Wednesday, April 30, 2014

acting

You know what it takes to be a parent? Good acting skills!

*Now in this scene, the mom will lean in close to her child and calmly pull the fork out of his hand  explaining that "we don't stick forks up our nose" all while barely containing the scream of frustration that desperately seeks to escape her lips.

*In this next scene, the mother will head into the bathroom to wipe yet another messy bottom, maintaining a smile of confidence all while resisting the urge to gag at the smell and hoping that her hands stay clean as she does the job.

*In this last scene, the mother will calmly pull her flailing, screaming, bratty child out of the grocery cart, leaving the cart full of groceries, and carry him out to the car while everybody stares, even though a good part of her wants to leave the kid in the cart and go home without him!

You know where I really struggle in my acting career? At home, when I am frustrated, irritated, and exasperated with my two children who are acting like crazy monkeys while I am trying to get dinner cooked and on the table. I cannot maintain calmness! My voice gets very stern and loud. Not yelling....well, maybe it does fall into the yelling category. 

But I guess the first step to becoming a better "actor" is understanding what your weakness is and then trying to get better.

So, next time I will *Gently grab the monkeys by the arm and walk them to their rooms where they will stay until dinner, all the while resisting my desire to tie them up and duct tape their mouths!

KC






Tuesday, April 29, 2014

it's going to be ok

Saw this on Pinterest today:

Now, if we would just believe that! 

Life throws some pretty tough blows at us. That's what it is like living in a sinful, imperfect world. I don't know how many of my 10 readers are Christians but for those of us who are, I know we still get stuck in the middle of life's drama, all worked up, forgetting that we have made it through every single situation so far with God's help. 

Our hindsight is perfect. We can look back at life and practically see the times when God has picked us up and carried us through. Yet when we are in trouble's midst, we completely forget His faithfulness to do it again! 

One of my biggest struggles these days is looking at where this world (dare I say, country?) is going and worrying about my children not only growing up in its corruptness, but also worrying about the potential persecution they might face simply for being a Christian. I want to grab my kids and gird them with the knowledge of the Lord so that they will be ready for it all. But even that doesn't take away my worry. There is only one thing: God's promises and His faithfulness. (I suppose you could argue that to be two things, but I think they go hand in hand). 

Last summer I had the opportunity to hear Gloria Gaither speak at a conference. I know she's a big name in Southern Gospel, but I haven't been a big follower of Southern Gospel for very long. Little did I know how much her words would impact my fears. The Gaithers wrote a now well-known song entitled Because He Lives. In the second verse, are these words:

Verse 2 - How sweet to hold a newborn baby, 
And feel the pride and joy he gives 
But greater still the calm assurance 
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Chorus - Because He lives, I can face tomorrow 
Because He lives, all fear is gone. 
Because I know, I know, He holds the future 
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
 
He is holding the future; not me! What an assurance as I look ahead. Both of my little ones have already accepted the Lord as their Savior - they are not going to go into this world alone! As Gloria explained this second verse, the tears rolled down my face. Worrying for your children is a heavy burden to bear all by yourself (or even with a spouse). But handing their future over the the Lord lifts so much of the weight off your shoulders.

I still worry. It's human nature (or mommy nature). But my worry is kept in check and not nearly as frantic. He holds the future. Not me. I couldn't control it even if I wanted to. 

KC

Here is a link to the live version of the Gaithers singing Because He Lives: http://youtu.be/spa7WkwjwGw






communication and "discussions"

So I had it revealed to me once again, for about the 75th time in the past year,  that most of the problems in my marriage to my handsome husband have come from miscommunication or non communication. This evening, through a discussion (that's what we call it) he revealed to me something I had been misunderstanding for months. It had kinda bummed me out when we first talked about it. Tonight, once I "got it" it totally made my night. 

I am not a great communicator, although after talking now for about 25 years (I don't think I said more than 3 words in the first very shy 10 years of my life), I have been getting better at it. However, I still try to avoid certain topics because I don't know how to bring them up for discussion. Or I might say something in our discussion that will be understood the wrong way because I don't always have the right words. Usually I have to backtrack and re-explain it 3 times with the hopes that I am making sense! 

But, at least I am trying. 

Communication is difficult, but so important! 

