12 years

My oldest kiddo is now 12 years old. I have done this mom thing for 12 whole freaking years. I have 12 years worth of bags under my eyes and wrinkles on my face. I have slept in late maybe twice in the past 12 years (okay, that's sarcasm, but you parents know that's pretty close to accurate!) I have given up sanity slowly over the past 12 years. Well, maybe not so slowly. The sanity left quite rapidly within the first few days of bringing child #1 home from the hospital! I have earned 12 years of patience. I have overcome my fears for my children for the past 12 years and I have learned how to stand up for myself to those stinkers in the past 12 years. I have had to learn to let go, to hold on, to breathe and apologize over the past 12 years. I have learned just how fiercely I am capable of loving in the past 12 years.

Twelve years of parenting will grow you up in ways you never expected.

I have lived in exhaustion to the point that while my baby sat near me and played, I kept a hand on her and fell into a very light, semi-sleep, knowing that I'd wake if she moved out of reach. Exhaustion to the point of being half asleep as my toddler crawled all over me while I rested on the floor. Exhaustion to the point of sleeping directly on the family room floor, no pillows or blankets, just to provide security for my daughter who lay up on the couch with a severe stomach ache. Exhaustion to the extent that I laid next to my son on the floor while he tried to sleep through hand, foot, and mouth disease, waking up in pain every couple of hours. I now sleep lightly enough to hear nearly every sound that happens in our house at night, even with our bedroom door closed.

I have developed enough patience to deal with my daughter crying in frustration (and determination) for 50 minutes while I drove with her on an errand that she just didn't want to go do. My patience level allows me to comb through 2 feet of hair that has semi-dredlocks in it, while my child yells and gets upset with me, even though she asked me to comb it. My patience allowed me to listen to my son as he learned to read way back when and to not fall asleep during that 20 minutes OR just read it all for him! Ok, I might have fallen asleep once or twice (see the paragraph about "exhaustion). My patience has kept me from hurting my children after they have destroyed a room that I cleaned 30 minutes earlier. And my patience has turned into long-suffering many a time as my child threw multiple tantrums in her earlier years, sometimes lasting an hour or more.

I have discovered a love so deep and unconditional, that I get a glimpse of just how much our Father loves us. But only a glimpse. It is giving your child the last french fry love, staying up till 2:00 to decorate for their birthday love, crying as you leave them for their first day of preschool love, trying something new because they asked you to love, it is crying with them as they hurt love, sacrificial love, heart-breaking love, fierce love. There is nothing like the love a mother has for her children.

I have never worked so hard at anything in my entire life. I have never cried so much, hurt so much, yelled so much as I have during this whole parenting thing. My perspective, my world view, my heart, mind, and soul have been changed. For the better. My relationship with God has grown and my partnership with husband has been strengthened. I am more understanding and less critical. I am more helpful and less selfish. I look for the good and find it.

There are days when I am worn down and completely battered from being a mom. I have been kicked, shoved, spit on, yelled at, (some of  those figuratively and some of those literally!) I have wanted to give up, run away, and hide. And I have given up, run away, and have hidden.

But I have and always will come back.
Because parenting is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
I have been changed for the better.
Because God put two little beings into my life and charged me and my husband with raising them.
He put them into my life to grow me.
And I wouldn't change any of it.

Happy 12th Year Anniversary of Mommyhood to me!!
KC