tee ball and influence

My daughter plays tee ball. She's the only girl on the team. She tries her best, stands a head taller than all the boys, and runs a bit like a girl. She uses the coach's pink bat (with swirls) that he brings just for her. She loves playing first base because in tee ball, that's where all the action is.  She bats left handed (because that's what her Daddy taught her) and throws with her right.  She insists on wearing a ponytail because she can stick it through the back of her hat to keep it on when it's windy.  She tells me she's going to play tee ball until she's a grown-up.

You know why I think she likes tee ball so much? I think it's because she knows that baseball is her Daddy's favorite sport. He practices with her and works on her technique. He's patient with her and encourages her. Every once in a while she'll watch a couple innings of the Angels on TV with him (whenever we can get it) and cheers for his team because it's her favorite also.

This is such a good reminder to me of how we influence our children.  Our passions can very easily become their passions.

As I've reflected on this is the past, it's helped me try to pick wisely what I invest my time in.  My kiddos are watching me closely. Sometimes my sinful, selfish nature gets in the way and I have to try and shove it aside so I can set a good example for them. 

Above all else, my kids need to see God in my life. They need to see me reading the Bible. They need to hear me pray. They need to hear me offer Bible-based advice. They need to see me treat others as Christ would. They need to see me give to others, deny myself, exercise patience and self-discipline, and rely on God. They need to see my trying my best to exemplify Jesus in my life.

Looks like I've got a lot to work on.
KC

skyping: super fun!

I skyped today.  First time.  Pretty proud.  Pretty sure my niece (who only lives a couple miles away and skyped with me this evening) thinks I'm a big dork.  I'm okay with that.  Today, she helped open a whole new world to me!  I cannot WAIT to use this with dear friends who are far away.  I'm hoping my kids can have "Skype Pals" in the same way that I had a penpal!

Sometimes, I put off doing things that are unfamiliar to me.  Things that I have to try and figure out.  I usually ask myself later why I waited so long to figure these things out!  I waited forever to join MOMS Club (I have made some wonderful friendships because I finally joined at my sister-in-law's persistence).  I waited forever to figure out Pinterest (I can't even begin to tell you how much Pinterest has affected my life).  I waited forever to start meal-planning each week.  Life simplified by just taking about 15-20 minutes to plan out meals and make a shopping list each week.  Even making better meals - I was always afraid of making things like lasagna and meatloaf, things I figured would be automatic failures.  Nope!  Turned out great!  Exercise: okay, I'm still working on trying to make a habit of that one.  But I am trying and that's the first step.

So, to be quite honest, I have never read the entire Bible in a year.  I've tried starting in January and have failed... in January.  I put it on my "40 Before 40" list (a list of 40 things that I want to accomplish before I turn 40) with high hopes of completing it.  But if I never get started, I'll never finish.  And if I never get started, I'll never know what I'm missing.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  But in this situation, ignorance regarding the Word of God is just ignorance. 

So here goes!  Wish me luck.  Maybe you all can help keep me accountable.  (And maybe I'll try and find you on Skype too - it was SO much fun!) 

What new thing are you going to try today?

KC

blessed daily

This evening I was doing some reflecting and went to my husband to comment about how "lucky" we were.  Then I changed my wording to say how "fortunate" we were.  And then I realized, we are just plain blessed!  There is no luck, no fortune involved.  I need to work harder to get those words out of my vocabulary.  All good is from the Lord.  We are BLESSED!

It's quite easy to get caught up in what someone else has that we don't have.  Some people never seem to have to worry about money.  Others effortlessly maintain a beautiful house, car, children, and hair.  And still others seem to manage to avoid all trials and struggles that life often brings.  Not fair.  At least it feels that way.

And that's when it's time for me to take a step back.  My niece just got back from a mission trip to Guatemala.  My husband took a trip to Cambodia earlier in the year.  Trips like that open your eyes to conditions so much worse than the piddly little things we worry about here.  My children are healthy and happy (usually).  There is always food on the table.  We have 2 working vehicles.  Our air conditioning works.  We sleep in comfy beds.  We have automatic sprinklers.  There is no major disease happening in our family.  We have access to healthcare (not getting political here: compared to many, the fact that we have healthcare available to us should be considered a blessing).  Our water is clean.  We have family members that live nearby, that support us and that love us.  And so, so much more.

But most of all, my family has been saved.  By the grace of God, we have salvation.  Greatest gift ever.

Every once in a while, it's important to step back just to see how blessed we are.  No, not every once in a while.  I think it should be a daily thing.  Amidst the dissatisfaction that this world offers, we should daily be searching for our blessings. 

So what blessings have you acknowledged today?

KC

judging lately

Lately my envelope has been pushed. I've never considered myself a terribly judgmental person. Here and there, yes; but no more than anybody else... That was my thinking, anyway. Turns out that God decided to pull back my eyelids a bit to show me a few areas where I have been (mentally) pointing out people's specks.

[It's funny how you can hear something, believe something, and even preach that thing, and God can still show you where you are falling short in that area.  (Hence the subject of judgmentalism).]

I used to be irritated and upset about issues that were clearly against God's word. And perhaps rightly so - but I realized something I was missing: mercy. I could get all riled up, yell and scream, judge and convict, but that's never going to win anyone over to Christ. (Can you imagine Christ yelling at Zacchaeus about his cheating sins as a tax collector?  No, he went into the "sinner's" house to be his guest and Zacchaeus was saved.  Luke 19:10 - "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.")   Instead my heart should be aching, desiring for them to see the truth, and most of all: praying.

Funny thing about Christians: we're all hypocrites. It's been quite difficult to keep up the whole "perfect person" attitude  when compared to Jesus!  Every time my daughter laments about how awful she feels for some stinky behavior, I tell her how I still make bad choices all the time (children are such good reminders of just how imperfect we are).

I know Jesus came to heal those who were broken.  He hung out with those who were dirty, "below" everyone else. Those of little or no value to the rest of the world.  So who does that translate to in my life today? I could tell you, but that would reveal too much of my judgmentalism. So the question is, who does this translate to in your life?

A song hit me today that brought this whole thought process around into a full circle for me. It's called, "Jesus, Friend of Sinners" by Casting Crowns. I copied these lyrics from the internet so forgive me if there is some mistakes (and no punctuation!):

Jesus Friend of sinners we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to
swing
Jesus friend of sinners the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus friend of sinners break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah,yeah,yeah

Jesus friend of sinners the one who's writing in the sand
Make the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of thieves
Let the memory of Your mercy bring your people to their knees

Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we
judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and love like
You did
Oh Jesus friend of sinners

Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus friend of sinners break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good And Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
Oh Jesus friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus friend of sinners break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

(If you'd like to hear/see this song, you can find it here).

And to finish it off for me (well, not really because God NEVER stops teaching me new stuff, even when I think I know it all), I was looking for the story of Zacchaeus and the first page I came to in Luke was this: Luke 6: 37-43. "Do not judge, and  you will not be judged.  Do not condemn and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  Give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."  (And there's more - it goes on to talk about the afore-mentioned speck and the plank).

So where to go from here?  Living a life being non-judgmental seems nearly impossible! But I'll tell you what: if you don't judge me for not keeping my truck washed or for not getting my daughter's hair brushed in the morning, I won't judge you for wearing socks with your sandals or for still wearing sweatpants when you drop your kids off at school in the morning.

