toilet seat replacement

The other day I did something that made me feel great. I replaced the toilet seat in the kids' bathroom! It was "ew" because it was the kids' bathroom, but they had, not surprisingly, broken it and it needed fixing.  My husband saw me flexing and grinning when I was done and had to smile. I'll admit I that I was pretty proud of that silly little feat. 

I know, I know, it was just a toilet seat - a couple of plastic screws and then you twist the new one on, but I did feel pretty great about it. I like to work with my hands and be able to step back and see what I have accomplished. (Plus the new seat was super clean so I knew I wouldn't have to clean it for a while! Bonus!) It made me feel capable!

Not independent.

Capable.

A few years back one of my brothers corrected me regarding the word "independent." It was just a simple switch of words, but it stuck in my mind quite solidly and brought about a perspective that remains today in how I view my marriage.

There are many things that I could do that would make me an independent woman. I can stand on my own two feet and take care of myself and my kids just fine. (I'm not saying that it'd be easy. I'm just saying I'd be equipped for it.)

However, living with that attitude would create a separation between my husband and me. It would make it easy to view our life as two separate people who could be doing this life on our own, if our marriage started to struggle. Who needs an extra chasm in marriage?! I don't! Marriage is hard work and by placing my mindset in "independent mode" I am simply adding a wall or digging a gap between the two of us. 

So I choose to view these accomplishments as making me a more capable woman. A skilled woman. A strong woman. A wife who is creating more value for herself in her marriage. (I know, it was just a toilet seat. Sheesh! But I know you can see the bigger picture here!)

"Capable" still gives me the credit I deserve for replacing that toilet seat, without creating the "I don't need you" attitude that the world is easily handing out to women these days. 

Call me "old-fashioned" or what you will, but I'm striving hard to build my marriage, and I believe that promoting marriage as a team, rather than 2 independents working together, creates strength. 

So ladies: Go ye into all the world and replace toilet seats and become more capable women! 

Ok... so maybe that's not a requirement for being capable, but take pride in your accomplishments, big and small, for you are amazing! 

With love from,

The ever-incredible toilet seat replacer:

KC

raising perfect children

This: 

TRY AS I MIGHT to raise wonderful kids that everyone loves and adores and wants to spend all their waking moments with, I cannot make them perfect. 

But just so you know, I am working my tail off over here to teach and train and discipline and encourage my kids to be awesome members of society, even when my kids end up proving me wrong. And my husband is right next to me on this. You'd think that two adults with the same mindset would be able to come together and successfully raise two phenomenal kids, right?

You'd think that... unless you're a parent. Then you know that's impossible. 

Because kids are kids! Which is just another way of saying that kids are human too, just smaller. They make stupid choices. They hurt other people's feelings. They say the wrong thing. They step on toes. And they have their own laundry list of weaknesses, just the same as us less-than-perfect adults who should know better.

So you keep working to raise those upstanding, godly children and we'll do the same and when my kid whistles too much in your house or your kid tells me he doesn't like my cooking, we'll just smile graciously and know that we parents are trying our best! 

Keep on keeping on, Mom and Dad!

KC

oh, monday...

Last week nearly did me in. I struggled to catch my breath, at times. One morning I had to use every bit of my mental strength to physically get my body out of bed because my emotions told me it would be easier to just stay in bed all day. THAT was a rough day. And it continued from the weekdays right into the weekend, until today.

Ah, Sunday. I needed you! 

Because tomorrow is Monday and it starts all over again. 

I keep telling myself that this is just a season. This time of exhaustion and emotional days of parenting and busy-ness of life will pass. But who am I kidding?! It's not in me to slow down. And after this season there will just come another busy season, I'm certain!

At night when I fall into bed wondering how I can face another hectic day, there is a verse I learned in a song that comes to mind:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.

His mercies never come to an end.

They are new every morning,

New every morning,

Great is your faithfulness, oh Lord.

Great is your faithfulness!

(Scripture is found in Lamentations 3:22-23)

Can I just say how grateful I am for new mercies every morning?! I'm sure I have nearly worn out those mercies for today and could use a fresh batch of them tomorrow!

So Monday, go ahead: hit me with your best shot!!

Wait, no. Maybe not. You can feel free to take it easy on me cause last week Monday seeped into Tuesday, some of Wednesday, Thursday, and definitely Saturday! That is a whole lotta Monday.

