heartfelt

Thank you.

To those of you who read my blog.

To those of you who leave comments on Facebook or directly on my blog.

To those of you who catch me out in public and tell me you read my blog.

To my "closet" readers.

To those of you who receive an email every time I blog.

To those of you in my Google circle (which I don't really know anything about but give me some time...)

To those of you who "like" my blog posts on Facebook.

To those of you who have shared my blog with someone else.

To those of you who laugh at my silly little rants.

To those of you who have cried with me.

To my husband.

To my children who give me lots to write about.

To my encouragers.

To my inspirers.

To my motivators.

I can't thank you enough.  I am blessed by you all.  Thank you.

And to God who decided that I should write.  Thank you.

KC

sisters gotta hug!

This evening while completing a workout with a wonderful group of CrossFit gals, one dear gal who I have the privilege of calling "friend" walked over and gave me the tightest, squeeziest hug ever because she knew I needed it. I was exhausted and it was taking every ounce of gumption to complete the workout we were doing and she infused me with her strength.

A hug.  It changed my night.

I'm still exhausted and the workout was still extremely difficult for me.  Most parts of my body ache right now and will probably be twice as bad tomorrow.  I still have a long list of things to do this evening that will probably wait till tomorrow to get done (my chores are very patient with me).  And I can't look too closely at my house or I will see all that I need to do (blog on being overwhelmed coming soon) that hasn't even made it on to the "to do" list!

But. Tonight someone cared enough about me to hug me.  Someone saw what I needed and lifted me up (literally, I'm pretty sure she picked me up off the ground!). She turned my frown upside down (cheesy but accurate).  And that made all the difference for the rest of my night.

I love to give hugs.  I try to read people so that I don't accidentally hug someone who can't stand them because that's awkward.  But when I can and people are receptive, I hug.  Hugs can go so much further than words.  

Anyone remember this camp song?

Hug a friend's neck,

Hug a neck next to ya,

Hug a friend's neck and sing this song,

Hug a friend's neck, 

Hug a neck next to ya,

Hug a friend's neck and sing:

Hallelujah!!

http://youtu.be/jQIjOyDYQuM

Karen - thanks for squeezing my guts out tonight.  :]

KC

(Can you imagine being hugged by this buff chick?! Awesome!)

a husband that rocks

When my husband and I first got married, we read a book together called, "His Needs, Her Needs."  It was very revealing about the inner workings of men and women.  I highly recommend it simply because after reading it 12 or 13 years ago, there are still truths that ring true today.

Here's one for my guy: respect. You know, letting him know how much you appreciate what he does and how good he is at his job.  Being appreciative for the little things and praising his successes.  I also try to respect the things he likes in life: sports (yeah, I'm not so good at watching the games with him but I do encourage my kids to!), good cooking (I try), CrossFit (wowsers - I love watching him do CrossFit!), fresh roasted coffee (that I will brag about all day long - nothing like it, freshest ever), and listening to him talk science stuff (we are opposites in that my strengths are in English, music, and art while his strengths are in math and science, but to hear him talk about anything science stuff: it's actually interesting and he explains in such a way that I get it...usually).

Now here's the thing: sometimes I forget to build my husband up because I take for granted that he knows how awesome he is.  Or because I've told him once already.  Or I just get caught up in my own busy-ness and craziness that I forget to put my focus on him.  

But he needs to hear it.  He might be a strong guy (physically, emotionally, mentally) but I know that deep down, when I tell him how awesome he is, something inside him is being fulfilled.  It's my job (and joy) to make sure that I am constantly building him up.  

KC

sweet sunday

Phew!  Praise the Lord for Sundays!  (Not ice cream sundaes, but praise the Lord for those too because those are awesome, especially covered in caramel sauce.  Mmmm, might have to go look in the freezer for ice cream now...) 

I used to think that Sunday was a very boring day. A day when you went to church and then did nothing until you went to church again in the evening.  It was boring.  Read a book? Nah.  Nothing on TV because we didn't have cable or Netflix or iPads or iPhones or Kindles or a computer.  Nope, just local channels. 

I came from a pretty conservative family, a fact that I am grateful for now.  But back then this meant that we didn't go out on Sunday.  We didn't  go to the movies or bowling or out to eat or to the grocery store.  We didn't go over to our friends' homes because it was family day. We didn't mow the lawn or do the laundry or do any chores that weren't necessary.  Mom and Dad took a nap and my brothers were older than me and didn't want to hang out to play with me.

As I grew up I gained more responsibilities.  I got married and had kids so there were many more "have to's" in my schedule.  It was hard not to let them bleed into Sunday.  You see, I felt that Sunday was a day when it was against the law to do anything.  Everything was forbidden.  If I did anything "work-oriented" I felt guilty.  But then I was taught an important lesson.

Sundays are God's gift to us.  It is the day that He says to relax and not feel guilty about it.  Look at the daily grind and set it aside because today is a gift, a chance to focus on Him while we recharge our batteries for the rest of the week. If there is laundry, it will wait another day.  This messy house will asked to be cleaned again tomorrow.  I'll get my groceries in the morning.  Today I don't feel bad for putting off today what can be done tomorrow.

Because today is a gift.

Now to find the vanilla ice cream...

KC

piano lesson grace

Sometimes when I teach piano lessons, I like to blow my students' minds.  Not with anything even remotely related to music, but rather one of the most amazing concepts that we can teach our children: grace.

