Dear God,
I have a request. You’re God so I’m hoping you can help me out with this one. Well, I know you CAN, so I guess I’m also hoping you will help me.
See, I’m a mom. An overthinking, anxious, stressed, worrisome mom. But you already knew that, as per my previous prayers. I’ve got these two great kids that you put in my care. Who would have thought that raising two kids would be so tough?! Well, you had that figured out already when you chose them to be my kiddos so you knew about the chases that would take place around the house trying to get my girl to her room for a time out, and the nights I would spend on my son’s floor when he was sick, and the follow-through that had to happen when I threatened to cut my daughter’s constantly tangled hair. Did you laugh at that one?! I’m guessing you did...
Anyway, I am trying my best at this whole mom thing, but I don’t think I quite understood the whole “Full-Time Mom” thing when I signed up for it. It’s not 9-5 or a 40 hour work week, as were my previous full-time jobs. It’s pretty much “Round The Clock” scheduling, (did you forget about the sleeping thing that seems to be imperative to us human forms?) Even when I’m not with them, I still worry about them. I dream about them! They have infiltrated every part of my life and seem to always know the exact time I go to use the bathroom. Is that just a special gifting you gave to children? That’s not very funny, God. I’m just asking for 4 or so minutes of personal space to do my personal business... I don’t feel like I’m asking too much here.
As you can imagine, this 24 hour thing leaves me a bit vulnerable and exposed. I don’t really have much of an opportunity to hide my numerous imperfections and short-comings. And those two great kids are smarter than they look. They know where my buttons are and they push them. Often. And then my weaknesses are right there in front of them. I have not yet found a way to stop the bigger one from hurting the younger one whilst I make dinner. It seems to happen most often when my hands are yucky or wet and 25 things are cooking all at the same time. (Yes, that’s a lie, but if it’s an exaggeration for emphasis, does that really count? I know you get me, God.) This is when I hear squealing and crying and I turn to see the bigger one wrapped around the littler one like an octopus squeezing its prey. It’s like clockwork! Every. Night. And, if I’m being honest, which I am because you’d know it if I wasn’t, I’m not the sweetest mom at that moment. All forms of frustration and aggravation show up at my face. The words come out loudly, my expression is the one that has created all these wrinkles, and my face turns beet red, I’m certain. It’s not super pretty, God.
And these sorts of situations arise frequently! Please don’t misunderstand (which I know you won’t because of being God and all): I really do love this mom gig, despite all my complaining (btw, do you hear the ones I mutter under my breath, too?) and I think I’ve gotten a little bit better at it each year, but about that request: do you think that maybe you could plant the good memories of me in my kids’ long term memory and the angry, ugly memories in their short term memory? I’d really prefer when they are my age that they remember the mom who played the music really loud in the truck while she beebopped along or remember the mom who made Family Breakfast every Saturday morning. Or even better: remind them of the times I showed them unconditional love and demonstrated grace to their little selves.
Maybe if I knew that the good mom things would stick out stronger than the bad mom things, maybe then I’d show myself more grace.
I appreciate your consideration in this matter, God.
Love,
KC
(One of many frazzled moms just trying to do her best...but you already knew that.)
Saturday, December 29, 2018
Wednesday, December 26, 2018
dear 40
Dear 40,
I’ve decided we can’t be friends anymore. You have caused too much drama, tears, aches, and pains already and we have only known each other for about 5 months. This doesn’t speak well for our relationship.
I left 39 with great optimism, hoping that you would be “just a number,” as so many have told me you were. I thought 40 was the new 30, but apparently someone lied because 30 treated me a lot kinder and with much more appreciation than you have so far.
I know I haven’t been perfect on my end, but I have put forth more effort these last five months than I have in the past few years. I’ve exercised more and have changed my eating habits quite drastically for a while! And what did you do with that?! Nothing. Couldn’t even give me one little ab muscle. I even tried going to bed earlier for a good night’s sleep and you know what that got me? Wide awake at 3:00 a.m! I am not a fan of being wide awake at 3:00 a.m. Because usually that leads to me still being awake at 4:30 a.m. and after that I’m just plain crabby for the rest of the day.
I’ve had a tooth pulled (and that sucker was gross). I’ve had allergies and sinus issues for the first time ever since I was born here. And I’ve managed to have those allergies move to my eyes and cause utter eye chaos. My vision is still great!! But hey, I’ve still got seven months left to hang out with you, so who knows what you’ll do to my vision in that much time. 🙄
My skin no longer has any moisture left in it, especially my face. And the bags under my eyes somehow managed to be magnified tenfold, and that is with me putting more effort into taking care of my skin than I have in my entire life!
So for those reasons, and numerous additional reasons, 40, you and I can’t be friends. I will tolerate this relationship for the next seven months, but you’d better believe that I am already making plans with 41 so that 41 can be my BFF year ever.
Regretfully yours,
(but only for 7 more months),
KC
I’ve decided we can’t be friends anymore. You have caused too much drama, tears, aches, and pains already and we have only known each other for about 5 months. This doesn’t speak well for our relationship.
I left 39 with great optimism, hoping that you would be “just a number,” as so many have told me you were. I thought 40 was the new 30, but apparently someone lied because 30 treated me a lot kinder and with much more appreciation than you have so far.
I know I haven’t been perfect on my end, but I have put forth more effort these last five months than I have in the past few years. I’ve exercised more and have changed my eating habits quite drastically for a while! And what did you do with that?! Nothing. Couldn’t even give me one little ab muscle. I even tried going to bed earlier for a good night’s sleep and you know what that got me? Wide awake at 3:00 a.m! I am not a fan of being wide awake at 3:00 a.m. Because usually that leads to me still being awake at 4:30 a.m. and after that I’m just plain crabby for the rest of the day.
I’ve had a tooth pulled (and that sucker was gross). I’ve had allergies and sinus issues for the first time ever since I was born here. And I’ve managed to have those allergies move to my eyes and cause utter eye chaos. My vision is still great!! But hey, I’ve still got seven months left to hang out with you, so who knows what you’ll do to my vision in that much time. 🙄
My skin no longer has any moisture left in it, especially my face. And the bags under my eyes somehow managed to be magnified tenfold, and that is with me putting more effort into taking care of my skin than I have in my entire life!
So for those reasons, and numerous additional reasons, 40, you and I can’t be friends. I will tolerate this relationship for the next seven months, but you’d better believe that I am already making plans with 41 so that 41 can be my BFF year ever.
Regretfully yours,
(but only for 7 more months),
KC
Thursday, November 15, 2018
bedtime and giggles
Tonight I did the anti-parenting thing: I messed with the kids' bedtime. I'm not super-dee-duper strict on their bedtimes, but they each have a time which they get sent upstairs to get ready for bed and then, well, go to bed. We are usually within 5-10 minutes of that time for each kiddo.
I sent Linc to bed first and then, once he was ready, I laid down next to him, just to hang out for a bit. Then I realized that Jayne's bedtime had passed me by so I texted her from upstairs (don't make fun of convenience, folks...) and then kept texting her funny gifs until she rolled her eyes and came upstairs. (I didn't see her roll her eyes but she did send me a gif asking me if I was crazy so I'm certain there was an eye roll in there somewhere.)
And then she came and laid down on the other side of me and we looked at old Instagram pics for about 40 minutes. And giggled our booties off. Like completely gone. No more bums. (I write some funny stuff on Instagram, people! The pictures might not always be the best, but the captions are hilarious... in my kids' opinion, anyway. I have not the slightest idea where that comes from, because I don't actually think I'm that funny... But if you want to see for yourself, my Instagram is @katcragin_writes. If you've read my sock saga on Instagram, then you know the hilarity that is my life with J and L. If you haven't read it, no big loss, I promise.)
So at this point, my kids' bedtimes had been long gone. Now granted, we homeschool, so flexibility is on our side. But typically, I still get them up at a decent hour because that's life: you still have to get up at a decent hour and be productive no matter what time you get to bed. (Preparing them for adulthood, I tell ya.)
I tucked them both in and let them go to sleep, 45-60 minutes later than usual. And I have no regrets. (I mean tomorrow morning might be different when I'm trying to rouse them from the depths of sleep, but currently: no regrets.)
Tonight, I prioritized things a little differently. I chose to reminisce with my kids, to giggle with them, and to hopefully create memories of "that one time Mom stayed up with us to look at funny pictures on Instagram." When they get older, I do want them to remember that we cared enough to try to get them ample sleep and give them a structured bedtime, for their own good. (It's the way we are wired around here.) But I also want them to remember the times when I was relaxed enough to enjoy our time together, bending the rules a bit to do so.
Now I don't know that there's a specific scripture that talks about letting your children stay up a little later than usual so that you can spend time giggling together (I'm pretty sure there isn't), but I do know that Jesus held children in a special place and in high regard. And he blessed them.
I think giggling with my children is blessing them.
I know it's a blessing for me!
KC
I sent Linc to bed first and then, once he was ready, I laid down next to him, just to hang out for a bit. Then I realized that Jayne's bedtime had passed me by so I texted her from upstairs (don't make fun of convenience, folks...) and then kept texting her funny gifs until she rolled her eyes and came upstairs. (I didn't see her roll her eyes but she did send me a gif asking me if I was crazy so I'm certain there was an eye roll in there somewhere.)
And then she came and laid down on the other side of me and we looked at old Instagram pics for about 40 minutes. And giggled our booties off. Like completely gone. No more bums. (I write some funny stuff on Instagram, people! The pictures might not always be the best, but the captions are hilarious... in my kids' opinion, anyway. I have not the slightest idea where that comes from, because I don't actually think I'm that funny... But if you want to see for yourself, my Instagram is @katcragin_writes. If you've read my sock saga on Instagram, then you know the hilarity that is my life with J and L. If you haven't read it, no big loss, I promise.)
So at this point, my kids' bedtimes had been long gone. Now granted, we homeschool, so flexibility is on our side. But typically, I still get them up at a decent hour because that's life: you still have to get up at a decent hour and be productive no matter what time you get to bed. (Preparing them for adulthood, I tell ya.)
I tucked them both in and let them go to sleep, 45-60 minutes later than usual. And I have no regrets. (I mean tomorrow morning might be different when I'm trying to rouse them from the depths of sleep, but currently: no regrets.)
Tonight, I prioritized things a little differently. I chose to reminisce with my kids, to giggle with them, and to hopefully create memories of "that one time Mom stayed up with us to look at funny pictures on Instagram." When they get older, I do want them to remember that we cared enough to try to get them ample sleep and give them a structured bedtime, for their own good. (It's the way we are wired around here.) But I also want them to remember the times when I was relaxed enough to enjoy our time together, bending the rules a bit to do so.
Now I don't know that there's a specific scripture that talks about letting your children stay up a little later than usual so that you can spend time giggling together (I'm pretty sure there isn't), but I do know that Jesus held children in a special place and in high regard. And he blessed them.
I think giggling with my children is blessing them.
I know it's a blessing for me!
KC
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
good news, bad news
So good news: the flies are all dead.
Bad news: I'm freaking freezing!
I'm not a fan of the cold weather. I think I would be okay living in 80 degree weather for the rest of my life. I like the change of the seasons, but I can see them on the internet or by visiting places for short periods of time. It's not a necessity that I live somewhere that has a great show of colors in the fall, freezing temps in the winter, and rain, rain, rain in the spring. (Rain is a whole other post for another day...)
The temps dropped in a day around here, or so it seems. I'm pretty sure on Saturday it was still summer but on Sunday, it was suddenly winter. How that happened, I'm not sure. Global Warming, maybe? (Please note: this is, by no means, a political post about Global Warming. I know nothing about Global Warming, I'm not even sure I should be capitalizing it, because I have done absolutely no research on it. If that makes me ignorant, then so be it: I'm ignorant.)
So I walk around the house in pants and socks and slippers and a t-shirt under a sweatshirt, under another bigger, warmer sweatshirt. I don't even try to match any of my articles of clothing. If it keeps me warm, it is doing what it's required to do, whether it is plaid, striped, orange, or pink. (Fortunately for my boring self, a majority of my closet is some shade of black, white, or grey, so most everything matches anyway!)
The blankets are multiplying and yet I can't seem to find one that keeps me warm enough. They are appearing out of closets and baskets, off of couches and beds. They are piling up on little bodies and then left in places that are perfect for me to trip over. Perfect mounds of warmness, left in the middle of the hallway. Because where else would they go?! A closet? Back on the bed? That's dumb because they are just going to migrate back out into the hallway in a half hour...
And you know what sounds delicious? All the warm soups and breads and chowders and pasta dishes. And you know what I'm avoiding in my diet currently? Most soups, breads, chowders, and pasta dishes. So I'm going to have a cold, fresh salad instead: no croutons.
Getting out of bed in the morning is next to impossible when it's cold outside the bed. It's tough enough to do as it is, but add an element of chill and it's a battle of my wills. Actually, I'm not even sure if there's a battle. The little good angel on one shoulder is just as snug in the bed as the little bad angel... So if I'm late to anything during the cold winter days, I'll give you one guess as to why.
Negative Winter Nelly, I know it. I just don't care to be cold. It makes me a little grumpy and irritated!
But, let me tell you what winter also does for me: it helps me look for the good.
Looking for the good is something I have been trying my best to practice for many years. Once you start the habit of looking for the good, it's not that hard to find.
Winter lets me snuggle with my kiddos.
We sit together by my roaring fire when we do school work.
(It's not actually roaring; it puts out approximately 2 feet of warmth but we appreciate its effort.)
I get to wear my fuzzy slippers.
I also get to wear my boots. I love my boots!
And fun long socks and beanies and leg warmers. Yes. Leg warmers. Don't laugh. They're adorable!
The trees are actually quite pretty in our little town. Combinations of orange, yellow, and red.
This weather means Thanksgiving is near, followed closely by Christmas and I LOVE holiday traditions!
And best of all: the flies are dead.
All of them.
Dead.
Keep looking for the good, my friends.