But whatever comes, I've got a loving, merciful, amd faithful God ready to take on the day with me. 

We've got this.

KC

instead

Instead of writing a blog post tonight, I ran around the house acting like a mischievous leprechaun. Not because my kids believe in leprechauns, but they believe in a mom who likes to have fun. But this mom will take even a fun thing and create a moral out of it: 

(It was in the school room, after all!)

Don't worry, the rest of the mischief was silly stuff and sugary stuff. 🍀

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

KC

(If you have a chance, you should watch the VegieTales version of his life - the kids and I do every year!)

politics, schmolitics

This post is going to leave a lot of you thinking that I'm ignorant. 

In this situation, I am okay with that.

I don't pay a lot of attention to Presidential candidates and what other people post about whom ever is running currently. I don't care that much. 

As a matter of fact, when the time comes to vote, I chat with my husband, who stays more informed on such things, and because I trust him, I pretty much vote as he does. We have such similar morals and political views, that I'm perfectly okay with him researching and choosing what he believes is best for our family and the people we care about.

And you know what I do?

I don't let all the garbage and opinions influence how I feel about each of you. You have a right to your opinion and I have the right to like you and love you no matter what your political opinion is. 

You know why?

Because we do not have to agree on things to be friends. 

I know not everyone agrees with this line of thinking. After all, how can I remain friends with a liberal person when I am such a conservative person. Doesn't that create some kind of ethical dilemma for me? 

Nope. 

It didn't for Jesus. 

It doesn't for me. 

So you won't see me post Presidential candidate opinion memes and the like. I don't care enough to express my political views and ruin a friendship because of it. 

Which leads into the bigger picture: HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY?!

Fact of the matter, in my mind, is that this country is going to have a rough go of it no matter what. I don't see things getting better too quickly around here, no matter who gets in office. Sure, some guys/gals are worse than others, but that's why I let my husband help me determine who the best of the worst is...so to speak.

And you know what I do?

I focus on my job here in my home: raising two children who have to live in this country, no matter what direction it goes. Preparing those two children to handle this world and their future is my most important task at hand. That keeps me pretty stinkin' busy with very little time to pay attention to the memes and articles about the various candidates.

Those kids are the future. 

I hope there are more parents doing the same thing because maybe that generation will bring about some better Presidential candidates! 

I freely admit to my ignorance and you all can judge me accordingly. 

Or maybe forget the whole judgment thing and let's just hang out and be friends. 

KC

God's still got this

Over the past few days I've listen to a few dear friends share heartaches with me. Broken, defeated, hopeless, and frustrated words.

And my response? 

"Hmmmm...."

"Awwwww...." 

"That sucks." 

"I'm so sorry."

Sheesh. I'm such an encourager.

You know why I didn't encourage? Because I can't solve their problems. I can only commiserate. Feel bad. Sympathize. That's a helpless feeling.

But I realized this morning as I was washing the dishes, thinking of my friends and loved ones, I don't have to have the solutions. You know why? (If you've read the title, then you can probably guess the answer right about now...) 

God's got this.

I don't.

You don't.

The other people involved: they don't got this.

But God does.

He can see the future.

He knows where all this is going.

He knows the plan, even if we haven't got an inkling.

He's like GPS! 

You get in your car knowing you have to get from Point A to Point B but don't know how. You put the addresses in whatever form of GPS you have and you trust it to lead you there. JUST LIKE GOD!! (I'm sure that analogy has been used before, but I'm going to go ahead and be excited that I figured it out without hearing a sermon or reading an article on it.)

We don't always understand the road we are traveling and why it is full of stupid potholes, but God does. It's a whole lot easier to put our trust in the unfailing Him than in the failing people around us. 

So turn your trust up a little and let those worries fade a bit.

God's got this.

KC

turns out, i am not Supermom

I realized something today: I can't save my kids.

No matter what I do, I cannot protect them from all the heartaches, sadness, devastations, frustrations, and evils of this world. They will get hurt and experience pain physically, emotionally, mentally. 

With all my heart, I want to protect them, keep them having to experience the hurt of someone breaking their heart, of a loved one getting sick and dying, help them avoid all their fears and stresses, give them everything I possibly can. 

But that'd be the biggest disservice I could do for the two children I love with all my heart.

Because that's not real life. That is not how their future is going to be. There is no perfect life, free of hurt, not for anyone. 

