Saturday, December 24, 2016

today is Christmas!

My kids are asleep next to the fake, overly decorated Christmas tree in our loft. With all of the excitement that they were exuding before they fell asleep, I was sure that it'd be hours before they would be out. TOMORROW IS THE MOST EXCITING DAY OF THE YEAR, AFTERALL!!

As I watch my kids get antsy to open gifts on Christmas Eve at Grandma's house and the expressions on their face as they open each specially thought-out gift, I can feel their excitement radiate through them and bring back memories of my own excitement as a kid.

Over the years, the excitement has gotten lost among the responsibilities and work and exhaustion that comes with being an adult. (I don't blame my kids for saying they never want to grow up - Peter Pan might have had the right idea!) It's tough to look past all the effort that is put into Christmas Day and to see all the work that'll come after the big day is over. 

So I decided that I'm going to join my kids by the tree to sleep tonight (but the Christmas music they fell asleep to has to go - I cannot fall asleep to Sleigh Ride!) and I'm going to wake up with them in the morning and fuel my excitement from their own. I miss feeling like a kid with no worries or cares about next week, tomorrow, or even what's going on later on that day!

I know my husband got me a few awesome gifts this year - he's good at that. And my kids even wrapped a couple things for me! But I'm thinking the best gift is going to be spending the day how Jesus would want me to spend his birthday - relaxing and enjoying the day for what it is. Not stressing about the laundry that needs to be completed or the clean up that needs to happen next week or the homeschooling and piano lessons that start shortly after that (starting to hyperventilate already, people!) 

Tomorrow is Sunday, the day God gifted us for guilt-free resting. That's the best gift ever. 

I hope you each wake up with a stirring in your soul, an unexplainable excitement, just like my kids. Because it's Christmas, people. IT'S CHRISTMAS!!

Go have a merry and bright day, my friends!! ❤️💚

KC 

Monday, December 19, 2016

I am not that mom

There's nothing like a holiday to make you feel like a failure as mom these days. 

Let's just look at Christmas:

I don't have an elf that sits on a shelf or whatever creative place I can think of.
I don't remember to get gifts for all the special teachers in my kids' lives.
Only half the decorations got put up this year.
Our gingerbread houses came from a kit from CVS.
We told our kids from the beginning of their ability to understand that Santa wasn't real. 
I've spent nearly 0 hours in Pinterest researching cool and creative holiday traditions and activities.
My Christmas cards are still in the box (I keep handing them out to people I see knowing that means one less card to mail).
There are approximately 25 ornaments sitting under the tree because they fell off and I haven't put them back up yet.
I let my kids go caroling with our wonderful neighbors instead of going along because I was busy (but mostly because I dislike being cold). 
We don't have matching Christmas outfits for church on Sunday (although we do all have Christmas socks - can I have a point for that?!)
And again - I have yet to consult Pinterest for games and party ideas...or anything Christmas, for that matter! 

All you moms who can do all that, you astound and amaze me!
My poor kids will never have a mom like that.
And that's okay.

There is a part of me that wants to uphold this image to my children, especially my daughter, that I'm incredible and someone whom they should hold in awestruck wonderment. I want them to believe that I can do all things with one hand tied behind my back, all while watching them with the special set of eyes that God put in the back of my head.

But then there is the part of me that wants my kids to understand that I am not perfect, no one is perfect. And I don't expect them to be perfect either.

Because maybe, just maybe, if I humble myself enough, those kids of mine will talk to me about their failures and imperfections and short comings, because I can relate. "If Mom has struggles and cannot do it all, then maybe I don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders either."

I'm okay with not being perfect in my children's eyes because hopefully through my shortcomings they're learning a valuable lesson in humility and grace.

And maybe, just maybe, they won't feel the need to freak their kids out with an elf on the shelf either. 😉

KC

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Christmas, for reals

Okay, I'm gonna get real with you all. This isn't a new thing for me; I'm usually very real when I write, mostly because I want all of you who struggle with your imperfections to know that you're not alone in that struggle.

But today's "real" is a lot harder for me to write. Maybe because I'm afraid you all with think I'm a party-pooper or that you'll misunderstand my emotions. But none of that has stopped me before, so here goes:

Christmastime is hard for me. It feels like work and that feeling sometimes robs my enjoyment of it all. I've been watching Christmas With the Kranks and I think they might be on to something there....

Now before I get too far, let me just say that there are a ton of things that give me joy during this time (which makes all the effort and "work" worth it.) I get to see nieces and nephews who come home from college. I get to create and participate in traditions that my kids will remember for the rest of their lives. I get the opportunity to bless others and am constantly blessed by other people's thoughtfulness. I get to spend time with my siblings and their families...gosh, I love my family! Christmas music, kids' anticipation, food, food, food! And the numerous quiet moments of reflecting on an amazing Christmas gift - Jesus.  All. Good. Things!

Now some of you have been blessed with the gift of super organization and others with the gift of maximum cleanliness through the holidays. I'm sure there are bunches of you that maintain a Christmas budget like a champ! And then there's me: Super Optimistic Girl who constantly fights the battle of Reality! 

Reality for me is that I'm a busy mom, trying to maintain my sanity on a regular basis as it is. Throw in the responsibility of redecorating the house for the season (I'd love to say my kids are great helpers, but when they get done it kinda just looks like Christmas threw up downstairs), purchasing just the right gifts that are thoughtful, on a budget, getting the Christmas cards created and mailed out BEFORE Christmas (just picked them up today so we'll see how many addresses are actually still in my phone), decorating the gingerbread houses (people, I had to use a blow dryer to make the frosting dry quicker so the blasted house didn't slide apart!), wrapping all the gifts, baking and cooking all the delicious food, and the list goes on and on....

Now, I look at that list and think it's probably all manageable, but add to it all the emotions that come with this holiday: trying to teach my children to focus on the giving side more than the receiving side (hahahaha, impossible!) and reminding them of the true reason why we celebrate Christmas, missing my Dad and now my Father-in-law (that hole never fills up), and searching for my own joy among the busyness.

So yeah, Christmas is hard.

I wouldn't want Christmas to disappear. Good things are worth the time, effort, and the exhaustion. 

But I'll tell you what I like better than Christmas: the Christmas afterglow.

So for those of you who love this time of year: keep loving it and spreading that happiness around. Smile a lot! Sing loud for all to hear! Do all the Christmas things! We need your spirit!

And for those of you who feel overwhelmed by it all: you're not alone.

But here is your hope: the afterglow. That time when you get to sit back on the couch in your slippers and enjoy your coffee while the kids (husband) play with their new toys in front of the lights twinkling on the tree while Michael Bubke croons his Christmas tunes in the background.

But seriously, people, I think I'm gonna start purchasing Christmas gifts in January! Get that Christmas shopping done before Valentine's Day!

Here's hoping you find those precious Christmas moments to enjoy among the craziness,
KC


Friday, December 16, 2016

utterly worth it

Tonight I'm sleeping on the couch.
Not because I'm mad at my husband.
But because I told the kids we could sleep in the family room by the Christmas tree.
I try to do this every year, and with one of my nieces here tonight, we're forcing our tradition on her too!

I don't sleep well on the couch. I usually end up tired and with an ache in my neck. One of the cats usually ends up half on my leg and I feel like I can't move around because I don't want to disturb her (I know that sounds ridiculous...its just the way I roll in the middle of the night.) 

I know the kids are fine to sleep down here by themselves. They've done it before. I could sleep in my bed in peace and not deal with children or pets. In a pitch black room. In peace and quiet...did I mention peace? 

But you know what? When my kids are in their 20's, they'll remember how I used to have a slumber party with them each Christmas, sleeping by the light of the Christmas tree. Someday they will appreciate the memories we made together, even if I have to whisper-yell at them to be quiet and to get. to. sleep!! 

(Ohmygoodness, the current giggling situation might send me over the edge!)

So if you see me tomorrow and I'm walking with my neck all cock-eyed and huge bags under my eyes, you can feel free to remind me that it is all worth it, and that I will never regret the memories I make with my kids!

Please. 
Remind me.

KC

Thursday, December 15, 2016

JOY

"Joy to the world!"
Not "Happiness to the world!"