Find those things to be thankful in the middle of the cold, even if it's just the lack of flies.
(Well... that is not a sentence I ever foresaw myself writing!)
KC
Bad news: I'm freaking freezing!
I'm not a fan of the cold weather. I think I would be okay living in 80 degree weather for the rest of my life. I like the change of the seasons, but I can see them on the internet or by visiting places for short periods of time. It's not a necessity that I live somewhere that has a great show of colors in the fall, freezing temps in the winter, and rain, rain, rain in the spring. (Rain is a whole other post for another day...)
The temps dropped in a day around here, or so it seems. I'm pretty sure on Saturday it was still summer but on Sunday, it was suddenly winter. How that happened, I'm not sure. Global Warming, maybe? (Please note: this is, by no means, a political post about Global Warming. I know nothing about Global Warming, I'm not even sure I should be capitalizing it, because I have done absolutely no research on it. If that makes me ignorant, then so be it: I'm ignorant.)
So I walk around the house in pants and socks and slippers and a t-shirt under a sweatshirt, under another bigger, warmer sweatshirt. I don't even try to match any of my articles of clothing. If it keeps me warm, it is doing what it's required to do, whether it is plaid, striped, orange, or pink. (Fortunately for my boring self, a majority of my closet is some shade of black, white, or grey, so most everything matches anyway!)
The blankets are multiplying and yet I can't seem to find one that keeps me warm enough. They are appearing out of closets and baskets, off of couches and beds. They are piling up on little bodies and then left in places that are perfect for me to trip over. Perfect mounds of warmness, left in the middle of the hallway. Because where else would they go?! A closet? Back on the bed? That's dumb because they are just going to migrate back out into the hallway in a half hour...
And you know what sounds delicious? All the warm soups and breads and chowders and pasta dishes. And you know what I'm avoiding in my diet currently? Most soups, breads, chowders, and pasta dishes. So I'm going to have a cold, fresh salad instead: no croutons.
Getting out of bed in the morning is next to impossible when it's cold outside the bed. It's tough enough to do as it is, but add an element of chill and it's a battle of my wills. Actually, I'm not even sure if there's a battle. The little good angel on one shoulder is just as snug in the bed as the little bad angel... So if I'm late to anything during the cold winter days, I'll give you one guess as to why.
Negative Winter Nelly, I know it. I just don't care to be cold. It makes me a little grumpy and irritated!
But, let me tell you what winter also does for me: it helps me look for the good.
Looking for the good is something I have been trying my best to practice for many years. Once you start the habit of looking for the good, it's not that hard to find.
Winter lets me snuggle with my kiddos.
We sit together by my roaring fire when we do school work.
(It's not actually roaring; it puts out approximately 2 feet of warmth but we appreciate its effort.)
I get to wear my fuzzy slippers.
I also get to wear my boots. I love my boots!
And fun long socks and beanies and leg warmers. Yes. Leg warmers. Don't laugh. They're adorable!
The trees are actually quite pretty in our little town. Combinations of orange, yellow, and red.
This weather means Thanksgiving is near, followed closely by Christmas and I LOVE holiday traditions!
And best of all: the flies are dead.
All of them.
Dead.
Keep looking for the good, my friends.
Find those things to be thankful in the middle of the cold, even if it's just the lack of flies.
(Well... that is not a sentence I ever foresaw myself writing!)
KC
Monday, November 12, 2018
the word
Ya know, I'm not really the type of person who picks out a word that defines me for the year. I haven't had a year of "rest" or a year of "hustle." I think so much happens in a year that it's hard for me to determine what kind of year it's going to be before it even starts. I mean a year ago my life went a completely different direction than I had planned out when I found out my mom had a large cancerous tumor that had to be removed, followed by chemo treatments that wiped her out completely. That'll change the course of the year for a gal. (Even more so for my mom, obviously!)
(And for those who aren't aware, she stopped the chemo at the end of last year and has been recovering this entire year, pushing herself to get stronger and make healthier choices for herself. She has an appointment in a week to see if that tumor decided to leave and never come back.)
This year was the same as all my other years: I didn't pick out a word. But there's one that keeps showing up frequently. It appears when I write. It appears in my home decor. It appears when I study scripture with my kids. It comes up in conversations with my friends. It shows up in pretty much all of my pastor's sermons. It has ALWAYS been present in my life, but this year it feels like God is flashing the word in bright letters right in front of my face everywhere I go.
KATHY: PAY ATTENTION THIS TIME!!
It's grace.
Undeserved favor.
I did not ever earn it.
I still cannot do anything to earn it.
I definitely do not deserve it. I stink at being good and perfect and righteous.
And here I sit, still bummed on myself and all my imperfectness, badness, and wrongness.
Seriously, you guys! Why is it so hard to grasp this concept?
I have theories.
I think we are surrounded by expectations and judgement in this world. We don't hand out enough grace ourselves. We don't receive enough grace from those around us. It's not practiced near enough. So it's not familiar and not easy to accept. Especially in a world that makes you try to earn everything!
And this is not just in the worldly world, the secular world, the non-Christian world. It's right here in front of our Christian noses. I'm not sure God even needs to judge us because we are doing a pretty good job of judging each other here. (I mean, He really does need to judge us: we stink at being judges because we are each pretty full of yuck and filth and He isn't at all, which makes Him much better at this whole judging thing.)
And we are fighting a constant battle with the devil who tells us that we have to be good and perfect enough in order to receive this gift of grace. Which he knows we never will be so that's just cruel. Mean old devil.
So for all those reasons, I put that word up in my home, and talk about it in conversations, and teach my children about it, and continue to learn about it from the Bible. Because I need constant reminding that my God is so loving that He gifted me this phenomenal grace despite me and my shortcomings.
Now what to do with that grace...
Keep making those bad choices over and over and over again?
I think of it like this: If I had a car that had a dent in it, another little ding in it wouldn't be that big of a deal, and if I ended up in a fender bender with my dented and dinged up car, I probably wouldn't get too upset and then if I lost a headlight or a fender, well, it's already a trash heap so whatever.
But if someone looked at that heap and traded me their brand new Maserati (I cannot help my love for expensive cars) for that pile of trash, I think I might take better care of that Maserati and drive with more caution and be more mindful of my driving choices because I am SO grateful for this amazing car that someone graciously gave me, even though I wasn't a good driver and didn't take good care of my heap beforehand!
(Is this making sense to anyone else whose brain likes things explained in pictures like mine does?)
So this gift of grace is our motivator. It inspires us to try harder to be better out of our gratitude to God who gave it to us. Are we going to do a perfect job at not sinning? HA! No, but you might find your attitude is adjusted when you truly understand what this grace means for your life. And you might also find yourself handing out that grace a little more freely than before you had received it. (You know, kinda like a "pay it forward" sort of deal.)
In order for us to be constantly reminded of this grace, maybe we should follow Paul's lead in his letters and greet one another with grace and peace every day.
"Grace and peace to you, Karen!"
"And grace and peace to you as well, Debbie!"
For some reason, I don't think that will catch on...
KC
(And for those who aren't aware, she stopped the chemo at the end of last year and has been recovering this entire year, pushing herself to get stronger and make healthier choices for herself. She has an appointment in a week to see if that tumor decided to leave and never come back.)
This year was the same as all my other years: I didn't pick out a word. But there's one that keeps showing up frequently. It appears when I write. It appears in my home decor. It appears when I study scripture with my kids. It comes up in conversations with my friends. It shows up in pretty much all of my pastor's sermons. It has ALWAYS been present in my life, but this year it feels like God is flashing the word in bright letters right in front of my face everywhere I go.
KATHY: PAY ATTENTION THIS TIME!!
It's grace.
Undeserved favor.
I did not ever earn it.
I still cannot do anything to earn it.
I definitely do not deserve it. I stink at being good and perfect and righteous.
And here I sit, still bummed on myself and all my imperfectness, badness, and wrongness.
Seriously, you guys! Why is it so hard to grasp this concept?
I have theories.
I think we are surrounded by expectations and judgement in this world. We don't hand out enough grace ourselves. We don't receive enough grace from those around us. It's not practiced near enough. So it's not familiar and not easy to accept. Especially in a world that makes you try to earn everything!
And this is not just in the worldly world, the secular world, the non-Christian world. It's right here in front of our Christian noses. I'm not sure God even needs to judge us because we are doing a pretty good job of judging each other here. (I mean, He really does need to judge us: we stink at being judges because we are each pretty full of yuck and filth and He isn't at all, which makes Him much better at this whole judging thing.)
And we are fighting a constant battle with the devil who tells us that we have to be good and perfect enough in order to receive this gift of grace. Which he knows we never will be so that's just cruel. Mean old devil.
So for all those reasons, I put that word up in my home, and talk about it in conversations, and teach my children about it, and continue to learn about it from the Bible. Because I need constant reminding that my God is so loving that He gifted me this phenomenal grace despite me and my shortcomings.
Now what to do with that grace...
Keep making those bad choices over and over and over again?
I think of it like this: If I had a car that had a dent in it, another little ding in it wouldn't be that big of a deal, and if I ended up in a fender bender with my dented and dinged up car, I probably wouldn't get too upset and then if I lost a headlight or a fender, well, it's already a trash heap so whatever.
But if someone looked at that heap and traded me their brand new Maserati (I cannot help my love for expensive cars) for that pile of trash, I think I might take better care of that Maserati and drive with more caution and be more mindful of my driving choices because I am SO grateful for this amazing car that someone graciously gave me, even though I wasn't a good driver and didn't take good care of my heap beforehand!
(Is this making sense to anyone else whose brain likes things explained in pictures like mine does?)
So this gift of grace is our motivator. It inspires us to try harder to be better out of our gratitude to God who gave it to us. Are we going to do a perfect job at not sinning? HA! No, but you might find your attitude is adjusted when you truly understand what this grace means for your life. And you might also find yourself handing out that grace a little more freely than before you had received it. (You know, kinda like a "pay it forward" sort of deal.)
In order for us to be constantly reminded of this grace, maybe we should follow Paul's lead in his letters and greet one another with grace and peace every day.
"Grace and peace to you, Karen!"
"And grace and peace to you as well, Debbie!"
For some reason, I don't think that will catch on...
KC
Thursday, August 16, 2018
not perfection
This summer was crazy. Why? I can't tell you exactly except that it felt as though the calendar filled up faster than during the school year. Which is super crazy because during the school year, I home school my kiddos and drive them to all their extracurriculars and teach piano lessons and semi-decently maintain my wife and mom duties. So you would THINK that the school year feels busier but nope.
Summer's ridiculous.
But I noticed something interesting this summer: my motivation for just about everything was extremely diminished, and yet God was constantly teaching me through conversations with amazing friends and through podcasts that I was trying to listen to 10 minutes at a time and books that I was reading through one chapter a week. Even in the small spaces, He was teaching me. But I struggled because where in the world was my push and motivation to write?!
And then *click!* - it was time to write! (I don't always understand the rhyme or reason; I just try to go with it.)
There were a couple of constant messages that God has been whispering and shouting at me lately (depending on my attitude). I found a sign at Kirkland's in Turlock.( If you haven't been there, you must go there. The smelly packets of amazing scents make the visit totally worth it all by themselves! My house smells so incredibly calm and peaceful and comfortable and a whole bunch of things that aren't actually scents but make you feel like they should be. Trust me: visit Kirkland's.)
Getting back to the sign...
The sign currently hangs above my desk and says this:
LIVE BY GRACE
NOT BY PERFECTION
I should probably get that tattooed on the back of my hand where I will read it every day!
Why is it so difficult to get this through our minds?! Unless I'm the only one, in which case: Why is it so difficult to get this through my mind?!
Maybe I learned this all wrong when I was a kid in church, but weren't we taught that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith and this is NOT OF OURSELVES, it is a gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast.
So here are the two things that bounce around in my head as I read that sign.
1. Self, (yes, conversing with my Self right here) stop trying to hold yourself to an impossible standard. Just know that you are going to fail and be okay with it. It is through those failures that we learn and grow. (Seriously, y'all: I just told my kids this a couple days ago. Practice what you preach, much, Self?)
2. Have eyes of grace. Okay,so here's what I mean: so if you picture your toddler trying to walk, but falling down, or your kiddo learning to ride their bike but they are super wobbly, or your teen is learning to cook or bake and the result is less than amazing, what do you do? Disown them? Tell them to find someone else to teach them how to ride a bike or make cookies? Scorn your toddler and tell them they will never learn to walk?
No - that's dumb.
We have the eyes of grace which looks at them with understanding and kindness and takes the time to teach them and encourage them.
So why don't we do the same with other people in this world? We place these expectations of perfection on others and when they don't reach those standards, we stop investing in them or scorn them or gossip about them... (Did that one hit home?)
I believe (and this is in part because I have this big log in my eye, compared to the little speck in yours) that we should constantly be wearing grace-colored lenses when we look at those around us. The ones that soften the rough situations and give us the gentle words to say and remind us that we, too, should be looked at through the grace-colored lenses.
But maybe if you have a hard time doing that for everyone else, do you think you could at least put them on when you look at me?!
KC
Summer's ridiculous.
But I noticed something interesting this summer: my motivation for just about everything was extremely diminished, and yet God was constantly teaching me through conversations with amazing friends and through podcasts that I was trying to listen to 10 minutes at a time and books that I was reading through one chapter a week. Even in the small spaces, He was teaching me. But I struggled because where in the world was my push and motivation to write?!
And then *click!* - it was time to write! (I don't always understand the rhyme or reason; I just try to go with it.)
There were a couple of constant messages that God has been whispering and shouting at me lately (depending on my attitude). I found a sign at Kirkland's in Turlock.( If you haven't been there, you must go there. The smelly packets of amazing scents make the visit totally worth it all by themselves! My house smells so incredibly calm and peaceful and comfortable and a whole bunch of things that aren't actually scents but make you feel like they should be. Trust me: visit Kirkland's.)
Getting back to the sign...