After each lesson my students earn a score somewhere between 1-5.  The highest they can score is a 5.  There is a number of criteria they have to meet to get this score (but I am pretty lenient, too lenient I'm sure). 

Students must practice during the week, do their Theory homework, mark down their practices in the assignment book, practice, have a good attitude during their half hour lesson, remember to bring their assignment book to the lesson, and practice!  (This whole practicing thing can be tough for some of these kiddos - approximately 20 minutes, 5 days during the week - parents are supposed to sign the assignment book confirming their child's practices but I don't hinge a child's score on the parents' responsibility.)  

If a student remembers to do all these things and they get a 5, they get to pick out a reward (typically a piece of candy).  This is a pretty big motivator for most of my students.  It might be a pack of smarties or a sucker or a cute pencil, but the kids think it's great!  

However.

If a student does not achieve this score and they get a score of 4 or lower, there is no reward (insert sad face here).  I have made students cry by giving them a 4. Awful, mean, terrible teacher!  But, they remember and usually improve by the next lesson!  A little sugar deprivation goes a long way!

Every once in a while I feel a little prodding from God to show a student grace.  At the end of the lesson I will tell them what they did wrong, and then ask if they know what grace is.  Many do not yet understand the concept so I explain: grace is undeserved favor, or in kid's talk it is getting something you don't deserve.  You don't deserve a reward, but today I will give you one simply to show you grace.  The look on their face is a combination of disbelief, relief, and excitement.  

I think grace is often missing in this world, even among believers.  And yet our desire is to exemplify Jesus.  He was the walking, talking example of grace.  He hung out with the people who needed grace the most!  

Sometimes I think we are so busy judging other people that we forget just how much we need grace ourselves. You know, the whole "speck in your eye vs the plank in mine!"

I don't have a catchy ending to this one, but if it's all right with my "piano parents," I'm gonna keep teaching these awesome kiddos about grace because we all need to experience it once in a while - especially me, because as it turns out, I'm not perfect.

KC

trials

I 've been through a few trials in my life.  Not the jury/judge kind of trial, but the "walking in the valley" trial.  The "I don't want to face today" trial.  The "why me?" trial.  The "what else can possibly happen?!" trial.  

I've been in the middle of trials, but I've also been on the other side.  The "I can't believe I survived that" side.  And you know what I learned?

Trials suck.  The devil is a real jerk sending this garbage our way to shake our faith.  He knows how to get to our weaknesses and expose them.  

Being at the lowest of lows, hitting rock bottom of despair, the only place you can look is up.  Sometimes you have to hit the low before you realize how much you need God to help you climb out.  You can't do it yourself.  

I've also learned that trials are survivable.  You can come out on the other side ready to face another day.  You can come out stronger than you went in.

And I have learned that trials are a privilege.  God has allowed me to walk through valleys because he wanted to see me grow.  He is refining me.  Why me and not her?  Because God determined that with His help I could make it through.  He knew that on the other side I would be a better person.  On the other side I would have a more intimate relationship with Him.  Why is He allowing this?  Maybe He's growing me for something even bigger in life.  

I don't understand it all.  But God does.  Believe it or not, He's got it all under control.  While the devil might have sent you a curveball, God will be right beside you, making sure that in the end you will be a better person, if you allow Him to guide you through it.

You will survive.

KC

figurative fruit

Netflix just asked if I was still watching my TV show...guess that means it's time to write my blog! (Not that I was just sitting watching TV; I've got about 4 more loads of laundry to get through!)

I saw fruit tonight. Praise The Lord for fruit!  Not the kind that grows in trees or on vines. No, the figurative kind.  The kind where you work hard at something, putting in time and effort day after day and finally you see the fruit of your labors.  Tonight was just one piece, but it was a huge piece!

Last night I had a conversation with my 8 year old daughter about Jesus dying on the cross.  This is not the first time she has heard the story of salvation, but in my "growing up" years, I remember that different parts of the story "clicked" at different stages in my life, so I will continue to tell her and her brother the story as they continue to mature. 

We were discussing Moses and the Passover, how the Israelites would keep their firstborn safe if they smeared the lamb's blood on their door posts. I explained how this was a foreshadowing of another time in the Bible when blood would be upon another piece of wood.  We talked about Jesus carrying the whole lot of all our sins; He became the bad guy so we could be the good guys. She began to cry.  I asked her why and she replied, "I feel so bad for Him!" (This is where my Mommy heart was overwhelmed with gratefulness - she is starting to get it!  But the story gets better...)

Fast forward to tonight.  My stubborn (and if you've read the blog, you know she has an iron will) 8 year old has popped out of bed and is trying every trick in the book to get her way.  Her tricks are not cute and are definitely not fun.  They are exasperating.  After some discussion (yes, discussion: I have learned that yelling makes everything 12x worse so the yelling only happens once in a while nowadays), I started pointing out the problem to her.  I explained that her actions were the problem.  She was making these decisions that were going to get her disciplined.  She was following her own sinful self in order to get what she wanted and in the meantime was creating chaos in our house.  I asked if she thought God was happy with how she was behaving.  I told her that I thought it was kinda stinky that she would decide to disobey God after all He had done by sending Jesus to die on the cross.

 She stopped yelling.  She didn't cry. She simply got up, walked out of my room and disappeared. I found her in her room with her covers up to her chin. When I walked up to her, her hands were folded under her chin and her eyes were closed. I asked what she was doing.  She replied,"Well, I'm trying to pray!"  So I put my head down so I wouldn't disturb her and when she was done, I asked what she had prayed for. 