Because first of all, that just sounds dumb in the song. It doesn't flow!
And second of all, Jesus did not arrive here on earth to bring happiness.
(Although I'm sure there were times when happiness was a side affect of him being here. If I was cured of a gross disease or had my daughter raised from the dead, I'm sure happiness would be in there somewhere!)

Digging deeper...
Christ came to bring joy. 
That "down in your soul" joy. 
The "never goes away" joy.
The "surpasses all of life's garbage" joy.

Happiness comes from stuff and things and feelings and circumstances. And all those things have the potential to change.

Joy comes from the knowledge of a Savior who took my garbage away so that I have the most incredible gift: eternal life (which, I'm just sayin' sounds like it has the potential to be pretty stinking amazing. Imagine hanging with the God who can do anything. His imagination and creativity are limitless. LIMITLESS. Like a genie but a gazillion times better. I don't know about you, but I can't think of a more incredible gift.)

That knowledge creates joy.
Joy isn't just a feeling.
It's an understanding.
It's security. I am taken care of NO MATTER WHAT.
It is bigger than all the things that happiness bring.

JOY is the underlying calm in my soul.

So yeah: JOY to the world -  the LORD has come!
There has never been better news than that.
Amen?!
Amen.

KC

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

call them out

Tonight I had a discussion with one of my kiddos. 
Well, it wasn't really a discussion, it was more of a "talking to" punctuated with her "But I..." and "But, Mom..." and "whiiiiining" and "moooooannnning."
The child cannot help but interrupt me. 

Augh! and *sigh*

So a typical "discussion" in this house with one of our kids starts out with a bit of lecturing. Because you know what? I am in charge. I am the boss! AND YOU WILL HEAR ME!! 

But it promptly turns to questioning. I ask the kids questions about what they did and how it made others feel and if they handled it correctly or kindly or of there was a better way and WWJD (yes, it is still a legit question .) This makes them do the thinking. This gets them involved instead of them tuning me out during a lecture. Why should I do all the work, just to be ignored? Nah, kid - you are going to do the thinking and feeling and understanding. Lecture yo-self!

And somewhere in there, I always do this. (This was a lightbulb that went on in my head a few years back when my eldest and I were going round and round and round and frustratingly round in a "discussion.") I call them out. I straight up call a sin a sin. I tell them that they were wrong. 

You disobeyed your parents - that's wrong.
You used violence when you hurt your sibling - that's wrong.
You talked back to me, disrespectful - that's wrong.
You lied to me - that's wrong.
You didn't do what I asked you to do 10 times - that's wrong.
You were sneaky - that's wrong.

When you paint the picture clearly for them, there's little room for "discussion." Typically, when I pull the "you're wrong" card, my children get quiet, and an apology follows shortly. Sometimes stubbornness gets in the way. But more often than not, putting that sharp realization of "wrong" in front of them gives them little room to refute. 

I know that it seems harsh, but isn't sin a harsh thing? Shouldn't it remain that way? Shouldn't wrong-doings still have some shock value to them? 

Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned or conservative or whatever label you want to put on me, but when it comes to my children whom I love indescribably, I'm going to point out the wrongs, no pulling punches, so that they see and feel a definite difference in their consciences about what is right and what is wrong.

Now, if I could only get them to stop pointing out when I'm wrong...
KC

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

give yourself a freaking break!

Last night a dear friend reminded me of something that we moms need to hear more often. 
(This is why I value my friendships with my gals: they often remind me that I'm not alone in my mom/wife/woman struggles. Praise Jesus (and Hallelujah!) that he gave us those incredible relationships!)

Ok, back to what we moms need to hear:
We are too stinkin' hard on ourselves!

For reals, gals, we can't give ourselves a break!
It doesn't matter if we are stay-at-home moms, part-time or work-at-home moms, employed full-time moms, or the crazy mom who homeschools her children because she can't get enough of the annoying things her children do. 😳 We are always going to think that we are not doing enough or that we are doing it all wrong.

I don't know about you (although I could probably guess), but I second guess myself on a pretty regular basis. As a matter of fact, I live in a heightened awareness of "screwing up my children" pretty much all day long. I'm kinda used to it, but not in the way where I'm totally okay with it and myself and with what I'm doing. More like in the way of questioning myself all day long - it's a lifestyle. 

Here's the deal, moms. We really need to quit comparing ourselves to the other "perfect" moms out there. (Look! I used quotations marks around "perfect." Wanna know why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING!!) We are each called according to the purpose that God has is set aside for. Each of us has been called to momhood differently. There is no cookie cutter mom that we should all strive to be like. 

I'm thinking we all need to step back and rest comfortably in the knowledge that God has got this. He's directing each one of us according to His purpose: in our jobs, in our relationships, and in our mommying. When we are listening to His call, there's peace, not guilt. 

So relax, momma, and remember: you're not doing this all by yourself. ❤️

KC

Monday, December 12, 2016

be embarrassing, be embarrassed

My kids have to endure all the embarrassing things from my husband and me. We go out of our way to make sure that they experience all the eye-rolling and head shaking opportunities that we can offer them. It's our right as parents. WE HAVE EARNED THAT RIGHT, for Pete's sake!

I'm a big fan of making a goofy fool of myself in front of and with my kids. I sing at the top of my lungs when we're in the truck. I dance in the kitchen while I cook (shoot, I dance anywhere, even in the truck while we're driving around!) I say ridiculous things to their friends and crack jokes that only I think are funny (and I laugh too, even if I am the only one! ...which I usually am.) I'm sure it you asked my kids, they could list 45 other embarrassing things that I've done to traumatize them.

But you know what? With all that, I've managed to create a very open relationship with my kids. Through my unabashed goofiness and my willingness to talk about pretty much anything with my kids, it has been established that those two kiddos of mine can approach me to talk about anything that's on their mind.

Parents, if there is one piece of advice I can give you, it's this: don't be so prideful that you close all doors of communication with your kids. (That's tonight's advice, anyway. It could be different advice next week!) It's hard and it's embarrassing and humiliating, but all of that is worth it to have communication with your kids.

I've been having open conversations since my kids were old enough to understand me. We've talked about drugs, smoking, sex, homosexuality, racism, God, the devil, and a myriad of other subjects that my kids are being exposed to at young ages. (Don't worry, I am very clear to my children about which subjects should not get discussed with other children!) 

There are some tough subjects to talk about with our kids these days. But if we don't get out of our own way to talk about the embarrassing things, someone else probably will and we might not like what they have to tell our kids. 

So here's my challenge to you: find that subject you've been avoiding talking about with your kid. Pray about it, rehearse what you want to say (I do that all the time!) and then intentionally find a time to bring it up and discuss with them. Open doors. You never know when you'll be glad that you did...

KC 

Sunday, December 11, 2016

waging a battle

It was a rough morning for our oldest child.
Which meant it was an extremely rough morning for us all. 
*sigh*

After her storm of lightning and thunder (it was bordering on being a hurricane, folks) passed, she was quiet for a bit. (Here's where the hours upon hours of intentional conversations and speaking truth and wisdom into her life are starting to bear fruit. I'm telling you, that hard work pays off!) During the quiet, she was thinking. And after the thinking for a while she said, "You're not ready for an apology yet, are you, Mom?"

(She knows that an apology, spoken at the height of my frustration will not fix anything. If there is no thought or remorse, I will not hear it.)

So she waited a little longer before speaking. And then she launched into an incredible apology. Ultimately, she told me that she doesn't know why she does what she does. She knows how she is acting isn't right but she struggles to change it. (*The incredible part is that she told me that she knew there a lot of her friends that respected me and also a lot of other people in my life who respected me, but she told me that she was my biggest fan. Come on, people!)

After she told me of her struggle of choosing right, I gave her the reason why.

There is a battle for our children's souls on a daily basis. I've prayed for their little souls as they face great big battles. But today, I handed a little more power to my girl. (When you understand the battle, then you can combat it better.) I explained that the devil is constantly at work, trying to convince her to make bad decisions. He wants her soul! But I also told her she doesn't have to fight alone. Jesus wants her soul as well and will help her and fight beside her to win.

She's no different from me. I've got a war raging inside for my soul as well. We all do.
So let's call it what it is: a battle, and then let's fight.