K

(And just a little p.s. - my intention in discussing judgment is not to imply that we should not make judgments for ourselves and our children according to the Word of God.  It is simply to state that we should be displaying mercy to the sinners around us, who, in all actuality, are just like the rest of us sinners.)

are you there, kc? it's me, God.

So apparently God is trying to tell me something, because He's bringing it up to me on a pretty regular basis. In devotions, on blogs, in books, conversation, and even on Pinterest!

Essentially the message is this: less criticizing, more encouragement. Specifically in regards to my kids.

When life gets frustrating, it's difficult to find a positive spin to put on situations. Is easy to point out how your children have failed when you are completely aggravated with them! It's much more difficult to swallow the criticism on the tip of your tongue and to find words of encouragement.

On my daily calendar (which has been on this page for 3 days) it says this: "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

In a book I am reading by Pam Farrel  and her husband, Bill,  entitled "The 10 Best Decisions Every Parent Can Make," I came across a paragraph that was the perfect example of our life right now. In it they talk about choosing to be consistent in parenting and discipline even when we are exhausted or frustrated or preoccupied or angry. For me that means keeping a level head in these situations. Sometimes I forget that being a good parent comes before anything else I deem important.

In a blog that I read regularly written by Jon Acuff, today's post was about how 1 negative comment + 1000 compliments = 1 negative comment. The criticism sticks.  It practically erases all positive words you might impart. I can think of examples of this in my own life!  In the comments of this particular blog, many parents mentioned how true this is when we are dealing with our own kids.  They hear the negative, not the positive.

A quote that was posted on Pinterest this week says this:
Oh give me patience
When wee hands
Tug at me with their
Small demands
And give me gentle
And smiling eyes.
Keep my lips from hasty replies
And let not weariness,
Confusion or noise
Obscure my vision of
Life's fleeting joys.
So when, in years to come
My house is still -
No bitter memories its
Rooms may fill.

Funny how God has been whispering these things to me for the past week - He felt no need to yell at me.  My, how I must try His patience, but He never gets exasperated!  And He's got a million other things to deal with (and by million, I mean a gabillion) and yet He lovingly takes the time to point me in the right direction.  

KC

amc's relay for life

I just wanted to promote one of my favorite events, coming up this weekend.  Ripon is hosting the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.  This event is simply amazing.  Even if your life hasn't been touched in some way by cancer, you will find this weekend to be an emotional one.

The Relay begins on Saturday morning and will continue for 24 hours with people walking the track at the local high school the entire 24 hours.  The purpose for the continual walking around the track is to demonstrate that cancer never takes a break - and we will never stop trying to find a cure. 

During those 24 hours, various teams will be participating and will have mini fundraisers happening on the track.  There will be delicious meals available for purchase.  There will be entertainment on the stage.  There will be raffles and prizes to be won.  You will see men, women, and children wearing their purple shirts.  These are the amazing survivors of cancer. 

As I write about this event, many faces and names keep coming to mind of people who have been diagnosed with cancer just in the last year.  I heard somewhere that 1 in 4 people will be diagnosed with cancer.  Sometimes, when I am in a group of friends or family, I imagine the "what if".  What if it is one of us?  I look at my children and hope and pray that it will never be one of them. 

This year, I will not be able to participate because of a conflict in my schedule.  But as the day approaches, my heart aches to be there.  It has been a part of my life for nearly 7 years.  My children look forward to it every year.  We come home dusty and dirty and a bit tired from walking.  But it is worth it: we feel like we might just have accomplished a little something to help bring cancer to an end.

Five years ago, I had the privilege of being a Team Captain for the Relay while my Dad battled cancer (and when people say "battle," they truly mean that it is a battle to fight this war-waging disease).  Just about a month before the Relay took place that year, my Pa passed away.  To say that the Relay that year was emotional would be an understatement.  But that year, it became more to me than raising money to find a cure.

That year, it was about remembering and honoring those who had fought the fight.  It was about celebrating those who were walking survivors!  It was about cheering on those who were in the midst of their own battle.  (It is this way every year, but this particular year was when it became real to me.)

If you have a bit of time on Saturday (most of the events take place on Saturday, into the evening as well) and can stop by the Ripon High track, you won't regret it.  You might have to walk a little distance to get there, but it will be well worth it.

 And if you do, stop by and say "hi" to my wonderful gal pals who are walking on the MOMS Club team!  I did get to make some signs for the activities that they are doing.  So a little bit of me will be there.  Look for these signs:

 

If you'd like to see the schedule of events for those two days, click here and scroll down, way down.   Or to go to Ripon's main page, you can find it here.

KC

cherishing chubbiness

My almost 4 year old little boy still has chubby hands.  He says things like, "We found wots of widdle wolly-pollies at Gwandma's house today!"  He grabs my neck in really tight hugs.  He still holds my hand, actually reaches out to hold it because he still likes to.  He's still got a bit of a pot-belly.  I tell him often to stop growing up.  He tells me he has to grow up and talks about getting bigger, faster, stronger all the time.

Often times while out in public, older people (whose children have obviously grown up and left the house) tell me to cherish these years.  They grow up so fast. 

This used to really bug me - do they have any idea just how much work I go through (with my husband's help, of course, but this particular post is about me, not him...still got to give him credit, though) to raise these 2 kids?  Do they know how much sleep I have lost?  How much laundry I do now?  Do they understand the concept of cleaning the house while raising children?  It just doesn't happen because no matter what I have just cleaned up, one of my kids has come behind me 2 minutes later to MESS IT UP! 

Apparently, these kindly people have already lost brains cells.  They have forgotten the joys of trying to make your child eat dinner.  They certainly don't remember potty training.  Or switching your child from a crib to a bed that they can actually get out of... every 5 minutes... for an hour before they fall asleep.  They have forgotten the tantrums thrown in the grocery store that made you have to leave an entire cart full of groceries in aisle 4.  Or trying to get your child out of the habit of calling everything "poo-poo".  (I know - dirty language on such a clean blog!)  Cutting gum out of hair, fixing the crooked self-haircuts of your 4 year old and the cut she gave her 18 month old brother, removing every possibly breakable item from lower shelves, cleaning permanent marker off of table tops, putting the Tupperware back into the bottom drawer again and again and again, reminding your child to keep their skirt down, stepping on pointy little toys left in the middle of the floor: all things that these people have forgotten... maybe a result of post-traumatic stress disorder.

But I must get back to the statement a couple of paragraphs ago - this used to really bug me.  It hit me one day that maybe God was using these people as a reminder for me.  Being a parent is hard work.  It can be so frustrating.  It can bring out the worst in me.  Sometimes I honestly think I might go insane. Sometime I look back and wonder how I even made it through the day (obviously, it's always only by the grace of God). 

Setting aside the intentions of these folks who want me to "cherish" (although I do believe they are good intentions, I also think their memories are a bit selective), I believe they are little pokes from God to bring me back around to the good points of being a parent.  It is SO easy to get caught up in the negative, to let it ruin my day and my relationship with which ever child is currently pushing all my buttons at once.  But a comment from a well-meaning stranger always changes my perspective.  At least until the next child starts pushing buttons!

