But it's not good for me. It is not good for KC.

The grey skies, cold weather, wetness, and overall inconvenience of rain makes me miserable.

I am not a fan of anything related to rain EXCEPT rain boots and puddles to jump in while wearing rain boots! (See? I can still find a silver lining!)

Too much of the rainy cloudy weather will begin to make me feel gloomy. There is actually a disorder named "seasonal affective disorder" (S.A.D. - imagine that?!) that brings on depression, most commonly in winter. I might not suffer from that to the deepest depths, but it certainly bums me out!

People talk about being cozy by a fire, reading a book and drinking hot cocoa while the rain falls outside their window....WHO ACTUALLY HAS TIME FOR THAT?! Not me! I'm busy running around and doing all the crazy stuff I normally do, but in the rain! And the wind has epdecoded to join the rain, but only  at night WHILE I AM TRYING TO SLEEP! And the kids? They're not playing outside. Nooooooo, all the more time spent inside with yours truly. 

And yours truly is already suffering from "Rain Bums Me Out-ness" so yours truly is completely DONE with this rain.

So I'm going to do my happy dance all over my dry driveway and driving around surrounded by sunshine and while my kids play outside because sunshine makes me happy!! 

Because it looks like it's going to rain again in another week.

That's it. I'm going to Mexico.

KC

gal pals

I can not even.

Not without my gal pals.

(Yeah, the grammar doesn't seem to work there, but it really does, in a weird "this generation doesn't quite fully accept grammar rules" way.)

Translation: My husband is an amazing husband, but my gal pals fill the gaps that men typically can't. And that is not, by any means, meant to put down men or the way they work, or the role they play. But there are some things in life that are managed so well by gal pals!

Now I've seen and talked to and texted a variety of my gal pals over the past few days and they all can relate, on some level, to what I am talking about. Whether chatting about the joys of motherhood (and by joys I mean everything but the joys), or the emotional and dramatic side of being female (which is often best understood by other emotional and dramatic females), or discussing how we handle our homes, our jobs, family, the people we come into contact with daily, or whatever: sometimes you just need your gal pals to listen and say the words that you need to hear. 

Sometimes you need your gal pal to send you memes or quotes to make you giggle or smile.

Sometimes you need your gal pal to send you pictures of times you spent together just to cheer your stinking bad mood up.

Sometimes you need your gal pal to remind you that you are awesome and to go conquer the world.

Sometimes you need to eat cheese with your gal pals and find things in life to laugh about.

Sometimes you need your gal pals to push you to be better and inspire you to meet goals.

Sometimes you need to talk with your gal pal on the phone about anything and everything and nothing for an hour.

Friends are priceless. Maybe you're the type of person who only needs one friend or you're the type who just can't help befriending anyone you come into contact with. It doesn't matter. That friend, those friends are truly a gift from God.

I can survive a lot of storms in this life because God made me a strong woman.

But I survive a whole lot better because of the friends He surrounded me with. 

Shout out to my gal pals! 

Y'all know who you are!

❤️

KC

the bad and the ugly

Beauty from ashes, people. God is in the business of bring beauty out of ashes! Devil strikes and God just laughs and says, "You fool! How stupid of you to mess with one of mine!" (Okay, if it's blasphemy to put words in God's mouth, then let's just say that I'm imagining that's what God would say to the devil!)

After Tuesday's tough "pushed off the edge of my mom sanity ledge" experience, I met with a friend of mine. I was near tears and sick to my stomach and warned her of my emotions and how crazy they were at that moment. She asked what was wrong and I openly shared the bad and the ugly (because, my friends, there was no good), and felt like a terrible mom admitting my shortcomings, my failures. It felt good to share and yet shameful to admit. 

Little did I know how much my words were needed.

My dear friend had struggled with similar feelings just the evening before. Feelings of utter failure and wanting to give up on this whole "mom" thing. 

Seriously, exactly what I was feeling. 

(And this is where the ashes turned into something beautiful):

And when I had opened up first and admitted my shortcomings, suddenly she wasn't alone! (I'll tell you what is worse than being a failure: being a failure and thinking you are the only one. I've been in that very lonely place on more than one occasion for different reasons.) 