The sign currently hangs above my desk and says this:
LIVE BY GRACE
NOT BY PERFECTION
I should probably get that tattooed on the back of my hand where I will read it every day!
Why is it so difficult to get this through our minds?! Unless I'm the only one, in which case: Why is it so difficult to get this through my mind?!
Maybe I learned this all wrong when I was a kid in church, but weren't we taught that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith and this is NOT OF OURSELVES, it is a gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast.
So here are the two things that bounce around in my head as I read that sign.
1. Self, (yes, conversing with my Self right here) stop trying to hold yourself to an impossible standard. Just know that you are going to fail and be okay with it. It is through those failures that we learn and grow. (Seriously, y'all: I just told my kids this a couple days ago. Practice what you preach, much, Self?)
2. Have eyes of grace. Okay,so here's what I mean: so if you picture your toddler trying to walk, but falling down, or your kiddo learning to ride their bike but they are super wobbly, or your teen is learning to cook or bake and the result is less than amazing, what do you do? Disown them? Tell them to find someone else to teach them how to ride a bike or make cookies? Scorn your toddler and tell them they will never learn to walk?
No - that's dumb.
We have the eyes of grace which looks at them with understanding and kindness and takes the time to teach them and encourage them.
So why don't we do the same with other people in this world? We place these expectations of perfection on others and when they don't reach those standards, we stop investing in them or scorn them or gossip about them... (Did that one hit home?)
I believe (and this is in part because I have this big log in my eye, compared to the little speck in yours) that we should constantly be wearing grace-colored lenses when we look at those around us. The ones that soften the rough situations and give us the gentle words to say and remind us that we, too, should be looked at through the grace-colored lenses.
But maybe if you have a hard time doing that for everyone else, do you think you could at least put them on when you look at me?!
KC
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
no rivals
Teaching moments!! I LOVE teaching moments.
I've been homeschooling for over 4 years now, I can't help it: my brain is just always searching for ways to educate my kids. It becomes a mentality, I suppose. Can I get an AMEN! from my homeschooling mommas and poppas?!
Today's teaching moment happened in the truck ride home from the grocery store with my favorite little boy. We were listening to a song by Citizen Way.
(And now I'm going to go squirrel for a minute: A month or so ago, my kids and I had the incredible experience of seeing Citizen Way locally, in a very small venue. (P.S. My niece opened in worship for them!!) We had front row seats and got autographs and took pictures with the fellas and EVERYTHING! And even though all that personal stuff was super rad and amazing, the concert itself was truly touched by God in the best ways! So we bought t-shirts and their latest CD (2.0) and it is the only CD that plays in my truck.)
So we're listening to Citizen Way on the way home and the song "Rivals" comes on. And here's the chorus:
"When we look to the sun,
Our battle's already won.
We've got no rivals,
Cuz He's got no rivals.
No matter what comes our way,
We know we'll be okay.
We've got no rivals,
Cuz He's got no rivals."
Okay. So as I'm trying to come up with a way to explain this to my son, I start thinking of battles that we might fight and how God is on our side and we can't lose and blah-de-blah-de-blah cliche, cliche, cliche...
My sweet son is listening attentively as I try to paint this picture of who God is with words and then I explain it in a way that makes sense on his level and suddenly, the AH-HA!!! moment happens for me at the same time.
What is it about simplicity that makes things perfectly clear?
I know how cool it is that God is on my side. I know I'm never alone. But when I explained it to my boy, I painted a picture that made it clearer than the cliches that I had heard and said my whole life.
I told him to imagine that he was playing soccer and that God was on his team. No matter who your rivals are: you can't lose. Can you imagine playing any sport and God was player #1 on the team (because what other number would He be?!) - there is no chance that you're going to lose the game! It doesn't matter who is on the opposing team. In my brain, I pictured the devil and all his co-horts all dressed in red (because what other color would he wear?) coming up against God. It's completely laughable! It's like in the movie where Thor comes sliding in on lightning and lightning shoots out of his hands and Led Zeppelin plays in the background (pardon me, I just watched that scene on YouTube again... SO GOOD!) - ain't nothing gonna beat that!
(But let's not talk about Infinity War right now...)
And my son understood that God is big and I understood that God is SO big that I need to shoo away some fears and anxieties that continually swirl around my head. Because if we played soccer together, we wouldn't lose. So living life together: we're not going to lose. Even when it seems like we might be losing, God's got some trick up His sleeve to score another goal. He knows the game plan so He knows that we're going to win.
(Real life example in short: I had an anxiety disorder when I was younger. I thought my life was pretty much over. I learned how to deal with it, was able to move past it, and now I get to offer other people hope on the other side of an anxiety disorder. Talk about a losing game turned into a winner! All because God knew what He was going to do with me even when I thought I was losing.)
Teaching moment = learning moment for me.
Go figure.
That's typically how God talks to me.
KC
I've been homeschooling for over 4 years now, I can't help it: my brain is just always searching for ways to educate my kids. It becomes a mentality, I suppose. Can I get an AMEN! from my homeschooling mommas and poppas?!
Today's teaching moment happened in the truck ride home from the grocery store with my favorite little boy. We were listening to a song by Citizen Way.
(And now I'm going to go squirrel for a minute: A month or so ago, my kids and I had the incredible experience of seeing Citizen Way locally, in a very small venue. (P.S. My niece opened in worship for them!!) We had front row seats and got autographs and took pictures with the fellas and EVERYTHING! And even though all that personal stuff was super rad and amazing, the concert itself was truly touched by God in the best ways! So we bought t-shirts and their latest CD (2.0) and it is the only CD that plays in my truck.)
So we're listening to Citizen Way on the way home and the song "Rivals" comes on. And here's the chorus:
"When we look to the sun,
Our battle's already won.
We've got no rivals,
Cuz He's got no rivals.
No matter what comes our way,
We know we'll be okay.
We've got no rivals,
Cuz He's got no rivals."
Okay. So as I'm trying to come up with a way to explain this to my son, I start thinking of battles that we might fight and how God is on our side and we can't lose and blah-de-blah-de-blah cliche, cliche, cliche...
My sweet son is listening attentively as I try to paint this picture of who God is with words and then I explain it in a way that makes sense on his level and suddenly, the AH-HA!!! moment happens for me at the same time.
What is it about simplicity that makes things perfectly clear?
I know how cool it is that God is on my side. I know I'm never alone. But when I explained it to my boy, I painted a picture that made it clearer than the cliches that I had heard and said my whole life.
I told him to imagine that he was playing soccer and that God was on his team. No matter who your rivals are: you can't lose. Can you imagine playing any sport and God was player #1 on the team (because what other number would He be?!) - there is no chance that you're going to lose the game! It doesn't matter who is on the opposing team. In my brain, I pictured the devil and all his co-horts all dressed in red (because what other color would he wear?) coming up against God. It's completely laughable! It's like in the movie where Thor comes sliding in on lightning and lightning shoots out of his hands and Led Zeppelin plays in the background (pardon me, I just watched that scene on YouTube again... SO GOOD!) - ain't nothing gonna beat that!
(But let's not talk about Infinity War right now...)
And my son understood that God is big and I understood that God is SO big that I need to shoo away some fears and anxieties that continually swirl around my head. Because if we played soccer together, we wouldn't lose. So living life together: we're not going to lose. Even when it seems like we might be losing, God's got some trick up His sleeve to score another goal. He knows the game plan so He knows that we're going to win.
(Real life example in short: I had an anxiety disorder when I was younger. I thought my life was pretty much over. I learned how to deal with it, was able to move past it, and now I get to offer other people hope on the other side of an anxiety disorder. Talk about a losing game turned into a winner! All because God knew what He was going to do with me even when I thought I was losing.)
Teaching moment = learning moment for me.
Go figure.
That's typically how God talks to me.
KC
Sunday, June 24, 2018
passing on political posts
You wanna know why I rarely (in fact, I'm 99% certain that I never) comment on political social media posts? Maybe you don't want to know and that's okay. I'm not offended. It's totally your choice to read on or to not read on. I respect that you have your opinion about what you are or aren't going to do.
But for those of you who are interested in why I stay neutral on social media when it comes to political posts, well, the answer is simple. It's not because I don't have opinions. I have some pretty strong ones, actually. Nope. That's not why. It's not because people say some pretty rude, disrespectful, and judgemental things when they aren't speaking to you face to face but rather typing their words. While that might be true, that's not the reason either. Well, that might be part of the reason. That's a pretty good reason...
It's because when I look at what people post on facebook, I know that I am not well enough informed on any subject to stand up against the potential backlash of stating an opinion that could come from my comment having one or two words out of order. In other words: I don't know enough about any political situation to be able to join in the conversation. Call me ignorant. Call me naive. But if I haven't walked in your shoes, if I haven't informed myself of the same facts as you (facts: which I'm thinking are hard to come by these days), if I don't have the same types of friends or worldview or family members who are living lives that influence your opinion, then I don't get to shoot you down for what you believe.
So if I don't like your post, that doesn't mean that I don't agree with you on some level. But unless we have a discussion about it, you won't necessarily know where I am coming from and honestly, I don't want to have a public discussion with someone I care about just so the whole Facebook world can have an opinion about my opinion.
And if I'm being honest, which I try hard to be, I have one more reason as to why I don't publicly express my opinion on such matters that are disagreeable among my friends. I would be greatly saddened if I lost a friend because they defined me according to one opinion that I have that doesn't fall in line with their belief system. There are a lot of facets to KC. I guarantee there are a number of them that you wouldn't like if you knew about all of them. Turns out that I don't have everything figured out and I'm not right about everything in life (but don't tell my kids that. Don't worry: my husband already knows.)
My moral compass is guided ultimately by God's word. But even having that, many of my friends disagree on some very fine points. In my younger years I grew up in a very black and white world. As it turns out, there's a lot of grey in this world. I find the best way to swim through the grey is with a large measure of grace.
So if you made it to the end of this post, I appreciate you despite our differences (and there are some, I guarantee it. There's no way any 2 people could completely agree on anything in life). And if you didn't make it to the end of this post, I appreciate you anyway, even thought you'll never know it because you didn't read about it here.
KC
But for those of you who are interested in why I stay neutral on social media when it comes to political posts, well, the answer is simple. It's not because I don't have opinions. I have some pretty strong ones, actually. Nope. That's not why. It's not because people say some pretty rude, disrespectful, and judgemental things when they aren't speaking to you face to face but rather typing their words. While that might be true, that's not the reason either. Well, that might be part of the reason. That's a pretty good reason...
It's because when I look at what people post on facebook, I know that I am not well enough informed on any subject to stand up against the potential backlash of stating an opinion that could come from my comment having one or two words out of order. In other words: I don't know enough about any political situation to be able to join in the conversation. Call me ignorant. Call me naive. But if I haven't walked in your shoes, if I haven't informed myself of the same facts as you (facts: which I'm thinking are hard to come by these days), if I don't have the same types of friends or worldview or family members who are living lives that influence your opinion, then I don't get to shoot you down for what you believe.
So if I don't like your post, that doesn't mean that I don't agree with you on some level. But unless we have a discussion about it, you won't necessarily know where I am coming from and honestly, I don't want to have a public discussion with someone I care about just so the whole Facebook world can have an opinion about my opinion.
And if I'm being honest, which I try hard to be, I have one more reason as to why I don't publicly express my opinion on such matters that are disagreeable among my friends. I would be greatly saddened if I lost a friend because they defined me according to one opinion that I have that doesn't fall in line with their belief system. There are a lot of facets to KC. I guarantee there are a number of them that you wouldn't like if you knew about all of them. Turns out that I don't have everything figured out and I'm not right about everything in life (but don't tell my kids that. Don't worry: my husband already knows.)
My moral compass is guided ultimately by God's word. But even having that, many of my friends disagree on some very fine points. In my younger years I grew up in a very black and white world. As it turns out, there's a lot of grey in this world. I find the best way to swim through the grey is with a large measure of grace.
So if you made it to the end of this post, I appreciate you despite our differences (and there are some, I guarantee it. There's no way any 2 people could completely agree on anything in life). And if you didn't make it to the end of this post, I appreciate you anyway, even thought you'll never know it because you didn't read about it here.
KC
Thursday, June 21, 2018
The Ginormous List...
Um, guys? Why have none of you come over to my house and kicked my booty into writing a blog post? Don't you know that my self-discipline is nil?!
*sigh*
So it's summer. And I'm exhausted.
Wait, what?! How is that even possible? I'm not teaching at Cragin Academy (home school) and I took the summer off from piano lessons. I should be having ALL THE FREE TIME!!! I should be getting ALL THE THINGS DONE!!!
Except I don't and I'm not.
You guys: my summer plans were to get all the purging, cleaning, organizing, planning, remodeling, and sleeping done that I didn't get done during the school year. We are entering into our second month of summer break and I feel like I am 1/100th of the way through my "Ginormous List of All the Things To Do This Summer."
And sleeping? Well, just look at the time when I actually get this posted...
But you know what? There's no one looking over my shoulder telling me that I need to be doing more. There is no one monitoring my "Ginormous List of All the Things To Do This Summer." There is no one telling me that I'm not good enough because I can't get it all done.
Except me. I am telling myself all of those things. I do it every day, summer break or not. I am my own worst critic/boss/enemy.
So it is once again time for that look in the mirror when I tell myself that I am good enough and try to turn my perspective around 180 degrees.
Because here's the truth about this summer so far. I have started CrossFit again AND gymnastics (because nothing says I'm looking forward to turning 40 by trying to defy it!) I have found another way to share my crafty-ness with the world! Or at least with the community of women in Ripon. I have intentionally scheduled down time at the pool while eating cheese and crackers because cheese is a minimum weekly necessity in my life. I have taken my kids on day trips. I have loved (almost) every moment of my son's baseball season (with the exception of some of the adults who struggle to keep their words kind at the games. I am told this is a part of life in sports. I don't like this part of life in sports.) I have involved my kids in their passions. I have had some much needed improvements done around this house (can you say "Good-bye flat white paint that collects every child's fingerprints?!"). I have actually cleaned and organized 3 rooms and a closet. And I have made new friends because I just can't help myself: I like people.