There are many things I have learned about communicating with my husband that have helped this area in our relationship. Here are just a couple (or a few):
1. Do not bring up a subject that has the potential to be frustrating when he is hungry. No good can come from that combination.
2. Name-calling doesn't usually help to smooth things out in the middle of a discussion.
3. Having an important conversation shouldn't happen immediately after he gets home from work: "Hi Honey, welcome home from a job where you had to put your brain to work all day long, tirelessly, as you interacted with people who you had to be nice to, even when you didn't feel like it. Can we now talk about the 12 important things we have going on this week?" 
4. Starting an important conversation shouldn't happen 5 minutes before one of you has to leave. Timing is important.
5. Bringing up something from the past every time you "discuss" gets old. 
6. Comparing your spouse to one of his parents doesn't usually fly very well.
7. Letting my anger get in the way of what I'm actually trying to communicate always ends up hurting me.

I've still got a lot to learn, but I keep trying. Because this relationship is important to me and communication helps us solve problems and avoid future issues. 

KC




Saturday, April 26, 2014

why?

Life is rough; you know that? It hits us hard from all different sides:
Difficulties in family relationships
Sickness
Financial devastation
Betrayal in friendship
Death of the one you loved dearly and deeply

And that question always seems to creep up: Why? Why me? 

I'd like to tell you the answer to that question. I really would. I could tell you a bunch of things that might make you feel better about your situation. But I cannot answer "why."

But, there is an answer. Even if you don't know it or understand it, there is an answer. 

God doesn't always choose to reveal the answer to us right away. It might be revealed to us years down the road! Or, it might not ever be revealed to us on this side of heaven. 

But for me, knowing that there is an answer, a purpose for the difficulties I've endured, gives me an undercurrent of peace through any situation.

KC

happy friday

Happy Friday!

Here are a dozen things that made me happy this week.
1. Flip flops. Wait, scratch that. White flips flops! There's something about a crisp, clean pair of white flip flops.
2. Rain boots! Yep. Gorgeous weather and hail/rainy weather all in the same week.
3. Wreaths - I've been waist-deep in burlap and muslin making wreaths for an upcoming sale. Creating wreaths is my happy place.
4.Smiles.
5. Sleeping children - my favorite! (I will repeat myself on this frequently because those peaceful faces bring rest to my soul.)
6. Coffeetime with my Mom. She's the best. 
7. The laughter of my kids. (Well, maybe your kids too, but definitely mine!)
8. Corner Stop Eatery - a little restaurant in town where the owner makes a point to be personal with his customers. That goes a long way with me!
9. Photos, because photos = memories
10. A comfy couch.
11. Tri-tip. If you've had it, you know. 
12. A husband who agrees that being silly with the kids is a good thing (including doing the things that make them roll their eyes!)

What made you happy this week?

KC

Thursday, April 24, 2014

time

Tomorrow my son has the day off from school. He's giving up his K classroom and teacher so that the Pre-K kids can give it a try. We're both kinda excited about it. Not because we have anything fun and exciting planned, but because we like to hang out together.

It used to be that I was excited for the kids to go to school. More "me" time! But as the months went by, I started to really look forward to their vacation times. I wanted to be with them, even if there were some times that drove me crazy! And although I pretended that I couldn't wait till school started back up again, secretly a bit of me was sad. 

This is not to say that all of our time together is rainbows and butterflies (I heard that somewhere - I assume that it means everything is honky-dory, which means happy and carefree...I think... but don't quote me). There are plenty of times when we need a break from one another and we go to our separate corners for a while. 

But, over the past couple of years, it has really hit me hard how quickly my children are growing up and maturing. And realistically, they won't spend that much of their lives in my home. (If they lived to be 90 and move out of my home at 20, that is 70 years living somewhere other than here!) So my time with them has become a valuable commodity. This time with them is short and I need to respect the value it has and use it wisely. This is the most important learning time in their lives when they might still listen to me! I want to breathe God into them at every opportunity. 

So tomorrow, my boy and I might not do anything very exciting, but we will spend time together and have good conversations, play Go Fish, and do stuff that makes our relationship stronger. 

KC




Wednesday, April 23, 2014

naps

Ten days later?! How did that happen? I have to admit, when I miss a day of writing on this here blog, I start to miss it. So ten missed days is just a tragedy! 

But I can't stop life from getting in the way: I got a cold. I know, what a terrible thing! But seriously, it knocked me down. I took naps. I never take naps, people. But I was taking naps! It was bad. (But I liked the naps - I really did, but I didn't have the time for them).

And then after a few days I started to feel somewhat normal. So I had to spend the next few days catching up on all the stuff I missed while I was napping! 

And you know what? Through it all, life went on. Kids went to school, to their programs, and homework got completed. Kids were fed and clothed and my husband maintained a pretty normal schedule around here. Things got a little messier around the house and we watched a little more TV than usual. But we all survived. 

I don't like being sick (who does?!) and I don't have time for it. But perhaps God uses it to tell me to slow down and take a break, because you know what? Everything is going to be just fine on the other side. Good reminder for this busy mom who likes to keep a jam-packed schedule! 