"Forgiveness."

I could have jumped up and down right then.  I felt like yelling at the top of my voice, "Praise God!!!"  I know, doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but for me it's huge.  This reaction has been my desire for years.  Not weeks, not months...years.  We have been pouring into our daughter for years.  Today we saw the best fruit.  She reached out to God.  We did not force it.  She chose it. 

Now, I am under no illusions that we are going to see this happen every time.  Nah, not a chance.  But this showed me that she gets it.  

You ever see fruit from all your labors with your children?  Take it, savor it, take joy in it.  That fruit is a gift from God telling you to keep trying!  Keep up the good work!  Be encouraged!  And take hope:  there will be fruit. 

(Now back to Netflix and the next load of laundry!)

KC

greener grass

The grass ain't always greener on the other side.  Oh sure, it might look that way but sometimes you've got to step away from the fence and pay a little more attention to your own grass instead of looking at everyone else's.

I can't talk about you and your grass, but my grass is great.  It's been my lawn for over 13 years.  It knows me and understands me. Sure, there's a few weeds.  What lawn doesn't have a few weeds?  But my lawn is constantly being maintained and taken care of and is always trying to crowd out those weeds!

The grass on the other side might look greener, but behind that tall patch over there, maybe there's a huge bunch of weeds hiding.  Or nut grass (that's the worst).  Or maybe a pile of dog doo.  That grass might feel great for a while, but maybe you are allergic to it and it will end up making your feet and legs itch!  

Maybe your lawn needs more cultivating.  Perhaps the dry spots are not the lawn's fault but maybe it needs you to water it more in certain places.  Maybe you need to tell the grass how green it is or give it more fertilizer (and by fertilizer I don't mean the kind that comes from chickens or cows - but the kind that is healthy, encouraging it to grow at its best). 

Sometimes I look over the fence and glance at a green spot, but it's not for long.  It's not always as it seems. I prefer to spend time looking at my lawn and seeing its wonderful greenness and looking for ways that I can make it better.  I know this lawn.  I know its weaknesses and strengths. I know how to make it grow because I have lived with it for many years.  I've put a lot of work into this relationship with this grass - why would I want to start all over and risk stepping in dog doo? 

(I love our backyard lawn.  It is awesome. But if you are smarter than the average bear, you can probably guess that I'm not talking about my backyard. I'm talking about the wonderful man that I married.  But as I was reading through the post again, I realized it could mean a whole number of things: essentially, anything you might be jealous or envious of.  The neighbor with nicer toys.  Your friend's well-behaved children.  The friend who has a better job.  The co-worker with the gorgeous house in comparison to your tiny apartment.  Whatever it might be, there is a way to find satisfaction and contentment when you realize that everything you have is a gift from God. Everything.)

Enough about lawn care. Next up: maintaining beautiful carpets!  Just kidding.  I can't give any advice on that. If you've been to my house, you know this already.

KC

intentional conversation

Conversation. This is something that comes naturally (usually) among family members.  We talk about our day.  We voice our frustrations and desires. We bicker and argue (not very much in our household; we're nearly perfect, you know - and if you believe that, then you haven't been reading my blog very long!) We give commands to our children. We ask favors of our spouses.  We express our love and affection.  But in our house, we are trying to take it one step further:

Intentional conversation.  There are so many opportunities throughout the day for us to have a conversation that will affect our childrens' hearts.  We now try to plan them.  We spend time in the evening discussing any negative behavior that may have happened and how to change it, or praising the kids for the positive things that have happened.  After one of our children has to be disciplined, we will chat with them, asking questions to get them to think about their choices and what the outcome has been for them.  In the morning we discuss our expectations for them and what their roles are in the family.

We started doing this at the recommendation of our children's pastor.  Instead of addressing our kids' issues in the middle of their tantrum (you know, trying to talk logically to a 5 year old who is kicking and screaming on the floor or to an 8 year old who is trying every form of manipulation to get her way - not that these things ever happen in my home...), we now wait until they are more receptive.  We have intentional conversations throughout the day when our children are actually acting like normal, well-behaved, allowed-out-in-public children.  It's amazing how things "click" when the timing is right. 

One thing that we often bring into the conversation is the well-known WWJD (What Would Jesus Do).  This affects their heart the most.  "How do you think Jesus would have acted when your brother pulled your hair? Do you think he would have punched him?" "Do you think Jesus likes the way you were yelling at your mom?" "Do you think Jesus would have kicked over the chair like that? (Again, my kids are never naughty...nope, never). With our goal as parents to have our children desire to follow Jesus, this is the most important part of the conversation.

We still miss many opportunities, but by having it in the forefront of our minds, we are hoping to develop this intentional conversation into a daily habit. 

Parenting: who knew it was such a big job?!

KC

just a little bit

So... a touchy subject.  Something I'm guilty of.  Do you ever talk about someone who is not in the room with you in a not-so-uplifting way?  Even just a little bit of unflattering conversation?  Or just agree with someone who brought the subject up? 

You know, it might not seem like a big deal. But have you ever played the Telephone Game?  This is the most popular game used to show what can happen with one small piece of gossip, or to show kids how rumors start.  A group sits in a circle and the first person whispers a secret to the person next to them.  Then that person whispers the same message to the next person.  And on and on until the last person hears the message and says it out loud.  By that time it barely resembles what the first person said!

I have had this happen a time or two.  One time I was engaged when I wasn't even close!  Another time I was mistaken for someone's wife when I wasn't: squashed that one pretty quickly!  