And I have kept my family fed and in cleanish clothing and alive and even if that is all I did, that would be enough because that is the most important part of my life, outside of God: my family.
So BOOM! Things have been accomplished! I just had to stop looking at what I haven't done and look back at what I have done. That backwards perspective is imperative to me moving forward.
Some mornings I wake up with the to do list running through my brain.
Who am I kidding?!
EVERY morning I wake up with the to do list running through my brain and most mornings it is so daunting to me that I don't even feel like taking that first step out of bed. But every morning I get up and do things. Sometimes the things are awesome: like planting a garden and sometimes the things are not: like grocery shopping. (I dislike grocery shopping almost as much as I dislike cleaning the shower which is an immense dislike.) But at the end of the day I can look back and see that things got done. Not EVERY thing, but many things.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is "Lay off me, Kathy! I'm doing a pretty decent job of getting stuff done!"
Give yourself a break, friend. And come on over for some intentional cheese eating time. (Yes, it changed from "down time by the pool..." to strictly "cheese-eating." Priorities, people. Priorities.) And then you can mark that off your "Ginormous List of All the Things To Do This Summer."
Unless "Eat Cheese" is on your To Do List, you should throw that list away.
(Except for my dairy-free friends. In which case, substitute your favorite non-dairy food in every time you see the word "cheese").
KC
*sigh*
So it's summer. And I'm exhausted.
Wait, what?! How is that even possible? I'm not teaching at Cragin Academy (home school) and I took the summer off from piano lessons. I should be having ALL THE FREE TIME!!! I should be getting ALL THE THINGS DONE!!!
Except I don't and I'm not.
You guys: my summer plans were to get all the purging, cleaning, organizing, planning, remodeling, and sleeping done that I didn't get done during the school year. We are entering into our second month of summer break and I feel like I am 1/100th of the way through my "Ginormous List of All the Things To Do This Summer."
And sleeping? Well, just look at the time when I actually get this posted...
But you know what? There's no one looking over my shoulder telling me that I need to be doing more. There is no one monitoring my "Ginormous List of All the Things To Do This Summer." There is no one telling me that I'm not good enough because I can't get it all done.
Except me. I am telling myself all of those things. I do it every day, summer break or not. I am my own worst critic/boss/enemy.
So it is once again time for that look in the mirror when I tell myself that I am good enough and try to turn my perspective around 180 degrees.
Because here's the truth about this summer so far. I have started CrossFit again AND gymnastics (because nothing says I'm looking forward to turning 40 by trying to defy it!) I have found another way to share my crafty-ness with the world! Or at least with the community of women in Ripon. I have intentionally scheduled down time at the pool while eating cheese and crackers because cheese is a minimum weekly necessity in my life. I have taken my kids on day trips. I have loved (almost) every moment of my son's baseball season (with the exception of some of the adults who struggle to keep their words kind at the games. I am told this is a part of life in sports. I don't like this part of life in sports.) I have involved my kids in their passions. I have had some much needed improvements done around this house (can you say "Good-bye flat white paint that collects every child's fingerprints?!"). I have actually cleaned and organized 3 rooms and a closet. And I have made new friends because I just can't help myself: I like people.
And I have kept my family fed and in cleanish clothing and alive and even if that is all I did, that would be enough because that is the most important part of my life, outside of God: my family.
So BOOM! Things have been accomplished! I just had to stop looking at what I haven't done and look back at what I have done. That backwards perspective is imperative to me moving forward.
Some mornings I wake up with the to do list running through my brain.
Who am I kidding?!
EVERY morning I wake up with the to do list running through my brain and most mornings it is so daunting to me that I don't even feel like taking that first step out of bed. But every morning I get up and do things. Sometimes the things are awesome: like planting a garden and sometimes the things are not: like grocery shopping. (I dislike grocery shopping almost as much as I dislike cleaning the shower which is an immense dislike.) But at the end of the day I can look back and see that things got done. Not EVERY thing, but many things.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is "Lay off me, Kathy! I'm doing a pretty decent job of getting stuff done!"
Give yourself a break, friend. And come on over for some intentional cheese eating time. (Yes, it changed from "down time by the pool..." to strictly "cheese-eating." Priorities, people. Priorities.) And then you can mark that off your "Ginormous List of All the Things To Do This Summer."
Unless "Eat Cheese" is on your To Do List, you should throw that list away.
(Except for my dairy-free friends. In which case, substitute your favorite non-dairy food in every time you see the word "cheese").
KC
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
mom fruit
YOU GUYS!!!!
The coolest, most wonderful mom thing happened yesterday. It was so confirming and was a sign of fruit through all the tough and crappy mom stuff that I have done thus far. I NEED fruit. It's not a craving. It's a symbol of hope for all the time and tears and heartache and effort that has gone into this whole mom thing. To see that fruit happening is a beacon of light for this weary mom soul!
My bright, figure-anything-out, go-getter 12-year-old daughter had come up against her nemesis once again: math. No matter what super powers that girl brings to the fight, math always "one ups" her. It beats her down and frustrates her to tears! (She's got a phenomenal tutor and great math curriculum, in my opinion, so that is not the issue here.) Math, no matter what size or shape it comes in, pushes my girl's buttons.
And yesterday was no exception. Negative integers and deciphering between the area and circumference of a circle and the distribution property got her to her wits end and we heard all about it! Long story short-ish: she was frustrated with herself. There are so many things in this life that come easy to that girl (except for keeping her room clean and being nice to her brother) and to have one thing that doesn't come easy to her just aggravates her! It breaks my heart to see her frustration, but I can't do anything about it. Math is important in education and we won't let it slip around here.
It all came to a head when I stepped into the garage to find a piece of chocolate from the freezer. She came out after me, wrapped her arms around me and said, " I just want to be smart like my dad." I held her with all my love and told her I understood and then, a moment later, to lighten the mood, because that's how I work, I teased her and asked, " Wait a minute: if you want to be smart like Dad, what does that make me?! Not smart?!"
And you know what she did? She looked up at me (which I can only say for a few more years, I'm sure and then I'll be looking up at her!) and then buried her head into my chest and said emphatically, "You're wise, Mom!"
I'm immediately started laughing. It was a laugh that came from my soul! Partly because that was a good recovery on her part - she was quick with that response! And also because I knew she meant it. She's told me this before.
Y'all. My 12-year-old daughter thinks I'm wise. Amongst all the eye rolling and the talking back and getting the last word in, she still thinks I'm wise.
I often question my choices in parenting. Shoot, I often question my choices in what I snack on! But every once in a while, God allows me a little glimpse like this one into my daughter's heart and reminds me that I'm doing okay. And that makes me want to keep trying at this whole parenting gig.
Look for the fruit, my friends. If you haven't seen it, ask for it! God will give you a peek, if your eyes are open. And even if you have to wait a while for it (I waited years and years and I'm not even lying), keep at it because it'll come. And it'll be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears (and I'm speaking figuratively AND literally there!)
I'm praying for you all, my friends!
KC
The coolest, most wonderful mom thing happened yesterday. It was so confirming and was a sign of fruit through all the tough and crappy mom stuff that I have done thus far. I NEED fruit. It's not a craving. It's a symbol of hope for all the time and tears and heartache and effort that has gone into this whole mom thing. To see that fruit happening is a beacon of light for this weary mom soul!
My bright, figure-anything-out, go-getter 12-year-old daughter had come up against her nemesis once again: math. No matter what super powers that girl brings to the fight, math always "one ups" her. It beats her down and frustrates her to tears! (She's got a phenomenal tutor and great math curriculum, in my opinion, so that is not the issue here.) Math, no matter what size or shape it comes in, pushes my girl's buttons.
And yesterday was no exception. Negative integers and deciphering between the area and circumference of a circle and the distribution property got her to her wits end and we heard all about it! Long story short-ish: she was frustrated with herself. There are so many things in this life that come easy to that girl (except for keeping her room clean and being nice to her brother) and to have one thing that doesn't come easy to her just aggravates her! It breaks my heart to see her frustration, but I can't do anything about it. Math is important in education and we won't let it slip around here.
It all came to a head when I stepped into the garage to find a piece of chocolate from the freezer. She came out after me, wrapped her arms around me and said, " I just want to be smart like my dad." I held her with all my love and told her I understood and then, a moment later, to lighten the mood, because that's how I work, I teased her and asked, " Wait a minute: if you want to be smart like Dad, what does that make me?! Not smart?!"
And you know what she did? She looked up at me (which I can only say for a few more years, I'm sure and then I'll be looking up at her!) and then buried her head into my chest and said emphatically, "You're wise, Mom!"
I'm immediately started laughing. It was a laugh that came from my soul! Partly because that was a good recovery on her part - she was quick with that response! And also because I knew she meant it. She's told me this before.
Y'all. My 12-year-old daughter thinks I'm wise. Amongst all the eye rolling and the talking back and getting the last word in, she still thinks I'm wise.
I often question my choices in parenting. Shoot, I often question my choices in what I snack on! But every once in a while, God allows me a little glimpse like this one into my daughter's heart and reminds me that I'm doing okay. And that makes me want to keep trying at this whole parenting gig.
Look for the fruit, my friends. If you haven't seen it, ask for it! God will give you a peek, if your eyes are open. And even if you have to wait a while for it (I waited years and years and I'm not even lying), keep at it because it'll come. And it'll be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears (and I'm speaking figuratively AND literally there!)
I'm praying for you all, my friends!
KC
Monday, April 16, 2018
Doritos
As I sat in front of my computer, eating cashews (because cashews are beyond delicious and better for me than Doritos), I kept trying to come up with something clever to write about. I started about 3 different posts, quitting after about a sentence for each one.
"No one wants to read what I have to write about. I don't have anything interesting to say. No one is going to care about what I've got going on in my life."
Would you look at that?! I totally discouraged myself, all by myself! I didn't need any help from anyone else. That's pretty typical of me: I'm my own worst enemy. If I try hard enough, I can talk myself out of anything and put my self worth as low on the ladder as possible... (I was going to say on the totem pole but being low on the totem pole actually means being wise and other good stuff and that's not what I've been telling myself!)
(I have now moved on to Club crackers, if anyone is interested. They are also quite tasty and maybe 25% healthier than Doritos.)
When I tend to get down on myself, I have usually forgotten one very important aspect of me: God created me with a purpose. He made me on purpose. He decided that He was going to put together a Kathy Lynn Cragin for reasons: His reasons!
Sheesh! If I could just get out of His way then maybe He could do some bigger and better things with me so that He could accomplish more stuff and things! But NoooOOOOoooo. I've got to put up walls and close doors and just get in the way of it all.
*eyeroll at myself*
I know I'm not the only one out there who does this...
People! We have GOT to get out of the way! At least once in a while!
Take a chance! Do a thing! Listen to that poking and prodding of God and stop doubting yourself. Because God wouldn't poke and prod you if He didn't already know that something good was going to come out of it all.
So tonight I just started writing and discussing my evening snacking habits with you and TA-DAH!!! He ended up coming up with something kind of cool to tell you (and me! Pretty much all of what I write to you is just stuff I need to hear too!)
Now, if someone could please bring me a bag of Doritos, I would greatly appreciate it...
KC
(Nacho Cheese, please.)
"No one wants to read what I have to write about. I don't have anything interesting to say. No one is going to care about what I've got going on in my life."
Would you look at that?! I totally discouraged myself, all by myself! I didn't need any help from anyone else. That's pretty typical of me: I'm my own worst enemy. If I try hard enough, I can talk myself out of anything and put my self worth as low on the ladder as possible... (I was going to say on the totem pole but being low on the totem pole actually means being wise and other good stuff and that's not what I've been telling myself!)
(I have now moved on to Club crackers, if anyone is interested. They are also quite tasty and maybe 25% healthier than Doritos.)
When I tend to get down on myself, I have usually forgotten one very important aspect of me: God created me with a purpose. He made me on purpose. He decided that He was going to put together a Kathy Lynn Cragin for reasons: His reasons!
Sheesh! If I could just get out of His way then maybe He could do some bigger and better things with me so that He could accomplish more stuff and things! But NoooOOOOoooo. I've got to put up walls and close doors and just get in the way of it all.
*eyeroll at myself*
I know I'm not the only one out there who does this...
People! We have GOT to get out of the way! At least once in a while!
Take a chance! Do a thing! Listen to that poking and prodding of God and stop doubting yourself. Because God wouldn't poke and prod you if He didn't already know that something good was going to come out of it all.
So tonight I just started writing and discussing my evening snacking habits with you and TA-DAH!!! He ended up coming up with something kind of cool to tell you (and me! Pretty much all of what I write to you is just stuff I need to hear too!)
Now, if someone could please bring me a bag of Doritos, I would greatly appreciate it...
KC
(Nacho Cheese, please.)
Sunday, April 1, 2018
aaaaand: fail.
I don't know, y'all. (And yes, I do say "y'all" in real outloud life even though I'm from California. It's for emphasis!) I just don't think I'm cut out for this parenting thing. The more I strive to get ahead, the more I look around and see every where that I am failing!
I just put bath towels away in my kids' bathroom, only to have to rearrange the entire cupboard because one of my children has moved in and also started to take over the second cupboard in that bathroom. I'm going to start charging rent on cupboard space.
Earlier today, I kept getting sticky feet while walking in my kitchen. On hands and knees and with a wet towel, I identified the area of sticky-ness that no one seems to know how it got there. I now leave a pair of flip flops near the kitchen floor for when I get fed up with crumbs and sticky spots on the floor. I can't.
"Child, please don't eat this entire bowl of blueberries."
Returning 5 minutes later: "Where are all the blueberries?!"
Child: "I ate them all, I guess."
YOU GUESS?!
I constantly buy my children dental flossers. Those little sticks that have a small piece of dental floss to make it easy for them to floss every night. But I recently asked my children if this flossing is being completed. Can you guess the answer?! Can you guess when our next dentist appointment is?! Three days from now. Ugh.