But in between the frustrations, I do look at my son's chubby little fingers and capture that picture in my memory.  I grab my daughter in tight hugs whenever I can because someday she probably won't want me to.  I hold the hand of my little boy every time he reaches for me and sometimes even when he doesn't.  I tickle my little girl as she squirms and kicks every which way.  I listen to the lisp of my boy when he tells me his little stories and a part of me wants that cuteness to stay forever.  When my girl sits and snuggles up to me on the couch just as I am about to get up, I remain for a bit because snuggling is the best.  And as we pray for dinner, I watch as my son grabs his Dad's hand and his sister's hand and she grabs for mine and I grab my husband's hand and I hope that we keep that habit up forever.  

KC

the beauty of t-shirts

I'm a t-shirt gal.  I like to dress nice, don't get me wrong.  But for comfort a t-shirt is where it's at!  And in the world of Pinterest,  I have found amazing ways to use t-shirts.  Very simple projects that give great results.  Today I worked on a bunch of jersey necklace/scarves (whatever you want to call them).  I had some custom orders to fill and then just started getting crazy (well, as crazy as you can get with a scissors, t-shirt, and glue gun).  Here are the results (most of theses were created today, a couple were created, well, not today):

This is the solo color version - little rosette on the side can be worn in the back as well.

Decided to do a few special school colors for one of the local schools.

Wasn't long before my daughter wanted one - here's her version.

I thought I'd do some varying colors myself and was very pleased with the results!

Wanted a textured variation - added knots.

And for a more "put together" look,  I tried my hand at braiding.

But I think this is my favorite.  I just like it.

So what's the moral of the story today?  Don't judge a book by it's cover.  (Huh?  How does that apply here?!)  You know: you take what looks to be a simple t-shirt and see what kind of beauty can be found in it?   

Or, we can look for the deeper meaning: don't judge people by how they look or even by your first impression.  Turns out that this gal I was "acquainted" with for a number of years and thought I didn't have anything in common with (and I'd venture to guess she felt the same way during our "acquainted" years) is now a very close friend of mine.  We get along famously!  It's amazing what  you can learn about someone just by spending a few minutes listening to them.

KC


'But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord does not look at the things people look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'"  1 Samuel 16:7

just so you know

Just so you know, anything about me that is wonderful, kind, thoughtful, generous, and all around amazing is not really of me.  Half a dozen years ago, I was slapped in the face with the realization that overall, I am not a good person.  Nope.  Just a sinful human being.  I make a lot of mistakes.  I do stupid things.  I don't think things through and get myself into a few major messes and quite a few minor ones.  I go where I want to go and do what I want to do a lot of the time, acting on my selfishness.  That stuff is me. 

Anything that is good in me is only that way because of God.  If there is wisdom coming from me, it's really coming from God.  If there is a thoughtful gesture, it's really because of the prodding of God.  If I seem very giving or generous, it's because God pushed me to be that way.  God = good.  KC = not so good.

When I was slapped (not physically, just metaphorically) a while back, it was because I had failed in some way at a friendship.  I can't remember all the details, but what I do distinctly remember was being held up to the standard of something that I wasn't.  Oh, I wanted to think that I was a good person, a great friend.  But in this failure, I harshly realized that I was very imperfect. Ooooh, the humility God was showing me.  Painful.

I have to admit that I still need to be reminded on a pretty regular basis that it is God within me that brings out any good.  All the junk is just me.  For example:

When I started writing this blog, I simply wanted to write what God was prodding me to write.  He's got messages to send out, not me.  But I constantly have to fight the "look what I wrote" to get to the "look what God's doing here."

I suppose that's often how it is when God starts to work through us to further His kingdom.  Satan's not very fond of us being used by God.  He works pretty hard to get in the way using, well, just using ourselves!  We get in our own way pretty good!

So it is with this blog:  I'll try to get out of the way so that God can do some good.  If it were up to me, it'd be a mess!

small town sweetness

When my husband and I were first married, we faced the decision of whether we would stay in the small town I was born and raised in, or if we would move on elsewhere.  Well, some things kind of landed in our lap in this little town and we felt it was God's way of telling us to stay... for the time being. 

Eleven + years and 2 kids later: we're still here!  Being part of this town has so many blessings.  Truly.  People smile at you, even if they don't know you.  They wave to let you through the stop sign first.  It is very likely that you will run into someone you know (or who knows your mom) while you are out grocery shopping.  The feeling of community is very prevalent here.  People bring meals to those who are sick or who have had a baby.  We support locally run businesses (the local coffee shop gals and owner know my name and my "usual").  We buy from the local fruitstands to support our farmers.  Parents watch out for each other's children.  If you run into someone you don't know here in town, just striking up a conversation with them will reveal how you are related to them or a friend of theirs.  Or perhaps that you went to school with their brother or neighbor.  And if you are looking for a referral on a housekeeper, electrician, painter, or piano teacher, all you have to do is ask at the library and they'll find someone who knows someone who does a great job at that.  Or just ask my Mom.  She knows just about everyone who lives here.

(Not that many of these things couldn't happen in a big city... it's just unlikely.)

My husband had to adjust to this life.  People actually do "Sunday drive" on Sunday.  And sometimes on Saturday... well, pretty much any day.  The restaurants close by 9:00, if not 8:00 on the weekdays.  It used to be many businesses were closed on Sunday.  But the slower pace of life suits us as well as the lack of superficiality that we found in other cities.  There are genuine people here, not interested in being better than all the rest, but who care about you and want to see you succeed.

Buuuuutttttt, on the other side of things: sometimes life in a small town isn't so grand.  Somedays it's nice that everyone in the town knows you.  Other days it's not so nice. When people know more about you than you know about yourself, that's a problem! 

I was chatting with someone today who told me something that nearly broke my heart.  Without going into detail, it was essentially someone accusing someone else of something they didn't do, because someone else said they did do it.  (See how silly that sounds just reading it like that?!)  Unfortunately, in a town like ours, Word Of Mouth (and I capitalize that because it's a big deal here) goes a long way.  This has the potential to be great, if you are perfect and no one has any complaints about how you do your business.  However, if you rub the wrong person the wrong way... watch out!

When situations like this arise, sometimes I feel like I really lack answers in knowing how to handle them.  But going back to the Bible is always the best answer.  I think this one really hits home for me because it not only tells us what not to do, but what we should do instead: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  Ephesians 4:29.

And on the other side of things: 'Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.'  Romans 12:19.  I'll admit, this one's hard for me because when someone I care about is hurt, the Momma Bear in me comes out.  But instead, I talk it out with my husband and he lets me vent to him so I can let it go.  And it's interesting, I have witnessed when family and friends have handled their difficult situations in the ways that God has laid out for us, He sets it straight.  In His way, though; not necessarily the way we want things to go.

(As a side note: While doing some reading up on this post, I came across this little devotion from "Right From the Heart, Right To The Point".  It defined Righteous Anger and then explained Jesus' purpose for it. It made me think twice about all the times I've been angry with someone and could have handled the situation without anger.  A good short read.)

*And if you're wondering if any of the "someones" mentioned above are you, don't worry, they're not. :)

I'd love to hear about your likes/dislikes about living in a small town/big city.  I've done both and am quite content to be where we are... for now. 

KC

non-guilty resting

I made the mistake of sitting down and suddenly all that I still had left on my "to do" list was gone from memory!  I'm usually a night owl.  I can work on a project till midnight, or at least 11:00.  Anytime in bed before then is an early night for me.  Maybe, perhaps, that has something to do with why I'm not a morning person...

