happy friday

This happy Friday has been brought to you this week by:

1.) the will power to eat only 2 very small pieces of homemade fudge.  Well today, at least.

2.) a play date for my son that went 6 hours instead of 3 because they played so well together!

3.) completed project (one of many, but still one done!)

4.) a compliment from a friend.

 

5.) clean counter free of dishes (well, not right now but somewhere amidst all the Thanksgiving festivities, the counter was clean and that felt good).

6.) playing Christmas music and not feeling guilty because Thanksgiving has passed!

7.) Christmas lights up on the house already!  My husband does nice work.

8.) a drama-free family.  We might not see eye-to-eye on everything in my family, but we do a pretty good job of keeping things mostly drama-free.

9.) caffeine.

10.) listening to my son sound out words and start to read.  That is so exciting!!

11.) the smell of those little beads that you throw in the washing machine that dissolve and make everything smell so good!!

12.) the extra blanket on the bed.  By morning I might be sweating, but the extra weight when I snuggle into bed at night (or ridiculously early in the morning after finishing my blog) is just so comforting!

What made you happy this week?

KC

enjoying less stress

So maybe I'm just growing up or maybe it's been a good year, but the last couple of major holidays haven't stressed me out!  Usually I'm stressed about the food being ready on time. I get too worried about things being just right. I see it all as work, not enjoyment.

This Thanksgiving morning was a good morning. I was responsible for a few different items (not drinks, dinner rolls, and plastic eating utensils, although sometimes I wish...) for our family dinner.  I have a few recipes that I like to make because I think they are tasty and my husband likes them also: homemade cranberry sauce, corn casserole (corn has never tasted so good), and stuffing (okay, I'm not sure my husband likes stuffing, but he always tries it for me because he's such a good sport). Oh! And I made a ham which was difficult: put it in the oven and take it out two hours later.

But my point is this: these recipes take prep, time, and effort which can sometimes lead to stress!  But this year it was enjoyable.

The cranberry sauce made the house smell so good.  The stuffing with the mushrooms, celery, water chestnuts, and apples was my favorite, again.  And the corn casserole has bacon in it.  I really don't think I need to say anymore about it.  And I discussed the level of difficulty the ham took already.

But here's what I learned that maybe finally sunk in: 

1.) (this one my husband's been telling me for years) It's okay if it's not perfect.  Just do your best.  If people don't like it, too bad for them!

2.) (another from my husband because he's good at helping me keep things in perspective) If we aren't on time, it's okay.  We'll get there when we get there.  Just do what you can do.  (It's not that being on time isn't important to us - we try really hard and are usually pretty successful at being where we need to be on time.  He just knows that sometimes I focus so much on being on time that I lose the enjoyment of what I am doing.) 

3. (this one's mine) Find enjoyment in what I am doing.  I think sometimes we put so much pressure on being "someone" (you know: that someone who always looks her best or cooks the best or is the best) that we forget to enjoy ourselves in the process.  This morning I put on my pretty little pink apron and I enjoyed myself.  I even had time to make a batch of fudge!  Which seemed like a good idea at the time.  Now I'm not so sure the temptation was worth it!

Anyway, as my husband has been trying for years to teach me, quit putting so much pressure on yourself!  Do what you can do and find enjoyment in it.  

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

(Nuts. By the time I post this, it'll be Friday.)

KC

about last night...

Yesterday I subbed all day in my daughter's third grade class.  It was great!  It's been years since I have taught for an entire day.  The kids were stinkers (affectionately said), as kids often are, but I had a great time.

I came home, had no piano students, got started on prepping dinner and then went to CrossFit.  I came home and did a little of this and a little of that.  We put the kids to bed and I sat for a while messing around on my iPad.

I went upstairs to work on my blog last night while my husband and his brother watched Sportscenter (or some sport-themed show).  After my brother-in-law left, my husband came upstairs to find me pretty much passed out, half in my pjs and half in my workout clothes with my iPad on my lap. I woke up long enough to realize that it was only 9:30!  Woah!  That is early for this night owl.  

That's why there was no blog post last night!

But it also made me think, once again, of how valuable our teachers are.  

There were 24 kids in that 3rd grade class and they kept me on my toes!  I was so very excited for the half hour they went to PE.  There was no downtime the entire day.  I was correcting papers and working with students during recesses, not wanting any "fixers" to slip through the cracks.  I only went to the teachers' lounge long enough to use the bathroom.  I ate my snack and lunch in the classroom (and drank my iced tea and frappe because you know I needed a bit of extra energy!)  And I didn't have to prep anything or take work home like the real teachers do! 

And I passed out before 9:30.

Sheesh.

So here's a friendly reminder: if your child's teacher is awesome, let them know it.  I'm sure the encouragement is appreciated!  If you are not sure about your child's teacher, open up lines of communication (if meeting face to face is intimidating, start with an email).  You might discover some truly amazing perspectives from these teachers who have taught for years.  (Or maybe you did get a bad apple and this is a good opportunity to teach your child how to get along with people who are tough to get along with - yikes!). But the communication works both ways: you might be able to give them insight into your child as well that will end up benefitting him or her in the classroom.

These past couple of days were great reminders of how much I loved teaching. But I will tell you this: I'm glad this was a two-day week!