My daughter rolls her eyes at me an average of 10 times a day.
My son's cursive handwriting leaves a lot to be desired.
Math. I'm not saying anything about math.
There were snails in my garage in a bucket for about a week.
Wet bathing suits and towels live on bedroom and bathroom floors, just beneath the hooks installed for just that purpose.
My kids eat candy. (See paragraph regarding dental flossers.)
Little Lego pieces everywhere. Just everywhere.
I look at every one of these and think: "There's more I can be doing as a parent to stop these behaviors! If I have so many parenting fails (y'all, this is like an eensy-weensy peek into a very large box, nay, garage full of parenting failures), then obviously, I'm not cut out for this!"
But there's always this word that constantly inhabits my mind. Sometimes it's loud and sometimes it's quiet. But it is always there. It is a gift that God gave to us, hand-in-hand with free will. There is absolutely NO way we can attain parenting perfection. (I'm telling you: the ones who show you their perfect parenting are not showing you every part of their parenting world.)
So God gave us grace.
He shows us favor and gives us blessings despite our shortcomings.
And that grace covers a LOT!
Today I had to apologize to my daughter for something rude I said to her. It was eating me up as her mom but when I told her I was sorry, she told me it was no big deal and hadn't really bothered her: grace.
Last night I failed as I hadn't even thought about what my daughter would wear to church on Easter Sunday. There was no way that we could find a dress for her before church the next day. She pulled out the one dress she had that was flowery and then looked at me and said, " Do I have to wear a dress?!" HA!! Nope! Grace.
I looked at the mess that I had just gotten frustrated over and my son came up and hugged me despite my aggravation: grace.
People, this happens every day. My shortcomings are greeted by God's grace. Sure, my kids are probably going to need counseling someday, but I believe that every step of my parenting is surrounded by the grace of God. What makes me think that I need to have it all together when I've got a great big wonderfully wise God walking right next to me in this adventure?! Guess it's time to show myself some grace...
KC
I just put bath towels away in my kids' bathroom, only to have to rearrange the entire cupboard because one of my children has moved in and also started to take over the second cupboard in that bathroom. I'm going to start charging rent on cupboard space.
Earlier today, I kept getting sticky feet while walking in my kitchen. On hands and knees and with a wet towel, I identified the area of sticky-ness that no one seems to know how it got there. I now leave a pair of flip flops near the kitchen floor for when I get fed up with crumbs and sticky spots on the floor. I can't.
"Child, please don't eat this entire bowl of blueberries."
Returning 5 minutes later: "Where are all the blueberries?!"
Child: "I ate them all, I guess."
YOU GUESS?!
I constantly buy my children dental flossers. Those little sticks that have a small piece of dental floss to make it easy for them to floss every night. But I recently asked my children if this flossing is being completed. Can you guess the answer?! Can you guess when our next dentist appointment is?! Three days from now. Ugh.
My daughter rolls her eyes at me an average of 10 times a day.
My son's cursive handwriting leaves a lot to be desired.
Math. I'm not saying anything about math.
There were snails in my garage in a bucket for about a week.
Wet bathing suits and towels live on bedroom and bathroom floors, just beneath the hooks installed for just that purpose.
My kids eat candy. (See paragraph regarding dental flossers.)
Little Lego pieces everywhere. Just everywhere.
I look at every one of these and think: "There's more I can be doing as a parent to stop these behaviors! If I have so many parenting fails (y'all, this is like an eensy-weensy peek into a very large box, nay, garage full of parenting failures), then obviously, I'm not cut out for this!"
But there's always this word that constantly inhabits my mind. Sometimes it's loud and sometimes it's quiet. But it is always there. It is a gift that God gave to us, hand-in-hand with free will. There is absolutely NO way we can attain parenting perfection. (I'm telling you: the ones who show you their perfect parenting are not showing you every part of their parenting world.)
So God gave us grace.
He shows us favor and gives us blessings despite our shortcomings.
And that grace covers a LOT!
Today I had to apologize to my daughter for something rude I said to her. It was eating me up as her mom but when I told her I was sorry, she told me it was no big deal and hadn't really bothered her: grace.
Last night I failed as I hadn't even thought about what my daughter would wear to church on Easter Sunday. There was no way that we could find a dress for her before church the next day. She pulled out the one dress she had that was flowery and then looked at me and said, " Do I have to wear a dress?!" HA!! Nope! Grace.
I looked at the mess that I had just gotten frustrated over and my son came up and hugged me despite my aggravation: grace.
People, this happens every day. My shortcomings are greeted by God's grace. Sure, my kids are probably going to need counseling someday, but I believe that every step of my parenting is surrounded by the grace of God. What makes me think that I need to have it all together when I've got a great big wonderfully wise God walking right next to me in this adventure?! Guess it's time to show myself some grace...
KC
Thursday, February 22, 2018
save the drama...
So one of the things that I have realized from being a female for my whole life is that I don't do drama. I'm don't like it. I don't have patience for it. I think it's petty and dumb. When I was younger, I hung out mostly with the guys because they don't really don't do drama. I was a tomboy probably for that very reason!
Recently, I had a run in with some drama. Like I said, I don't do drama. I was simply pulled in by being in the same room as this gal. It's complicated to explain and not really worth it (BECAUSE DRAMA *eyeroll*) and that's not the main point of the story anyway.
Here's the main point of the story (well, getting there anyway...): part of me was very frustrated with this person who had not even spent a moment of her time to get to know me before judging me and creating drama. I had a couple of good friends who were involved in this situation as well and while I know a part of us wanted to bash this person, that wasn't the right thing to do either.
While our frustrations were justified, our bashing wouldn't have been appropriate. We don't know this person's background, what kind of baggage they might be carrying (because we are ALL carrying luggage around, some of our bags are just bigger than others!), we don't know what a person's state of mind or heart might be or what in their life has influenced them to be who they are or act the way they do.
And for these reasons, and because God calls us to, one of those good friends on mine said that we should pray for this person. Not because we liked her, but because it was the right thing to do. (I'm telling you, I have amazing friends.)
Matthew 5:44 specifically says: "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
Do you KNOW how hard this is to do?! Pray for the person who is being mean to you?! AND LOVE THEM?! God, really, you are asking too much. That's just ridiculous.
But do you know what that does for you? It releases the responsibility of justice and anger from you and puts it in God's hands. And although the whole "love your enemy" part might seem impossible, you are truly showing them love by praying that God might have a mighty work in their life.
So as much as I'd like to avoid drama, it looks like I can't even in my late 20's...I mean 30's (*sigh*). I might as well be a teenager again...
KC
Recently, I had a run in with some drama. Like I said, I don't do drama. I was simply pulled in by being in the same room as this gal. It's complicated to explain and not really worth it (BECAUSE DRAMA *eyeroll*) and that's not the main point of the story anyway.
Here's the main point of the story (well, getting there anyway...): part of me was very frustrated with this person who had not even spent a moment of her time to get to know me before judging me and creating drama. I had a couple of good friends who were involved in this situation as well and while I know a part of us wanted to bash this person, that wasn't the right thing to do either.
While our frustrations were justified, our bashing wouldn't have been appropriate. We don't know this person's background, what kind of baggage they might be carrying (because we are ALL carrying luggage around, some of our bags are just bigger than others!), we don't know what a person's state of mind or heart might be or what in their life has influenced them to be who they are or act the way they do.
And for these reasons, and because God calls us to, one of those good friends on mine said that we should pray for this person. Not because we liked her, but because it was the right thing to do. (I'm telling you, I have amazing friends.)
Matthew 5:44 specifically says: "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
Do you KNOW how hard this is to do?! Pray for the person who is being mean to you?! AND LOVE THEM?! God, really, you are asking too much. That's just ridiculous.
But do you know what that does for you? It releases the responsibility of justice and anger from you and puts it in God's hands. And although the whole "love your enemy" part might seem impossible, you are truly showing them love by praying that God might have a mighty work in their life.
So as much as I'd like to avoid drama, it looks like I can't even in my late 20's...I mean 30's (*sigh*). I might as well be a teenager again...
KC
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
breathing
I just returned home from a little trip away where I got to spend time with some of my nearest and dearest. I left my most nearest and most dearest to do so. In other words: I left my hubby and kids so that I could spend some time with my friends. (Sorry I used so many words there. I thought I was maybe being clever or something. Maybe not so much!)
I try to do this about once a year. I used to feel guilty about going. After all, I was leaving my family to go and do what I wanted to do. Things like eat what I wanted, eat when I wanted, eat where I wanted. Okay, usually it really is about food for me. I love to eat! I like to cook. But I really prefer to go somewhere and have someone else make my food for me. You know: like even a sandwich will taste 10 times better if you don't have to make it yourself! Maybe I should just hire a chef...
Okay, but digging deeper: there are many reasons I like to go away for a bit with my friends. I like to have fun and it gives me a chance to catch up on their lives. We go places and experience things I don't regularly get to do. But the truth is that I need the break from home. My brain needs to get out of my house so it doesn't keep the big to-do list up front and center. My body needs to sleep in without the nagging feeling that the laundry should be started. My heart needs to not "mom" for a bit (not that you ever stop momming, but it is nice to hear the sound of the water fountain outside the hotel room instead of the children bickering and arguing and making annoying sounds!) I get to think about me and my needs instead of meeting everyone else's, just for a little while.
I love being a wife and mom. But being a wife and mom often means running at full speed to make sure that everything runs well, or in my case just making sure everything runs! Eventually the gas tank runs out. If it runs out for me I can feel myself getting bitter and resentful. I'm not saying I'm right in feeling this way. I'm just saying that it becomes a struggle.
So I go away for a bit so that I can fill the gas tank to this old Katillac. (See what I did there?! Cadillac, but with my name instead! Clever!! Or dumb. Mostly dumb.) And when I come home, I feel needed and ready to tackle all the responsibilities once again! Well, not exactly. I could handle vacation for a little longer. But I do come back feeling as if I have caught my breath and can do all the things on the to-do list. That feeling lasts for about a day when reality checks in and I see that the to-do list is never going to be completed. But there is hope once again and hope is an important thing to have.
I don't know exactly how Jesus felt about this but in Mark 6:32, He and his buddies did go away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. Sounds like a chance to breathe and rest to me!
So next trip away from the to-do list, who's with me?!
(I'm thinking we go next week...)
KC
I try to do this about once a year. I used to feel guilty about going. After all, I was leaving my family to go and do what I wanted to do. Things like eat what I wanted, eat when I wanted, eat where I wanted. Okay, usually it really is about food for me. I love to eat! I like to cook. But I really prefer to go somewhere and have someone else make my food for me. You know: like even a sandwich will taste 10 times better if you don't have to make it yourself! Maybe I should just hire a chef...
Okay, but digging deeper: there are many reasons I like to go away for a bit with my friends. I like to have fun and it gives me a chance to catch up on their lives. We go places and experience things I don't regularly get to do. But the truth is that I need the break from home. My brain needs to get out of my house so it doesn't keep the big to-do list up front and center. My body needs to sleep in without the nagging feeling that the laundry should be started. My heart needs to not "mom" for a bit (not that you ever stop momming, but it is nice to hear the sound of the water fountain outside the hotel room instead of the children bickering and arguing and making annoying sounds!) I get to think about me and my needs instead of meeting everyone else's, just for a little while.
I love being a wife and mom. But being a wife and mom often means running at full speed to make sure that everything runs well, or in my case just making sure everything runs! Eventually the gas tank runs out. If it runs out for me I can feel myself getting bitter and resentful. I'm not saying I'm right in feeling this way. I'm just saying that it becomes a struggle.
So I go away for a bit so that I can fill the gas tank to this old Katillac. (See what I did there?! Cadillac, but with my name instead! Clever!! Or dumb. Mostly dumb.) And when I come home, I feel needed and ready to tackle all the responsibilities once again! Well, not exactly. I could handle vacation for a little longer. But I do come back feeling as if I have caught my breath and can do all the things on the to-do list. That feeling lasts for about a day when reality checks in and I see that the to-do list is never going to be completed. But there is hope once again and hope is an important thing to have.
I don't know exactly how Jesus felt about this but in Mark 6:32, He and his buddies did go away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. Sounds like a chance to breathe and rest to me!
So next trip away from the to-do list, who's with me?!
(I'm thinking we go next week...)
KC
Monday, February 5, 2018
say it, mean it
There's this saying that gets said a lot. I'm never sure exactly how to take it because it often feels like a platitude. It's supposed to be said in appropriate situations but the follow-through is not a guarantee. And that stinks.
I was guilty of this years ago. If someone was going through something tough, I would tell them: "I'll pray for you!" or: "I'm praying for you!" And, admittedly, I'm not a prayer warrior, so I would rarely revisited that promise.
I got tired of being fake so I stopped saying that I would pray when I knew I wouldn't follow through. So instead, I told them I was sorry for them, or that the situation sucked, or some other thing that didn't require commitment. But that felt terrible too, so I decided I needed to do something about it.
So often, I think that when we say we will pray for someone, we think we need to speak in clear and concise sentences to God. As if He doesn't already know the situation and can't figure out what our dear one needs. I also think we feel like we should be in a solemn, quiet situation before we start and complete our prayer because that's the only way that God can hear us.
There's nothing wrong with either of those situations, but the truth is that we're putting a lot of pressure on ourselves when we tell someone we will pray for them, with the intention that we will find our most eloquent words in a serene setting. (Do you know how often eloquent words come out of my mouth and how frequently I find myself in a serene setting?! Never. Just never.)
And I don't think we need to be an incredible prayer warrior. I'm not and I no longer feel bad about it. Turns out that God has other gifts and uses for me and I'm cool with that.
But, with all my shortcomings in the prayer field, I think I've found a few things that seem to work for me and God. When I tell someone that I'm going to pray for them, I do it immediately. And then I do it when they randomly pop into my head throughout the day. And in some situations, I find myself in a semi-conversation with God all day long regarding a prayer request.