KC

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

fresh

(Okay, so when you work really hard on something and it's flowing and has great inspiration and you save it thus far and the app poops out on you and you discover it didn't save at all, that's one of two things. Either 1: you really shouldn't be writing it in the first place, OR 2: the devil doesn't want you to write it and by golly, you are NOT going to let him win! AUGH! I will NOT let him win!! ...or maybe I just shouldn't be writing it: y'all can be the judge.)



So you know night time, when you sit back and reflect on how amazing your day was and how you handled all things with confidence and wisdom and maturity, and how things went smoothly as the family all hugged and loved on each other in perfect harmony while kind and encouraging words were spoken to one another?

Yeah, me neither.

Night time: when my exhausted brain hits the pillow and I think of all the words that I shouldn't have said and of all the yelling and arguing that took place along with the frustrated sighs and all my failures light up like neon signs in my mind while my shortcomings roll through like a train and the things that I didn't accomplish loom over me like a ginormous rain cloud.

That might be a little more accurate for what really happens to me. Although I'll admit, sometimes that scenario drags me out of sleep at 3:00 in the morning, plaguing me for an hour before letting my messy head go back to sleep.

You know what my best combat for all that garbage is? It's a simple little phrase that I've been telling myself for years. And I tell it to my gal friends and they tell it to me when they know I need to hear it. It's a little phrase that offers hope after a frustrating day. It helps me fall asleep knowing that I'll wake up ready to get up and face the day....well mostly: I'm a pretty big fan of the soft blanket I sleep under so getting out from under that is actually my biggest hurdle in the morning. It's super fuzzy and warm and cozy...

But that phrase! (Sorry - I get sidetracked. If you've known me for at least 15 minutes, it's apparent.)

Here's that phrase:

Tomorrow is a new day!

Tomorrow
Is
A
New
Day.

All the malarkey and trash from today is left with today. Tomorrow is full of new potential. Tomorrow is full of hope! Tomorrow is fresh. It is different. An opportunity to do things differently. To set failures aside and try, try again. Tomorrow is a new day.

My today was rough. For a variety of reasons: big and small. Tomorrow, some of those things will probably still be there, but I will face them head-on with determination and hope. And I'm probably still gonna fail, but that's okay because each day is followed by a new tomorrow.

So people: sleep well tonight!
Tomorrow is a fresh day. 

KC

Sunday, December 4, 2016

smilin'

One of my uncles had a conversation with me a while back that made me smile. We had been chatting about my schedule and how crazy busy I tend to keep myself and how many different things I've got on my very full plate. He looked at me and said, "...and here you are, still smiling."

So maybe my smile is a bit like the Mad Hatter's: crazy and wild-eyed, but it stems from something much deeper than all that's going on in life. And it's genuine.

That smile that symbolizes my outlook on life, it comes not from finding perfection, but contentment. 

I don't have it all. 
My life isn't perfect. 
There are battles and struggles daily. 
And some days life chews me up and spits me out.

But.
I am content.

Why?
Because I have realized that there is no greater satisfaction to be found than to give of myself. 
To those I love.
To my family.
To my friends.
To strangers.
And even to people who have irritated/frustrated/upset me...(although I'll admit I'm not so good at giving to them.)

And by "give" I don't just mean "stuff and things." 
I mean give my time, my effort, my abilities, my ears to listen, and my heart.
There is so much more that we can give besides "stuff."

When I was a kiddo at Christmas time, I would never have imagined myself saying this and believing it but: it is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35. WAY more blessed. 

Try it. 
Little by little: give.
It'll become a habit.
And then: BOOM! 
Contentment starts to sneak in.

KC

Thursday, December 1, 2016

me, not you

Ya wanna know something interesting?
Of course you do. You're reading my blog and it's almost always interesting because you never know what's gonna come out of my mouth...er...fingers...uh...brain. 
Whatever. 
You get it.

I've been thinking. (Dangerous, I know.) 
I can't tell you how often I have heard people complain about the shortcomings or failures of another person or group of people. It seems as though all the struggles in this life are because of somebody else. It's so easy to point out what someone else should do to be a better person. Criticism comes quickly to our lips.

But what if, I mean would it be so terrible, what would be so wrong about turning the critical finger back on ourselves? Seriously: what if we stop telling other people how to be better people and started becoming better people ourselves?! 

When we put expectations on other people to meet our standard, there's a pretty good chance they're not going to meet it. We're gonna be disappointed. 

But, what if we took the focus off of them and put it on ourselves?

Let me give you one example: 
What if, instead of getting all frustrated and irritated with the extremely slow clerk at the grocery store, we used the situation as an opportunity to practice our patience (it is a virtue, people) and to show some kindness through an encouraging word to the clerk (because blessed are the merciful AND the peacemakers, eh?) 

What would that do? Maybe help make the world a better place?! Maybe, instead of trying to change everyone else, we start with ourselves. 

Maybe, just maybe, we make a bigger difference pointing the finger at ourselves.

KC👈🏻

Monday, November 28, 2016

aging with grace

You know what stinks about getting older? (Not that I'm old, by any means: 25 is a great age to be😁) I think what really blows is that as I get older and wiser, I realize just how far from good and perfect I am. You would think that I would learn from my past and that I would become smarter in my decision-making skills....
Nope! Still not perfect. 

And what's worse is that I feel myself getting into a habit of pushing God away because I'm not worthy of a relationship with Someone so perfect. Why hang out with the likes of me? I make stupid choices all the time. God must constantly have his head in his hands over me. I know I do! 

And here comes the beauty, the part of this relationship that I need to be remind of every. single. hour: 

Grace. 

People! I cannot handle this grace! I cannot comprehend this vast and immense gift that I am so undeserved of. 
All I had to do was ask and BOOM! Grace!
I didn't earn it.
I don't deserve it.
And yet it's mine.

How do I even respond to that? This God who continues to bless me and to forgive me and to walk alongside my sorry butt (yeah, Mom, I said "butt" - sorry!) even when I think He should have left me stranded years ago.

I want to respond with better choices and to try to be perfect...but that's setting myself up for failure. 

So I respond with gratitude. 
And I live a life of joy.
Because my God loves me, despite me.

KC




Wednesday, October 19, 2016

5 best things about fall

Ok. One of my bestie girlfriends tells me that I should write lists once in a while because she's a sucker for them. And so am I!! So let's hope more of you all are suckers just like us...

I chose to write about the 5 things I like about this season because, unlike many if you, I don't actually care for the fall. It's definitely in competition for my least favorite season... However, I try to look for the good in everything, so that's what I did with this list: 

1. Rain boots. I dislike rain, but I love rain boots. And even if it's just a little bit cloudy, I'm gonna wear them because rain boots are so fun! I know it's probably some kind of fashion faux pas to wear them as much as I do, but I don't really let fashion faux pas' stand in my way.  Never have. Never will. Shucks, I don't even know what faux pas means - I'm lucky I even figured out how to spell it! And if you're shopping: I'm partial to polka dotted rain boots. 😉
(I won't stop a single one of you from buying these for me. I wear a size 9.)

2. The fireplace. Okay, not the fireplace because ours is ugly, surrounded by white tile, no mantle, and puts out very little heat. So let's change that to the ambiance of the fireplace. There's a little flame in there, putting off just enough warmth to feel useful, and creating enough flickering light to make the room feel cozy. With the first rain of the season comes the annual text/call to Scott to make sure the flue is open before we light 'er up! 

3. Blankets. I am a blanket fiend. Quilted, furry, soft, big or lap-sized, afghan, cartoon characters, heavy, lightweight...I'm truly not biased when it comes to blankets. I love blankets of all sizes, shapes, colors, and textures. And I'll even share my blanket, unless you try to play some footsie game with me. That is not my bag. Then you can find your own blanket...
(I'm pretty sure I need this blanket, but I'm pretty sure it's going to take more than 45 minutes to learn how to do it.) 


4. Pumpkin spiced...just kidding! Once I got sick after eating pumpkin-flavored fudge. It wasn't the fudge's fault, I'm sure, but the relationship was created and now I can't eat pumpkin spiced anything, except pie. However, in order to make this #4 a legit part of the list: Salted Caramel Mocha Frap from Starbucks. I rarely get the sugar-filled drink, but I'll admit that I splurge every great once in a while during this time of year because I love a good sweet/salty combo. Mmmmm-hmmmm!!
(If you need to know my address for delivery, just text me.)


