one day at a time

*I know I'm supposed to write something tonight, but I'm not sure what. I've been thumbing through Facebook and Instagram, putting tonight's writing off, not because I'm afraid to write, but because I don't know what tonight's topic is going to be. So I decided just to start and see what happens. I'll probably be more surprised than you all are if I actually get something written...

I'm pretty tired. It was a long week followed by a long weekend. It kinda feels like maybe I just had 2 weeks squished into one. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I'm kinda just pooped. Staying up to write tonight probably isn't my wisest choice.
Oh well.
I don't always make wise choices...

Last week my mom was pre-diagnosed with cancer. We're still awaiting the biopsy results, but surgery has to happen whether it is or isn't cancer. There's a tumor. It needs to come out.

There's a part of me that wonders why I don't just bust out crying every time the word "cancer" comes out of my mouth (or off my fingertips). But then there's a part of me that is just resting in a place of calm and peace that is not of myself.

I don't have this, people. I have absolutely no control over my mom's health. I cannot do anything to make her better and make sure everything goes well. I have no idea what the next week, month, or year holds.

But I'm not a mess.
I don't know why.
I should be.
I mean, I'm a mess when my kids leave their stuff all over the house and when I get stressed out over the busy-ness of my schedule. I'm a mess when I can't get my "to do" list completed and I'd venture to say I'm a hot mess on days when homeschooling doesn't go according to plan.
But I'm totally at peace right now.

I don't know how God does what He does, but I am so grateful. I couldn't make it a day without him holding me in the palm of His gigantic, peaceful, all-encompassing, warm hand.

Mom and I were talking today. We don't really know the future right now (although we do know Who holds the future), but we are taking it one day at a time. I hope to share her journey on the blog because if one person can be touched by my mom's life and this experience that we are embarking on, then it is worth it to share.

My mom is amazing and strong and has the best heart. Although she isn't always aware of it, she touches lives daily. And she doesn't always realize it, but her purpose here on earth is great. God is and will use her in phenomenal ways.

So here we go:

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

I can't add to that, people. God said it all right there.

KC