I'll pray when I'm driving, because it turns out that I CAN have a conversation with my eyes open. And sometimes the words that come out of my mouth are just words like: "peace," and "comfort," and "wisdom," because ultimately God already knows what is needed and if He can understand every language in this world, then I'm pretty sure He can understand the utterings of my heart, as simple as they might be. There have been times when I have told God: "I don't know what to say so: *siiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhh*" and He totally understands the heaviness and the heart behind that sigh.
Check this out:
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."
Romans 8:26
(See, that Holy Spirit has got our back!)
And then there are times when, even though it might seem awkward, I'll stop my friend who is struggling and pray right then and there for her! Imagine that: praying in the middle of Starbucks, or a parking lot, or in their living room. It might start out awkward, but by the end of my simple prayer, God usually takes the awkward out of it. He's good like that.
I don't know that I'll ever make it into Prayer Warriorshipdom.
But I can tell you this: If I tell you that I'll be praying for you, I will be praying for you.
KC
I was guilty of this years ago. If someone was going through something tough, I would tell them: "I'll pray for you!" or: "I'm praying for you!" And, admittedly, I'm not a prayer warrior, so I would rarely revisited that promise.
I got tired of being fake so I stopped saying that I would pray when I knew I wouldn't follow through. So instead, I told them I was sorry for them, or that the situation sucked, or some other thing that didn't require commitment. But that felt terrible too, so I decided I needed to do something about it.
So often, I think that when we say we will pray for someone, we think we need to speak in clear and concise sentences to God. As if He doesn't already know the situation and can't figure out what our dear one needs. I also think we feel like we should be in a solemn, quiet situation before we start and complete our prayer because that's the only way that God can hear us.
There's nothing wrong with either of those situations, but the truth is that we're putting a lot of pressure on ourselves when we tell someone we will pray for them, with the intention that we will find our most eloquent words in a serene setting. (Do you know how often eloquent words come out of my mouth and how frequently I find myself in a serene setting?! Never. Just never.)
And I don't think we need to be an incredible prayer warrior. I'm not and I no longer feel bad about it. Turns out that God has other gifts and uses for me and I'm cool with that.
But, with all my shortcomings in the prayer field, I think I've found a few things that seem to work for me and God. When I tell someone that I'm going to pray for them, I do it immediately. And then I do it when they randomly pop into my head throughout the day. And in some situations, I find myself in a semi-conversation with God all day long regarding a prayer request.
I'll pray when I'm driving, because it turns out that I CAN have a conversation with my eyes open. And sometimes the words that come out of my mouth are just words like: "peace," and "comfort," and "wisdom," because ultimately God already knows what is needed and if He can understand every language in this world, then I'm pretty sure He can understand the utterings of my heart, as simple as they might be. There have been times when I have told God: "I don't know what to say so: *siiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhh*" and He totally understands the heaviness and the heart behind that sigh.
Check this out:
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."
Romans 8:26
(See, that Holy Spirit has got our back!)
And then there are times when, even though it might seem awkward, I'll stop my friend who is struggling and pray right then and there for her! Imagine that: praying in the middle of Starbucks, or a parking lot, or in their living room. It might start out awkward, but by the end of my simple prayer, God usually takes the awkward out of it. He's good like that.
I don't know that I'll ever make it into Prayer Warriorshipdom.
But I can tell you this: If I tell you that I'll be praying for you, I will be praying for you.
KC
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
dumb idea
YOU GUYS!!! Why in the world do so many of you want to go zip lining with me?! And why didn't I put "Go on a cruise with all my friends" on my 40 Before Forty List instead of zip lining?! AUGH! Here I was, just hoping that perhaps that one would fall through the cracks this year but NOOOOOOOO, you all are going to get me up on a terrifying platform, hooked to some rope contraption thing, only to be pushed off (because I'm pretty sure I'm not getting off that platform voluntarily) into crazy heights over absolutely no safety nets, hoping to high heaven that I don't pee my pants! I regret sharing my list with you all!!!
Okay, maybe not.
I still like your hearts.
Even if you are trying to get me to pee my pants.
Let me explain my foolishness for adding zip lining to my List.
I have a phobia regarding heights. I struggle to be near the banisters upstairs in my own house. If someone is standing near them, I ask them to move away. I cannot watch videos of people in those tall buildings who are looking out of floor-to-ceiling glass windows. And those RIDICULOUS videos of people walking on glass bridges over stupid heights so that they can see what awaits them if they fall thousands of feet....NOPE. I can't. I struggle if my kids walk over a bridge. You know that one at Knight's Ferry? It's enclosed, people. But there are cracks and I have to concentrate on not looking down through those cracks because otherwise I will never, ever cross the bridge. I do not have any idea where this phobia came from, but it affects me if members of my family are on tall ladders or on our roof or are looking over the edge of anything that is more than 8 feet tall. I seriously even had issues at the playground watching my children climb over and around the structures and I stressed about them falling down.
I am telling you, zip lining is not on the List because I think it would be fun. I probably put it on the list for reasons of facing my fears. Which I now think is a dumb idea...
HOWEVER, once upon a time, I did face this fear. In high school, our volleyball team went on a retreat and participated in a ropes course. One part of the ropes course was a giant ladder that was made up of huge logs held together by I-have-no-idea-what anymore, but it was not safe, I'm sure of it! Our job was to climb all the way up this stupid thing (it looked like 300 feet tall but was probably more like 40 or 50 feet), cross over the top log/rung of it and then climb back down. There was room for about 3 of us to do it at once, but in reality, it was best for just 2 of us to try and maneuver up and over it. If I remember correctly, we were paired up with someone to help each other get all the way up and over. I was paired with the tallest gal on the team who could hit the ball like no on else. She was a fierce competitor if you faced her on the volleyball net. AMAZING. Strong, powerful, full of all the things you want in a front row hitter.
This amazing gal, she got halfway up the ladder and stopped, and started crying, her fears had completely overtaken her. And there I was sitting across from her and my job now was to encourage her to get up and go to the next rung and so on until we made it up and over and back down again. UMMM, WHAT?! I was the skinniest, scrawniest kid in school. I was a setter on the team and "powerful" and "strong" did not define me. But she needed me so I climbed with her through her tears and encouraged her up and over that stupid giant ladder. And any fears I had were completely gone. Why? Because my focus was no longer on me, but were on helping someone else.
Little did I know how true this would be in life. The first time it truly became evident to me was when I had children. I went from an anxiety-ridden woman to a momma bear who would overcome whatever obstacles I needed to in my own life in order to be there for my children. When we turn our focus away from ourselves and our fears and towards other people and how we can meet their needs, it makes our fears seem a little less significant.
God knows this: "There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18.
Perfect Love = God.
Best example ever.
I'm pretty sure, though, that God didn't say: "Kat, you should go zip lining because that is a great way for you to help somebody out..."
So I think I'm going to need a little more convincing, y'all!!
Seriously, guys, couldn't you have all been more excited about helping me grow a garden or write up my will?!
I guess I'll be planning a zip lining trip. Better be some yummy treats awaiting me when I'm done, just sayin'.
KC
Okay, maybe not.
I still like your hearts.
Even if you are trying to get me to pee my pants.
Let me explain my foolishness for adding zip lining to my List.
I have a phobia regarding heights. I struggle to be near the banisters upstairs in my own house. If someone is standing near them, I ask them to move away. I cannot watch videos of people in those tall buildings who are looking out of floor-to-ceiling glass windows. And those RIDICULOUS videos of people walking on glass bridges over stupid heights so that they can see what awaits them if they fall thousands of feet....NOPE. I can't. I struggle if my kids walk over a bridge. You know that one at Knight's Ferry? It's enclosed, people. But there are cracks and I have to concentrate on not looking down through those cracks because otherwise I will never, ever cross the bridge. I do not have any idea where this phobia came from, but it affects me if members of my family are on tall ladders or on our roof or are looking over the edge of anything that is more than 8 feet tall. I seriously even had issues at the playground watching my children climb over and around the structures and I stressed about them falling down.
I am telling you, zip lining is not on the List because I think it would be fun. I probably put it on the list for reasons of facing my fears. Which I now think is a dumb idea...
HOWEVER, once upon a time, I did face this fear. In high school, our volleyball team went on a retreat and participated in a ropes course. One part of the ropes course was a giant ladder that was made up of huge logs held together by I-have-no-idea-what anymore, but it was not safe, I'm sure of it! Our job was to climb all the way up this stupid thing (it looked like 300 feet tall but was probably more like 40 or 50 feet), cross over the top log/rung of it and then climb back down. There was room for about 3 of us to do it at once, but in reality, it was best for just 2 of us to try and maneuver up and over it. If I remember correctly, we were paired up with someone to help each other get all the way up and over. I was paired with the tallest gal on the team who could hit the ball like no on else. She was a fierce competitor if you faced her on the volleyball net. AMAZING. Strong, powerful, full of all the things you want in a front row hitter.
Little did I know how true this would be in life. The first time it truly became evident to me was when I had children. I went from an anxiety-ridden woman to a momma bear who would overcome whatever obstacles I needed to in my own life in order to be there for my children. When we turn our focus away from ourselves and our fears and towards other people and how we can meet their needs, it makes our fears seem a little less significant.
God knows this: "There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18.
Perfect Love = God.
Best example ever.
I'm pretty sure, though, that God didn't say: "Kat, you should go zip lining because that is a great way for you to help somebody out..."
So I think I'm going to need a little more convincing, y'all!!
Seriously, guys, couldn't you have all been more excited about helping me grow a garden or write up my will?!
I guess I'll be planning a zip lining trip. Better be some yummy treats awaiting me when I'm done, just sayin'.
KC
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
the list
I recently told you all about my Journey into 40 and my decision to continue to rock 39 as I work on my Forty Before 40 List. What I didn't mention to you is all that I have completed to date (in approximately 6 years. Sheesh).
So here is my Forty Before 40 List with all of its accomplishments (in red) and even more unaccomplisments (in black).
1. Perform music in some capacity (Complete! I played piano for a number of years for a local Southern Gospel group.)
2.Own a cabin with Scott (Twain Harte/Mi-Wuk, anyone?)
3.Grown a veggie garden successfully (I try every stinking year...)
4. Build a piece of furniture
5. Bake a cake and frost with fondant (I did this last year for Lincoln's birthday - not gorgeous, but done!)
6.Take up jogging consistently (I did this until I completed a half marathon and then I switched to CrossFit. Totally counts.)
7. Have a successful outlet for my crafting (I've owned two businesses, going on three, and have sold all kinds of my crafting stuff and things!)
8.Catch up on scrapbooking (HA!!)
9. Read the Bible from beginning to end
10. Go on a cross-country trip with Scott and the kids
11. Zipline (I regret putting this one on the list)
12. Go to a ranch
13. Eat Thai food (My gal pal, Stacey, was determined to help me accomplish this when I visited her in Phoenix! It was so good!)
14. Knit or crochet a scarf (turned out to be a blanket, but that's even better!)
15. Learn to play guitar (I can play a G chord so far...)
16. Buy real cowboy boots (They were from a garage sale, but they were Ariats so it TOTALLY counts!)
17. Go to a rodeo (I hear Oakdale has one coming up in a few months...)
18. Read 5 classics (I'm nearly finished with my 3rd one so I'm getting this one done for SURE!)
19. Watch Citizen Cane (done in 2016)
20. Finish writing my Forty Before 40 List (it took me a while to get it done, okay?!)
21. Try to convince Scott to write a 40 Before 40 list (ours are vastly different)
22. Begin hosting a neighborhood block party on a regular basis (we are well on our way to this one, eh, neighbors?)
23. Own a pair of Tom's shoes (I've now owned 3 pairs)
24. Run a 5K marathon (which I did, followed by a half - yay me! And there is no desire to run one again...)
25. Visit Napa (it was beautiful!)
26. Learn to skateboard (I have no desire to learn tricks, just how to ride and keep my balance!)
27. Be able to sponsor a child in a 3rd world country (we sponsor Dove)
28. Adopt a child
29. Go on a missions trip with Scott
30. Learn some type of formal dance (does Swing count? I think it does. Anyone wanna teach me to Swing Dance?!)
31. Find a good ladies Bible study to complete (key words being "good" and "complete")
32. Shoot a gun (thank you hubby and Barnwood Arms!)
33. Make a clock and/or lamp (it wasn't pretty and currently lives in a closet but I can mark it off the list)
34. Write and publish an ebook (I've started it...)
35. Learn the Maple Leaf Rag from beginning to end (those of you who have heard it know that I can play this song from the beginning to about the end of the first page...there are 5 pages)
36. Learn a second language well enough to hold a simple conversation (any Spanish speakers out there?!)
37. Paint a realistic painting (but of what?!)
38. Take the entire family to Canada to visit relatives (done and done again!)
39. Develop a habit of writing at least one hand-written note/card a month (send me your address, I've got to get to work on this one!!)
40. Complete my will (I'm nearly 40, people!! It's time!)
And there you have it. Looks like 2018 could have some interesting moments in it, don't you think? Donde esta el bano? (See?! I've totally got this...)
I'll keep you all posted on my progress. It's gonna be a good year!
KC
So here is my Forty Before 40 List with all of its accomplishments (in red) and even more unaccomplisments (in black).
1. Perform music in some capacity (Complete! I played piano for a number of years for a local Southern Gospel group.)
2.Own a cabin with Scott (Twain Harte/Mi-Wuk, anyone?)
3.Grown a veggie garden successfully (I try every stinking year...)
4. Build a piece of furniture
5. Bake a cake and frost with fondant (I did this last year for Lincoln's birthday - not gorgeous, but done!)
6.Take up jogging consistently (I did this until I completed a half marathon and then I switched to CrossFit. Totally counts.)
7. Have a successful outlet for my crafting (I've owned two businesses, going on three, and have sold all kinds of my crafting stuff and things!)
8.Catch up on scrapbooking (HA!!)