I'd rather face those things head on now. Talk to my children about the pain of loss, the hurt that others are going to cause by their actions and words, teach them to face fears, to realize they can't get everything they want in life. 

Because someday life is going to hit them square in the face and I want my kids prepared for it. I want them to have the tools ready to handle the tough stuff that is inevitably going to come up. 

How do you teach these little ones to deal with the big stuff?

With some tips from an amazing childrens pastor, these are pretty much the guidelines I follow when I help my kids deal with life: 

-One thing I have learned (but am not perfect at putting into practice) is to respond to life's difficult situations with as much calmness as I can muster. Even if that means waiting a couple hours for my anger to simmer before discussing the problem...

-There is no subject that is not allowed. Even when we're not in the middle of drama I try to encourage open conversation about anything. And I try to always be willing to listen. Sometimes I have to put my kids off for a few minutes before I can give my complete attention, but I try to listen to it all. Even fart stories...

-Engage them by asking questions: How do they feel? How about the other person? Do you think you handled it as God would have wanted you to? (This makes them think, as they have to answer instead of just ignoring you as you lecture.) 

-Figure out the next action: Is there something that you need to do to make it right? How could you handle it better next time? What does the Bible say to do in this situation? (Ultimate guide, right there.)

-Prayer and forgiveness: Jesus will help, He's got amazing strength and power (even more than me!) Do you need His strength? His guidance? His forgiveness? Does someone else need your forgiveness?

This whole process is hard and time consuming and involved. But worth the effort. Because someday I I won't be with them as they encounter one of life's tricky situations, but hopefully the habits I've instilled for dealing with real life will be there. 

The most important of which is turning to Jesus for help. 

KC

(Flamingos, people. Flamingos! Found on Pinterest.)

i'm sorry

We taught our kids at an early age to apologize when they had done something wrong. It's important for them to realize what they have done and how to make it right. We, as parents, have also swallowed the humility pill and have apologized to our children when we needed to (because of the whole "lead by example" thing in parenting).

This was a good habit until one day I told my daughter that I wouldn't accept her apology. She was devastated. But the lesson learned that day was the beginning of understanding what a true apology entails.

Whatever had happened between the two of us must have been royally big. I'm sure I was not only angry, but hurt as well. My daughter is still in the process of understanding that when you are angry, that's not an excuse to just let the words fly out of your mouth fueled by angry emotions instead of controlled words that you actually mean. She had probably stomped on my heart pretty good. And, although I've learned that I shouldn't take everything that comes out of my daughter's mouth personally, it is difficult not to. Plus, I guarantee this was not the first offense, or second, or probably even her third. 

After the blow up, she came back around to apologize to me. 

Nope! Not accepted.

Wide eyes with the expression of "Whaaaaat?!" 

And then I told her this: When you apologize for something you have said or done, it has to be more than just words that make the situation right as rain. A true apology comes with the intention that you will change the negative behavior that led up to the apology to begin with. You might fail. You might commit the same behavior again, but at least you will have tried to correct the behavior. 

When you apologize, don't do it until you are ready to admit that what you did was wrong and you will try hard not to do it again. 

Otherwise, I won't believe you.

And "click!" it made sense to her. And then she apologized again and said she would try harder not to be so mean to me. 

I still remind her when she apologizes to me: "Don't tell me you're sorry unless you're going to try really hard not to do it again!" 

I don't expect perfection. I know very well that when I apologize to God for what I've done that I have high hopes that I won't commit the same sin, but I am realistic enough to accept that I probably will. But I try.

And that's all I ask of my kids.

KC

telling off an old lady

I wanted to tell off a lady the other day. She muttered under her breath as she walked by me, just loud enough for me to be insulted by her words.

I had just gotten my suitcases from baggage claim and was standing with my dear girlfriend, Shannon and her suitcases. We weren't in the middle of a crowd. All the luggage had been claimed. We were minding our own business, trying to figure out which door my other dear girlfriend, Stacey, would be picking us up at. Seriously, minding our own business. No one was nearby. Our business. No one else's business.

I had gotten a Snapchat from my niece who is a very, very far away in Michigan at college. (Definition of Snapchat: an app that allows you to send a picture with a very short phrase to your contacts. Not a necessary app, but a fun one to use with my niece.). At this point, we weren't walking anywhere. Just standing off to the side, minding our own business, so I decided to take a Snapchat picture and send it back to her. We were comparing weather. February in Michigan vs February in Phoenix (I won, by the way). 