Today's Gift of Survival: allowing myself to go to bed.  Early. Kind of early.  Today was one of those days where I hit the ground running and didn't sit until the kids were tucked into bed.  I don't even remember lunch, but I think it was in there somewhere.  I know there were a few helpings of coffee, that's for sure.  And tonight, as I think through all I still feel should be finished, I know I could re-motivate myself into getting these things done.  I've done it before.  But perhaps it would be better for myself (and anyone who comes into contact with me tomorrow) if I just went to bed.  All those things will still be waiting for me tomorrow.  So tonight I will issue myself a "go to bed on time with out feeling guilty" card. 

Just a few reminders of  "resting" from whatever you need rest from:


"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

"I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

"I lay down and slept; I awoke for the Lord sustained me." Psalm 3:5

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress, I will never be shaken."  Psalm 62:1-2

"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Praise the Lord for being our resting place and renewing our strength (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) each day!

KC

crumbling

This evening, my daughter revealed something to me once again.  Here's the story: she had gotten out of bed while I was on the phone.  She sat on the stairs during my short conversation even though I told her to go to bed two times during the conversation (fortunately, this conversation was with my sister-in-law who, with the help of her hubby, has raised a strong-willed daughter herself... and did a might fine job of it!  But still, she was probably snickering as she listened to me scold my girl).  (The two of them do that often: giggle at me and my husband.  It's the "been there, done that, so glad we're through that," giggle).  Getting back to the point at hand, I finished the conversation and told her that she needed to get back into bed or she would lose a privilege.  I turned back to what I was doing and heard her slide down the stairs that she was supposed to be walking back up to get to her bedroom.

I turned back to her and defined rebellion for her:  When you do something on purpose that you know you are not supposed to do.  When you choose wrong instead of right, intentionally.  I told her that when she does that she is not showing her love to God.  I reminded her that she often tells me how much she loves God and Jesus and that it's difficult to believe those words when she purposely disobeys.  The look on her face told me that perhaps I had laid it on a little too thick.  Yikes.  Immediately, her face crumbled.  The tears sprang to her eyes and she was devastated.  And the first words out of her mouth were, " I don't want to go to the bad place!"  (We've had many "come to Jesus" conversations, she and I, including what hell is possibly going to be like, in as gentle of terms as possible for a child's sake.) 

Oh my!  It was worse than I thought! I had not only guilt-tripped her, but had scared her into thinking she was going to hell simply because she didn't get back into her bed when I asked her to!  What kind of Mom am I? 

Today's Gift of Survival: Forgiveness.  I took my little girl by the hand and told her that we could make it right.  I told her that she should do the right thing by going back up to bed and then we would have a conversation with Jesus about forgiveness.  She slowly went back up the stairs and I opened in prayer with her, making her ask for forgiveness herself.  She was in tears again and simply said, "please forgive me?"  This opened the door for further conversation about forgiveness and truly being sorry for our actions.  And, of course, it got me thinking about how I should be applying this situation to my own life.  I'm always being taught through my daughter... (*sigh*)

I will admit that although I have been saved by an amazing Savior, sometimes I still intentionally make choices that He would deem as "rebellious."  Maybe you don't, but I do.  Sometimes I go with the "because I want to" attitude.  It's not right, I know. 

But how often do I crumble and fall at God's feet when I come face to face with my sinful choices?  Not often enough.  I'm not saying that I should be on my knees, begging for forgiveness all day long (even though I probably need to be).  But the fact is this: God sent His son (if you've got a son, or a child, for that matter, you can imagine the agony of the Father) to die.  For me.  Because I make stupid choices.  All the time.  And in order for me to have any chance of getting into heaven, those stupid choices (aka: sin) have to be atoned for.  So His son took ALL my sin, the weight of the whole world upon his shoulders so that I could be cleaned up all shiny and get into heaven.

And what do I do with that?  I take it for granted. 

Every once in a while, the weight hits me and I crumble.  I don't take those "crumblings" lightly.  I take those moments and tuck them into my heart that I might have them with me to remind me: Live a life of gratitude to God.  He sent His son.  Giving Him back my entire life is the least I can do for Him.






Oh my - that was heavy, wasn't it?  So I'll end with one of my favorite corny jokes (and just so you know, I've got about 100 favorite corny jokes.)

What do you call a cow that has just given birth?






decalfinated

KC

i like bloggin' even when i can't

Believe you me, if there is not a post here, it is because I was either so busy (like yesterday) or extremely tired (like yesterday... and pretty much every other day!) There might be other reasons: family emergency, sickness, writer's block, or... something else important that I just haven't thought of yet. 

I guess my point is that if there is no post here, it isn't because I didn't want to write (lots of negatives there - a triple negative, actually!)  You see, I enjoy writing this blog very much!!  I've been blessed over and over because of it. 

Sometimes I feel like Moses, that God would want to use me! Of what value could I be? I'm no "speaker of great words." And yet He chooses to work through me - what a humbling experience! 

Other times I discover that my difficulties in life are inspiring or motivating to other people (really?!  Little old me?) But I've said it before: if my trials in life help just one person, then it was worth it to go through it. There is always a purpose behind the trials we go through, we just don't always see them.  Sometimes being able to see a purpose behind the difficult times makes them easier to bear.

And I've felt myself looking deeper for meaning and God's purpose each day that I might be able to share it.  Goodness, you'd be amazed at where you can find God, but only if you are looking!!

This blog has also helped me to be accountable.  Not that any of you are holding anything over my head... And my true accountability has always been to God.  But the feeling is there - to hold myself accountable in various areas that I write about so that I might not be a hypocrite. (And yet, in the same breath, I am still working on all of the areas that I write about!  I know... hypocrite.)

But thank you, each of you.  You make me want to write.  I feel that God has called me to do this, but you the readers, my friends, make me desire to sit at the computer for a bit (some bits longer than others) and pour out what God has placed on my heart for the day.

Thank you,
KC

who he's become

You ever get really frustrated with your spouse for the things they don't do? Me neither. My husband's perfect.  (Maybe I should end the post right there, pat myself on the back, and not delve into troubled waters. I'm pretty sure my husband reads most of my blog posts!)

But to be honest, yes, I do get annoyed with my husband once in a while (and you're lying if you deny this about your spouse). Today was not one of those days, though.  So really, where am I going with this...

Today's gift of survival: appreciating your spouse for who they have become.  This was a lesson my husband taught me pretty early on in our wedded bliss.  Sometimes I would get pretty fed up with some petty little thing that he was not fulfilling in his "husband duties":  "Well, why can't you read my mind?" and: "Did you really just leave your shoes in the middle of the room?" and even: "You ate the last piece of chocolate and didn't offer it to me?".

Sometimes these truly insignificant things would lead into hefty arguments about bigger and better issues.  You know, the irritations that have been building up for days! Weeks, even!! 

So here's the lesson from my husband: quit looking forward to the perfect man you want me to be and take a look at just how far I've come! And you know what? When you look at things from that perspective, it changes everything. Looking back on the 11+ years we've been married, my husband has grown immensely - not quite perfect, but he has matured in so many areas of his life.  And I am SO grateful for the man God has made him to be!

Here's how I was reminded of it today: This evening he not only cleared off the kitchen table after dinner, but cleaned all the dishes.  When I came back downstairs, the dishwasher was running, the counter and table were cleaned off AND he had swept the entire kitchen floor!!

