I am a piano-er

Tonight I played the piano accompaniment for River of Praise, my Southern Gospel group (I like to call it SoGo.)  I've been piano-ing with them for about 3 years.  I LOVE it!  But I have come a long way I order to be able to say that.

I started piano lessons when I was in 3rd grade. I had to practice all the time.  My best friend would come over to play with me and would sit through my practices first.  Now that is a good friend! I had recitals twice a year. I memorized long pieces and performed in competitions as well as in church.  I accompanied our high school choirs.  I had what many called "the touch." (This is not me attempting to brag, it's just what people told me and so I believed it.)

But it made me sick.  I got so nervous before any performance that I could not eat and was sick to my stomach.  It was a struggle for me.  I did it, all the way through high school, but it was the same every time. Just ask my Mom; she was my biggest support, by my side for every performance .

A few years after I got married I ran across someone who had attended high school with me.  He also played piano.  He asked if I ever played for weddings or church and I told him that I didn't.  "What a shame," he said.  Talk about making someone feel like a waste!  I think perhaps if he had understood how difficult it had been for me to perform, he wouldn't have said that to me.

Meanwhile, I didn't let my gift go completely to waste.  I started teaching piano lessons, watching as kids started to understand this world of music.  That was a blessing. 

As I mentioned before, about 3 years ago I was in the right place at the right time: I was finally ready to perform and River of Praise needed me.  My heart was in the right place as I wanted to use this gift in whatever manner God desired for me.  I have been amazed over and over at the blessings that have come because of this decision.

But perhaps the most amazing thing is that my nerves are nearly gone.  (I say nearly because I still wrestle with that insecure human part of me, the part of me who wants to rely solely on myself). Every time we perform, I give my hands over to the Lord. I have performed in front of a large group after having a lousy day.  I have performed in a church after having insomnia the night before.  I have performed after having an extremely stressful day.  But when I play, I ask the Lord to use me so that I might not let my human self get in the way, because my human self tends to doubt myself and psych myself out and just do an all around lousy job of building me up.  I am amazed every time at what He does.

I'm pretty sure somewhere along the way I will probably biff up something terrible in a performance. But at this point, God has seen fit to build my confidence when I place it in Him.  From who I used to be to who I am now is proof of that.

Think you can't do it?  Is there something you are afraid of doing?  Consider handing it over to God to see what He wants to do with it.  You might just be astounded...

KC