Tonight I pushed through to stay up a bit later and get this post finished.  It helps to know that I can sleep in tomorrow!

KC

sunday morning battles

So I realized something a while back about Sundays.  And here's where I get honest and admit a struggle I've had for quite some time.  I have a hard time getting us up and out the door for church on Sunday.

I have 50 excuses and none of them are valid.  As I go through them in my head, they are just reee-diculous! 

But I discovered the real reason for the difficulty in getting to church.  There is a battle going on.  You know how I know?  Because I fight the battle every Sunday morning. 

Most Sundays we don't even start church until 10:45.  There can be 15 different things that go wrong in the morning from complaining children to an outfit that just won't come together.  We might be out of waffles or the cat just threw up under the bed.  Whatever the case, there is always something trying to get in the way of us getting to church.

You know how else I know there is a battle going on?  Because once I get to church (not on the drive, not even when I park because the struggle is still there, but once I am inside our church), I am so filled by worship and the Word that every excuse falls by the wayside. 

At our church we worship for about 30-45 minutes straight.  I'd say that about 50% of the time I end up with tears in my eyes because the Holy Spirit is weaving mightily throughout the building.  And when our pastor opens his mouth to speak, life-changing truth comes out for another 45 minutes.  And when I pick up my kids, the lessons they have learned are impressive.  We need to be there!

On Sunday morning before church, there are about 5 other places I'd rather be, but when I walk into that building, there is no other place I'd rather be.  So if that's not a battle taking place, I don't know what is.

If this isn't a struggle for you, praise the Lord.  But I'm convinced the devil does not want me at our church.  And every time I go, I feel as though I have punched him in the face!  (I'm not a violent person, but that feels pretty good.)

KC

as to the Lord

So I cleaned the shower tonight.  That's what I like to do on my Saturday nights: clean the shower because I'm a party animal.

Actually, I hate cleaning the shower. I can't even give you a good reason why I hate it; I just do.  It doesn't gross me out.  It doesn't take very long.  It feels so good when it's done, but I hate it.

So as I'm cleaning it I am reminded of a lesson that was taught to me many years ago, early in our marriage that has saved me from many troubles in our relationship.  I think it was my pastor who taught the lesson.

Every great once in a while, not often at all, very infrequently my husband and I don't see eye to eye. (Ha!). All right. So we argue once in a while. And we don't always come to a happy conclusion right away.  There might be some stewing that goes on for a few hours or maybe a day.  

And then came time to make dinner.  Or fold a load of laundry with his shirts in it.  Or it was a day when I was cleaning the bathrooms. Whatever it was, if it had anything to do with "doing something for my husband," I didn't want to do it.  Spite.  Rebellion.  Call it what you want, but my heart wasn't there.  And it made me angrier that I was doing something for the man who had made me so angry! (It was never my fault, you know.  Always his fault because I'm perfect and always right.  And if you cannot catch the sarcasm there, go back and try it with your best sarcastic tone.)

There were times when I didn't do what was my normal routine for him because my spite got in the away.  Well, as you can imagine that just made the situation worse and everybody angrier!  

And then I learned the invaluable lesson:

When you cannot do something for your spouse out of love for them, do it as if you were doing it for the Lord.  Do it out of love for the Lord, out of obedience.  Do it because He asked you to.  When you are doing these chores for Him, it makes it a lot easy to get them done because you are not swallowing the big "spite" pill to do it.  

There have been times when I have had to repeat to myself: "as if unto the Lord, as if unto the Lord, as if unto the Lord," just to keep my perspective focused where it needed to be.  

So I cleaned the shower tonight because I know God would have wants me to.  (It was getting to the disgusting level and my husband had not complained once). But tonight I also cleaned the shower for my husband because it'll make him happy.  And I like having a happy husband.

KC

happy friday

A dozen things that make me happy:

1. Having one day where no laundry needs to be done.

2. Watching my kids do a project together without bickering.

3. Pulling my sunglasses out of my purse with no stray bits of gum stuck to them.

4. Making a dinner that everyone likes and no one complains about (with only 4 of us, you'd think that'd be easy, but no.)

5. Sitting by the fire in my fireplace (I particularly like this in November, not June) (Kitty likes it too).

6. Printing a document from my ancient computer without any problems.

7. Vacuum lines in the carpet.

8. Freshly changed bed sheets.

9. Boots. Any kind. Dressy or simple or Ugg or rain boots (my personal favorite!)

10. Children singing in the car with me (makes me feel like I'm raising a choir!  Or a duet, rather.)

11. Strawberry gum.

12. The right words at the right time.

What made you happy this week?

KC

you can't do anything about it

You ever look at something in your life, hoping it will change but never believing it actually will?  It's something you wish could be out of your life forever.  Something that you have struggled with for years that just won't go away. Something you have resigned yourself to live with forever.  

A physical ailment.  A mental or emotional issue that seems to control your day-to-day life.  Baggage that you cannot seem to leave behind.  An addiction (I'll freely admit to a caffeine addiction).  A financial hole you can't dig out of.  A person in your life who brings you down, you know, like your mother-in-law... (I can say that because my mother-in-law will never read my blog. But I will admit, my mother-in-law does not fit the typical definition of "mother-in-law."  She's pretty wonderful.  But I'll get back to the subject at hand because I'm not even going to win any brownie points here).  

