refined

My daughter, she's nearly 11 years old. I've been parenting her for almost 11 years. I've got a son who is almost 8 years old. Combined total of nearly 19 years of parenting under my belt. I should feel pretty good about that, quite confident, right?

But I still feel like I've only got about 10% of this parenting thing figured out.

Augh!! The longer I parent, the more I realize that I have so much to learn. Sometimes I wish I had triple majored in education, psychology, and sociology so maybe, just maybe I'd have an inkling as to what parenting would entail. Honestly, the What To Expect When You're Expecting books should be 10x longer and go all the way through your child's college years...at least!

I definitely do not have this all figured out, but what I have realized is that I am growing and learning throughout all this. This parenting "job" isn't given to us just so we can grow children. It's given to us so that we, ourselves, can grow as people because of the children God gives us to parent.

Oh, that God of ours, He's a smart one. "What characteristics to I want to see grow in Kathy? Maybe a little patience, long-suffering, even. Self-control, wisdom, patience (oh, already said that one...),understanding, thoughtfulness, strength...yes, I have just the child for her!" 

Tonight I'm grateful for that. Exhausted and mentally drained, but grateful. God is developing great things in our kids, but He's also developing great things in each of us. 

Hang in there, folks: these kids are refining us. And that is a privilege.

KC

dangerous amusement park rides

Yesterday I took the kids plus one nephew and a niece to Santa Cruz for the afternoon. It was beautiful and the kids and I had a great time! 

Gorgeous weather!

(Obligatory feet in the sand photo).

When we were ready to go, the kids begged to ride the Sky Gliders at the BoardWalk before we left. Sky Gliders: the ride that takes you slowly in the air, high above all the rides and vendors and people with only a lap bar across your waist and your legs dangling below you. A ride that scares the living day lights outta me!!

See? Scary!!

Really, boys? You are looking over the edge?!

I hate heights. I hate them so bad that I don't even like my kids to go up high on anything. Playgrounds, trees, ladders... The thoughts that run through my head, the "what ifs" and the possible broken bones, all that is enough for me to "just say no!" People, I don't even like to look over the railing from the second floor of our two story house! 

It's not me being wimpy.

It's me being fearful.

So when my kids got super excited to ride the stupid Sky Gliders ride with my 18 year old nephew, every part of me wanted to tell them all the dangers and scariness of riding this extremely frightening ride! But I didn't.

I let my nephew take the 3 kiddos on this dumb ol' way-up-in-the-atmosphere Sky Gliders ride while I went to meet them on the other end of it. You know why? Because I refuse to project my fears onto my kids. 

I tell my kids to be careful and warn them of dangers, but I do not need to hand down my fears to my kids. They know what my fears are but they don't take them on as their own. I want them to conquer the world (so-to-speak...I'm not raising cruel dictators or anything like that) and not let any of my fears stand in their way. 

Amazingly, my children made it across on the Sky Gliders without falling out of the ride. And I, well I stayed on the ground and bought myself a new hat instead. 

Because hats don't scare me!

KC

doing the anti-work

That pile of laundry in the basket over there is staring at me. I should have finished folding it by Saturday because that is laundry day for me, the day I get it ALL done so that I only have to think about it on that day and no other day of the week. But here it is Wednesday and I think I've done a load or two every day this week as I've played catch up. This is NOT the business for me!

What can I say? Summer vacation is just as busy as the school year for me, just in a little different way... I really can't complain. Instead of teaching my kiddos their homeschool curriculum, I'm hanging out at AgFest, watching my nieces with their critters and eating/drinking fair food. Instead of having a full schedule of piano students, I'm reading books and spending time with my galfriends: HOLLA! Instead of doing laundry, I'm working on projects like painting (feeling those artistic and creative roots STRONG this summer).

But the hardest part of this busy-ness and the best part of this busy-ness are the same thing: allowing myself to enjoy it: the reading, the painting, the projects, the hanging out with people I love, the tanning by the pool, the stuff that isn't work. The anti-work!