Those are pretty tame considering what can happen when someone starts a rumor or spreads a little gossip.  A reputation can be ruined.  A person could lose their job.  Friendships could be destroyed. 

Feelings can get hurt. Trust broken.  All because we didn't "take care" in our conversation.

We "rationalize" or "reason" (thanks, SY) why we are discussing a friend's personal info.  We think a little can't hurt.  I know its is something I struggle with often.  So I've tried to have a certain mindset when I go into conversation:

Sometimes I catch myself in conversation thinking, "Would I say this if this person was sitting here with me?"  And other times I think, "Would I want someone to say this about me if I wasn't around?"  And if it is someone else bringing the town gossip to light, I like to ask for confirmation of their sources.  In other words , I'd like to know if the info came directly from the horses mouth.

                                       

(By the way, I looked up what that phrase means, "from the horses mouth" and it's too lengthy to go into at this time of night, something to do with horse teeth and getting horse racing tips directly from the horse itself - but if you really want to know, go directly to the source: the internet).

Here's another quote I read (thank you Pinterest) that just stuck with me.  Do you really pay attention to what you are talking about?  I do so more now that I've read this quote:

Great minds discuss ideas.

Average minds discuss events.

Small minds discuss people.

-Eleanor Roosevelt 

And, as if we need more reason, Exodus 20:16 says, "Do not bear false witness against your neighbor."  

Way to go, Kathy - just convicting yourself throughout this whole post!  Sheesh.

KC

perspective

I was having a conversation with my husband earlier today and he got something stuck into my mind that had been rolling around up there for a while.  He had been reading a post on Facebook - one where someone was kind of looking for sympathy (I'm not going to fault them too much; I'm sure I've done it myself). We both had a difficult time with the post because we have our own list of struggles here which, in comparison, we'd gladly trade! 

But then we continued chatting and he reminded me of our dear friends who live life in a way that you can not possibly imagine, in order to protect their son's health and give him the best life possible. They sacrifice so much, worry everyday, and often live continuously in a state of survival mode. And our troubles paled in comparison.  

We've had this happen often: we hit a rocky part of the road and start to feel sorry for ourselves.  God doesn't hesitate to show us someone who has it much more difficult than we do.  It's His way of giving us perspective.

I'll admit, sometimes it is tough to look around at other peoples' struggles when our own is so big and overwhelming. You don't want to care about anybody else.  You've got your own problems to handle.  But for me, it's always back there, peeking out saying: don't forget, it could be a lot worse!  Perspective.

Maybe that's what it's supposed to be, though (and I'm just thinking out loud here, which means the thought popped into my head just now and I'm writing it down with the hopes that it's valid), maybe in the midst of our struggles we are supposed to look outward and see what we can do to help lift those who are lower than we are.  

Afterall, while Jesus was at his worst, suffering on a cross, He reached out to a man destined for hell and granted him salvation.  

Hmmmmm....

And that is today's (or tomorrow's, depending on when you read this post) food for thought.

KC

teachers rule (well, most of them do!)

Ok, I started this about 3 times but couldn't come up with a catchy first sentence.  Oh well, I guess I'll just jump straight in!

Before I had kids, I was a teacher. I taught at the elementary level and Jr. High (and surprisingly loved my jr highers).  I really enjoyed teaching. It was fun!  Sometimes I took home work to do in the evenings  and weekends.  Okay, I always took home work!  Usually it was some form of paper work, but there was a lot of emotional work that came home too.  How can I help this student understand math?  Why does that student lose so many papers?  Why is she failing math - what am I doing wrong as a teacher?  It was difficult not to take my students' failures and shortcomings as a personal reflection on me as a teacher.

Because of my background, I have always been a big supporter of my childrens' teachers.  These teachers truly care about my kids and want to see them succeed in all areas of their lives.  I know that might not be the case for every teacher out there (I've heard stories!) but I know most of the teachers at our school and they are just wonderful! 

Currently, I volunteer in my kids' classrooms almost every morning.  I get the unique perspective of being the parent who gets to observe the classroom and teacher at work.  If you ever have the opportunity to do so, I encourage it.  It will be an eye-opener!  

In my daughter's 3rd grade class there are 26 kids and I think more than half are boys. Noisy, bouncy, talkative, chatty, can't-sit-still boys. (I'm not saying this of all boys, but this particular class has a low hum nearly all the time!). Their teacher is phenomenal.  I have seen some impressive changes in these kids since they have been in her class.  They are more organized, make fewer mistakes, understand concepts very well, they are more careful in their work, they know the rules and the routines. The low hum is often there , but when it gets too much, she lets them know!  Her classroom is bright and cheery and her teaching is very well-rounded in all the subjects.  

I know all this because I am there. I see it. I talk to her.  This is a huge blessing to me!  I understand how things go in her classroom.  I see if my daughter's desk is a mess or if she is the one who talks too much or if she is raising her hand to answer questions.  

So I'm finally getting to my point here (or close to it, anyway).  It is easy to make assumptions about a teacher because of what other parents are saying about them.  It is easy to judge a teacher by what the kids are saying about her.  But I have to admit, I think it's a bit silly to completely trust a 3rd grader's side of the story.  It's not because I think all kids lie, but sometimes they miss important facts or completely miss the other side of the story.  And where do those other parents get their opinion?  I'd say there's a good chance that they are influenced by their children too.