As I turn the camera to myself to take a selfie with a goofy facial expression (because that's what selfies should be - fun), an older lady who had walked by us a moment earlier, came past us again, as we were minding our own business, muttered under her breath loud enough for me to hear "...taking selfies..." and walked away, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of me taking a selfie in an airport. 

SHE DID NOT MIND HER OWN BUSINESS!!!

So here's what really bothered me about the situation. I'm not typically a selfie type of gal. I rarely post pictures of just myself. I don't know why; I guess it's not really my style. However, communication with my niece is extremely important to me. When my nieces and nephews reach out in any form of communication to me, I respond. When they post on Instagram or Facebook, I try to "like" every one of their posts. 

Like it or not, the generation just below me (and maybe a couple generations below you) lives in this technology/electronic/iPhone/social media world. It's what they have grown up in. It defines parts of their lives that you never experienced at their age. Sure, you can sit there and criticize how often they use their phones.

OR you can be involved in their lives by way of texting, Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, Snapchat, or whatever way you have to communicate with them, to share in their lives, to let them know that you care about what they are doing and to be there for them. Communication is communication, no matter what form it takes.

Your choice.

Personally, I'll take the chance that someone is going to mistake my communication with my niece as some self-involvement on my phone, because she's just that important to me. 

(By the way, I didn't go tell that lady off. I don't have it in me to chase someone down in an airport to tell them that they shouldn't be so quick to judge a selfie-taker. Plus I would have been dragging quite a bit of luggage behind me. But I did huff and puff about it for a while to my girlfriends till I felt better about the situation. And then I went and wrote this blog about it so that helps too. 😉)

KC

PS - I might have had a little too much fun searching for selfies...

picking priorities

I've been gone for nearly a week. It has definitely been a whirlwind of catching up since I got back home Monday afternoon. It's been 36 hours and I'm still behind, but less behind than I was! I've unpacked one of my bags, so that's progress, right?

Today was a beautiful day and the kids I got it in our heads that we needed to do some gardening. We're working on having a successful veggie/fruit garden, (it's something on my 40 before 40 list) but our thumbs are a very light shade of green in that department. I figure the more we plant and the more we try, eventually we'll have some success somewhere! The scrub jays finally shared some of our blueberries with us last year, so that was nice. (And it counts as school for us - you shoulda seen Lincoln's face when the concept of cross-pollination clicked for him. I used words like "powder" and "bees" and "flowers" and lots of hand motions and he totally got it!) 

So I ran around all morning with school stuff and drawing classes and getting gardening supplies and finally we get to a point where we can head outside for a bit. I have about 2 hours at this point before before my first piano student arrives. I make a pit stop in the downstairs bathroom and notice just how dirty that room has gotten. Apparently, one of my kiddos decided to put blue chalk in her brother's hair so the toilet is covered in blue powder and then the boy took a shower so there are blue drops on the rug and floor. Every time the kids come in to wash their dirty, muddy, grimy hands, they do it in that bathroom. Someone keeps insisting on kissing the mirror on the shower door with greasy lips. The towels are a mess. The toilet is just ew. The sink is the wrong color because of the dirt. And I thought,  "You know, I really should clean this before any piano students show up!" 

After a 30 second battle with myself, I decided to leave the bathroom as it was and go work in the yard with my two eager gardeners. 

I HATE that my bathroom is a mess. But I HATE it even more when I choose my to-do list over my children. There are times when it is necessary: we have to have dinner and clean clothes. I have to get those things completed for the sake of the family. But there are other chores that sometimes need to be put on the back burner because these kids and my time with them is SO much more important than a clean bathroom. 

And I'm so glad I chose to do that today. For those of you who follow me on Instagram (@katcragin), or are friends with me on Facebook, you'll see that I discovered that this whole gardening thing is something my son is very passionate about. That is so cool to see: the heart that a child has for something they are passionate about. 

So today we planted more blueberries, cantaloupe, watermelon, garlic, a variety of flower seeds, carrots, potatoes, cleaned up the strawberry plants, and chopped up some fresh chive. That all sounds very exciting, I know, but I'll be happy if we can just get a few more blueberries and maybe a few potatoes! 

So to my piano students: I'm sorry the bathroom is a mess. Someday it'll be clean, but today is not that day. 

KC