grace for the grieving

My first real understanding of grief was a little over 8 years ago when my Dad passed away. I had experienced death previous to that day but I did not have enough maturity to understand the grieving process. 

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned through that entire experience was this: every person grieves in their own way. And the second most important lesson: criticizing another person's grieving process is quite possibly one of the most thoughtless and unsympathetic things that a person can do. 

(Now, just to be clear, I am not addressing a situation where a person is doing self-harm or harming others in their grief, and I think that will become clear as I continue to express what is simply my opinion on the subject.)

After my dad passed away, my mom received various opinions (most well-meaning, of course) on how long she should grieve, on when she should or shouldn't bring up her sadness (those were the "not well-meaning opinions," as far as I'm concerned), what she should do with Dad's belongings and when she should take get rid of different items that belonged to him. You know, all that kind of "advice" and those types of "opinions."

I'm not jumping down anyone's throat here, but I will tell you that my mom was often hurt by thoughtlessness and ignorant comments. And when she hurts, not only do I hurt with her, but the overprotective momma bear in me comes out (and I'm not even the mom in this case!)

Now, let me explain this to you: you are more than welcome to have your opinion in a grieving situation. However, if your opinion is not asked for, consider keeping your mouth closed. Especially if you have not walked that proverbial mile in their shoes. And even if you think you have walked that mile, chances are that their road was different and that is why their grief is not the same as yours might have been. 

And when it comes to losing someone you love, please understand that those left behind on this earth are always going to need that extra measure of grace from you. Grace to respond with compassion. Grace to just listen as they remember. Grace to keep back words that might be considered hurtful. Grace to just be there, to be present.  

Because even though the pain of that loss changes and the load is not always so heavy, that pain is in fact there and it always will be.

KC

*Sorry for any part of this that might seem overly passionate. I realized today that I have learned of way too many deaths just in the last year alone. I thought that perhaps I could open a few hearts to approach those who are grieving with grace. Their walk is hard enough without any of us spouting out thoughtless words. Love to you all - ❤️