Now, not everyday is a good day for a teacher. And no teacher is perfect.  So here's what I'm proposing we do for our teachers.  I think we take the time to communicate with them and get to know them.  And I think we show them some grace.  

I know how hard our teachers work.  I know how valuable they are to our children and their futures.  But how often do I express my appreciation?  Not enough, that's for sure.

If your child has a great teacher, let them know it! It might just make their day.

KC

I am a piano-er

Tonight I played the piano accompaniment for River of Praise, my Southern Gospel group (I like to call it SoGo.)  I've been piano-ing with them for about 3 years.  I LOVE it!  But I have come a long way I order to be able to say that.

I started piano lessons when I was in 3rd grade. I had to practice all the time.  My best friend would come over to play with me and would sit through my practices first.  Now that is a good friend! I had recitals twice a year. I memorized long pieces and performed in competitions as well as in church.  I accompanied our high school choirs.  I had what many called "the touch." (This is not me attempting to brag, it's just what people told me and so I believed it.)

But it made me sick.  I got so nervous before any performance that I could not eat and was sick to my stomach.  It was a struggle for me.  I did it, all the way through high school, but it was the same every time. Just ask my Mom; she was my biggest support, by my side for every performance .

A few years after I got married I ran across someone who had attended high school with me.  He also played piano.  He asked if I ever played for weddings or church and I told him that I didn't.  "What a shame," he said.  Talk about making someone feel like a waste!  I think perhaps if he had understood how difficult it had been for me to perform, he wouldn't have said that to me.

Meanwhile, I didn't let my gift go completely to waste.  I started teaching piano lessons, watching as kids started to understand this world of music.  That was a blessing. 

As I mentioned before, about 3 years ago I was in the right place at the right time: I was finally ready to perform and River of Praise needed me.  My heart was in the right place as I wanted to use this gift in whatever manner God desired for me.  I have been amazed over and over at the blessings that have come because of this decision.

But perhaps the most amazing thing is that my nerves are nearly gone.  (I say nearly because I still wrestle with that insecure human part of me, the part of me who wants to rely solely on myself). Every time we perform, I give my hands over to the Lord. I have performed in front of a large group after having a lousy day.  I have performed in a church after having insomnia the night before.  I have performed after having an extremely stressful day.  But when I play, I ask the Lord to use me so that I might not let my human self get in the way, because my human self tends to doubt myself and psych myself out and just do an all around lousy job of building me up.  I am amazed every time at what He does.

I'm pretty sure somewhere along the way I will probably biff up something terrible in a performance. But at this point, God has seen fit to build my confidence when I place it in Him.  From who I used to be to who I am now is proof of that.

Think you can't do it?  Is there something you are afraid of doing?  Consider handing it over to God to see what He wants to do with it.  You might just be astounded...

KC

comparing will kill ya

I think I'm a pretty good mom.  I feed my kiddos somewhat healthy foods. I help with homework. I get the laundry done, eventually.  I volunteer in the classroom.  I clean...infrequently (auto-correct says that's a word.  I'm going with it).  Okay, I straighten up every day but cleaning is always setting on the back burner.  I exercise. I teach piano. I run a little business with my sister-in-law which often makes me feel successful in my little world.  I like my hair color.  I have a pretty good selection of shoes.  I've got an awesome husband. We go to a great church and our kids attend a great school.

But. 

 

(You had to have known the "but" was coming.)

But, there is always someone out there doing all these things plus 10 more things a whole lot better than I do.  I know moms who have never let their children eat at McDonalds.  Yeah... my kids are pretty familiar with chicken McNuggets.  I have a friend who irons all her husband's shirts.  Mine is lucky if the shirts can get from the dryer to the closet without any major wrinkles.  I have been in houses where there is not a speck, not a speck of dust to be found!  (I'm not even sure how that is possible when at my house, after I dust, approximately 20 minutes later the room is dusty again!). When you come into my house, I beg you not to look at my floors.  Or the windows.  Or the bathroom counters. Better yet, just keep your eyes closed when you come into my house!

I exercise very consistently but still compare my body to those around me.  I see my flaws - they are obvious to me.  I know piano teachers whose knowledge and abilities far surpass this gal.  I see other people make wonderful crafty things and who are selling the pants off of me (not by any means literally, and there's no need to try and imagine that figuratively... where did that phrase even come from?!)  and there always seems to be something lacking from my wardrobe or someone (just about everyone) is wearing clothing that is so much more expensive than mine (for my dear sj: long live Ross, TJMaxx, thrift stores, and garage sales!).  

As for my husband, well, he's just awesome. No comparison there.

So.  If you ever start to think that I've got everything figured out or that my house is all in order (ha!) or that I am happy all the time (my family will dispel that myth pretty quickly), quit comparing!!!  You now know the truth.  That mom that you compare yourself to, she's got her flaws - I'm certain she just bribes her perfect kids with candy all the time.  That lady with the perfect body and the expensive clothing, she's got her laundry list of insecurities.  That woman whose husband seems perfect, doting on her hand and foot; don't let yourself think that their marriage its perfect or that they never argue.  

It is easy to compare.  When I started writing this post today I realized just how many comparisons I had done just in the last day!!  Goodness.  But the comparing can eat you up inside.  It can destroy your self worth.  It can bring a shadow to all you have accomplished.  

I found this to be reassuring to my own insecurities when it comes to comparison: 

"For The Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but The Lord looks at the heart." (1Samuel 16:7b)

I guess what I hope for, with all my flaws and shortcomings, is that maybe those who are my nearest and dearest would look past what I am not and look to my heart.  And maybe that's what I need to be working on more than all the other things that might make me look good (because let's be honest: those crumbs that having been living on the floor for the past week are not bearing witness to my excellent cleaning skills), but spend more time working on this heart of mine: a heart after Jesus.