I've had a few of those.  Things I had given up hope on.  But a while back I heard a sermon and the only thing I can remember from it is this (It's not that I wasn't listening to the rest. I took notes!  This is just what stuck out to me):

God is bigger than our limitations. He can do the Impossible. Don't put it past God.

So you can't change it. But God is so much bigger and better than you!! (Sorry, but someone had to let you know.) He's smarter, He knows the future, He knows what's best for you because He knows you better than you know yourself! 

And He has his own way of accomplishing His plan for you.  In His time and in His direction.  

The worst thing you could do is limit Him.  If you limit God, you destroy hope.

And I, for one, can't live without hope.

KC

pumpkin muffins and meatballs

I made a couple of easy recipes that I wanted to share with you.  I'm not necessarily the healthiest cook, but I'm trying to be better.  And I don't have time to make anything fancy, even though I really like to cook and bake.  But at this stage in my life I'm searching for easy and tasty.  Two (mostly - and by mostly I mean that one of my picky kids doesn't like either recipe) successful recipes here:

Pumpkin Muffins (http://martysmusings.net/2013/09/easy-pumpkin-muffins.html )

This recipe I found on Pinterest because I needed to finish up the pumpkin purée and I had all the ingredients.  I added the chocolate chips because that's what I do, I chocolatize muffins and breads.  

Here goes:

1 box of yellow cake mix (this ingredient makes me think that cupcakes would be a better name for these "muffins")

1 (15 oz) can of pumpkin purée

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

1/4 tsp. cloves

(Or you can throw some pumpkin pie spice in there)

chocolate chips added to your own preference (I put about 1/4-1/3 Cups)

Heat your oven to 350. Mix everything until smooth. Put in muffin cups - I usually end up making about 15.  Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Enjoy!

And for my next trick:

Easy Tasty Crockpot Meatballs (yeah, I made that up - not sure where I found this - probably on Pinterest.  So I'm not taking credit, I just forget where it came from!) (here's a similar recipe: http://www.mommyenterprises.com/moms-blog/30598/ultimate-party-meatballs-crockpot-recipe/)

Meatballs, frozen (seriously, I don't have time to make meatballs from scratch)

1 jar of chili sauce 

1 can of cranberry sauce, no berries, just the jelly (I also found a recipe with grape jelly - gonna try that next time!)

I put the meatballs in the crockpot first and then combine the two sauces to my tasting. I don't end up using all the chili sauce, but I use the whole can of cranberry sauce. Pour the combined sauces over the meatballs and let cook for about 3-4 hours (the low setting on my crockpot is still pretty hot so I adjust accordingly. 

I usually make rice to go along with it for dinner, but these would be good on a toothpick at a party!  So yummy!

Easy + Tasty = Success in my book!

KC

time and kids

I had a conversation today (many of my blogs start that way, don't they?) with my sister-in-law, Dawn, via text. We get pretty in-depth in our texting conversations!  Through our conversation she reminded me of a very important thing. 

She told me of a conversation she had years before with a lady.  It was one of those "stick in your mind" conversations (those are the most valuable conversations).  She only met this lady once but Dawn determined that God had put her in Dawn's life to tell her something she needed to hear.  (He's cool like that, ya know?) 

The lady had decided not to work full-time because she wanted to spend the time with her kids instead of earning more money. (Now before anyone gets up in arms, this post is not a conversation about stay-at-home moms vs working moms.  Please read on).

This lady had watched her sister who was in her 30's die of cancer without the chance to see her children grow up. This affected her so greatly that she decided not to work full-time so she could spend the time with her kids now because someday she might not have the choice to be able to do so. 

This story struck me. And I've been pondering it ever since and it will be something I will be thinking through for months as we make decisions regarding jobs and children. (Didn't know your story would affect me so much, did you, Dawn?!)  

I'm busy.  And I tell myself that I can handle it. I can, decently.  Not excellently, but decently.  But is it too much?  Are my kids missing out?  I think what hit me the most was thinking about the future.  I need to invest time in them now because someday they will grow up.  And I don't want to regret anything. (I'm pretty sure that's going to be impossible.  I regret stuff every day! But I don't want to regret missing out on stuff with them). 

There's so much to do with them. So many conversations to have. So much to teach them.  Am I bypassing potentially important things because I am too busy?

Time to make more conscientious choices with my time.  Time to determine what stays and what goes.  Time to bring my focus more sharply to my family. 

KC

simple joy

Today was a busy day.  I crammed a whole bunch of stuff into my day, which isn't unusual, but keeps me constantly on the go. I had about 10 minutes to eat my lunch before my piano students would arrive.  They start at 2:15 so that tells you how late my lunch was.  After a healthy lunch (well, okay, it wasn't fully healthy, but the cheese and chicken on my nachos have to count for some good!),  I was scooping a spoonful of homemade chocolate almond butter (seriously amazing butter that my friend Chrissy makes) out of a jar to savor, followed by about 3 or 4 more scoops when a thought hit me: 

In the busy-ness of my life, I need to make sure that I am taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures that each day offers, otherwise I will miss so much!  So I started paying attention and appreciating...

