sleep and sanity

Tonight, I'm not sure I'm going to survive... My eldest was put to bed 3 hours ago and has used every excuse in the book to stay up (and has employed numerous tears). This is not new. It has been happening on and off for 3+ years. You think I would be able to deal with this without getting extremely frustrated. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I've tried all the tricks I have up my sleeve to soothe this situation, both for me and for her. Not working.

Now, you might think she's not tired, but that's not the case. This child goes and goes all day long. She is the Energizer Bunny in human form. We can tell when she is tired when her emotions run high. The emotions started today at 4:30, about an hour after she got home from school.

As I mentioned, this is not new:

We tried the "Nanny" technique: keep putting her into bed every time she gets out of bed, don't make eye contact, and do this for hours upon hours. Do this for a few weeks. (Until you get so frustrated that your sanity is challenged).

Tried positive reinforcement: put 3 pennies by her doorway. Every time she got out of bed, took one away. If she had any left by the morning, they were hers to keep. She never kept a penny.

Take away toys and stuffed animals whenever she gets out of bed: One day every toy and stuffed animal was removed from her room (including pictures off the walls) and stored in bins in the garage. She didn't care.

Threaten to close her door if she gets out of her bed. She and I stood on either side of the door pulling against one another. It was door tug-of-war.

Allow her to earn special privileges or rewards for staying in her bed. No rewards won.

I have sat in her room and quietly counted to 100 (or 200 or whatever it took), knowing that my voice was soothing when she struggled to calm down.

We have met with her doctor to talk about other methods.

I have read extremely boring stories to her.

I have kept to a routine every night.

I have run her ragged during the day in hopes that she would fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

We allow her to listen to Chris Tomlin (her favorite Christian artist) at bedtime so she has something calming to fall asleep to.

She has a nightlight so it is not too dark and a bit of water by her bedside in case she gets thirsty.

I have tried other methods that I will not discuss on this blog because the world doesn't need to know it all. (Keep in mind, we have been at this for over 3 years - we've tried a lot of ideas with consistency, mind you).

Now, these were not all the techniques we tried. Often times we failed. (I have a picture of her sleeping under my computer desk where I was working on something). Honestly, there are times when it is better to just let go than to let myself get out of control with frustration and anger. Those times when I failed, we were both better off because no one got hurt.


Today's gift of survival: grace. We try very hard not to be a crutch to her when it comes to sleeping at night. My husband and I have agreed that our children will fall asleep in their own beds by themselves. I know every family thinks differently and has different methods for their children. And to each their own (that's my way of saying I don't mean to get into a discussion about right or wrong methods here).

And back to grace: this evening I walked my daughter back to her room and laid on her floor until she fell asleep. We talked about grace and how that means you get something good that you don't really deserve (Mommy staying in her room with her even after the fits and whining and complaining - lest you think I was giving in, this is something that is rarely done and it still took another 1.5 hours before she was asleep).

And then I was able to turn it around to her and me and our relationship with God. I talked with her about how we find a lot to complain about and get upset about. We don't spend enough time with God and we often disobey, doing what we want instead. And yet he shows us grace. He never leaves us or forsakes us. He has given us Salvation: the greatest
undeserved favor.

And what have I learned from this whole experience? Only that I have no patience and that in certain situations I get easily frustrated. And that I have a temper. (What?! KC has a temper? Shocking...) And that I am merely human and cannot rely on myself to make it through trials in life (and to me, yes, this is a trial. If you've been there, you know. I have cried MANY a tear).

When I am in the midst of this situation, I want to scream! When it rises in my throat (along with anger and other mean and nasty stuff) I pray. Nothing fancy, just "God, please help me." And sometimes I just say that over and over and over. Until I calm down enough to take some deep cleansing breaths and have fought back the screaming urge. Then 15 minutes later it starts all over again!

God certainly uses my kids to remind me of how feeble I am on my own. They are a great reminder of how I can't do this parenting thing on my own.

Oh, and a crazy thing I realized a while back: after all the bedtime drama (sometimes a 3+ hour ordeal) I will go back and check on my children while they sleep and suddenly the monkeys from the day are perfect angels to me. God did that on purpose: when they are asleep, we are reminded of why we so desperately love them. Maybe that's why God never slumbers or sleeps: so He can look upon us when we aren't doing stupid human stuff and be reminded of how much He loves us.
KC - still sane, still surviving.