Wow! Lengthy.  I'm sorry to those of you who open up my blog and enjoy the short posts because today is more of a mini novel.  Whoops!

KC

the mom job

So tonight I came up with a half dozen topics that I'd like to blog about.  I got to working on a few but they are just too in depth for me to finish when it is nearly 12:30 at night.  I do have just a little thought to share with you .

Today I was talking with a few of the older generation and mentioned how parenting is hard work.  As the conversation continued, my uncle (of the older generation) mentioned that we should not get so burdened with the work of parenting that we miss out on the little joys that come along with it.

Now my uncle is a very wise man, but it struck me: perhaps I had given them the impression that parenting was a burden simply by mentioning that it was hard work .  When in fact I do not view the hard work as a burden, but more as making my dream come true.  I want to do a good job of being a mom. I've always wanted to be a mom.  When this is your dream, you are willing to put in the time and the effort and the hard work.  

Raising kids is hard work, but there is no other job that I want more than being a mom.

And that will be all for tonight!

KC

it is well

When my grandmother died many years ago, my mom told me how Grandma had written her favorite hymns in her Bible to be played/sang at her funeral.  Being young and having little experience with death I found that kind of morbid.  

Growing up some and being a little more mature (I said "a little") I understand it a bit more clearly.  It was less about focusing on their "funeral songs" and more of an opportunity to share with those they loved one more time.  To share songs and words that spoke to them with the hopes that it might speak to their loved ones about how they lived their life.  To share their perspective, their hopes and desires for the ones they left behind.

After my Dad passed away, I wrote my first hymn down in my Bible.  I have a beautiful sign in my house with the refrain painted on it.  It truly is my perspective and something I hope to pass on to my children.  Last Friday at the funeral I attended we sang that hymn.  

377. It Is Well with My Soul

Text: Horatio G. Spafford 

Music: Philip P. Bliss 

---

1.	When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,  when sorrows like sea billows roll; 
	whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, 
	It is well, it is well with my soul. 

 Refrain:
	It is well with my soul, 
	it is well, it is well with my soul. 

 2.	Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, 
	let this blest assurance control, 
	that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, 
	and hath shed his own blood for my soul. 
	(Refrain) 

 3.	My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! 
	My sin, not in part but the whole, 
	is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, 
	praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! 
	(Refrain) 

 4.	And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, 
	the clouds be rolled back as a scroll; 
	the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, 
	even so, it is well with my soul. 
	(Refrain) 

Our pastor taught on the 23rd Psalm this morning and near the end of his sermon, he read the words to this song.  At that point, I knew that I should post this blog that I had started last week (sometimes I write and then get insecure about what I've written...) because that felt like enough confirmation to me.

When I pass on, I want my "sermon" to come through this song.  Listen up family and friends who come to my "life celebration!"  This is my important message to you: no matter what is happening in life, let this be your deep down comfort, that because you have been saved by the grace of Jesus on that cross, it is well with your soul. Life might feel crazy, but that is steadfast.  

(I do reserve the right to add other songs and hymns to my funeral; I'm going to live a long life, after all!)

So the next time you have to attend the funeral if one you love, listen carefully to the words of their favorite songs and hymns.  There might just be a message from them to you. 

KC

training little natures

As I was cleaning up cat vomit this evening (I know you are so excited to read on now), I was thinking about how nice it would be if we could train our cats to throw up their hair balls in the toilet or at least on the laminate flooring instead of the carpet!

Now in this whole cleaning process I got to thinking (in the spaghetti-like way my brain works) how difficult this whole "training up" our children can be!  I'm not trying to say that our children are like animals, but yeah, I guess I am.

When our firstborn was old enough to start training, we were frustrated when our bright little one did not remember the lesson we had taught her just minutes before! We were pretty naive.  I mean really, can you train your dog to do a new command in one lesson? (I don't know for certain because I've never had a dog). I'm guessing no.  So what makes us think that we can get out child to respond correctly after only one rebuke, one lesson? 

So fast forward a few years later and we now know that some lessons are going to take years to learn.  Sometimes our kiddos "get it" within a day or so (but this is a rare and miraculous thing).  Most lessons have to be taught over and over again.  Just as memorizing a scripture takes repeating and practice, so does training a sinful litte nature to turn away from the wrong and make the decision you have been teaching their little heart to make. 

So here's my encouragement: don't give up, dig deep for patience.  Try, try again!  Someday you will see the fruit of all your hard work. Take hope. (I live in the world of hope - it's the best place to be when you are raising children).

KC

the "i'm sorry but" apology

Today I had to apologize to my husband. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. I had been inconsiderate and thoughtless and I apologized. 

But I did the "I'm sorry but..."  Yeah, that doesn't really count. I started making all these excuses for why I had been that way.  Yep. I pointed outward at everything else and didn't point at the true cause.  Me.  Here we have working so hard to help our daughter understand that she can't blame everyone else for her actions and attitudes and what do I do? Just that. 

And you know what my husband did?  He pointed it out.  I hate when he's right!  Well I don't always hate when he's right, just when it means I'm wrong.