Listening to my husband laugh as he reads and shares something funny from the web.

Adding chocolate chips to my pumpkin muffins (because apparently I don't think muffins should be healthy).

The smell of the new hand soap by the kitchen sink.  It's not fancy or expensive because I only get fancy and expensive soaps as gifts from other people.  But it smelled great nonetheless.

A brownie with a Reese's PB cup sunk into the middle of it, brought over by a friend who was thoughtful enough to think I might like it (thank you, Julie - so delicious!!)

Listening to my piano students as they learn their Christmas recital pieces - they are so excited!

The random hugs my son gives me as he walks by.  This happens all the time. He just likes to hug.  I'm a lucky mom.

Sharing inside jokes with a friend. 

Reaching a PR in my Deadlift (I know, I know - not everybody likes CrossFit but it was an awesome moment for me!)

Super sweet strawberries even in the middle of November!

The sprinkle of freckles across my sleeping daughter's face - beautiful.

So maybe tomorrow morning I should start looking right away for the simple things that just make my day or make me smile, because sometimes those little pleasures are the brightest moments in my day.

KC 

headshots

A little something extra today because I just got a CD with a bunch of potential head shot pictures, hence the new profile picture for my blog (which my brother thinks is a funny word: "blog - something you might try to spit up," he says.  Gross.  He's a boy.  They don't grow up.)

Anyway, I'm so very excited and have to share just a few of the pictures because my friend, Sheroba is incredible.  She captured a bunch of the real me:

 And my personal favorite:

Okay.  I had some fun.  I always do when a camera is pointed at me!  

Why be just smiley the whole time?  That's not me.

But I did take some time to be more serious and these are a couple of my favorites:

 Did I ever mention that I wanted to be a model in my naive years?  

That's a story for another blog post.

Today we had the chance to take family photos with Sheroba.  I cannot wait to see how they turned out!  I will share them as soon as I can!!

Please go see her work by clicking on her name - it should be linked up to her facebook page. 

Beautiful, just beautiful...

not one of us is perfect, not one

I can't remember a time when I was perfect. Not even a day. And by perfect I mean attaining all that I wanted to be physically.  

In Jr. High I was trying to grow out my bangs. Y'all remember what that looks like, don't ya? There was no creativity on my part to hide the in-between stages. And I was trying to figure out how to have straight hair when my hair was naturally wavy.  The learning curve there was pretty steep.  Mind you, I had no older sisters to look to for guidance.  Try figuring that out on your own!

In high school the one thing that sticks out the most to me was my knees, my ugly knobby knees. I was a stick with knobby knees.  Yep, the only curve I had to my body was my knees. (That's pretty funny...well it is now, wasn't then!)

College: a time to blossom!   Nope.  Still a skinny stick.  But I did meet a guy who saw my potential to grow into a woman.  So I guess that was a bonus!

Wedding day: felt perfect. Except for the zit that began to pop out on my forehead.  (Seriously?)  Fortunately a friend and bridesmaid was an incredible make up artist and covered all blemishes making me feel beautiful! 

Pregnancy. Who am I kidding?! Said good-bye to whatever figure I had, not knowing it would be good-bye forever!!  (On the plus side I ended up with 2 kids so I guess that's good.)  

And then 30.  My body decided that it didn't want to cooperate with me anymore.  Eat right? Exercise?  Sheesh, such hard work and discipline!  And I know it's going to get a little harder each year from here on out.  And I've still got 60+ years to live! 

So, guess what.  This body of mine is not perfect. Never has been, never will be. 

And when I look around I know that there is not one person in this world who has been created perfectly.  Sure, physically some women look perfect, but I promise that they are not perfect because who they are runs so much deeper than how they look. 

So don't be fooled. Don't let that envy settle in too deep.  The people around us are so much more than just how they look.  Sometimes all they have to do is open their mouth to speak and you'll hear the imperfections tumbling out.  Sometimes you just have to watch for a bit to see what their actions say about them.  Sometimes you never see the imperfections because they are hidden and are secret or happen behind closed doors. 

Biggest thing I'm taking from today's post (yes, I learn stuff from my own writings because they are pretty much my own day-to-day struggles that God is working on with me) is that there is no one who is perfect, not one, even if they seem to be: they're not.

KC

who i was, am, and am going to be

Sometimes I look around my house and reflect on my life here and think: "I have so far to go, so many things to do in order to get this wife/mom thing right." 

There's the ping pong table (you can discover my problem with the ping pong table somewhere in this post).  There's the housekeeping routine that most weeks is pretty much non-existent.  The idea of creating healthy meals rolls around in this head frequently.  The organizational skills are lacking when it comes to paperwork and all things crafty (which is why my crafty stuff has all been relocated to a room that is far from where company can discover it).  Teaching my kids to be responsible would require me to be more self-disciplined.  I wish I remembered everyone's birthday on their birthday.  I wish I sent more cards in the mail. 

And that list of who I wish I was and what I wished I could accomplish could go on for figuratively (because I really don't think the word "literally" works here) miles and miles!

But then I have to step back and look back.

