Thursday, May 14, 2015

if you plant it

and water it and fertilize it and pull the surrounding weeds and make sure it has a lot of sunlight and fresh air and keep the bugs off: the fruit will come.

That is the extra long mantra of a hardworking, determined momma: ME!

This whole parenting thing turned out to be a bigger deal than what I was warned about. From the very beginning it would have been nice to know just how little sleep I would be getting FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! And to know that I would actually have to deal with gross things like vomit and snot and  children stepping in dog dookie on a regular basis, not just once in a lifetime. 
Ew. 
Ew, ew, ew!!

But the thing that was probably the biggest surprise: parenting doesn't always work the first time. I mean we had this thing all figured out! How we were going to discipline. Rules for around the house. "We are NEVER going to blah, blah, blah..." and we are ALWAYS going to blah, blah, blah..." I mean, how could we fail? We had talked about it. We had plans!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! 
I'll say it again: Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! 

Okay, so here's the point of tonight's post: raising kids is hard work, especially if one of them has an iron will. But here's the hope I wish I could have offered my past self: Don't give up. Keep working at it. Get advice from pastors/parents you respect. Keep implementing the advice. Pray, pray, and then pray some more. If you give up, do it for only a minute and then jump right back in (I've been there, that's why I'm saying it - I give up by hiding in my closet behind locked doors for a little while till the sanity returns). 

One thing I decided early on in my strong-willed child's life was that I would never give up on figuring out how to parent her. And after many tears (mine!), many evenings of long-suffering, many repetitive conversations about how to deal with certain situations, we started to see fruit. 

We had certain conversations over and over and over again. 
"Is that how you treat your brother, by whacking him every time you walk by him?"
"Do you think that is an appropriate way to talk to you mother?"
"How do you think he feels when you call him that?"
"Is yelling about what you want the best approach to getting what you think you deserve?"

Over and over and over again. Why didn't it click?

Until finally this: I don't remember why (because the reasons behind actions are usually so ridiculously minor) but my daughter decided something was worth yelling about. She was epitome of a spoiled brat, yelling her head off at me while I was making dinner. I stopped what I was doing and looked at her with the "you know what you're doing is absolutely wrong" look. She huffed and puffed. I told her, "You know what you need to do right now." She stomped upstairs.

Ten minutes later, I found her in the den, watching TV. I sat next to her and said, "You know what you need to do to make this right, don't you?"  Huff..."yes." I went back downstairs. 

Five minutes later, a sorrowful girl came downstairs, hugged me and apologized for what she had done. She said she would try to be more respectful. I forgave her and we went on with life.

That was fruit, my friends. FRUIT!!! After months of spending 30-45 minutes to resolve issues like that, talking things through, probing her heart and teaching her how to handle herself: fruit!! She removed herself from the situation, distracted herself enough to calm down, and then knew what she had to do to resolve the situation she had caused! (Now, you might not agree with all our tactics or techniques and I'm okay with that because I am raising my kids and you are raising yours). 

So now that I've written a short novel, let me end with this: those of you who are struggling with this whole parenting thing, don't give up. There is hope for fruit, I promise. With prayer, determination, a little fertilizer, sonlight (I know that you see what I did there!) and some hard work, you will see fruit. 

KC

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

judging the speck

Over the past few years I've made a realization that has changed my outlook on life immensely. It has changed my view on friendships, on my faith and my relationship with Jesus. It's even changed how I see myself. It's kinda a big deal. And I already know that not everyone out there is going to agree with me on it. And that's okay because I'm speaking what God has placed on my heart, not everyone else's.

I realized that I don't want to live my life judging other people for the choices they make. Because it's not my job. (If it was my job, I'd be really horrible at it!) Now that doesn't mean that I don't have some very strong opinions about things in this life. And I've tried hard to base those opinions on my beliefs from the Word of God. I'm actually a very conservative person! And I am not afraid to speak my opinions when the time is appropriate (in other words: when God leads me to speak them).

However, (and this is the big "however"!) I struggle to believe that being judgmental towards a person is going to lead them to Jesus. 

"Let me tell you what I think of your life: ........and now do you want to come to church so you can be more like me?"  Ha! That thought makes me laugh!

And I seem to remember also that when I'm pointing out someone's speck, I always have this huge plank sticking out of my own eye (Matthew 7:3). I mean, seriously, people, have you ever created that mental cartoon picture in your head? A well-meaning fella (or gal) is trying to help a buddy get a speck out of his eye while he himself has a 2x4 sticking out of his own eye! That's great humor, God!!

I'm thinking that maybe God had a different approach in mind when He sent us out into all the world. "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34.  

You know what the best part of this scripture is? "As I have loved you." Because I am telling you, you are not perfect. You have faults. You disobey. You sin. You can be selfish and thoughtless. You have put other things before God. I'd venture to say you have probably lied and have displayed a rebellious attitude toward God. And I know this because I have done it all! And yet: He loved me. Despite who I am and what I have done, He loved me. He still loves me now! 

And that is not all. He commands us to love others in the same way: despite their imperfections, their failings, their sinful natures, their different beliefs. 

Maybe I've got this all backwards, but here's what I plan on doing: I'm going to go ahead and keep my very conservative beliefs. But instead of shoving them down someone's throat, I'll share them when God prompts me to. And until that time comes, I will display the type of love that I think Jesus would when He walked this earth. 

Because to be quite honest, that is how I'd like to be treated, as Jesus would have treated me.

KC