9. Read the Bible from beginning to end
10. Go on a cross-country trip with Scott and the kids
11. Zipline (I regret putting this one on the list)
12. Go to a ranch
13. Eat Thai food (My gal pal, Stacey, was determined to help me accomplish this when I visited her in Phoenix! It was so good!)
14. Knit or crochet a scarf (turned out to be a blanket, but that's even better!)
15. Learn to play guitar (I can play a G chord so far...)
16. Buy real cowboy boots (They were from a garage sale, but they were Ariats so it TOTALLY counts!)
17. Go to a rodeo (I hear Oakdale has one coming up in a few months...)
18. Read 5 classics (I'm nearly finished with my 3rd one so I'm getting this one done for SURE!)
19. Watch Citizen Cane (done in 2016)
20. Finish writing my Forty Before 40 List (it took me a while to get it done, okay?!)
21. Try to convince Scott to write a 40 Before 40 list (ours are vastly different)
22. Begin hosting a neighborhood block party on a regular basis (we are well on our way to this one, eh, neighbors?)
23. Own a pair of Tom's shoes (I've now owned 3 pairs)
24. Run a 5K marathon (which I did, followed by a half - yay me! And there is no desire to run one again...)
25. Visit Napa (it was beautiful!)
26. Learn to skateboard (I have no desire to learn tricks, just how to ride and keep my balance!)
27. Be able to sponsor a child in a 3rd world country (we sponsor Dove)
28. Adopt a child
29. Go on a missions trip with Scott
30. Learn some type of formal dance (does Swing count? I think it does. Anyone wanna teach me to Swing Dance?!)
31. Find a good ladies Bible study to complete (key words being "good" and "complete")
32. Shoot a gun (thank you hubby and Barnwood Arms!)
33. Make a clock and/or lamp (it wasn't pretty and currently lives in a closet but I can mark it off the list)
34. Write and publish an ebook (I've started it...)
35. Learn the Maple Leaf Rag from beginning to end (those of you who have heard it know that I can play this song from the beginning to about the end of the first page...there are 5 pages)
36. Learn a second language well enough to hold a simple conversation (any Spanish speakers out there?!)
37. Paint a realistic painting (but of what?!)
38. Take the entire family to Canada to visit relatives (done and done again!)
39. Develop a habit of writing at least one hand-written note/card a month (send me your address, I've got to get to work on this one!!)
40. Complete my will (I'm nearly 40, people!! It's time!)
And there you have it. Looks like 2018 could have some interesting moments in it, don't you think? Donde esta el bano? (See?! I've totally got this...)
I'll keep you all posted on my progress. It's gonna be a good year!
KC
Saturday, January 20, 2018
grateful for fog (not really)
Can I just say how much I appreciate the sunshine?! I don't realize just how much I miss it until I'm into about day 3 of fogginess and overcastness. And I'm pretty sure we got to about 6 or 7 days of all that malarkey. The sunshine energizes me and when it is not visible, I live in a fog too. I'm kinda high maintenance when it comes to weather...
But then I think: what if I lived in sunshine all the time? Would I get tired of it? Would I take it for granted? (Probably not - I'm pretty grateful for it everyday! But for the sake of this post... maybe!) I think that maybe when we get a good thing on a regular basis, sometimes we have to have it gone for a bit to really appreciate it.
It's like our health, or our families, or the stuff we have.
I love camping, but I'll tell you what: I'm grateful to get back to my bed and my shower and my kitchen!
And I love my kids. My kids are ornery and get completely get on my nerves. They can be stinkers and be disobedient and make bad choices (and leaves their socks all OVER the house - if you've been following my Instagram account: @katcragin_writes, then you would understand the sock saga). But I have a close relationship with each of them and I get to spend time with them and I know they have good hearts! And I'm reminded of these hearts when I read articles or hear stories of children who have no respect for their parents or have a rebellious spirit or who have parents who gave up on them and they've had to raise themselves.
And my health: I'm not in great shape. Pretty sure I can count on 2 hands how many times I worked out in 2017... But I'm not sick, I can still function quite normally, and I really have nothing to complain about. But having cancer in our family certainly makes a person examine ther lifestyle and be grateful for their current health and strength!
But then I think: what if I lived in sunshine all the time? Would I get tired of it? Would I take it for granted? (Probably not - I'm pretty grateful for it everyday! But for the sake of this post... maybe!) I think that maybe when we get a good thing on a regular basis, sometimes we have to have it gone for a bit to really appreciate it.
It's like our health, or our families, or the stuff we have.
I love camping, but I'll tell you what: I'm grateful to get back to my bed and my shower and my kitchen!
And I love my kids. My kids are ornery and get completely get on my nerves. They can be stinkers and be disobedient and make bad choices (and leaves their socks all OVER the house - if you've been following my Instagram account: @katcragin_writes, then you would understand the sock saga). But I have a close relationship with each of them and I get to spend time with them and I know they have good hearts! And I'm reminded of these hearts when I read articles or hear stories of children who have no respect for their parents or have a rebellious spirit or who have parents who gave up on them and they've had to raise themselves.
And my health: I'm not in great shape. Pretty sure I can count on 2 hands how many times I worked out in 2017... But I'm not sick, I can still function quite normally, and I really have nothing to complain about. But having cancer in our family certainly makes a person examine ther lifestyle and be grateful for their current health and strength!
Sometimes the fog and gloom need to filter into life so that we can appreciate all the good God has bestowed upon us.
Sometimes the socks need to be left all over the house so you can appreciate when they are all put in the laundry. That one day out of the month. 🙄
Sometimes you need to find an eggshell in your breakfast so you can appreciate how wonderful they taste without shells.
Sometimes you need the loudness and distractions throughout the day so you can appreciate the peacefulness and quiet in the evening.
And sometimes you have to be in the ashes before you get that crown of beauty. (Isaiah 61:3)
KC
Thursday, January 18, 2018
10 things i can't live without
I was chatting with a good gal pal of mine and we got to brainstorming about what we couldn't live without. It ranged from special people to food to kitchen gadgets and so on and so forth. I thought I'd fill you in on my Top Ten!
So here are the Top Ten Things I Currently Can't Live Without:
("Currently," because some items are seasonal. I love my flip flops in the summer, but currently I can live without them!)
(Also, I chose not to include people and food because those need to be their very own special lists, ya know? I can't very well just throw cheese into the middle of a list including non-stick pans! It deserves its own list. Shucks, I might just have to have a list dedicated to my favorite CHEESES! Coming soon...)
10. Non-Stick Pans (bet you didn't see that one coming!) I'm telling you what, though: with two kids learning how to cook, non-stick is the only feasible way for me to keep my sanity and save my money. I LOVE that my kids know how to make scrambled eggs. I do NOT love the idea of cleaning out a pan with crusty pieces of dried up egg all over it. So non-stick it is. PLUS: my children can easily wash the pan without complaining. "Can" and "do" are two different words though, folks...
9. Vaseline Lip Therapy - this is my saving grace for my lips. One of my gal pals bought me a little container of this a few years back and I used it ALL THE TIME! There are probably 7 little containers of this stuff currently hiding around my house. When my kids were little, they used to get really chapped lips, like the kind that makes them look like they tried to put lipstick on but ended up coloring outside the lines. I would wait until they fell asleep and then cover their lips with this stuff, just really slather it on them! They would twitch as I put it on, but I didn't care: this stuff absolutely works! And the containers are just so stinking cute!
8. My Glorious Crockpot - There's not much more I can say. The name alone signifies a stressless afternoon while dinner cooks in the crockpot, just waiting for me to take it out as delicious pulled pork, stew, potato soup, or white chicken chili...I see another list forming.
7. Blankets - I'm sitting at my desk currently covered in a blanket. My children each have a minimum of 4 blankets in their rooms. My bed has three on it and I have foregone the sheet in favor of sleeping with a blanket on me because it is soft and warm immediately when I climb into bed. I refuse to count how many blankets are in my house for fear of your criticisms...
6. Brawny brand Select-A-Size Paper Towels - We will never buy anything other than these paper towels. Call us paper towel snobs. We will gladly own up to it. I buy a lot of generic things but paper towels and toilet paper are not among those things. Uh-uh. No way.
5. Mason Jars - Quite possibly the most versatile objects in my home, I have mason jars in pretty much every room of my house! We use them for drinking glasses, to hold pencils, pens, and paintbrushes, for collecting stray Lego pieces (because those sets are expensive, y'all!), and for floral bouquets. I have a small one for business cards, a taller one with succulents growing out of it, a couple of change jars, and some were actually used for canning salsa and hot pepper jelly! Imagine that...
(Isn't this exciting?! Getting closer to #1... Yes, I'm a dork for lists, but I know I'm not the only one. My gal pal who brainstormed this list with me is a list dork too!)
4. Large Desk Calendar - I tried using my phone and even my iPad calendars. They just didn't cut it. I've used day planners and smaller pocket calendars, but the best way I can keep my life organized, the way that actually works for me is with a huge desk calendar. I need to see it all. I don't know why my brain works that way, it just does, so I go with it.
3. Ticonderoga Pencils - I do not allow any other type of pencils in my house. If I see a cute Christmas pencil, I throw it away. I have purged myself of all pencils that crack and break, the ones that never sharpen, and the ones where the stupid lead just slides on out of it. Life is TOO SHORT TO DEAL WITH STUPID PENCILS!
(Okay, calm yourselves. I know we're close to #1 but I'm telling you: I'm not that exciting of a person and I don't want you to be disappointed. But you've made it this far so you might as well keep reading. You're learning some interesting things about me, to say the least. And you either thing I'm weird or that we might be kindred spirits. I'm good with both.)
2. Music - this is an absolute necessity in my house. I listen to music in the morning, when we're driving around town, when I'm in a bad mood, while I'm cooking dinner, when I'm trying to distract my children from being ornery ding dongs, when I'm in a good mood, when I feel like dancing (which is a pretty regular feeling for me). Music is a gift. God knew what He was doing when He gave us that gift. (HA! God knew what He was doing every time He did any thing! But you get my point here, I'm sure.) Music is a part of everyday life. It is in the store you shop in, the movies you watch, the church you attend - it's everywhere! I am so grateful for music's role in saving my sanity on some pretty rough days...
AAAAAAANNNNNDDDDD....................
1. PINTEREST. Yes, you read through that entire list just to get to this one: Pinterest. Whoever created Pinterest is a genius!! If you haven't used it yet, you might just be missing out on the best thing to happen to your life. Want a recipe? BOOM! A funny quote? BOOM! A meme that perfectly fits a conversation you are having with your bestie: TA-DAH!! Want to DIY some project? Or learn about chickens? Find the right scripture from Psalms? Or grow a garden, find an essential oil recipe, figure out your next tattoo, discover how to generate a 6 figure income as a stay-at-home mom (yeah...), find educational activities for your kids, how to get a stain of any sort out of any kind of material, learn the difference between Paleo, Whole 30, Keto, and Alkaline Diets, figure out how to curl your hair better, or wear make up better, or how to install your own hardwood floors.... THE LIST OF IT ALL NEVER ENDS!!!! I am telling you: I use this app a million times a day and that is not an exaggeration. Unless exaggeration means excessive, in which case I might be exaggerating a bit, but I do use it a whole lot! I can honestly say that my life is better because of the Pinterest app.
And there you have it, folks: tonight's exciting List of Things I Can't (or maybe don't want to) Live Without. For those of you who read last night's blog, stay tuned: my Forty Before 40 list is coming soon!
KC
So here are the Top Ten Things I Currently Can't Live Without:
("Currently," because some items are seasonal. I love my flip flops in the summer, but currently I can live without them!)
(Also, I chose not to include people and food because those need to be their very own special lists, ya know? I can't very well just throw cheese into the middle of a list including non-stick pans! It deserves its own list. Shucks, I might just have to have a list dedicated to my favorite CHEESES! Coming soon...)
10. Non-Stick Pans (bet you didn't see that one coming!) I'm telling you what, though: with two kids learning how to cook, non-stick is the only feasible way for me to keep my sanity and save my money. I LOVE that my kids know how to make scrambled eggs. I do NOT love the idea of cleaning out a pan with crusty pieces of dried up egg all over it. So non-stick it is. PLUS: my children can easily wash the pan without complaining. "Can" and "do" are two different words though, folks...
9. Vaseline Lip Therapy - this is my saving grace for my lips. One of my gal pals bought me a little container of this a few years back and I used it ALL THE TIME! There are probably 7 little containers of this stuff currently hiding around my house. When my kids were little, they used to get really chapped lips, like the kind that makes them look like they tried to put lipstick on but ended up coloring outside the lines. I would wait until they fell asleep and then cover their lips with this stuff, just really slather it on them! They would twitch as I put it on, but I didn't care: this stuff absolutely works! And the containers are just so stinking cute!
8. My Glorious Crockpot - There's not much more I can say. The name alone signifies a stressless afternoon while dinner cooks in the crockpot, just waiting for me to take it out as delicious pulled pork, stew, potato soup, or white chicken chili...I see another list forming.
7. Blankets - I'm sitting at my desk currently covered in a blanket. My children each have a minimum of 4 blankets in their rooms. My bed has three on it and I have foregone the sheet in favor of sleeping with a blanket on me because it is soft and warm immediately when I climb into bed. I refuse to count how many blankets are in my house for fear of your criticisms...
6. Brawny brand Select-A-Size Paper Towels - We will never buy anything other than these paper towels. Call us paper towel snobs. We will gladly own up to it. I buy a lot of generic things but paper towels and toilet paper are not among those things. Uh-uh. No way.
5. Mason Jars - Quite possibly the most versatile objects in my home, I have mason jars in pretty much every room of my house! We use them for drinking glasses, to hold pencils, pens, and paintbrushes, for collecting stray Lego pieces (because those sets are expensive, y'all!), and for floral bouquets. I have a small one for business cards, a taller one with succulents growing out of it, a couple of change jars, and some were actually used for canning salsa and hot pepper jelly! Imagine that...(Isn't this exciting?! Getting closer to #1... Yes, I'm a dork for lists, but I know I'm not the only one. My gal pal who brainstormed this list with me is a list dork too!)