5. Perspective shift. It always happens as we are on our way to Thanksgiving. Life turns from the focus of getting itself together with the start of school, to calming down and focusing on the people and other blessings God has given us. I'll admit, I'm still in the crazy stage of school happening, but as we get closer to a few breaks in our schedule and we can breathe a bit more, we start to appreciate each other and our time together a whole lot more. Thanksgiving is one of the best holidays for my family: we eat, we hang out with those closest to us, and we set aside the entire day for playing games! 

What about you? 
Why do you like this fall season?

KC

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Our daughter is persistent. She's that squeaky wheel, trying to get the oil.
Only the squeaking is more than annoying; it's grating, and never, ever, stops. It's like the car alarm going off somewhere forever and you wonder, "Where in the word is the owner of that stupid car?! I'm going insane over here!!"
Yeah, it's more like that.

I've got to give her props for her persistence. That has the potential to be an amazing asset in her life! But right now, it's the very opposite of an asset in the house...

The other day, she was in tears, asking once again for something we've told her no to 465 times. (That's an accurate number, by the way; I've been keeping track). We've given reasons. We have validated our answer. She has agreed with our responses. She seems to be on our page with our decision. And yet, the request re-surfaces every week at least once. Sometimes 26 times...

So this particular time, I turned it into one of my illustrations as she sat sniffling post-crying to our consistent response of "For Pete's sake: NO!" 

I reminded her that sometimes in life the answer will be "no." God doesn't always say "yes." Sometimes He says "wait," and sometimes He says, "no."  It might not be fair, it might not be what we want, but we have to trust that when God says "no," it's for our best. 

Of course I want to make my kids happy, but saying yes to all they ask for would be to the detriment of their future. I would be doing them a great disservice if I let them believe that life will always make them happy and always give them what they want.

As it is with God.
I might not always understand why He says, "no," but I trust Him. I trust that He's got it all figured out a whole lot better than I do. He is God, after all...

KC

Thursday, October 13, 2016

humility

Speaking of forgiveness...

(If you read the latest post, then you know that I've been speaking on forgiveness. If not, then, um, well: I've been speaking on forgiveness. Now you are up to speed!)

I've got an 8-year old son that I am homeschooling. I'm not looking for a diagnosis here, folks, but he loses focus easily and "squirrels!!" on a regular basis. Doing a math facts or language arts worksheets with him is the ultimate test of my patience. He's good at it all, for the most part, but he's just not quick. Or efficient. Or neat. Not to label him, but I'm gonna label him: he's an 8-year-old boy. 

Combine this 8-year-old boy student of mine with a pre-teen, strong-willed, flair-for-the-dramatic 11-year-old girl student of mine, and you have a recipe for explosions from me, a teacher who doesn't like to sit still but likes to be accomplishing all the things at once. 

*sigh* (of mental exhaustion)

At times, my nerves get a little frazzled. That frazzling translates into snappy comments directed at my son who is just doing his thing in his own way. The look on his face when I snap at him...augh. He is broken-hearted and near tears as he continues on with his schoolwork. 

People, this is a make-or-break moment in parenting. Do I let my pride get in the way and stand tall in my righteous irritation and firmness? Nah, I can't do that without creating a chasm that might someday become too deep to cross. 

Instead I usually grab that boy and hold him, or get down on his level and look him in the eye and I apologize. "I'm sorry, buddy. It was wrong of me to snap at you like that. You didn't deserve it and I should have had more patience with you. Can you forgive me?" 

His lanky arms wrap around my neck and he pulls me close to him and shoves his face as close to me as he can and just loves on me. Chasm averted. 

There is no pride worth creating a separation from your children. Saying "I'm sorry" is difficult, but only the first few times. It gets easier the more you do it. Plus, the example that you are setting for your children is a great one. 

I don't know about you, but I would gladly give up my pride to have my child's lanky arms wrapped around my neck.  That's just about the best feeling in the world.

KC

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

parenting manuals

I think the hospital staff forgot to give me the parenting manual after I left with my firstborn child. Detailed instructions would have been nice! 

But nope: just handed me my kid, strapped in a car seat, and said, "Congratulations on entering the next stage of your life where you will truly understand stress to its fullest capacity as well as long-suffering days, sleepless nights, worry/anxiety/fear all rolled up into one, frustration galore, all enveloped in the craziest joy you have ever felt! Enjoy!"

Ok. Maybe they didn't say that last part. 
Maybe they only said Congratulations.
But they knew...they knew all the rest.

So where are the instructions on each personality trait and strength and weakness and character of each kiddo? 

One of my kiddos beckons me into her room on a regular basis after she should be asleep. Her guilt about something or another has kept her up for hours! And she can't live with it: she must tell me and get it off her chest! (I'm realizing that this is actually a good annoying thing. My kid can't keep her guilt from me! Not yet, anyway.)

So I listen to her admission of guilt, usually accompanied by tears, and as I listen, I'm trying to come up with an appropriate response. She has one particular incident that she comes back to every great once in a while. It haunts her that she didn't make the situation right when she could and now she can't at all. This one has been a toughie.

So we talked about it for a bit. 
I explained that guilt is not a bad thing. We have a conscience for a reason: to help us make good decisions. And guilt comes up when we've made a bad decision. It pokes us and prods us until we decide that we need to make the situation right. In this particular incident, we couldn't make it right with the person so we had to go to the higher power. 

We chatted about asking God for forgiveness. He can heal it all. And He is not a God who desires that we live in guilt. He is a God who wants us to live in gratitude for His forgiveness. I'd much rather live a life of gratitude than live under the heaviness of guilt. 

My girl prayed for forgiveness and then we talked about how any feelings of guilt that might come up after that prayer are not from the Holy Spirit, but from the devil trying to tell her that she's not forgiven, that God could never forgive her, but the devil is a stinkin liar!

We've also discussed many times that when we are sorry for what we've done, true repentance means that we will try very not to do it again. Which, try as we might, we are often repeat offenders. But the amazing thing is that God has unlimited forgiveness.

These lessons that I teach my children: 80%.... nah, 95% of the time God is indirectly (and sometimes directly!) teaching me too. Forgiving myself is difficult. But if I bring it to God, I have to learn to leave it there. 

Oh! And, I was wrong at the beginning of this post. I do have a manual. 
If I delve in often enough and deep enough, God's word has always had an answer for what struggles I have as a mom. He knew what He was doing when He put together the Bible: best parenting manual ever.

KC

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

don't and never

I've written much about my amazing strong-willed girl on this blog. She's a life-changer, I'm tellin' you. That personality, her determination, has brought many tears and grumblings under my breath and a few not-so-quiet grumblings. But I've also seen so many beautiful things from this girl that just make my entire being smile as I witness her being her.

My dear mommas and daddys: your children, each of them, no matter what type of personality they have, each kiddo is an incredible part of who you can be or are already becoming. I am so very far from perfect and far, far, far away from being great. I've got flaws and weaknesses all over the stinkin' place. But I'll tell you what: I like myself a whole lot better post-Jayne and post-Lincoln than I did before they were born. 

I am who God created me to be, but He sent those two to shape me and mold me into something even more. 

I throw up my hands frequently.
I send texts to my husband on a regular basis saying the things I'd like to say to the kids, but can't because my frustrated words could ruin them so I send them to Scott because he takes them and reads them with grace and understanding.
I yell "AUGH!" through my gritted teeth every. single. day. (Multiple times.)
I make angry faces at my kids when they aren't looking. 
"Fine! Do it your way!" comes out of my mouth more than it should.
Sometimes I give in.
Sometimes I give up and go to my room.

But.

I never give up hope.
I never give up hoping that maybe something I'm doing or saying is sinking in.
I never give up hope that my efforts are not in vain.
I never give up hope and quit trying all together.
I never give up hope that these kids' future are secured in God's hands.

And
I never stop trying.
I pick myself back up and try again.
I wake up the next morning determined to affect my children's lives.
I return from defeat over and over again and push through to reach my kids' hearts.
I keep educating myself, trying new things, getting more advice, and I keep trying.