So next time maybe I'll take a sick day on a day when I'm healthy so I can really enjoy the nap!!

KC


Friday, April 11, 2014

happy friday

Here are a dozen great things from this week that make me happy!!

1. Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins - this recipe was shared with me by my friend Geri. I took a somewhat healthy recipe and polluted it with chocolate chips.  I still pretend they are healthy...
2. Jr. Highers. Yep. Subbed again. I can't help it: I just love Jr. High kids.
3. Flip flops. No socks needed in this weather.
4. And skirts! Woo-hoo! I love skirts.
5. Sleeping children. Beautiful, peaceful, sleeping children.
6. Laser pointers and cats. No further explanation needed.
7. Sixteen-year-old nephew whom my children adore and who loves my children. 
8. A levelheaded husband. Let me tell you something: having a husband who can keep his cool in this world is a valuable thing! 
9. Singing children. My kids sing at the most random times: while making a snack, using the bathroom, while eating dinner (gross), and in the bathtub.  It is awesome and funny at the same time.
10. Sleeping with the fan on - I know there are some of you who do this all year long, but for me it means the weather is finally reaching warm enough temps for the fan to stay on all night.
11. Bass. Not the fish, but the thumping sound of a good beat. I love bass.
12. Gerbera Daisies: one of my brothers brought me a Gerbera Daisy this week. It is very cheery on my bright blue table.  

And that completes the top 12. There are more, to be sure, but I will stop at a dozen.

KC


parenting for jr. high

Jr. High.

I wonder what that brings to mind for you? 

Of all the times of my life, this is when I feel like I grew up. No longer a child. No longer so carefree. Suddenly the future is a real thing. Choices you make at this age might actually affect your future. You start to know so much but still understand so little.

It was awesome and scary all at the same time.

My daughter is finishing up 3rd grade this year. She's an amazing handful of strong will and emotions. I'm parenting for the moment, for where she is right now. That's hard enough!

But I'm also parenting for her future. For when she is in Jr. High and hormones kick in (for her and everyone around her!) For when temptations become really appealing. When rebelling against us feels good. I'm parenting now for the times when I won't be around her every time she needs to make a decision. 

I try constantly to point her to God, the One who will always be with her.  The One who will direct her when I cannot be there. Her conscience in the face of temptation. 

Because thinking about her future is scary and awesome all at the same time.

KC

Thursday, April 10, 2014

donut holes (it became a theme)

People are irritating! They drive too fast. They drive too slow. They are frustrating when they pay attention to no one around them and talk on their phones loudly in public places. People are inconsiderate when they use foul language in front of my children. People are rude. They don't hold the door open for you when you are right behind them. They talk during the movie. They purchase the last of the donut holes as you stand in line behind them with two little kids (ok, that's never happened to me, but it would be a bummer if it did because I really like donut holes). 

All in all, people just suck! (Sorry, Mom. I know you don't prefer that word but I'm going for emphasis here). 

But, let me ask you this: are you perfect? Or do you have your moments of being irritating (remember that time you weren't paying attention at the light and it was green for 10 seconds and you didn't notice until someone honked their horn at you?) Have you ever been rude or inconsiderate (for example: purchasing the last of the donut holes at the only donut shop in town while a hungry mom and her two adorable kids stood in line behind you)? Have you ever been frustrating? Or annoying? Or thoughtless?

If you are perfect, then you are just full of baloney. (Although I prefer to write bologna, but when ever I see it written out, I pronounce it "bo-lahg-nah" and that doesn't work as well in this classic and yet still appropriate phrase).

(I know. Rare form tonight! I apologize.    Or....you're welcome!)

Anyway. I found this on Pinterest the other day. So good! So true.

So, may you be filled with kindness, patience, and an understanding spirit tomorrow (or today, I suppose) as you deal with the rest of us who can't park straight, run over curbs, have loud and obnoxious children, and beg you for your donut holes. 

KC

Monday, April 7, 2014

grabbing the morning by the reigns

So today didn't start out so great. I didn't feel very good but had a huge to-do list for the day. Laundry, dirty dishes, errands around town, grocery shopping (which is high on my list of Least Favorite Things To Do). My daughter had a difficult start to her day (which played into my emotions for the morning as I worried about her). I kept forgetting to drop off my son's booster with his Aunt who was bringing him home after school. And when I got home after bringing my daughter to school (for the second time), my low fuel light came on in the truck.

At this point I was ready to go lie down on the couch for the rest of the morning. (It was only 9:15).