Who I was 10 years ago, even 5 or 2 years ago is completely different than who I am today.  I have made great strides by setting goals in my life and taking steps to get there.  I'd like to say that I am awesome and did it all by myself, but I'm not and I didn't.  I have a very supportive husband and family but I also have an awesome God who has given me what I've needed when I've needed it.

I used to think it was a great "meal" when I got the macaroni and cheese served (still warm!) with a side of crescent rolls (still warm!).  Now I am even impressed sometimes at the meals I can create (did you catch the "sometimes"?  It's not a frequent event at our house for me to create impressive meals).

I thought I was a great multi-tasker because I could 2 things at once.  HA!  Throw some kids in the mix and I'll show you multi-tasking at its finest (can I get an AMEN?!!)  Sometimes I lose track of how many things I am multi-tasking because I am doing so many things at once.  Starting upstairs carrying the cleaner downstairs, coming across a stray jacket, and noticing the random quarter on the counter, and going over to start the dishwasher, dropping off the cleaner in the laundry room where I will switch the laundry and bring that random jacket back upstairs to its owner's room... and how did this quarter get in my pocket again?!

Money?  Tell me to deposit $100 and I'll end up withdrawing $100 getting us a nice little fee on top of it! Financial organization was not my strength (and it's still not, but I've got an amazing guy helping me, well pretty much just telling me how to keep us organized.  Phew!  This whole marriage thing worked out pretty well for me!) 

I was proud when I could get myself out the door and to work on time.  However, just this morning I managed to feed 2 children, get their lunches packed, make sure everyone was dressed, try to ignore the moanings of my daughter and her sore neck from sleeping all cock-eyed, running to get her a dose of pain reliever and sew a hole closed in my son's backpack.  AND I managed to put together an outfit that showcased the scarf I really wanted to wear. 

And exercise?  I didn't need to exercise!  I was skinny (skinny, mind you, not healthy).  Now I can't imagine not getting some form of exercise in at least 3 times a week!  (That's a combination of figuring out what happens to your body after you have kids, after you hit your mid-30's and finally discovering that exercise can be enjoyable and give great results!)  Plus, when I exercise I don't get sick near as often.  Honestly, I haven't been sick once since starting CrossFit (now that's not a guarantee and I'm sure I'll get sick next week, but I don't have time to get sick so being sick less often is HUGE for me!)

So when I look back at who I used to be and how far I have come, I can be more content with where I am now.  If I have grown so much over the past 10 years, then I can be confident that I'm going to grow some more during the next 10 years. Even if it is setting small goals and taking small steps to get there. Because I know that even taking baby steps forward is still moving forward. 

KC

the value of time

Time.  Even in little increments, time is a valuable commodity. So I'm trying to be careful about where I spend it.

Last night I finished reading abook to my 5 yr old son while on his bed.  When I was done, he threw an arm around me, as if I were a giant teddy bear.  He didn't want me to leave yet. (Usually we leave the room to let our kids fall asleep on their own.). He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, grinning once in a while.  But I knew he was tired and would be asleep too so I stayed where I was. Two minutes later he was asleep and I was content.  I watched him rest for a bit then slowly lifted his arm to get off of his bed.

Just a few minutes but so valuable.

I try to go out for coffee with my Mom a couple times a month.  I love her - she's a wonderful mom.  Sometimes we can sit and chat for a couple hours, sometimes for forty minutes.  But the topics we cover in that amount of time are important, world changing topics!  Well maybe not world changing, but it is always important conversation.

Just an hour or two but so valuable.

Every once in a while I will have a seemingly unimportant text conversation with one of my nephews.  Random movies quotes, funny inside jokes, a typical quirky Aunt Kathy conversation.  But we are doing so much more than textng about nothing .  We are connecting.

Just a short conversation but so valuable.

And I could come up with a thousand other examples go the value of time but since I can't keep my eyelids open, I will stop at 3 and close with this:

I might be one busy wife and mom, but I am striving to make each moment count .  Because each moment is valuable and I don't want to waste any of it.  

KC

bigger than fear

And I am home! And the laundry is (almost) finished! And I'm (almost) ready to get started on another week. 

Except that this week I've got a dentist appointment and I have to make some phone calls asking people to help with something for school. Both of these things are on my "Least Favorite Things To Do" list. (Not that I have a list entitled such, but if I did these two things would be on that list, no doubt!)  

I have always loved my dentist, but never enjoyed my appointments.  And I was never a phone conversationalist... (yep - that's a word, it didn't get auto-corrected) and was very happy to have conversations through email and very happy to be able to text! Plus asking people to do something...what if they say no?! I can't handle people saying no!

So the trend here is fear. I'll admit to it. Fear ruled my life as I grew up, from childhood to adolescence into my adult years. I missed out on a lot because of fear. I developed an anxiety disorder because of my fear.  But, fear did not ruin my life. God did not let that happen.

God gave me very supportive parents who might not have always understood, but were always willing to stand by my side.  God put my amazing and supportive husband in my life who took me as I was even after I confessed my fears and anxieties. He has held my hand through it all, taking what he could from me, but also encouraging me when I had to face things by myself because he knew it'd make me stronger.