And that gives me hope for our future. All those little irritations  might possibly change - maybe he will become a mind-reader!  Or maybe not.  But I will say that he no longer leaves his shoes in the middle of floor when he takes them off.  And I do admit that I have let go of most of the petty issues. Now we save our arguments for bigger things: "Must you always leave your empty coffee mug in front of the microwave door?"

just say no!

Over the past week I've noticed an increase in how many times I go upstairs only to have to come back downstairs to remember why I've was going upstairs in the first place! This brain of mine...  Sometimes when this happens, I start to believe that I have early onset Alzheimer's.  (I read a book once about a lady who had that and it got my hypochodriac radar up because I had some of the same symptoms, also known in my case as "Brain Loss From Having Children").  In all actuality, I just have too much going on in there and my brain is rebelling by choosing not to function at optimal levels.  Not only am I forgetting things but I've been getting my words mixed up too.  I'll say things like, "Can you tet the sable for me, gear dirl?  It's just about dime for tinner."  And I call things by the wrong name, or forget the name of an everyday item all together.  "Put your dirty dishes in the fridge and the milk in the dishwasher, please.  And make sure all your trash ends up in the... um... that thing you throw trash in!"  My family starts to tease me or correct me and that just adds to the frustration!

When I look at the list of things I am involved in over the next few weeks, it's no wonder this brain of mine is rebelling!  From boutiques to home parties to fundraisers and the prep involved for each; add that to the huge-mongous hole being built in the backyard and the normal busyness of everyday life with teaching piano lessons and t-ball practices and games and I am on overload!  When I mentioned this to a friend yesterday, she reminded me of a very important word: "no."


Today's gift of survival:  "Just say no".  Ah, yes, the freedom of the word "no".  The knowledge that it's okay to say "no".  Even if it is for something good and wonderful.  I had to pause to reflect on why I don't often say "no".  Could be because I try very hard to be a people pleaser.  It also could be that I genuinely like to help others.  And the other reason is probably just that I don't want to miss out on anything exciting or a great opportunity.

So the next task is figuring out what to say "no" to.  My brother recently reminded me to pray about everything!  If I don't feel peace about a decision to do something, then chances are that God doesn't want me to do it.  And he also reminded me that just because something is good and a worthy cause to volunteer for, doesn't mean that God has it in mind for ME to do it.  Again, I need to seek His will in each decision.  Another friend once discussed those times when direction doesn't seem clear.  She suggested that perhaps those are situations where God will bless you no matter which way you go. 

So, now to tackle the next couple of weeks... I think I'll start by saying "no" to laundry!

KC

just do it!

Yesterday was one of those days where I would have been content to just lounge around all day and do a whole lotta nothing.  I woke up without any gumption or motivation.  You know what I did?  I got up and got going!

Today's Gift of Survival: the "just do it" attitude.  I looked at all I needed to get done (on this day that I didn't feel like doing anything at all) and could very well have gotten overwhelmed.  Sometimes when that happens, it is easier to ignore it all and just do what I want to do.  But I have learned to just get started on one project and that gives me motivation to keep on keepin' on.  So I started by emptying the clean dishes from the dishwasher and then moved on to laundry.  I cleaned up breakfast dishes and got started on my grocery list.  And on the day went.  I managed to get a lot accomplished simply because I decided to "just do it!"

This weekend I had the opportunity to help do some rearranging of home decor at my dear sister-in-law's house.  It started out with a shelf that we wanted to straighten out and by the time I went home, we had made our way through 2 rooms!  I loved it.  But taking on a project like that would have seemed HUGE if we had not tackled just one little area at a time.  We set small goals for ourselves and stayed in one area until we were satisfied.  Things got set aside for a garage sale, or to be thrown away, or to be put in a better place.  We were so excited with what we had accomplished and couldn't wait for her husband to notice!  And he DID!!  Major brownie points for him!

Ah!  And another motivator for me: small rewards for jobs done.  It could be a piece of chocolate after folding a load of laundry. Or something bigger like heading out to get a special coffee after completing a huge project (like organizing my scrapbook supplies... which hasn't happened since we moved... 6 months ago).  If I set a reward in my sights, I am more likely to keep working so that I can reach that goal sooner.

One last motivator for me is to strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman.  Starting at verse 10, there is a description of a most amazing wife.  I know that I will never be that woman (the "rising while it is yet night" is probably not going to happen), but it sets a guideline for me.  Something for me to follow and refer to while I try to be a good wife and mom and whatever else God has in store for me.

But I'm thinking the Proverbs 31 woman never sleeps because her lamp does not go out by night and she rises while it is yet night.  Does she nap?  Because I could be okay with that!

KC

debilitating anxiety

Many who know me now find it difficult to believe that I was ever shy. But, boy was I! When people describe a child as painfully shy, I know exactly what that child is feeling and going through. Even as I got older, I prayed that God would give me the words to hold a conversation because talking to someone I didn't know very well was practically like pulling teeth. You could say that I have pretty much overcome that hurdle. Guess I inherited the "gab" genes from my Mom after all (which is a good thing, Mom, I promise)! Or maybe I just like to be friendly and that desire helped me overcome the shyness. Honestly, I think it was when I had kids that I suddenly had TONS to talk about!!

That shyness wasn't the only hurdle I have had to overcome as a youth. In high school I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, panic attacks and all. I'd have to leave class suddenly. My heart would beat SO fast I was certain I'd keel over right then and there. The thought of being in a crowd or in the middle of an row made me somewhat faint. The worst was at church. Sit in the back, sit by the aisle, know your escape routes - these became my habits anywhere I went. I knew that no one understood what I was going through. I couldn't eat at school (for me this never turned into anorexia, but after this experience, I definitely understood that disease much better). This stinking disorder rode on my back from my senior year in high school, through college, and even into the first years of my marriage. (And here is where I give my husband tons of praise: he held my hand through it all from the moment I told him, even when he didn't understand. By being willing to hold my hand, he made me a stronger woman.)

I was angry. I was bitter. I was frustrated. I didn't understand. Would my entire life be debilitated by this stupid disorder?! The thought of having kids (my heart's greatest desire) scared the living day lights out of me! How could I handle kids in situations that I couldn't even handle all by myself?

I was diagnosed by my family practitioner. She drew me this picture, so simple, that made the reasoning behind these panics attacks so clear. It was a picture of a head with a bunch of arrows pointing at it from lots of different directions. Too much going on in my life. Lots of big changes happening soon. College in a year. Moving away from my family: my security. I was losing all that I had control over. I dropped all sports that year (no big loss to any team). I added nothing new to my schedule. My doctor gave me medication that I took once but never took again because it made me feel loopy.( I did keep them for many years, almost like a security blanket.)

One day in church, as I fought back tears of frustration, the scripture about uttering the name of Jesus came to mind. As the rest of the congregation sang, I said the name of Jesus and was instantly calmed. What?! No way! Yes. Now that didn't happen so amazingly each time, but what it made me realize was that my heart was a battlefield. There was warfare going on in there! Once that became clear, I knew that I could fight this because I wasn't fighting alone.

I started to find techniques that worked for me to handle my panic attacks. First of all, I didn't put myself in stressful situations unless absolutely necessary. (To this day, I prefer an aisle seat in the back). I would keep in mind where exits were or at the very least a bathroom. That way if I needed to get away somewhere to breathe, I could. If I was with my husband and I tightly squeezed his hand, he would lean over to ask if I needed to leave, always willing to go with me. I also started acknowledging this for what it was so when I felt one coming on, it wasn't quite so freaky anymore. They weren't so big once I could identify them. And, I never failed to utter the name of Jesus when one of those panic attacks started happening.