Mommys.
Daddys.
Don't give up hope.
Never stop trying.

Fruit is coming.
And it's because of you.

KC

Monday, October 10, 2016

the virtue of baseball

Goodness, I wish this game would just end so that I could write without the distraction!

A lot of people think baseball is a boring sport. Yeah, sometimes it is. But the crazy thing about baseball is that the game can change in an instant! I mean tonight is a perfect example of it! Most of the game belonged to the Cubs till they approached the 9th inning. GAME CHANGED!! And here we sit in the 13th inning, waiting for the next exciting play to finish off the game. And when that exciting play comes, fans are gonna go CRAZYSAUCE!!! Because honestly, the anticipation is killing each of us who is watching the game. I'm not even a Cubs fan or Giants fan and I'M anxious!!

(Look, Honey, I'm doing a sports analogy - aren't you proud?! Here it comes...)

Our 2 kids live in a world of "I want this and I want it right now!" Not because they are spoiled or because that's is a regular occurrence around this house. But that is how the world around us is working these days. You want something? Run out and get it. Or, order it through Amazon Prime real quick. It'll get here tomorrow. TV show? Instantly streamed through Netflix or Hulu or whatever. Snack? Microwave it. Something to keep them occupied? iPad/iPod/iWhatever. Want to hear a particular song? iTunes. (People, when I was a teen, I would wait days, and I mean DAYS, for a song to come on the radio with the hopes that I might be quick enough to hit the "record" and "play" buttons at the same time and record most of it on the waiting cassette tape. #thestruggleWASreal.)

So you know what my hubs and I do to combat this? We make intentional choices to make our kids wait for things. From purchasing things they really, really want, to going special places. Even if they have their own money, we will still make them wait till we are ready for them to purchase. Our poor kids have waited months sometimes simply because we decided they needed to wait.

You know why?!

Because patience is a virtue. 
Patience is earned, not given.
Patience is necessary in life.
And the reward of patience is so much sweeter than that of instant gratification. 

Baseball is truly an example of that. It's not constant excitement during the entire game. But those moments of excitement are crucial to the outcome of the game and an ending like tonight's totally makes it worth all 5.5 hours. 
I know you Giants fans think so, anyway...😉

KC




Sunday, October 9, 2016

battles

I have come to the realization that no matter how old I get, I will always have some sort of battle going on within me. It's unavoidable.

- I'm a horrible mom. But I'm going to be a mom for the rest of my life so I'll probably always feel that way. Even when my kids are parents, I'm still going to fighting regret and figuring out how to parent my kids who don't want to be parented anymore.

- I'd like to say that I'm super duper confident in myself and that I never, ever compare myself to other woman, ever. But that'd be lying. So I won't say that.

- And I wish I could pretend to have it all together. I can't even pretend!!! If, at any point in time, you look at social media and see me having it "all together," you should probably make sure you're looking at the right person's page.

- I struggle with being a good friend. 
- I suck at cleaning the house.
- I can't grow a good vegetable garden to save my life! For reals: if my family needed to survive off of my gardening skills to date, we'd be eating basil and parsley. 
- I'm seriously lacking self-discipline in pretty much every area of my life that doesn't depend on me for survival. Sure, I feed the family regularly and make sure everyone is clothed and I don't run out of gas in my truck, but I can't seem to exercise regularly or avoid sugar or get my 45 projects completed...

And this list goes on for a long time, people. Being a people-pleaser doesn't help this either.

So then I guess I have to stop trying to figure out how to get rid of my battles, and simply learn how to live in the midst of them.

With grace.

I hate being a failure and even more so: I hate being a disappointment. But that is who I am. Because I am a human with free will. I have been given this gift of free will so that I can make stupid choices and live with the consequences.

But then there is grace. The battles are always going to rage within me, but if I can view them with the perspective of grace, I'll survive every battle. I don't have to be perfect. Grace has me covered on all fronts. 

KC




Monday, October 3, 2016

for a purpose

You were created, by God, for a purpose.

I just needed you to know that.

I'm sure your plate is full. You are probably just as exhausted as I am. Maybe you are running around in circles these days, just functioning. And maybe the future doesn't look so bright. It'd be nice to know that somewhere in there, your life has a purpose.

Well, the good news is: it does!!

Sometimes your purpose is right in front of your face, completely obvious: today I saw my kiddo make responsible choices without me prompting her to (and it was more than just putting her dishes in the dishwasher!) I am raising a responsible member of society!! I taught piano lessons and am giving the gift of music (which is one of life's greatest therapies) to a bunch of great kids! PURPOSE!!!

And other times, it's like washing the dishes over and over and over again: where's the purpose in that?! (Although in my house, my husband washes a lot of dishes and although he might not realize it, he is serving a HUGE purpose in my life!) 

Maybe you go to work and pay bills and take care of the family and do it all over again day after day. Or maybe life feels like just a bunch of failures. I don't know where you're coming from but I remain sure in this: there is a purpose for your life.

Maybe you don't know it, but you already are a blessing to someone you see on a daily basis. Or maybe someone is watching you parent your children and you are an example to them. You might not ever know the purpose you have served in someone else's life, but you have and are and will.

You were created, by God, with a purpose.
So walk around with confidence because that makes you something special.

KC

Monday, September 26, 2016

I don't know

Today I watched a video clip on the Black Lives Matter Movement and the All Lives Matter Movement. (Ok, I don't know if they are movements or what because there's so much I don't understand about people these days.) My 11-year-old daughter caught a bit of it but I ended up turning it off because the language was too much for both of us.

As I tried to explain what is going on in our world, she asked, "Is that happening again?" (I've taught her about segregation and our country's history with with salvery and such.) 

My response? "I don't know."

I so desperately want to teach her how to understand our world so she can figure out what her role is in it all. But I don't understand it myself.

So I told her I'd pray about it with the hopes that God would give me a clear way to explain to her what's happening in our country. 

But I don't know what's happening. I don't understand it all. I know there are two sides to every story, but it seems as though now there are 165 sides to every story and the picture is never clear. 

So forgive me if I don't jump in on the comments to support one way or another. 

I'm just gonna keep praying for perspective and for the wisdom to teach my kids how to make this country a better place. 

KC


Sunday, September 25, 2016

word filters

I said something to my daughter today that I hope will stick with her for the rest of her life. Actually, I'll probably have to remind her about 3,474 more times while she lives in this house, but that's just how training works: tell a child to throw their cheese stick wrapper in the garbage and not on the floor 3,475 times and then they will remember to do it on their own... half the time. Progress is progress!

This evening, however, the conversation did not hover around cheese sticks wrappers, even though we still have about 1,450 more training sessions to go on that one. Tonight we discussed how everything that comes out of our mouths should first go through the filter of:  "how would I feel if someone said this to me?"

You see, she had mentioned something to me earlier in our conversation that she had said in jest to a friend of hers and I immediately pointed out to her that she would be totally self-conscious if someone made that comment to her. She got silent and I could see her contemplate that for a moment. And she said, "Yeah, you're right mom." (I wrote that down in my Journal of Good Mom Memories because that phrase rarely happens.)

And that's when I told her about the filter.

And that's when I was reminded of the filter...

And that's when I thought I should maybe remind y'all of the filter.

The Filter: "Before these words come out of my mouth, are they words that I would want to hear?" And if they are not words that I would want to hear, but are words that still must be said, is there are way that they can be said with love?

I know, I talk about kind words on a pretty regular basis on the blog, but that's because kind words are important to me. Words, good or bad, can change lives. And I am a big cheerleader for the kind words, the thoughtful words, the words that build up and do not tear down.

My daughter is going to say things without going through the filter, I already know this. Mostly because I, myself, still do it once in a great while...

But I will continue to show her and teach her and train her to be more like Jesus who had perfect love and perfect tact in everything He said.

KC

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

who I am voting for:

(Ha! Like I'm going to tell you who I am voting for?! So half of you can hate me and unfriend me? 
Ok. I don't actually know who I'm voting for...😜)

People, I have 579 friends on Facebook. I know that's not a lot compared to most of you and that's a load compared to the rest of you. The number only matters a smidge. Because if I had 50 friends or 5000 friends, my point to this post would be the same.