I can't tell you the moment that I stopped letting the fear rule my life. Maybe it was having children and not being able to be so afraid. I have to be strong for them. I'm their Mom.  Maybe it was watching my Pa get sick and pass away because I had to rely on God for strength. Maybe it was while my husband worked nights and I was alone all night with two kids but knew that I was never really on my own.  Maybe it is going head to head with a strong-willed child and realizing that I have to win because I am the Mom.

Maybe it was realizing so many years back that the cause if my anxiety disorder was the devil playing with my mind, heart, and emotions.

Honestly, every one of those things have made me stronger and less fearful. Facing each fear head on usually produces the "well that wasn't so bad" feeling.  

So tomorrow I head to the dentist for a check up, probably to find out that I need to have another root canal or just a filling, both of which are not terribly enjoyable.  But those are things to worry about for another day. Tomorrow I will enjoy the conversation with my higeinist (hmmm, that's not underlined - must be spelled correct) and appreciate the hour that I get to sit and not run around. 

Then I will start on the phone calls, making connections with my son's classmates' parents. And that will end up being a wonderful thing, I'm sure.  Because it is great to know the parents of the kids your child spends time with!

So instead of being bummed out, I will look for the positive (practicing what I try to teach my kids) and try to find the good in it all.

While these particular two things are little, there are many huge fears that people face or hide from every day.  One thing I finally had to realize is that God is bigger.  He is bigger than whatever I fear in this life.  When I look back at how He's helped me conquer fears, I can look forward in hope that He will be there with me to conquer future fears.  

Because He is bigger.

KC

"seemingly perfect"

So yesterday I wrote about the "seemingly perfect" women out there.  The ones who have their hair done beautifully every day.  The ones whose homes are clean and decorated fabulously.  Those moms who have their kids involved in a bunch of different activities and are never late to one!  I'm gonna be honest with you right now: those women really do exist, but do note the "seemingly" part - I've been told that no one is perfect.  Although I think I know a couple of women who might be...

I know a gal whose house IS always clean, even if you come by unannounced!  But you know what?  She likes to clean, yes, enjoys it. 

I have another friend who always brings the best appetizers and desserts to our parties and events. She's a Pampered Chef consultant so she practices being awesome at cooking and baking and makes it look effortless. 

And then there's the mom who throws the most memorable play dates.  Everything is thought out to the smallest detail. She takes that Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar book and has about 25 different related activities for the kids to do. It is her gift, she's good at it and she loves it. 

The mom who's got her kids involved in a bunch of different activities?  She's organized.  And she cares about what her kids enjoy and makes it her passion.  And she's organized.

I've got a group of mom friends who go jogging very early in the morning and train for half marathons and full marathons.  Seriously.  And they look fantastic.  But that is their passion.  They love it! 

And then the woman who has such great understanding of the Word, who can recite the right scripture at just the right time.  But you know what?  There have been a great many experiences in her life that have led her to the Bible over and over again.  And it is a part of her everyday life.  She immerses herself in it because it blesses her.

There are a lot of women who do amazing things.  I decided that I can either be jealous of their "perfections" and let it be a separation in our friendships or I can look up to them for inspiration.  Who you choose to surround yourself with makes a big impact on your life. 

I love the women in my life.  They are motivational.  They are encouraging.  They make me want to stop making excuses and be a better me (not a better imitation of them, a better me).

Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one (wo)man sharpens another.

KC

i like me

I had the opportunity to be a part of the MOMS Club here in the Ripon-Salida area for about 6 or 7 years.  What a blessing!!  I learned so much about motherhood and friendship when I was active in the group. But I also learned to be me and to be happy being me. 

In MOMS Club, you could try to impress everyone who came to a play date at your home with a clean house and fabulous snacks, a gorgeously decorated home and a superbly planned play date. Or you could invite them into your family room full of thrift store furniture with toys scattered across the floor, serve up some Ritz crackers and Cheerios, put on a pot of coffee and let the kids play on the afore mentioned floor covered with toys. Whatever you did, the moms were just happy to be there! We got together because of our common bond of motherhood, not because of who did what the best, or because of who had the nicest house.

And I could go on and on about this super supportive, life-changing club, but once again I'll get to my point.  

I had a conversation with an awesome mom today. (I get to have some great conversations with people!) (And it looks like I'm probably not going to get right to my point...) We were chatting about maintaining the standards that we sometimes feel because of all the seemingly perfect moms around us. Through our conversation she got me to thinking, which can sometimes be dangerous, but not in this instance.  Do you ever stop and just think: who do I want to be?  Who has God created me to be? 

It's so easy to get caught up in trying to be like the mom whose kids are perfect or whose house is spotless. You could create a lot of credit card debt making your house look pretty. You could get dressed up nice every time you drop the kids off at school. But is that you? 

I am the mom with the thrift store furniture and the toys on the floor.  I serve a big pot of coffee, Ritz crackers and Cheerios. I wear a ponytail in my hair a lot.  And I am most comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and a pair of Converse. And I'm learning to be okay with that because as it turns out, people like me anyway! 

I like it when you are real.  I like to know that you aren't perfect. It makes you relatable.  

There's nothing wrong with striving to be a better you, but make sure you are being a better you, not trying to be just like someone else.

(Would you look at that? I wrote about comparison and contentment again. There's always some heart issue He's working on with me!)