A few years of dealing with this brought me to Paul and his thorn in his flesh. I don't know exactly what his was, but I certainly knew what mine was! But how in the world would God use these panic attacks for good? Then I realized, if I helped just one, only ONE person dealing with this same disorder, then the whole ordeal was worth it. All the years of nerves, anxiety, stress would be worth it if I could just let even one person know that it's okay, you're not alone, I've been there, you're going to be okay. As a high schooler, having someone else understand because they had walked the same terrible path I was on would have made a world of difference. I wouldn't have felt "diseased" or "odd." Don't get me wrong: my dear friends and family walked beside me and supported me. I am so grateful to this day for each one of them. But it was still a lonely walk.

Please, share my story. If your story is similar, please share it. If you are in the midst of this yourself, please know you can contact me. You can email me at klynncragin@yahoo.com.

I am now married and have two kiddos. And yes, they have put me in situations I would never have survived in high school and college. Children make you survive. You have no choice but to be strong for your children. It is an amazing feeling. My panic attacks are gone. I can't remember the last time I had one. During extremely stressful times in my life, my anxiety has reared it's ugly head in different ways. But once I've identified it as a result of anxiety, it typically goes away. I live a full and busy life these days, not in fear, not shy. I take no credit for this healing or growth in me. But all glory belongs to the Ultimate Healer, Jesus Christ. He has brought beauty from this ugliness, as only He can do.

KC

rat love

We have a rat. In our house. In a cage. She's a pet. Half of you are thinking, "Ewww, a rat. They're tails are so....ewwwww!". The other half of you have had a pet rat and know the sweetness of interaction between rat and owner. My daughter has such a connection with her little rat; it was one of the best decisions we've made for her (although I do not recommend adopting a rat if your child is much younger than 5. My nearly 4-year-old doesn't quite grasp the "gentle" hold). Although he is trying.

Today's gift of survival: the friendship of a pet. When I was a child, I had numerous cats. Not all at once, but we lived on a busy street and each of my cats lived outside so you can figure out their life expectancy.... So ever few years a new kitten was adopted as an older one lost its life to traffic. Those cats were a form of salvation for me as a child. I loved them dearly and they loved me back!

The seemingly unconditional love that a pet will give to its owner is a priceless gift. It can take away a child's loneliness. It can give a child an ear to tell their fears and insecurities to. A pet will seek you out when they know you need them. I can't tell you how many times as a kid I sat on our back step crying about this or that and my cat would wander up and rub up against me:"I'm here. I know you're sad. I still love you. Pet me and I'll purr for you to show you just how much I love you!" They have this God-given intuition to give you what you need when you need it.

(Keep in mind I am generalizing - not all pets are perfect: they make noise, messes, can be stinky, not friendly, or they can be a real pain in the behind. I'm just dwelling on their positive points. Which I tend to do. I'm a glass half full kind of gal.)

My hubby and I have been through a small zoo of animals: birds, a box turtle, a red-eared slider (turtle), a snake, a guinea pig, 2 rats, 2 cats, multiple fish, and now another rat. We both like animals, but now that we have two human pets of our own, we don't need anymore for a bit (currently we just have the 2 kids, 2 cats, and 1 rat). I'm still a sucker for getting a pet - gotta keep an eye on me in the pet store! Saw the little chicks at the Tractor Supply Co today. It took all I had to keep me from asking to hold one... Fortunately, the rest of my sibling's families helps with the variety of pets my children (and I, of course) are exposed to: two puppies, fish, hamsters, a parakeet, 8 chickens, a rabbit, Koi, and another couple of cats - there is a love of animals among us!

Now, I'm not trying to side with your kid here to convince you to buy him or her a pet. I'm simply relaying my feelings regarding pets because of the joy I received from having them. That I still receive! When my husband works the night shift, our little black cat curls up near me to keep me company. If I take her out of her cage, that little rat crawls up onto my shoulder and just hangs out like a little buddy. My children adore her and she makes her home in their hands.

Animals are a gift from God (unless they are making potty on our floor, leaving hair balls for us to step on, or vomiting up their last meal - during those times they are from..., well, they are not from God, I'm pretty sure.)

KC

and friends are friends forever...

(Honestly, I just couldn't come up with a great title so I borrowed one. You are welcome for getting this song stuck in your head.)

All right, you MOMS Club moms - you knew this one was coming! A post about MOMS Club, but also about so much more...

Yesterday was quite a day! The morning started out with a group of ladies from the Ripon-Salida MOMS Club and their adorable munchkins enjoying coffee and snacks in my house (funny, that made it sound like the munchkins enjoyed the coffee - they didn't, just the mommies). There were about 12 of us moms and about the same amount of kiddos. For over 2 hours the noise inside the house was louder than the noise outside (and there was a noisy Bobcat digging a hole in my backyard!)

I can't tell you how many women have mentioned how MOMS Club has changed their life. It is an international organization of Moms Offering Moms Support. And support each other, we do! There are meals for new moms with newborns or for those who are in the midst of a tragedy. There are activities nearly every weekday for the kids and moms to participate in together, including Recipe Club, Crafting, Walking Club, picnics, Tune Time, and even a Moms Night Out once a month for the Mommies to have a night out from the kids!

The best part for me was not all the fun activities that my children have had the opportunity to participate in. It wasn't doing Community Projects together. It hasn't even been the evenings out with just the moms (although those are SUPER fun!). It has been the conversations with moms who can relate to what I am going through or what I have been through. It is being able to tell another Mom that I know exactly what they are feeling because I felt it too when my daughter or son was that age. It is the encouragement I still receive from other moms (and I've been a part of this group for 5+ years!)

Today's gift of survival: Friendship. I have heard many stories of women (often new moms) who feel lonely or depressed because of life's circumstances, whatever they might be. Do you know just how valuable friendship is for that person? It can literally save that person's life! Sometimes life is hard and to face difficult times alone is even harder! But having a shoulder or an ear from a friend, even if there is nothing that friend can do but listen, is invaluable.

I've been through a few rough patches in my young life with an anxiety disorder, the loss of my Dad, and raising a strong-willed child. Without understanding and loving people in my life at those crucial moments, I'm not sure I would have come out on top! (I'm still not sure how things are going to end up with the strong-willed one, but at least I know of others going through practically the same thing.)

MOMS Club has been my salvation at times, but that was because God put those people in my life at just the right time. He orchestrated the friendships I have now. And now, I feel that because of my experiences, perhaps I can be that encouragement, that hope to someone in need. Maybe all the difficulties God walked me through was so that I could be a help to someone walking through the same experiences.

*And just to make sure no one thinks I'm promoting: I do love my MOMS Club friends, but the focus of this post was the value of friendship, no matter where you find it (well, now that I think about it, there might be some places you don't want to go looking for friendships...) And perhaps maybe you are being prodded to be a friend to someone in need. All that stuff you've been through that has "grown" you might actually help to "grow" someone else.

KC

homeschooling in an RV

*I wrote this while on vacation with my family over Easter Vacation. (And yes, I call it Easter Vacation, because for us it still lands with Easter Sunday and we are celebrating all week long!!)