Those 579 people potentially see everything I post. Whether it is something I post directly onto my wall or onto someone else's wall or even a comment that I leave under someone else's post. It is public to very many people and leaving an impression on each and every one who reads my comment, or my status, or sees my photos.

So I am careful.

You're thinking: "Duh! You should be careful on such a public forum!"

But I mean, I am very careful.

Words express so much. They can express passion. And desire. Frustration and ignorance. Words can give an impression that you aren't meaning to give. And your words can end up creating a label for yourself that you didn't mean to create.

I have had a bad taste in my mouth because of comments that people have posted. I have picked up on relationship problems because of people's statuses. I have seen sides of people that I never would have suspected because of subject matter they have posted. Social media can be very revealing...

It's not my place to judge. I could just be reading into a lot of stuff that people are posting. However, it definitely makes me very cautious when I post because what could you being reading into on my posts?!

And maybe I just see Facebook and other such online worlds differently than most people do. I see it as a way to connect with people, to build relationships, and ultimately, if God desires, as a way for me to witness to someone. After all, that's my purpose here on this ridiculous earth: to get us all to a heaven that is perfect, right? Not this jacked up place that will never have complete peace because it is full of imperfect human beings (yes, every one of us - even  you.)

(Okay, so I can't actually get us all to a perfect heaven. As a matter of fact, I can't get anybody to heaven. I am only a seed planter. God does all the rest.) 

What I don't see Facebook as, is a place to vent all my frustrations and to try to prove that my opinion is right. I don't use it as a way to tear people down or to participate is arguments (mostly because I'm non-confrontational...😶 but also because the arguments that I read through usually seem to do very little good.)

So I'm gonna stay out of it all on Facebook and just keep posting my silly little "Here's Our Quirky Life at the Cragin Homestead" posts. Because I like relationships more than being right. And when I have that close relationship with someone, I'm not afraid to have a conversation with them about my very conservative and strong opinions. Because I know then that our relationship is strong enough to stand through differing opinions. 

Wait, did I just rant right there?! I might have just ranted right there...
Sorry, I don't usually rant.😕
Guess I'm just ready for all this political voting malarkey to be finished. 
*sigh*

KC


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

exhausting harshness

I'm tired of the harshness on social media.
I'm ready for more stories of grace.

Grace.
Because you don't know what shaped someone's worldview.

Grace.
Because you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

Grace.
Because you never know what is plaguing someone.

Grace.
Because you are very far from perfect yourself.

Grace.
Because life is hard.

Grace.
Because God showed it to you first.

Grace.
Because your perspective is not the only perspective.

Grace.
Because you don't know the whole story.

Grace.
Because no one is perfect. No one.

Grace.
Because legalism sucks.

Grace.
Because you need it.
And so do I.


KC


Wednesday, September 14, 2016

meant for good

The kids and I have been studying the life of Joseph since we started school this year.

His life: unbelievable.

Can you imagine being hated so much by your siblings, that they scheme about ways for you to die?
Or being treated so horribly by your siblings that they figure out a way to get rid of you: sell you off and tell your dad that you died so he will never come looking for you, leaving no hope of you ever coming home?
Or being a servant in a home where you are given the highest of responsibilities and respect by the head guy in charge only to be lied about by the wife who really just wants to sleep with you, gets mad when you refuse, and you end up in jail?!
Then helping a fellow out while you all are in jail and he forgets to do his part to pass on the good word about you so there you sit, in jail, for years...

What a crappy life!

Years later, when his brothers come to him for help, not realizing it is actually him, it puts him in quite the predicament. These guys plotted to kill him years ago and now they need food?! The perspective that Joseph has can only be God-given because our human nature would most definitely not see the situation the same way:

He reveals himself to his brothers and tells them not to be distressed or angry with themselves for selling him because it was to save lives that God sent him ahead of them. And even goes so far as to say that it wasn't them who sent him there, but  it was God so that he could save their lives by a great deliverance!

Ummm....wow!

I've had some not-so-wonderful things happen in my life. There have been a number of times when life felt horrible. But my brothers never tried to sell me (as far as I know, anyway!) and my brothers never plotted to try to kill me (pretty sure about that one)! And I haven't been sold from my family to a far away country.

But I'll tell you what: even with my "minor life struggles" (which actually felt/feel pretty huge sometimes), it has taken a lot to bring about a perspective that is even slightly in line with Joseph's.

But what I'm realizing about the tough stuff (although sometimes it comes with pain) is that God means it for good. Whatever I have been through in life, God has always meant it for good. Maybe not the actual anxiety disorders or deaths of people that I love or extremely difficult parenting moments or relationship issues, but the outcomes and the changes and the lives affected because of what I have been through - this is where the good comes. I might not always understand it at the time, but I see it in hindsight.

The future looks a bit scary to me. My kids are growing up in this crazy, ridiculous world and I can only hope and pray that I am preparing them for it. I've also learned that death can be right around the corner for the people I love. And that tragedy can strike at any moment. And I'm not prepared for any of it.

But I am walking alongside a God who is prepared for it. He is prepared to hold me up and to bring about whatever good He is capable of bringing out of the horribleness (which is immeasurable amounts of good because, well, because He's God.)

So I can either choose to live in resentment for the tough stuff of life, or I can look for the good that has come out of the difficulties.

I choose to look for the good.
(But sometimes I need a reminder to do so!)

KC



Tuesday, September 13, 2016

not so personally

So, here we are, back to my late night thoughts.

As I thought about what I should write this evening, I kept coming back to a realization I had regarding my incredibly amazing 11-year-old daughter who also happens to be incredibly strong-willed and who happens to be very opposite of my personality (at least when I was a little girl) and who happens to drive me crazy!!

I homeschool this red-headed beauty of mine so you could say that we see each other a lot. A LOT. And when you see someone frequently, there is definitely opportunity for you to get on each other's nerves.

We get on each other's nerves. A lot. This results in "discussions" a lot. And disagreements a lot.

And this mom gets frustrated. A lot.

Earlier this week it struck me through a conversation that a very good mom friend of mine and I were having, that I take my daughter too personally. That maybe I'm not the bad guy, but that life is the bad guy and she needs to take it out on someone, so who better to take it out on than someone you know who already loves you unconditionally, even when you are a pain in the butt?!

Maybe I need to stop taking her frustrations so personally and I should start showing this 11-year-old more grace.

After all, when I've had a rough, frustrating, upsetting day, I don't have a problem heading to God to complain about it. And He's always willing to show me grace, despite my attitude.

So I guess it looks like I've got a few more lessons in patience to learn and I need to react less and to think a little more before I talk. And I've got to put myself in her 11-year-old shoes. And I've got to learn to be the mature one...

When do I get to stop growing up?!?!

KC



Thursday, September 8, 2016

lessons learned

I took a little break from writing. Mostly because: what do you write after someone you love passes away? It all seems trivial. Even though it's not. For a while, it feels like it is.

But even in this crappy, difficult time for our family, I was reminded of a few things that I think are worth sharing:

1. Everyone mourns differently. We don't have the right to tell someone how they should handle their grief. We can share from our experiences, we can relate, we can gently pass along words of encouragement. But you cannot tell someone that the way they grieve is right or wrong. 

2. Always say words. Or, if present, give hugs. Text, message, phone call, stop by: but always say the words. Even if they feel awkward or are the same words 50 other people said: say words. Tell or show the people who are mourning that you care.

3. Don't stop the words. A week, 2 weeks, a few months: if you're thinking of that person, let them know. Seven years after their loved one passes, remind them of their loved one. Holes are made, but the edges get softer as people show they still care. 

I know there are more lessons I've learned over the years as I've lost some incredibly dear people in my life, but my heart and brain are too tired to delve too deep to find them. I'm tired of learning lessons about death. We weren't meant to understand or comprehend or deal with death. And I'm exhausted from the whole process.

So I'll get back to writing the fun/funny stuff (have you met my family?! It's inevitable!) but tonight, this was my heart.

Thank you, my faithful friends, for letting me share the heavy and for always allowing me to be real. ❤️

KC

Thursday, September 1, 2016

I don't have the words...