When my mind tells me to be more productive, my heart tells my mind to shut up. When my brain tells me to catch up on all the chores, my heart tells me it's okay to rest and enjoy my lunch as I read a book. When my brain tells me that I'll never accomplish all the things I want to on my summer to-do list, my heart tells me that  to-do lists are over-rated.

These verses might just say it best: "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul." Psalm 23:1-3

"Refreshes..." Yes, that is the word.

When I face the guilt of not getting everything done, brought on by my own reeeeeediculous expectations, God tells me that it's okay to refresh. In other words:  "He makes me lie down on the lounge chair, he leads me beside the pool, he refreshes my soul while I read a good book...." (That's the KCV - Kat Cragin Version).

In this world of hustle and chores and being the best at being perfect (oh, Facebook, you slay me with your lack of reality!), it's tough to sit back and relax while the imperfect happens all over your house, but in my opinion, the refreshing is more important than the to-do list.

By the way, I'll be finished with this next book within 24 hours (only 382 pages to go), so do you have any recommendations on what I should read next? I've got lots of reading to catch up on....

erring on the side of generosity

I know there are a number of you who won't agree with me on this, but I have always felt that it is better to give too much rather than not enough, whether the receiver deserves it or not. 

The waitress who did a terrible job checking in on me while I was eating: she still gets a decent tip. Who knows, maybe it'll brighten her day and she'll do a better job.

The food for the party: there is still not enough room in the fridge for the leftovers, but at least no one left hungry! 

The one who always offers to pay for the other person's drink when you meet for coffee: but it's okay because honestly, I'm not keeping track of who paid last or when and really, as long as I can afford to pay for it, it doesn't really matter. 

Whatever the situation, I'd rather err on the side of generosity. 

Sure, it might mean someone takes advantage of that once in a while, but as long as God sees the true intention of the generosity, that's what matters to me.

Plus all that I have came from Him and maybe I'm wrong but I think He'd prefer that I over-give than under-give with His gifts.

And the fact that God went ahead and generously gave His son to die so that I wouldn't have to be sentenced to hell even though I deserve to be, that sets a pretty high precedent for me to follow if I truly desire to be more like Him.

So disagree with me if you'd like, but I'd rather err on the side of generosity.

KC

 

would you rather

(Why, oh why must inspiration hit me so late at night? Doesn't inspiration know that I need to go to sleep?!)

Something incredible happened the other night. I don't know how or why, but I was astounded! ASTOUNDED!

My daughter was playing the "Would You Rather" game with her friend. It's where you ask two ridiculous questions and your friend has to pick which one they'd rather... For example: Would you rather have no sense of smell/taste or have to eat only peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of your life? Or: Would you rather have a cow sneeze on you or step in dog dookie with bare feet? Her latest one: would you rather have a giant ear for a head or a giant nose? (That is a tough one...)

So she asked her friend: Would you rather be me or my mom? After her friend answered that she'd rather be Jayne, Jayne followed by saying she'd rather be me...HER MOM!!! ASTOUNDED!!! MY DAUGHTER LIKES ME ENOUGHT TO WANT TO BE ME!!! (I'm not typing in caps to yell at you all, I'm just super excited!!) And then she proceeded with her reasons: My mom is so wise and always give good advice. She's popular on social media and people actually listen to what she says (ummm, we might have different opinions on "popular" but if that elevates me to "Somewhat Mom-Hero" in her eyes, then I'm not going to crush that image). I want to be like my mom!

This is PHENOMENAL coming from the girl who has called me a "mean mom" on more than one occasion (which is also a "win" in my book.) 

That comment that she shared right there will knock out a multitude of negative things she has done or said. It will motivate me to continue working my tail off to be a tough, but apparenty awesome mom. It will push me to continue to pray for her because it's working!! So mommas and daddys - keep trying, keep working at it, keep talking to your kids, and keep praying. 

I know I've still got a ton to learn about parenting and that it's going to get even more complicated as my girl enters the pre-teen years, but that little bit of conversation means that I'm headed in the right direction and that there is hope for future growth, so I won't give up!

Keep on keeping on, my fellow parents!!

KC