As our family hangs out in a little cabin in Twain Harte, I feel the pangs of missing homeschooling. I homeschooled my oldest through K and into 1st grade. We chose to do this for numerous good reasons, some personal. One little benefit was the flexibility it allowed our family. My husband works a 7/7. He works 7 nights in a row and then he has a week off. We would schedule camping trips on his week off and I could homeschool my girl in our RV. Honestly, it was pretty cool.

Up here in the cabin, we could do the same thing, and we were hoping to be able to do that in the future, but God brought about some changes in our life and we are here for Easter vacation instead.

I don't, at this point, feel called to share all our reasons for the choices we've made both for homeschooling and traditional classroom education. But I will tell you, my perspective on homeschooling was definitely widened now that I've done it!

Funny thing: people think that homeschool kids are not social. We were a part of an awesome homeschool co-op and I could hardly keep up with my daughter's social life. The other amazing thing about many homeschool kids is that they relate well to all ages. The older boys would grab my little boy (5 yrs younger than them) and pull him into whatever they were playing. They also interacted with adults on a regular basis and were extremely respectful and could hold a conversation with adults.

Another misconception: homeschool kids are behind in academics. Fact of the matter is that no matter how a child is educated, they are going to struggle or succeed in their own weaknesses and strengths. And in the charter school I was a part of, we had access to tutors for all subjects. And I could take a subject that interested my daughter and go as far as we wanted and learn above and beyond!

And (this I loved) we could choose what would be extra in a typical public school and use it as part of our curriculum: art lessons, music education, sports (Tae Kwon do, gymnastics, even dance), we even had a class called Messy Learning - the possibilities were endless, unless you ran out of funding.

We also had a beloved ES (Education Specialist). She was a credentialed teacher who kept tabs on our progress and made sure we were where we needed to be. I never felt alone in this whole endeavor. She helped me whenever I needed it!

Having the opportunity to homeschool also taught me a very important lesson. Academics are important, yes. I want my children to be able to function in this world and make worthwhile contributions. But more important than that, I want to raise godly children who are going to make a difference for God's kingdom while the are here on this earth. Fact is that I don't need my children to measure up to the world's definition of successful. My desire is for my children to look to God for confirmation.

I don't write all this to make a case for homeschooling your kids. That's between you and God. We, as a family, have had to put a lot of prayer and thought into our education decisions. Currently, my oldest is in a Christian school getting a great education. It is the best fit and what we felt called to do at this point in our lives. I just know there are a lot of people who knock homeschooling and perhaps have never known anything other than the old stigmas attached to homeschoolers: non-social kids getting an inferior education from their mom who only knows how to cook and clean, not educate. That's simply not the case anymore (not that there aren't any like that, but it's not the norm!)

So please be careful when you make comments about those who homeschool. Many of us have been hurt by well-meaning people who thought they should give us their opinion but end up raising our hackles about something we have felt called by God to do.

And now I will step down off my homeschooling soapbox...
KC

waffles and alarm clocks

You ever make a ton of waffles and up with a bunch of leftovers? Don't want to throw them away because there are starving kids in other countries, you know.

Today, a couple of gals and I intentionally made a bunch of waffles to have as leftovers. We froze them. Because when you pop a leftover frozen waffle in the toaster, it heats up the insides and puts the perfect crisp on the outside. And that, my friends, is simply delicious!

And we also made blueberry muffins and ham and cheese biscuit bites and even got a hankering to make some biscotti. Oh, and we made a mess!! But that's all part of cooking/baking.

Today's gift of survival: having breakfast food all ready for those crazy busy mornings.

I'm not an early riser. I think it'd be great if I was. I'm trying to be. But that snooze button is the first temptation of my day! (And just so you all don't think that I get up at 9:21 in the morning, I took this pic this evening simply to have an illustration of the battle between the bed and the clock. Sleeping in till 9:21? Only in my dreams, these days!) I've tried to compensate for my desire to stay in the coziness of my bed a bit longer by getting things prepped the night before. Honestly, this is a great idea.

I've got my daughter's lunch made. I've got her homework folder in her backpack. And now I've got breakfast simplified.
A great idea? Yes.
An excuse to sleep in? Not really.

Those few extra minutes in the morning often end up costing me something on the back end. Usually it is irritation with my kids who are just being, well... kids. "Come on! We've got to get out the door! Go get your sweatshirt. Did you remember to grab your backpack? We're gonna be late! Augh! Come on! That's it. I'm starting the truck and getting ready to go. Both of you need to get your tails in there!!" (Funny thing: as I'm writing this, I can actually hear my tone of voice because I say these words of irritation often, I guess!)

The past couple weeks I've been setting my alarm a bit earlier. Not too ridiculously much. Just a little. And it finally hit me just this morning: wow! The amount of extra time in the morning, even 15 minutes, makes a world of difference! What used to feel like me rushing around finding socks and shoes is now me sending my son to do it, even though it will take him twice as long. But you know what? It's okay, because I've got time for that. And rushing out the door is practically non-existent because we've always got time to spare! And the crowd at school drop off is much smaller when you are even two minutes earlier.

Best of all: we like each other in the morning.

So this is all great and dandy and I have high hopes that we can maintain this morning schedule/routine. But, I'm not always great at being self-disciplined. However, there's always room for improvement. And I've realized that God has already changed so many things about me that I thought were unchangeable. I've got a lot of years left (I hope) for Him to work on me. And you know what's funny? The more He works on me, the more I realize just how much work I need!

remembering the "rememberable"

I was hit pretty hard today when I read on facebook that the father of a classmate was starting on with hospice after his battle with cancer. Words that familiar bring the past right up to my present - tears instantly came to my eyes. I distinctly remember hospice and my Dad.

But tonight I don't want to dwell on that hardship from the past. I try to save my seriousness for one day during the week. However, while dwelling on this period of my life, I remembered something I did shortly after my Dad passed on: I wrote down as many "rememberables" as I could in a journal; things I never wanted to forget or have fade away.

Like the way he always called his cologne "stink perty."

How he always, without fail, told us to "stick 'em up or I'll drill ya!" whenever he had his cordless drill out (which was always for my handyman Dad).

When driving through the country, he would splat a bug on our windshield and then inevitably say, "Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again!"

He taught me to use WD40 on my fingers when I got sap on them from one of the numerous evergreens in our yard.

He would never just walk by kids selling lemonade at a garage sale. He always gave them a few quarters but never for lemonade, just to see the looks on their faces realizing this guy gave them free money!

He never stopped holding my hand, even at 28 years old, I was his little girl.

He always encouraged us when we got hurt: "it'll feel better when it stops hurting!"

If he got his words mixed up he'd say, "Got my tongue tangled round my eye teeth and couldn't see to talk straight!"

If we had to repeat something to him it was because he was "deaf in one ear and can't hear out the other!"

Today's gift of survival: memories. I'm so glad I wrote these things (and many more) down. I only wish I had started sooner. My Pa was a great man and many people have stories to tell about him. But no one told his stories like he did. And his humor was one-of-a-kind!

I wish I had done more videos of him. I wish I had asked him more questions and taken more pictures. I wish I had gathered more wisdom. I wish I could have spent more time out in the shop with him.