So I gave myself some space and a bit of time to gather my courage and humility and finally apologized.  I took the blame.  I pointed at myself and I made that apology a real one.  Do you know how hard that is to do?  It literally feels like you are swallowing your pride.  And I do mean "literally" literally.  As I worked up the words I needs to say, my throat fought back against me.  Haven't you ever felt that way?  It's quite uncomfortable.

But it was necessary. After I apologized, I could see in his face that everything was going to be okay.  He would get over it and forgive me as he always does.  

So what do your apologies sound like?  "I'm sorry but..." or "I'm sorry you misunderstood me..." (that's not real either) or even "I'm sorry you feel that way."  Or does your apology ring true: "I'm sorry. I was wrong."  

Like I always tell my daughter, "Don't apologize unless you really mean it."

(Always learning from my own lessons as a mom!)

KC

a kitten named penny

While I was in the shower a few minutes ago, I thought of 4 things that I was going to get done before I went to bed.  I know one of them was writing tonight's blog...but the other 3 things are somewhere in the foggy area of my mind right now. That's okay. I'll think of them right before I fall into a nice deep sleep, or wake up suddenly at 3:00 am remembering what needed to be done!  Arg.

Onto today's post:

As some of you know we recently adopted the most adorable little kitten into our family about a month ago. Her name is Penny and I love her. From her squeaky little meow to the funny way her tail wiggles instead of wags, she is simply adorable.

She (mostly) belongs to my daughter who is 8 and who has grand ideas of being responsible.  Which is why the kitten only "mostly" belongs to her.  Originally, the kitten was to stay in her room at night so that she'd get used to sleeping with my daughter. That was "all she ever wanted" (can you hear the dramatic lilt of her voice?!)

So now in the evenings my daughter pretty much kicks the kitten out of her room.  Oh, did I forget to mention the spunky, energetic, hyper, attack-anything-that-moves personality that this Penny has?  Oh my. 

"She keeps attacking me!"

"She won't let me rest!"

"She hurt me!" (tears)

"I have had it with this cat!" (Seriously folks, her words, not mine).

As I listen to her, a part of me thinks, "Ha! Now she understands what it is like to be her mom!  Attacking me, no rest, hurting me and making me cry (for those of you new to the blog, my daughter is strong-willed so I'm truly not exaggerating on this!) and sometimes I have had it!!"  I just want her to see how difficult this whole parenting this is. 

And then this hits me: perhaps God wants me to see how difficult it is to "parent" me.  And perhaps that is why he put a mirror in front of me in the form of my children.  I can be stubborn.  I can be blind to my selfishness.  I put my wants and desires before Him.  I ignore Him.  And sometimes I do feel like slamming my bedroom door! 

*sigh*

One of my wise brothers (I have three) once told me that God chooses the children He gives us so that He can change us and "grow" us.  And it's interesting because the longer I do this whole parenting thing, the more I realize just how much I still need to grow.

KC

And now onto the 2nd thing I was going to get done tonight: laundry. I kinda wish that I had remember that just before falling asleep because I would have left it in the washer and dryer at that point.  Oh well.

friendship and iced tea

Quite a few years back I had a life lesson that was difficult to go through.  But I came out on the other side with perspective about friendship that has proved to be valuable from then on.

Turns out that I am not a very good friend.  I had a falling out with someone I knew for years and she stopped talking to me.  This was before Facebook so she didn't "unfriend" me but she did unfriend me in real life for a while.  I don't remember much of what went wrong, but I think there was some drama and I don't do drama very well. Plus I was much less mature then than I am now (*ahem*).

So here's what I learned from that whole experience: I am very, very, extremely, very far from perfect. I could list out my weaknesses but that would take me longer than a month. And I can only hope that someone who wants to be my friend will take me with all my weaknesses and all my short-comings. I'll tell you what: if you can take me with my imperfections, I'll take you with yours.

But I also learned this: sometimes being a friend means more giving and less taking.  Sometimes God puts us in a relationship so that He can use us in the other person's life for what they need.  Sometimes it really isn't all about me.  Sometimes it's about something bigger. 

I had a conversation with a friend lately about this exact situation.  It was a reminder to me that sometimes friendship requires the sacrifice of something you desire so that you can be a friend to someone in need.  

So when you see me at the coffee shop sitting with a friend, drinking my strawberry tea, just know that I am sacrificing a pile of laundry, a clean house, and clean dishes to be there! (*wink, wink*)

sleep? nah.

Last night I fell asleep before I wrote my blog. I woke up to see that I was still on the starting page of the blog and I hadn't written a word!  Whoops - I guess my tiredness got the best of me.

I keep trying to remind myself that this exhaustion is just a stage.  It keeps my hope alive that someday I will get a full night's sleep.  Some night my daughter won't ask to sleep on my floor at 2:30.  Some night my son won't wake up an hour later to join her.  Some day my husband won't work nights (without trying to explain the complexities of the night shift, this usually means that I am hanging out later into the night on his nights off). Some day I will sleep an entire night through.

But I think of my future and realize that might not be happening any time soon.  It won't be long before I am waiting up at night to make sure my daughter gets home safe from her friend's house.  Or I'll be up waiting for one of my children to be driving home from a sporting event.  Or I will be staying up late to spend time watching movies or talking with my kids. 

Oh sleep, I miss you!

So this might be a pretty long stage in my life.  Currently, I am embracing short naps and a few long ones and as much caffeine as I can get from my strawberry iced tea. Honestly, this stage of life while my children are young is going to pass so quickly. I keep reminding myself that they are only this size for a bit of my (hopefully) long life.  My son is only 5 for one year out of the 50 or so that I've got left.  Goodness, I love his little 5-year-old self.  And my daughter is growing up so quickly.  I will only be able to pour my knowledge and life experiences into her for so long before she starts making life-changing decisions on her own.  