There have been some hard posts to write, and this one is right up there with those.  Not only is what I'm writing about difficult, but because I'm still in shock, I'm struggling for words.

On Tuesday morning, my father-in-law suddenly passed away from a heart attack. I received the phone call from my mother-in-law and then had to make the difficult phone call to Scott, my husband. 

(Another reason why this is difficult is because many of you are close friends of Scott and I, and are hearing about this for the first time. Because how do I just post my father-in-law's passing on social media without absorbing the shock myself and without it being a shock to others? It's impossible.)

I'm familiar with death. And I should be familiar with the shock of it. 
But I'm not.

My own Pa passed onto heaven 9 years ago.
But Bob was my dad too.
He loved me and cared for me as his own daughter (even though he didn't have any daughters of his own, he did a great job of being a father to me!)
He respected me.
He encouraged me.
He listened to me.
He was considerate of me.
He was interested in me and what I had to say.
He valued what I brought to the family.
And I have always been family to him.

I thought maybe I knew how to deal with this sudden shock, but I don't. 
It's brand new all over again.
And I'll never get used to it.

KC

Sunday, August 28, 2016

3 things you should never tell God:

1. "I can't."
Every time He heard this, God must just think: "Ha! Let me just show you how much you CAN!!" and then ups the stakes (not that God is by any means a gambling God) by tenfold.  You know why? Because you CAN'T!! Unless you have His purpose and power behind you, then you absolutely CAN TENFOLD!! And even though we forget it, He doesn't. When we tell Him we can't, He tells us that we don't have to because He's got this and we are just His vessels for carrying out His will. 
So there: you CAN!!

2. "Please teach me to have patience."
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! 
Quite possible the stupidest thing I asked for. 
Do you know what it takes to acquire patience?? So many impatience-inducing people and situations!! There's a reason that one of "patience's" synonyms is "long-suffering." 
But I'll tell you what: it works! I'm not perfectly patient, but I can suffer a lot longer than I could 10, almost 11 years ago!

3. "Use me."
Oh no. Do not utter these words unless you MEAN them! Because God will begin to poke and prod you to do and say things that you never before had the courage to do and say and since you told Him to use you, you've got to listen to that voice telling you that this is what God is pushing you to do. You might be scared, but OH! the places you will go and the people you will meet and the things you will do all because you gave yourself over to be used by God. 

So just beware of what you say to God. He might just end up doing some amazing things in your life, if you're not careful...

KC

Thursday, August 25, 2016

big brothers are the worst

The kids and I are studying the story of Joseph.

If ever there was a life that could have turned to resentment, depression, and despair, this is it.

Short story: Joseph's brothers hated him, sold him, told his dad that he had died. He ended up in Potiphar's house where the guy's wife lied about him which ended up getting him thrown in jail. While there, he interpreted some dreams and then those guys forgot about him (well, one of them died so that's understandable). From favorite son to forgotten in jail.

If ever there was a life that shows God's amazing work through trials and devastation, this is it.

After all that garbage in his life, he ended up second-in-command only under Pharoah, and because of that position, he was able to save the lives of the guys who sold him to begin with. 

Redemption. 

So I'm thinking that if God can take the messed up rigamaroll that was Joseph's life and turn it into something amazing and incredible, then He can do the same for each of us who might have lived through a bunch of junk ourselves. 


And the craziness of it all is that the people who did all this horrible garbage to him, he ended up not only forgiving them, but helping them too! Man, that took gutsy forgiveness. 


The Bible's full of lives that parallel ours here on earth. 
Good reading, I tell ya. 
That God, He knows what He's doing a whole lot more that I know what I'm doing.


KC

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

for reals

I love Instagram filters. I can make an average picture look gorgeous just by changing the filter. I can brighten up a drab picture or focus in on the good, editing out the bad. And Snapchat filters are even better! Goodness, I didn't know I could be so perfect until I used Snapchat filters! 

That's all good and fun, but it's not reality!! 

Reality isn't gorgeous. Reality isn't close to perfect. Reality doesn't have a filter that makes my skin flawless and puts a butterfly crown on my head. 

Reality is crying out of frustration as a parent.
Reality is dealing with my shortcomings as a wife.
Reality is the mess hidden underneath the bed or behind the couch or in the closet.
Reality is the bag of Munchies I finished off today. (SO GOOD THOUGH!)
Reality is the pile of stuff just out of the Instagram post of perfect home decor.
Reality is the strained relationship with a friend or family member.
Reality is exhaustion and fatigue, stress and anxiety, worry and concern.

But reality is also full of hope.
Today I had texts of encouragement.
Today I was reminded that I have amazing friends.
Today my sister-in-law brought us dinner (people, I cannot even tell you how this made my day!! It was so good and I was blessed!!)
Today God never left my side.
Today His grace is the reason I survived today. 

I am #survivingbythegraceofGod every day. 

KC
 (Ridiculous)


PS - I write because I feel God's call. I write because He's got a purpose for these words. My little self wants to keep this blog to just a few followers, but it's not really up to me, right? So I'll put this out there and let God do what He wants: please feel free to share my blog at anytime with anyone. 

Monday, August 22, 2016

stupid self-appointed standards

I went to spend some time with a good friend tonight. We chatted from our hearts because that's what we tend to do. My mommy heart poured out my mommy sorrows and my eyes welled up with tears.

And she spoke truth, which she repeated to me a few times throughout the night.

"You are too hard on yourself."

And she is right.

People! The standards for parents are high these days. Meeting them is next to impossible! I don't need to rehash the birthday party ideas, the fancy desserts sent to school for birthdays, the long list of Pinterest ideas for gifts and diy and home improvement and so many other things that make me wanna PUKE because I CANNOT DO IT!! 

White flag of surrender. I'm waving it. Y'all win the Perfect Parent Awards because I was disqualified approximately 10 minutes after I gave birth to my first child. 

This parenting thing? I don't have it. Like, not even a small grasp on what I'm doing. And when I think I do for just a second...BOOM!!! Something happens to remind me that I don't. 

And that's when I have to remind myself that it's okay because God's had it all along. He's the perfect parent, after all. What a fool I am to try and compete! He's got pockets full (maybe even buckets full) of extra grace just for me.

"Oh my...Kathy just tried to use the 'guilt trip' on her kids. Better sprinkle a little extra grace on her today."

"Oh no! She's making threats she cannot follow through with: no electronics for 2 weeks?! Ha! She's crazy! Let's send a huge dash of grace her way!"

"I hear her voice rising. There is no calm left inside her. Pretty sure she's gonna blow! Just let the grace rain down on her for a while..."

"Homeschooling?!?! Just flood that house with grace!"

I'm not that great of a parent, but my heart is where it's supposed to be: striving. And I think that if I'm striving, then I'm getting extra grace from God to fill in the cracks where I fail as a parent.

And when my kids grow up and think about what I did as their mom, I hope that's what they remember: the striving and that the rest of the cracks are filled with God's grace.

KC



Sunday, August 21, 2016

mondays are RAD (sarcastic font)

My son is 8 and has already decided that Mondays are the worst day of the week. If he gets hurt or
something frustrating happens, he always asks, "Is it Monday? Because this is the worst day ever!"

I've admitted in the past that Mondays have not always been very nice to me. As a matter of fact, they have been downright mean to me! I oughta just stay in bed all day! But I'm in my 30's and have had the time to get jaded about Mondays. My son is 8! He can't be grumpy about Mondays yet!

So tomorrow morning, we will start our day and I will hide my ire and angst towards Monday and I will try to convince my son that, despite what Garfield says, Mondays can be delightful! 

I guess I need this reminder as much as he does: 

Ok, all you grown ups with jobs and children and exhausting lives: we've got this! Let's grab Monday by the horns and tell it who's boss! We're gonna kick Monday's tail with our amazing good attitudes and miles of smiles! We will hop out of bed with determination to make Monday a good day. No, an EXCELLENT day!! Let's do this, people! We've got God's new mercies as our super power!! DO IT!!

Okay, now I just have to remember to read this pep talk tomorrow when I wake up...

KC


Friday, August 19, 2016

bucking the stigma

This is the first time I think I've written about this subject, but it probably won't be the last.

My husband doesn't fit the stereotypical role of dad/husband in the family like so many people think men do. 