But I take what memories, photos, and videos I have and cherish them. I have 3 older brothers and when the 4 of us spend time together, the spirit of my Dad is definitely within us! We tell his same corny jokes. And we laugh at each other's corny jokes (even though we've heard them over and over)!! The mannerisms of my brothers, their character, their ethics and standards all reflect my Dad. They each have physical attributes similar to Dad's. They share some of his same passions. I encourage my children to build relationships with their uncles because their Uncles (and Aunts, of course) are fabulous. But I also encourage their relationships so that my kids can see reflections of who their Grandpa was in each of my brothers. They never knew him; he died before they could create any memories with him. But with my brothers, he's never really far away.

So I guess I went back to being a bit serious; it seems I tend to do that. I'll leave you with this one:
Whenever passing over a railroad track, my Dad would tell me, "A train just went by!" Amazed (at least the first time, anyway) that he could possibly know this when there was not a train in sight I asked him, "How do you know?!" And he responded with, "Because it left its tracks!"

Now I tell my kids the same joke and I'm sure they'll tell their kids...

KC

sleep and sanity

Tonight, I'm not sure I'm going to survive... My eldest was put to bed 3 hours ago and has used every excuse in the book to stay up (and has employed numerous tears). This is not new. It has been happening on and off for 3+ years. You think I would be able to deal with this without getting extremely frustrated. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I've tried all the tricks I have up my sleeve to soothe this situation, both for me and for her. Not working.

Now, you might think she's not tired, but that's not the case. This child goes and goes all day long. She is the Energizer Bunny in human form. We can tell when she is tired when her emotions run high. The emotions started today at 4:30, about an hour after she got home from school.

As I mentioned, this is not new:

We tried the "Nanny" technique: keep putting her into bed every time she gets out of bed, don't make eye contact, and do this for hours upon hours. Do this for a few weeks. (Until you get so frustrated that your sanity is challenged).

Tried positive reinforcement: put 3 pennies by her doorway. Every time she got out of bed, took one away. If she had any left by the morning, they were hers to keep. She never kept a penny.

Take away toys and stuffed animals whenever she gets out of bed: One day every toy and stuffed animal was removed from her room (including pictures off the walls) and stored in bins in the garage. She didn't care.

Threaten to close her door if she gets out of her bed. She and I stood on either side of the door pulling against one another. It was door tug-of-war.

Allow her to earn special privileges or rewards for staying in her bed. No rewards won.

I have sat in her room and quietly counted to 100 (or 200 or whatever it took), knowing that my voice was soothing when she struggled to calm down.

We have met with her doctor to talk about other methods.

I have read extremely boring stories to her.

I have kept to a routine every night.

I have run her ragged during the day in hopes that she would fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

We allow her to listen to Chris Tomlin (her favorite Christian artist) at bedtime so she has something calming to fall asleep to.

She has a nightlight so it is not too dark and a bit of water by her bedside in case she gets thirsty.

I have tried other methods that I will not discuss on this blog because the world doesn't need to know it all. (Keep in mind, we have been at this for over 3 years - we've tried a lot of ideas with consistency, mind you).

Now, these were not all the techniques we tried. Often times we failed. (I have a picture of her sleeping under my computer desk where I was working on something). Honestly, there are times when it is better to just let go than to let myself get out of control with frustration and anger. Those times when I failed, we were both better off because no one got hurt.


Today's gift of survival: grace. We try very hard not to be a crutch to her when it comes to sleeping at night. My husband and I have agreed that our children will fall asleep in their own beds by themselves. I know every family thinks differently and has different methods for their children. And to each their own (that's my way of saying I don't mean to get into a discussion about right or wrong methods here).

And back to grace: this evening I walked my daughter back to her room and laid on her floor until she fell asleep. We talked about grace and how that means you get something good that you don't really deserve (Mommy staying in her room with her even after the fits and whining and complaining - lest you think I was giving in, this is something that is rarely done and it still took another 1.5 hours before she was asleep).

And then I was able to turn it around to her and me and our relationship with God. I talked with her about how we find a lot to complain about and get upset about. We don't spend enough time with God and we often disobey, doing what we want instead. And yet he shows us grace. He never leaves us or forsakes us. He has given us Salvation: the greatest
undeserved favor.

And what have I learned from this whole experience? Only that I have no patience and that in certain situations I get easily frustrated. And that I have a temper. (What?! KC has a temper? Shocking...) And that I am merely human and cannot rely on myself to make it through trials in life (and to me, yes, this is a trial. If you've been there, you know. I have cried MANY a tear).

When I am in the midst of this situation, I want to scream! When it rises in my throat (along with anger and other mean and nasty stuff) I pray. Nothing fancy, just "God, please help me." And sometimes I just say that over and over and over. Until I calm down enough to take some deep cleansing breaths and have fought back the screaming urge. Then 15 minutes later it starts all over again!

God certainly uses my kids to remind me of how feeble I am on my own. They are a great reminder of how I can't do this parenting thing on my own.

Oh, and a crazy thing I realized a while back: after all the bedtime drama (sometimes a 3+ hour ordeal) I will go back and check on my children while they sleep and suddenly the monkeys from the day are perfect angels to me. God did that on purpose: when they are asleep, we are reminded of why we so desperately love them. Maybe that's why God never slumbers or sleeps: so He can look upon us when we aren't doing stupid human stuff and be reminded of how much He loves us.
KC - still sane, still surviving.

the saturation of scripture

There are times in life when you need the saturation of scripture. Today there are so many traumas of the past week or so that have built up that there tears continually threaten to spill over. I feel the need to turn to the comfort scriptures that God has granted us for glimpses of peace, rest, hope.

A little more than a week ago, a friend's son was injured and hospitalized. So scary to see this happen to a child so young. But it has been wonderful to see his healing as well as the support of friends helping this family.

A dear friend of mine and her wonderful husband have a medically fragile son who recently underwent a multi-organ transplant. The complications currently occurring are bringing a heaviness to my heart. I cannot even fathom the emotions of his parents as they live in "survival" mode - just getting by living minute to minute.

And this afternoon I received news that the man whom I have been blessed to call pastor has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. With the news being so recent, I am still in a state of speechlessness.

Three others come to mind who are battling various stages of cancer. One is the extremely talented photographer father of a friend of mine. Another is a dear woman who lives in my old neighborhood - sweetest woman ever, never downhearted. And a third is the father of a classmate of mine - I remember as a child he always had the greatest biggest smile ever.

There are many in my life who have walked tough roads. My heart breaks to think of parents who have passed, infants who have lived mere minutes or never saw the light of this earth, sons and daughters lost too young, brothers, sisters, friends gone in a heartbeat and others who we've watched as they've approached death. Sufferings, aches, tears, sadness.

Today's gift of survival:

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:8

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Psalm 62:1-2

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29


There have been times in this life I have come to a complete state of helplessness. There is nothing I can do to make a situation better but open the Bible and search for the words of comfort that only God can provide:
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life;
The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121:1-4, 7, 8

No matter where I am in this life, I am never out of the grip of God.

getting away to survive

I didn't get anything posted on my blog yesterday, as I am currently out if town. But having a few minutes to sit and mess around I thought I'd see if I could blog from my phone. That'd be neat, wouldn't it?

We decided to get out of Dodge for a bit to focus on our family a bit: create some fun memories, relax, and get away from the huge to-do list that comes with purchasing a new abode and the to-do list that I create just looking around the house!

So we are rejuvenating in a little cabin with a surprising visit from the heavens: snow! We are enjoying the warmth of the fireplace and the hot tub. We've been playing games and eating food, snacks, and more food. We've been focusing on each other and have been admiring God's great creation.

Sometimes to survive, you've got to get away.