4. Large Desk Calendar - I tried using my phone and even my iPad calendars. They just didn't cut it. I've used day planners and smaller pocket calendars, but the best way I can keep my life organized, the way that actually works for me is with a huge desk calendar. I need to see it all. I don't know why my brain works that way, it just does, so I go with it.
3. Ticonderoga Pencils - I do not allow any other type of pencils in my house. If I see a cute Christmas pencil, I throw it away. I have purged myself of all pencils that crack and break, the ones that never sharpen, and the ones where the stupid lead just slides on out of it. Life is TOO SHORT TO DEAL WITH STUPID PENCILS!
2. Music - this is an absolute necessity in my house. I listen to music in the morning, when we're driving around town, when I'm in a bad mood, while I'm cooking dinner, when I'm trying to distract my children from being ornery ding dongs, when I'm in a good mood, when I feel like dancing (which is a pretty regular feeling for me). Music is a gift. God knew what He was doing when He gave us that gift. (HA! God knew what He was doing every time He did any thing! But you get my point here, I'm sure.) Music is a part of everyday life. It is in the store you shop in, the movies you watch, the church you attend - it's everywhere! I am so grateful for music's role in saving my sanity on some pretty rough days...
AAAAAAANNNNNDDDDD....................
1. PINTEREST. Yes, you read through that entire list just to get to this one: Pinterest. Whoever created Pinterest is a genius!! If you haven't used it yet, you might just be missing out on the best thing to happen to your life. Want a recipe? BOOM! A funny quote? BOOM! A meme that perfectly fits a conversation you are having with your bestie: TA-DAH!! Want to DIY some project? Or learn about chickens? Find the right scripture from Psalms? Or grow a garden, find an essential oil recipe, figure out your next tattoo, discover how to generate a 6 figure income as a stay-at-home mom (yeah...), find educational activities for your kids, how to get a stain of any sort out of any kind of material, learn the difference between Paleo, Whole 30, Keto, and Alkaline Diets, figure out how to curl your hair better, or wear make up better, or how to install your own hardwood floors.... THE LIST OF IT ALL NEVER ENDS!!!! I am telling you: I use this app a million times a day and that is not an exaggeration. Unless exaggeration means excessive, in which case I might be exaggerating a bit, but I do use it a whole lot! I can honestly say that my life is better because of the Pinterest app.
And there you have it, folks: tonight's exciting List of Things I Can't (or maybe don't want to) Live Without. For those of you who read last night's blog, stay tuned: my Forty Before 40 list is coming soon!
KC
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
journey into 40
I'm approaching 40 this year. I don't really like to say that out loud...even if it is in my blog, typed, and not spoken. This is till too out loud for me! But it doesn't really matter whether I say it out loud or not, it's freaking happening.
Ugh.
When I turned 39 in 2017, I determined that I was going to rock it! I wasn't going to let myself get depressed by the upcoming year (40) but was going to make it my best year yet! That hasn't exactly happened, but life doesn't always go according to my plans. In reality, life rarely goes according to my plans! I know, I know: God knows best and has bigger and better things in store, but sometimes it would be nice if his bigger and better things followed a little more closely to what I've got laid out in the next year! *sigh*
All that being said, I'm not done with 39 and I've still got big stuff coming up! And small stuff. And medium stuff. As a matter of fact, when 2018 dropped, I was reminded of my 40 Before 40 List. See original post here! On this list I dreamed up 40 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 40 years old. I believe I wrote this list back in 2012/13! I'm proud to say that in the last 6 years I've completed less than half of those things (rolling my eyes at myself) and at times, I have felt like the whole idea was impossible. But then I go to this well-worn list that hangs in our laundry room and I think about how each item was put there with a purpose and as I read through each adventure yet to be had, I don't want to give up!
So I made a decision: I'm taking you all along on my Journey to 40. I'm going to work my tail off to accomplish as many of these awesome things as possible over the next 7 months. I already know that some of them will not be completed by August, but I will still take steps towards getting them done! It's gonna be awesome. I know it. I know it because I already completed one of my goals and am SO stinking excited about it! Which seems silly because it's not a spectacular thing and I didn't do it perfectly. But I DID it! And that's all that matters.
This past weekend my cousin, came to visit me and help me crochet a blanket. Now, Number 14 on the list actually says: "Learn to knit or crochet a scarf" but I went ahead and took it a step further and together we created a blanket! I didn't use any crochet hooks because the skeins of soft, smooshy yarn were so thick that a hook wasn't necessary, but we sat on the floor and took turns completing row after row of chains (I said learn how to crochet, not necessarily learn the lingo!) and last night, I finished that bad boy and took it up to bed with me!
It's very far from perfect. I've had a few stitches fall out and had to improvise on how to fix them, but it's all good because it's heavy and warm and soft and I did it! ...with the help of my amazing cousin who patiently sat on the floor with me and pulled out loose stitches and took over when I was too tired to do any more.
And that feeling, the feeling of learning something new and completing a project, that is why I decided to continue with this list of mine. And being accountable: that is why I decided to publish this post tonight. I've discovered that when I know people might be paying attention to what I'm doing, I tend to get more done! (Hence the numerous clean closets/cupboards/rooms in my house over Christmas Break!)
I'll get you up-to-date in a future post on what I have left to do this year and maybe you all can help me out on a few of these!! (Anybody wanna partner up and buy a cabin with me? That's Number 2 on the list!)
What do you want to accomplish in the next 7 months/years/whenever? Let's get stuff done, y'all!!
KC
Ugh.
When I turned 39 in 2017, I determined that I was going to rock it! I wasn't going to let myself get depressed by the upcoming year (40) but was going to make it my best year yet! That hasn't exactly happened, but life doesn't always go according to my plans. In reality, life rarely goes according to my plans! I know, I know: God knows best and has bigger and better things in store, but sometimes it would be nice if his bigger and better things followed a little more closely to what I've got laid out in the next year! *sigh*
All that being said, I'm not done with 39 and I've still got big stuff coming up! And small stuff. And medium stuff. As a matter of fact, when 2018 dropped, I was reminded of my 40 Before 40 List. See original post here! On this list I dreamed up 40 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 40 years old. I believe I wrote this list back in 2012/13! I'm proud to say that in the last 6 years I've completed less than half of those things (rolling my eyes at myself) and at times, I have felt like the whole idea was impossible. But then I go to this well-worn list that hangs in our laundry room and I think about how each item was put there with a purpose and as I read through each adventure yet to be had, I don't want to give up!
So I made a decision: I'm taking you all along on my Journey to 40. I'm going to work my tail off to accomplish as many of these awesome things as possible over the next 7 months. I already know that some of them will not be completed by August, but I will still take steps towards getting them done! It's gonna be awesome. I know it. I know it because I already completed one of my goals and am SO stinking excited about it! Which seems silly because it's not a spectacular thing and I didn't do it perfectly. But I DID it! And that's all that matters.
This past weekend my cousin, came to visit me and help me crochet a blanket. Now, Number 14 on the list actually says: "Learn to knit or crochet a scarf" but I went ahead and took it a step further and together we created a blanket! I didn't use any crochet hooks because the skeins of soft, smooshy yarn were so thick that a hook wasn't necessary, but we sat on the floor and took turns completing row after row of chains (I said learn how to crochet, not necessarily learn the lingo!) and last night, I finished that bad boy and took it up to bed with me!
And that feeling, the feeling of learning something new and completing a project, that is why I decided to continue with this list of mine. And being accountable: that is why I decided to publish this post tonight. I've discovered that when I know people might be paying attention to what I'm doing, I tend to get more done! (Hence the numerous clean closets/cupboards/rooms in my house over Christmas Break!)
I'll get you up-to-date in a future post on what I have left to do this year and maybe you all can help me out on a few of these!! (Anybody wanna partner up and buy a cabin with me? That's Number 2 on the list!)
What do you want to accomplish in the next 7 months/years/whenever? Let's get stuff done, y'all!!
KC
Sunday, January 7, 2018
chaos coordinator
Over Christmas break, you might have noticed on my facebook page that I did a bunch of purging/cleaning/organizing around our house. Truth be told, some of these areas hadn't been touched since we moved in 6 years ago. Here I sit, less than 10 hours before school starts again and all I can think about is how many more rooms/cupboards/closets/drawers could use some of my good TLC, or rather "rough lovin'" because I'll tell you what: I threw out and donated SO MUCH STUFF!!!
And now I can't remember why I even started talking about that.
Which is often the case in my life.
I'm hoping my memory gets BETTER as I get older...
Ha! Yeah, we'll see about that!
Ah, yes.
Sanity.
I was going to talk about sanity.
This whole purging/cleaning/organizing thing is not something I enjoy doing. It requires time and a bunch of determination to tackle some hefty messes. I like the end result and currently I needed the end result: organized sanity.
When I'm overwhelmed, I find that I typically go to my kitchen and clean it up. I can whip that room into shape in no time. The rest of the house might be a Lego/slime/dirty sock warzone, but I can handle it all if I have just a bit of sanity in one place in the house. It's usually the kitchen. Probably because I spend 75% of my waking moments in there. So that means I have restored sanity to nearly 75% of my (awake) life!
You could say that over the last 6 months or so, life got a little overwhelming. My mom had numerous health issues in conjunction with a cancer diagnosis and that'll interrupt life a bit. But she's my momma so life had to be interrupted. But that meant that many things around here kicked into survival mode, especially the cleaning aspect of life. Things piled up, got shoved in closets, were hidden in rooms that weren't used very much, and eventually the messes contaminated nearly every room in the house. Some of them we just got used to, but as the house got less organized, my sanity began to disappear as well.
After Christmas Day, I wrote a list of all the places in the house that I could think of that needed to be put back in order, otherwise I would avoid those spots for the next 6 months...or more. And eventually I wouldn't want to be in my house anymore. And then I jumped in, starting with the pantry. Actually, that's a lie. I started with a drawer in our kitchen that we had given over to our daughter for her slime creations. That was a terrible mistake and she now has an area out in the garage dedicated to her stupid slime mess... I mean creative slime mess. I took back ownership of the slime drawer and currently store our essential oils in there. Organizing that drawer made me walk around the kitchen like a proud chicken. I don't know why. It's just a little drawer! But it felt good and THEN I moved on to the pantry. My pantry is like a dream right now. I still like to walk in there and just look around, admiring the organized beauty of it all...
Please don't be mistaken: I'm not one of those amazing Pinterest ladies who likes to clean and keep her house looking magnificent (if you think that's the case, just check out our bathroom!) I'm one of those moms who found herself hating her house because it had become such a place of unrest. I knew that in order to take better care of everyone else around me, I needed to do some cleaning up for myself.
And this is how I know that God has granted me a bit my of sanity back: I'm on my couch, writing my blog. I have tried numerous times and found my brain clogged and jumbled and a mess, just like my house. And this evening, even though there are still places in this house that need some work (just like me!), things are functioning so much sweeter around here.
I'm not telling y'all to clean your house. But I think it's okay to do something for yourself to get your sanity back. The world is a better place when our brains can function again.
But check back with me in a week.
We start home school again tomorrow and then WHO KNOWS where my sanity will be!!
KC
And now I can't remember why I even started talking about that.
Which is often the case in my life.
I'm hoping my memory gets BETTER as I get older...
Ha! Yeah, we'll see about that!
Ah, yes.
Sanity.
I was going to talk about sanity.
This whole purging/cleaning/organizing thing is not something I enjoy doing. It requires time and a bunch of determination to tackle some hefty messes. I like the end result and currently I needed the end result: organized sanity.
When I'm overwhelmed, I find that I typically go to my kitchen and clean it up. I can whip that room into shape in no time. The rest of the house might be a Lego/slime/dirty sock warzone, but I can handle it all if I have just a bit of sanity in one place in the house. It's usually the kitchen. Probably because I spend 75% of my waking moments in there. So that means I have restored sanity to nearly 75% of my (awake) life!
You could say that over the last 6 months or so, life got a little overwhelming. My mom had numerous health issues in conjunction with a cancer diagnosis and that'll interrupt life a bit. But she's my momma so life had to be interrupted. But that meant that many things around here kicked into survival mode, especially the cleaning aspect of life. Things piled up, got shoved in closets, were hidden in rooms that weren't used very much, and eventually the messes contaminated nearly every room in the house. Some of them we just got used to, but as the house got less organized, my sanity began to disappear as well.
After Christmas Day, I wrote a list of all the places in the house that I could think of that needed to be put back in order, otherwise I would avoid those spots for the next 6 months...or more. And eventually I wouldn't want to be in my house anymore. And then I jumped in, starting with the pantry. Actually, that's a lie. I started with a drawer in our kitchen that we had given over to our daughter for her slime creations. That was a terrible mistake and she now has an area out in the garage dedicated to her stupid slime mess... I mean creative slime mess. I took back ownership of the slime drawer and currently store our essential oils in there. Organizing that drawer made me walk around the kitchen like a proud chicken. I don't know why. It's just a little drawer! But it felt good and THEN I moved on to the pantry. My pantry is like a dream right now. I still like to walk in there and just look around, admiring the organized beauty of it all...
Please don't be mistaken: I'm not one of those amazing Pinterest ladies who likes to clean and keep her house looking magnificent (if you think that's the case, just check out our bathroom!) I'm one of those moms who found herself hating her house because it had become such a place of unrest. I knew that in order to take better care of everyone else around me, I needed to do some cleaning up for myself.
And this is how I know that God has granted me a bit my of sanity back: I'm on my couch, writing my blog. I have tried numerous times and found my brain clogged and jumbled and a mess, just like my house. And this evening, even though there are still places in this house that need some work (just like me!), things are functioning so much sweeter around here.
I'm not telling y'all to clean your house. But I think it's okay to do something for yourself to get your sanity back. The world is a better place when our brains can function again.
But check back with me in a week.
We start home school again tomorrow and then WHO KNOWS where my sanity will be!!
KC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)