And she spoke truth, which she repeated to me a few times throughout the night.
"You are too hard on yourself."
And she is right.
People! The standards for parents are high these days. Meeting them is next to impossible! I don't need to rehash the birthday party ideas, the fancy desserts sent to school for birthdays, the long list of Pinterest ideas for gifts and diy and home improvement and so many other things that make me wanna PUKE because I CANNOT DO IT!!
White flag of surrender. I'm waving it. Y'all win the Perfect Parent Awards because I was disqualified approximately 10 minutes after I gave birth to my first child.
This parenting thing? I don't have it. Like, not even a small grasp on what I'm doing. And when I think I do for just a second...BOOM!!! Something happens to remind me that I don't.
And that's when I have to remind myself that it's okay because God's had it all along. He's the perfect parent, after all. What a fool I am to try and compete! He's got pockets full (maybe even buckets full) of extra grace just for me.
"Oh my...Kathy just tried to use the 'guilt trip' on her kids. Better sprinkle a little extra grace on her today."
"Oh no! She's making threats she cannot follow through with: no electronics for 2 weeks?! Ha! She's crazy! Let's send a huge dash of grace her way!"
"I hear her voice rising. There is no calm left inside her. Pretty sure she's gonna blow! Just let the grace rain down on her for a while..."
"Homeschooling?!?! Just flood that house with grace!"
I'm not that great of a parent, but my heart is where it's supposed to be: striving. And I think that if I'm striving, then I'm getting extra grace from God to fill in the cracks where I fail as a parent.
And when my kids grow up and think about what I did as their mom, I hope that's what they remember: the striving and that the rest of the cracks are filled with God's grace.