So, I will trade my sleep for this period of time so that I can cherish and grow my children.  And every morning I ask for a refreshing of the Holy Spirit, for renewed strength and energy for the entire day.  Then I hit the snooze button 3 more times (as per an earlier conversation with friends about how useful the snooze button is) and then get up and (slowly) get going.

But you probably want to wait to talk to me until I have been up at least an hour.  I'm not saying that I'm crabby... It's just that my numerous side takes a bit longer to wake up!

Heading to bed now,

KC

a heavy day

It's been a heavy day today.  Difficult to process.  This morning I found out one of our long time family friends had passed away.  Just saw her on Sunday.  Played piano while her husband, son, and daughter-in-law performed and she watched.  So quickly. Gone.

How do you process that?

In my parents' close group of friends, my Dad was the first to pass away.  She's the second. They are not old.  They are still parents and grandparents watching their grand babies grow up.  Never reaching that "ripe old age."

I can tell you what has gone through my mind for the past 6 years: "it's not fair."  I can tell you all the reasons why it's not fair, but God did not promise fair so I won't torture myself with the "what ifs."  But it's not fair.  

People tell you things all the time to make you feel better.  Although many of them are true and realized, losing a parent sucks.  Forever. Till you yourself pass away into heaven.  But here on earth you live with that pain and ache, sometimes small, sometimes huge, forever.

Today, hug someone.  Tell someone you love them.  Look upon someone and cherish them.  And although it's a cliché, don't take tomorrow for granted.

Prayers for our family friends,

KC

  

forgive me for not being political

You want to know why politics are not high on my list of things to converse about? Two big reasons:

1. I have kids. I know, I know, even more reason to be concerned about politics because it will affect their future! But in my world, I am so focused on parenting and raising these two kids to the best of my ability that I don't have time to read about the government and the ridiculous decisions they make. If I have time to read, it will probably be to get advice on parenting, or something more enjoyable than politics.  Plus, my husband knows a bit about politics and I trust his opinion because he's just as conservative as I am.  Plus, plus, politics make me sad.  

And even more importantly:

2. I have a God and He is pretty big.  Someone had this on their Facebook page today or yesterday (sometimes days just run into each other like that).  It was a reminder of something I already knew.  I'm not worried because even when our world seems out of control, He is not. He is sovereign. Sovereign: one possessing supreme political power (sovereign is also any of various gold coins of the United Kingdom, but that doesn't really apply here). SUPREME!  Supreme: more than just a pizza, it is the highest in rank or authority. (Really enjoying the dictionary app on my phone right now). But seriously, folks - there is no one higher in power.  I will not fear. I will not worry. He is in control.

I know some could criticize my ignorance, but at this point in my life I have not heard God calling me to the political realm.  I have friends who are passionate about politics and I am so grateful to know that there are God-fearing men and women who make politics their business.  

And what I said earlier about not fearing or worrying, I lied a little.  I do fear and I do worry on the surface, but down deep in an unmovable peace and calm that comes with knowing that Someone bigger and better is in control.  

KC

garage #4

Today I tackled the garage.  

Okay, here's the truth (my husband told me today that he reads my blog so I have to tell the truth): We have a lot of garages (whoever designed this house must have run out of ideas and just said, "Let's just make that another garage!"). One garage is for the car. One is for the truck. One has my husbands tools and other "manly garage" stuff (but he graciously shares a little of that space with the kids and with me too).  The last garage is for stuff. Bikes, outside toys, paint, holiday decor, my treasures (I call them treasures; what anybody else calls them I just don't want to know), stuff that came out of the attic of our old house, stuff to sell, stuff to donate: stuff.

So that stuff has been getting messier, bigger, less organized, dirtier, and an overall pain in my neck.  It was one of those things that I looked at and thought of every day and could not get myself to tackle, mainly because I thought it'd take me a couple days!  Goodness, who has a couple of day to work on projects?  Not this gal!

Today, as I'm coming up the driveway from bringing some trash away, my husband goes to the "stuff-filled" garage to open the roll-up door.  Hold on!  Wait just a stinkin' minute!! You are going to roll up that door and show everybody in the neighborhood (all two of them) our (mostly my) huge mess of a garage?  I didn't say that out loud but asked him what he was doing. He was going to straighten up the garage.  

That was not going to work for me. I didn't have the time right then.  I wasn't ready to go through it all. I wanted to do it on my own without anyone questioning what I kept and what I got rid of.  But he was determined.  Little by little we moved boxes and bags into the bed of our truck to be donated. Little by little we found more of our garage floor.  And it didn't take long at all. The garage is clean(er). The items have all been donated. And a HUGE burden has been lifted from my back.

Above all other things that my husband did for me today, that was the best thing: he removed a seemingly overwhelming burden from my back that had been riding there for months. You see, I have a big list of things I want to get done around here but sometimes it seems as though I can only get the basic needs taken care of: food, laundry, and a somewhat tidy house (Husband - no comment needed).  And as I walk around the house noting all that I can't get done, each thing weighs on me. Some days it feels pretty heavy, almost depressingly heavy.  Today my load is lighter.  Thank you, husband, for making my load lighter.

I know Someone who is faithful to do the same:

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

What load do you need to tackle? Or is there someone who needs a loaded lifted?

KC