People! Friends! Folks I love and care about! You are not alone in your struggles! We are ALL tripping over hurdles, left and right. We are imperfect people, striving for perfection because that's the standard that the world tends to put in front of our faces (smack dab in front of us every day, a hundred times a day through social media) and we will never achieve it. (P.S. This is not God's expectation of us.) The truth is that every one of those perfectly beautiful people has a skeleton or two in their closet. Something they will never in a million years admit to you. 

I've got my own closet full.

You're not alone.

And it doesn't end there, friends. I won't wallow and I also won't allow myself to stop trying simply because it's too hard and after all: everybody else is floundering and why should we keep trying because there's no hope at all?! *sob!* 

No, we are moms because we are strong. We will pick up the pieces and we will try again because we always have and we always will. And we will know that behind us we have an entire team of moms supporting us with their advice and their empathy. "The Mom Team!" (Okay, we're going to have to work on that name because that is way too high on the Cheesy Scale...) 

(I know the past few posts have been about moms because, well, that's pretty much where I'm at right now, but those of you who can see beyond that "mom" thing will get this message too - ❤️)

So here's the good I leave you with: take hope. Grab it, hold onto it, claim it as your very own!! Hope because even at our very worst, He has still got it all in His hands and He can still make the bad and the ugly into something good. 

His beauty from our ashes.

KC

my gal, Sheroba

One of my most favorite things to do is take pictures with my gal, Sheroba. She is capable of capturing so much of who I am, who my kids are, and my family's personality in her photographs. That takes talent and know-how, both of which she has.

Every time she takes my headshots, I just have to share my favorites. So here you go!

I might be serious,

or perturbed about the fact that my hair just didn't hold...

guns...sorta

Yeah, it wouldn't be a complete photoshoot

without one of these pics.

Awe, look: cute

Awe, look: dorky

You had better take me seriously, I'm just sayin.

Oh, what is that over there?

Okay, I don't know why, but this one needed to be included.

I think it's because I just didn't know she was capturing me.

Fav! And the best shots are usually

because we're laughing about something together!

(I'm not going to tell you what we were laughing about for this one!)

Ummm. I really just like this handkerchief/shawl

thingy that I bought recently.

Swinging is hard.

I mean look at this: she makes a blank wall the perfect background.

She's phenomenal.

I believe in sharing my friends' talents so go check her out on facebook.

Love you, Sheroba!!

https://www.facebook.com/SherobaPhotography

the battle is real

Today I ate cookie dough. I totally deserved it. I probably deserved 5 pieces of cookie dough. You know why? Because I was attacked today. Straight up attacked, I tell you!!

You see, last night I wrote a post about being a mom and all the stresses that accompany that. It is down-in-the-trenches work, some days! And so I was making a choice to find more joy in being a mom, in being me, just in life in general.

These are all good things, and I know it! Seriously and for reals: I wanted to encourage all y'all in life and to be the best me I can be according to what God has called me to do. I know I'm far from perfect, but I know with that post, I was going the right direction. 

And then BOOM!! Out of left field, (or right field? I don't know...) I was faced with an escalating and frustrating and irritating and downright angering situation with one of my kids. Buttons pushed, every single stinking one of them, mean words were said to me, disrespect was thrown followed by disobedience and there I was, standing on the edge. 

That edge has many different directions but once you snap, you're going down. I felt myself snap and went in a direction I later had to apologize for. No children were harmed in the direction I went, but it was not a proud moment. It was all me, I lost it, I went into crazy town until that child finally got out of my sight.

Why, my friends, why?! Why must it be that when we take strides forward, we are pushed and shoved back until we feel like utter failures once again? Oh, the utter discouragement! I had a meeting with a friend shortly thereafter and was in tears and felt like throwing up because of the physical effects of my disappointment. By the grace of God, she was on the exact same page I was and lifted me up and so did another of my dearest friends who pulled me out of my pit with her perspective and words of encouragement and empathy. 

People, the devil does not rest. He targets. He looks for those trying to make strides towards God's calling and then he batters them. It is a battle that we fight for our children and for our own lives. When we recognize the warfare, that it isn't just us being horrible, terrible people, that it means we are making progress because otherwise why would he fight us so hard, that makes it easier to get back up and continue slogging through the muck to fight again.