He isn't my 3rd child. The things I do for him are because I want to care for him, not because he demands it or acts like he can't do stuff for himself. And that goes both ways in our family. He does things for me because he cares about my sanity. (He helps with laundry, washing the dishes, and making food, and almost all the grocery shopping, to name a few. Swoon, ladies, swoon!)

He isn't a wuss when he gets sick. I don't need to coddle him like a child. He handles his own illnesses, aches, and pains; although I offer to take care of him, again, because I care about him.

My husband doesn't "babysit" our children. If I go away for an evening, he plays the role of dad, which he had been doing the entire time I was there to begin with! It doesn't change because I left. He's still Dad, just like he was when I was home! He handles them kiddos like he's their involved father, BECAUSE HE IS!!

My husband uses a map.
He reads instructions.
He is involved in his children's education, asking about their strengths and weaknesses and seeking out solutions for their weaknesses.
He is the primary emergency care giver.
And he is so much more.

And if my kids ever make it to the Olympics, they will thank their Mom AND Dad.

I will stand up for my man because he works HARD to be a good husband and dad and all those stigmas do men like him a disservice. 

That's all...for now.

KC





Thursday, August 18, 2016

the devil's plans

All I'm saying, people, is after yesterday's post, there was a serious LACK OF FRUIT today from one particular child of mine!! I almost quit my "Mom job" before we even started school this morning. Just ask my husband: he got the texts and phone calls today as I was near tears and wanted to scream unkind things at the top of my lungs.

There was a serious exercise in self-control on my part today: super proud of me.

But I am telling you: there was a BATTLE going on in our home today. Snide words, selfishness, disrespect, ungratefulness, battle axes, bow and arrows: it was ALL there.

And I did not come out unscathed. Wounds and healing and scars and AUGH!

And then it hit me this afternoon. I am not waging a war with my child. I am waging a war with the stinking devil himself.

I am listening to God and striving to follow His call on my life as a mom. And that devil guy knows it and he is fighting me tooth and nail. 

And that is how I know that we are going in the right direction: the devil wages a war. 

And somehow, knowing that, I can now face tomorrow's battles with confidence. My great big God is on my side and we will fight for the souls of my children. Because those souls are precious.
Tomorrow morning, I will roll out of bed and roar!!! Because I am ready for battle.

KC 



Wednesday, August 17, 2016

fruity kids

I sure do love my kids.

I might have spoken to them both in a "slightly louder than normal" voice today on multiple occasions because they were "challenging." Their attitudes might have pushed me to my limits (meaning that my lid was flipped). And I might have kept myself from shoving an entire bar of soap down my daughter's throat today (self-control, right?!) and found myself wanting to leave my son in his room all afternoon...

But I sure do love those cute little stinkers.

Why?

Because my daughter made me pancakes today.
My son hugged me tight and apologized for hurting my feelings today.
My daughter didn't complain about math, her dreaded subject, once today.
My son came downstairs and apologized for being a booger this afternoon.
My daughter did PE in the pool without me bugging her to do so.
My son apologized for hurting me while he was messing around.
(Seriously, he had a tough go of it today!)

My kids are far from perfect and drive me up and wall (and sometimes across the ceiling and down the other wall), but I see fruit every day. 

They are growing and changing and showing signs of being good kids who will (hopefully, God-willing) grow into good adults! 

And all my effort (and when I say "my," I mean my husband's too, but he doesn't write the blog so I'm gonna take all the credit here) and all my stress and all of my hard work (okay, I'm starting to feel bad about using "my"...) is working!!! 

Jesus,
I am trying to stay the course as a mom, so thank you for the glimpses and sometimes full view of the fruit you are producing from the little seeds I so carefully sow. If You will continue to grow the fruit, I will keep on keeping on with the seed-planting! 
AMEN!!

PS - I'm gonna need a little help tomorrow, though. Because: Day 2 of homeschooling...😳

KC

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

waking up is hard

I'm not a fan of mornings. And mornings don't like me very much either.  My bed really likes me. You can see my problem here? I don't want to get up in the morning. 

Tomorrow I start my second job: homeschooling (first job being Head Lady on Campus). Tomorrow things get real again. I set standards for my kids in the morning so I've got to reach those standards myself. If I don't, everything starts to crumble and chaos begins and it's just so tough to reign in the monkeys once they are let loose!! 

In other words: I have to get out of bed. 

No matter how I feel about the upcoming day. No matter what kind of mood I wake up in. No matter how late I went to bed the night before. No matter how crazy the kids already sound before my feet hit the floor. I have to get up.

So I give myself a pep talk before I even get out of bed. 

1. I have lots of good reasons to get out of bed: kids, breakfast (I like breakfast best of all meals), Starbucks (I won't deny that I use Sbux as a reward most mornings for making it halfway through the morning), a home that runs because I'm in it, my cat waiting outside my door for some lovin'. Whatever it is, I find a reason to get up!
 
2. I have a purpose for getting up. I don't always know what it is, but I know that I have a purpose. It might be something as simple as getting laundry done, or meeting with a friend who needs encouragement (which usually leaves me feeling encouraged), or teaching my children. It doesn't matter what it is, I just have to believe that I have a purpose in the world and if I stay in bed, I'll never achieve that purpose.

3. And if I don't believe in myself and my purpose in life, I can always fall back on the knowledge that lives within my heart and soul: God has a purpose for me to get up out of bed and live today. I don't have to know that purpose, I just have to trust in the God who created me, that He made me for a purpose and I will get up and live because of that.

So recap on the morning pep talk (because school starts early tomorrow!)
1. Lots of good reasons to get up.
2. I have a purpose today.
3. God's got am even better purpose for me today.

We've got this, people! Gooooo team! 

KC 

(I'm curious: when do you wake up?)

Thursday, August 11, 2016

grace for idiots

It's easy to be kind and gracious to nice people, to sweet and thoughtful people. It's easy to show grace to those who show us the same.

But what about the idiots? The jerks? The rude snobby people? What about the lady in the neighborhood who never smiles, waves, or acknowledges you? What about the guy behind you on the freeway who keeps tailgating you or who cuts you off? What about the clique of woman who refuse to invite you into their group to do anything? And the co-worker who always puts you down? And the coach who seems to think its okay to yell at your 6 year old who is just learning to play soccer? And the teacher who has absolutely no "nice" bone in her body? Or the "friend" who makes fun of you behind your back? (This list is endless, people!)

Do the behaviors of these jerks give you permission to be a jerk back? Should you treat them exactly as they treat you? YES!!! .....wait, that was ME speaking right there, my human side broke through pretty strong for a second. 😝

It might take a huge amount of self-control or patience or tact, but this scripture is pretty direct in its response: 

Now, I don't read that as "be a doormat and let everyone walk all over you," or "let people take advantage of you." But I do read it as "learn how to appropriately respond to idiots in such a way that you might be an example of who Jesus is to those idiots." 

Now I don't know about y'all, but I already do this perfectly. I love my enemies so hard! (And I'm not sarcastic ever, in the least bit.😜) But the rest of you guys need to work on the business of loving idiots!

Because idiots need grace too. 

KC 





Tuesday, August 9, 2016

hard work


I can't tear myself away from watching the Olympics - it's on our TV all day long. 


Maybe it's because everyday I see amazing accomplishments acquired by months and years of hard work. And that is HUGE motivation for me. Seeing others succeed makes me want to work harder!

Maybe it's because I see some of the athletes who have come from tough backgrounds and instead of letting their life's situations drag them down and give them excuse, they used their difficulties as reasons to succeed. 

Maybe it's all these hard-working, in shape athletes who inspire me to get out there and keep exercising!

Maybe it's the good sportsmanship that is a good reminder to be a good loser as well as a gracious winner.

Maybe I'm tired of all the other garbage that's on TV that my kids watch: whiny, spoiled, entitled kids and teens getting their way and getting everything they want.

Maybe the Olympics should be on TV more often so that my kids can get excited about accomplishments and be motivated by successful men and woman who WORKED HARD to get where they are in the Olympics! 

I know the Olympics aren't near done, but I'll miss the games when it's all over.

KC

#justsaynotoentitledkids #yayforsuccessfromhardwork