KC

and on the lighter side

Today I was chatting with a mom and I was once again reminded of just how interesting and neat people are! She has such knowledge and understanding of food and nutrition and health and food allergies and supplements and natural remedies and so much more.  Honestly, I could sit and listen to her talk about it all for two days just trying to soak it all in! And she was so modest about all she knew.  She is fascinating.

And I have met many fascinating people in my lifetime.  I might not be able to tell you about my great feats, but I have a friend who is an Ironman Triathalete.  I know a gal who travels up and down the West Coast promoting Gospel concerts.  Another friend of mine knows so much about horses, sometimes it seems like she's speaking another language.  I have friends living in other countries and others who have moved here from other countries. Their stories are so interesting. 

I could go on and on about the people I have met and known in my (short - yes, I'm feeling young tonight) lifetime but I'll get to my point instead.  You ever look at someone and just decide right away that you'll probably never be friends? Or even acquaintances?  You know, judge a book by its cover? Nah, me neither... But I used to. 

God made each of us unique with different strengths, experiences, lifestyles, and ideas.  And I think it's pretty awesome.  You know why?  Because knowing each of you as made my life richer. 

So go be you because you are quite fascinating. 

And then go meet someone new, because they are probably pretty fascinating too.

KC

passing on

A while back I checked back into the CaringBridge site we had created while my Dad was sick.  I came across the post I had written the day he passed away.  I share it tonight because a dear friend of mine lost a family member this week.

I touch on death on this blog once in a while, not to be morbid, but because the death of my Dad changed my perspective, brought it upward, and changed my life. Also, I have many friends who have also lost family members and can relate to this topic.  I know it touches their heart simply because it touches mine so greatly.  

So if death is not something you like to dwell on or even land momentarily upon, I don't blame you for not reading this post.  But maybe someday you will come back to it.

KC

Posted April 10th, 2007:

"Yes, he is in glory! Last night at around 8:15, my Dad passed away from this earth and up in to a glorious welcome in heaven where he received his beautiful heavenly crown. What an experience to witness, or rather to feel. I have never been so excited for someone in my entire life as the tears poured down my face. I pictured his entrance into heaven and it was incredible, amazing, beyond my imagination. He simply took his last breath and his heart stopped, as peaceful as can be. 

I have been preparing to write this entry for a long time, since the first time Dad was in the hospital. I feared writing it. But after experiencing Dad's passing from earth to heaven, I didn't fear it anymore. You see, death doesn't scare me anymore. Death is simply a passing from this world to an amazing heaven where God has specifically prepared a place for each of us who are saved. My niece is quite convinced that Dad has a "fishy" room! That is the first time that has ever been put into perspective for me: He's preparing a room for me. And he is preparing a place for you. And he prepared a place for my Dad. When our ministry here on earth is done, when God has fulfilled His purpose in each one of us, then we will go to be with Him also.
I actually got a little jealous of Dad last night realizing that he is experiencing life beyond our imagination. I want to be there too! I wish I could have seen his arrival, although I think God allowed me a little glimpse of it last night in my finite mind. But until my ministry here on earth is done, I will stay.

Dear friends, I hurt for you. I hurt when I see our friends crying. I hurt for my Mom, for the 2 toothbrushes that I see in her bathroom drawer, for the entire bathroom remodeled with my father's hands. I hurt for my future here on earth, for the experiences that I will have without my Dad around. I hurt for my children who will not get to know their Poppy. But, I don't hurt for Dad anymore. He's not hurting, he's not sorrowing, he's doing his little jig up in heaven. What a wonderful picture."

And this was posted a bit later:

"Well, today marks 3 months since Dad passed away. I wonder where that phrase came from: "pass away." I think I would call it "gone home to a place so wonderfully perfect that our feeble human minds can't even fathom it." So, then, it has been 3 months since Dad went home to a place so wonderfully perfect that our feeble human minds can't even fathom it. There, that sounds just right." 

 

This post was written for those who needed to hear it tonight.  

the blame game

Maybe I'm not in much of a position to write about this topic.  But then again, maybe I am.  How often do you look at who you have become and blame someone else for the negative parts of who you are?  You know, the imperfect parts of your body that you genetically inherited from your parents, the fact that you never excelled in anything because your brother always made fun of you, your lack of confidence because you were always criticized by your dad, how you work so much and never see your family because you never had money as a kid, or the opposite: you have terrible spending habits because of the examples you had in your life.  There are a million things about ourselves that we can blame someone else for!

I know some people who are like that.  I understand it.  Sometimes there are scars that are built up that are difficult to get past.  You've been this way for so long but it's because someone else treated you terribly some years back and you can't get over it. Someone's cruel words stuck and you can't shake them. There are lots of reasons (excuses) to keep living the way you are living.

Here's my thought:  what someone else did you to will continue to control you until you decide to change it.  You can wallow in it and allow it to keep shaping who you are.  Blame someone else, that's the easy thing to do.  It gives you an excuse to keep being who you are and not change your habits.

OR you can decide to change and be who YOU want to be.  Or even better: who God has created you to be!

Today's challenge (or tomorrow's depending on when you read this): Dig down deep, figure out what part of yourself you are blaming on someone else, quit blaming them and make the decision to change!  It might take a while.  It might mean some major changes in your life.  But isn't it worth it?