And mommas, those of you feeling downtrodden, or worthless, or like you couldn't possibly be a more horrible mom - you are not alone. This is why I write. This is why I share with vulnerability. This is why: so that you might know that life is not all about the perfect Instagram post or Facebook picture you see other women posting. This is real life: the ugly, the frustrating, and the sobbing. Today I was all three. 

I need another piece of cookie dough.

KC

challenged

Being a mom is hard. 

We juggle so much and try to appear sane while doing it all.

While inside we are a hot mess of fears and anxiety:

What if I'm completely messing up my kids and their future?

What if my kids need counseling because I screwed them up so bad?

Maybe they are involved in too much.

Maybe they aren't involved in enough.

Maybe they aren't involved in the right activities?

What if my kids end up being entitled brats?

Should I take electronic devices completely away from them?

Should I ban all sugar from the house?

Should I spank? Yell? Use time outs? Vaccinate?

Which friends should they be allowed to have?

Are they brushing their teeth enough?

Have I fed them enough green vegetables?

What if I just truly suck at this whole parenting thing?

And then there's the pressure we put on ourselves and the emotions that we deal with:

Try to be the perfect mom.

Bring delicious and gorgeous baked goods to school.

Do all the volunteering.

Host fun events for other moms.

Don't let anyone see how stressed you are.

Smile. Don't show the sadness.

Pretend you have it all together because everyone else certainly seems to!

What a BUNCH of MALARKEY!!

Where is the joy in being a mom?!

People, we are way too hard on ourselves. We put so much pressure on ourselves that no one else is putting on us, just us! WE tell ourselves to be better. WE tell ourselves we aren't good enough. WE never cut ourselves any slack!!

So here's what I'm gonna do: on my "Surviving By the Grace of God" Facebook page, at the end of every day, I'm going to tell you all something good about the day, about being a mom, about being a woman, about being me! We see more good when we look for it. So let's start looking for it! And my challenge for you is to comment something good about being you because you are amazing!! And please don't think I'm limiting this to moms. Momhood is just where I'm at in my life! Let's find the good, people!

KC

anti-wrinkle cream

I was having a conversation with a couple of gal friends of mine a few nights ago. I told them that I didn't like how, as I got older, I was becoming more high maintenance. As a kid and teen and into adulthood I was never big on spending a lot of time or money on my make up, hair, and most of my clothing. And now I'm buying expensive shoes to wear when I exercise, awesome mascara (which is also costlier than any from Walgreens but I won't give it up for the world because when I see people now, they don't ask if I'm tired or sick!) more expensive shampoo followed by 3 or 4 different hair products, it now takes me longer to get ready because not everything I put on fits just right anymore, I have to watch what I eat and drink and make sure I'm exercising regularly, and, horror of all horrors: I started using anti-wrinkle cream this year! Being 28 sucks!! 

(giggle!)

Wrinkles. 

I gotta stop right there. 

There are a few that I'm okay with erasing. That 11 that forms between the eyebrows when I'm utterly frustrated with my kids or thoroughly confused by some technological issue on my computer. I could do without that. And the high, wavy wrinkles on the forehead that come when I'm giving my kids the hairy eyeball or raising my eyebrows in the: "What did you say to me? I didn't think so!" expression. 

But I've decided that there's a few wrinkles that'd I'd be okay with keeping.

You know the ones by the corners of your eyes that appear when you smile or laugh? And the ones by the corners of your mouth, the little lines that kids draw in when they draw a smiley face? I'll keep those. Those I've earned with laughter and smiles, they are symbols of happiness and joy in my life. They prove the good that has happened in my life. 

When I see those lines on someone else's face, it draws me to them. It tells me that they have looked for and seen the good in life. And those are the people I gravitate towards. 

A long time ago I saved this poem from Pinterest: 

"Scars of happiness." - I love that!

Okay, so I probably won't stop using my anti-wrinkle cream all together. Afterall, I just got a new one that I love from Younique (yeah, I plugged it because I LOVE it!) but I'm going to overload my "11" and my forehead wrinkles and maybe not stress so much about the crinkles around my eyes and smile.

After all, I've earned them.

KC