KC

p.s.  I have seen some amazing things happen to people who step up and take control of their lives, including my own.  You should try it.

the generation of olders

Today I got the chance to sit and chat with my mom for a couple hours.  We chatted about church and marriage and kids and parenting.  My mom gave me advice, as moms do, and I did some defending as daughters often do - but I think that's just because I want my mom to think I am a good mom.  She tells me that I am all the time, but when you are in the middle of parenting, you need to hear that a lot! I listen to and take my Mom's advice more than she knows: she's a very wise lady (and I'm not just saying that to win brownie points because she reads my blog; she is very wise).

When you are young, you think older people know nothing.  They are from a different generation.  They don't get it.  As you start to grow up, which really doesn't happen till you are into your 30's...or 40's for some, you start to realize that you don't really know what you are doing and that you should have listened to your parents' advice 10 years ago.  

And now that I am in my 30's, I try to tell those kids who are close to or in their early 20's to listen to the older generation (and I'm realizing that that generation thinks I am the older generation - sigh). It is often in these younger years that we make some of our most important decisions: higher education, career path, marriage: all potentially lifelong decisions.  And we are too young and inexperienced to make those decisions!!  

Now I'm not saying that every older person you chat with is going to have great words of wisdom.  As a matter of fact, you might find out some choices they made that you don't want to make because you can see the outcome in front of you: family relationships ruined, habits and addictions that are hard to break, and broken marriages.

But, if you listen, you will understand that there are many years of experiences talking, a lifetime of decisions that affected this person, hurt and heartache, love lost and love gained, so many memories to draw from, all building wisdom.  And if we choose to dismiss the older generation, we risk the chance that we are throwing away a wealth of wisdom to draw from. 

KC

blessed

Struggle #164: contentment

You ever look around at what other people have and feel discontent with your own situation?  If you answered "no," I'm thinking you might be lying.  Somebody's always got it better than you.  They have more.  They have better.  They are faster, smarter, richer, _______________ (you fill in the blank).  And here is where struggle #164 meets struggle #163: comparison.

This is an every day issue for me.  From how I look to what we own, I'm always searching for contentment.  It's hard to focus on just your own blessings and not take note of those around you who have it "better than you."  

But do they really?

Or are they "up to their eyeballs in debt?" 

Or fighting depression or an anxiety disorder?

Or fighting constantly with their spouse?

Or struggling to be a good parent?

Or maybe they are hiding something else in their closet.

Whatever it may be, chances are that things are not exactly what they seem on the outside!

When my kids start to complain, I strive to turn their perspective around.  Instead of seeing what they don't have, I tell them to start listing the things they do have that they can be thankful for. And not just the physical things, but more in depth: they are thankful that they have two parents who love them. They are thankful for a Daddy who works tough hours so he can pay for stuff they have.  They are thankful that Jesus died on the cross for them.

When you start to look at the blessings around you, you focus on what you do have instead of what you don't have and that's where contentment starts.

KC

dusty blinds and fan blades

Seriously.  Sometimes I race around this house for two hours doing stuff that falls into the "cleaning" category and when I look around I see so much left to do, it's as if you can't even see the two hours of work I put in!  I know there are a bunch of you moms shouting "Amen!" right now. It feels overwhelming, to say the least.  

It is a constant game of catch up that never seems to get won.  Even when we have a group of friends over and I get the house looking clean, what you don't see are the clothes piled up in the laundry room (behind closed doors) or the Cheerios that I neglected to vacuum up from under the couch so I just shoved them further back, or the stuff that is shoved in the closet and please don't open that drawer...or that cupboard...or go into the guest bedroom! 

Currently, I am trying to teach my kids more responsibility.  At this point in the game I still feel like a supervisor.  Instead of saying, "Clean up the Family Room," it is more of a bit-by-bit process.  "Pick up those Skylanders.  Good, now put them by the PS3. Okay, next are the shoes - make sure they are actually in the shoe basket , not just near it!  And the socks have a home too - laundry basket.  And all those books shouldn't be on the floor, they live on the book shelf. Pick up the Cheerios from the floor before the cat eats them!" I like that I get to stand in the middle of the room and tell them what to do, but there are still so many other things I could be doing!  

And that's where the perspective comes in on all of this.  

Priorities.

What is more important? Having a perfectly clean house that I am constantly stressing about?  Or taking the time to train my children how to properly clean up a room?  Cleaning my fan blades or making sure my kids' homework is done correctly (although I have to give credit: my husband does nearly all the homework with the kids: what a stud!) Should I be cleaning all the mirrors and windows in the house or spend some time hanging out with my husband? Should I rake up all the leaves on the front patio or help my kiddos write a thoughtful card for their Auntie's birthday?  

I feel like this time right now, while my kids are still in this house, my focus should be on them.  Reading them books at night, talking of Jesus, dealing with hour-long tantrums, teaching them to floss and to make healthy food choices. Because when they have moved out, I will have plenty of time to clean my house!  

Here's my list of priorities (in order of importance):

God

Husband (because we've got to be together for a long time so we've got to build us up now!)

Children 

Everything else

So, honestly, those dusty blinds are probably gonna stay that way awhile.  Maybe another 15 years.

KC