But I walked into my kitchen, asked God to help me, and decided to grab the morning by the reigns and take control of the craziness instead of letting it take control of me. 

I can be a procrastinator but I know that only adds to the stress of my life. But sometimes it takes a good measure of self-discipline to get it all done, or even just to get started!

So today, I looked into the future of the day and thought about how my future self would feel if I didn't get started on these things. And realizing that my future self would thank me and be less stressed if I got to work on my to-do list, that's exactly what I did. And now at 10:30 at night, I look back and am glad that I did!

Tomorrow has a whole other to-do list waiting for me, but I'm okay with that because it doesn't have today's stuff added to it. Done and done!

KC

Thursday, April 3, 2014

just go

You ever have a big decision to make but you struggle with making the right choice because you know that if you go where God is leading you, there is a ton of criticism waiting on the other side and it's is just easier to go the other way? 

Yeah, me neither.

Ha!!

You know what I do? I put it off and put it off until the last minute and then I create a big, huge world of problems for myself. That never really works out that well for me.

But you know what? I have learned to take comfort in our big decisions when we are following God's direction. Because no matter what the earthly response is, the only response that truly matters is God's.

I don't always have the best answers for the questions of why we do what we do. It's called faith. But looking back I am always glad we did what we did because God knew what He was doing, even when we were unsure. 

So take a listen...where is God leading? Turn off all the noise of the world and go. 

Kinda scary, I know. 

But He's got ya. 

KC

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

pride

I'm not talking about Cougar Pride or that feeling you get when your child does something stellar. I'm not talking about the pride you feel after a major accomplishment or completed project.

No, I'm talking about the pride that gets in the way. That feeling that you are better than someone else. Always being right, never being wrong. The pride that allows chasms to grow in relationships. The pride that sets a terrible example for our children. A focus on me. Not you. Me.

That pride needs to go because it does no good.

Early on in my marriage, I experienced a situation that challenged my pride and changed my life. Apologies were very difficult for me. Uttering the words, "I'm sorry" were practically impossible. But in a moment where I was obviously in the wrong and not wanting to admit it, my husband gently sat me on his lap and told me that I needed to apologize.  Through tears, I did. It was still difficult because that pride is a stubborn thing, but each time it got a little easier to admit my shortcomings and apologize. 

And there are still moments where I want to stand on my high horse because I am right!! (Not really sure that saying is worded correctly, but you get my point.) But if I stay up there, there is a crack in our relationship and the chasm has started. Until one of us takes the first step to repair it (by tearing down our pride), that crack will continue to grow and grow until it is irrepairable. (I know we've only got 13 years of marriage under our belts so forgive me for trying to sound "experienced and wise", but that is a crack that we don't let grow because it's potential is too risky.)

I found this on Pinterest and it struck me as a valuable perspective. 

Truth be told, my marriage is so much more important that always being right. Sometimes I just gotta suck it up, swallow my pride, and fix the crack.

KC

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

words of friends

Sometimes this mommy life gets me so stressed! But over and over the words and encouragement of friends and fellow mommies who have been there, and done that pop into my head exactly when I need them.

Sometimes the advice comes from older moms who are now grandmas who have years of experience in this whole parenting world. Plus, they have the advantage of hindsight: being able to look back and see what they would do differently or what choices ended up being perfect for their children's lives. Invaluable.

Sometimes the advice is from mommies who are walking a few years ahead of you who still remember the challenges of potty-training because they did it last year. Or how they taught their 4 year old to tie his shoe. Or how they are juggling life as a mom to 3 kids under the age of 5.  Their advantage is that they haven't forgotten all the details and the range of emotions that you are going through because it hasn't been that long since they were right there!

Then there are the mommies who are walking right next to you, in the same stage as you. And you know what is best about them? Commiserating!! Being able to lean on a shoulder that is going through exactly what you are going through. "I understand why you feel like crying!" "I get why you are so exhausted!" "I feel like locking myself in the closet too!"

And then there are the wisdom-filled books and blogs. The advice on Pinterest. The well-meaning stranger at the coffee shop. The dad (often a totally different perspective but valid and helpful, nonetheless!) The teacher who sees a different side of your child and has years of experience working with kids.  The children's pastor at church. Oh goodness! Nuggets of wisdom everywhere!

And just how to you decide which advice to take and apply? Well, you look at your family, you look at your kiddo(s), you look at yourself and then you figure out what will work best with what you've got.  

(Personally, whenever possible, I try to check all advice I get against the Bible.  It's a pretty good standard to live by!)

In the 8+ years I've been a mommy, words from friends have helped guide me (and kept me sane!) From basking in the kisses of my 5 year old son because "they grow up too fast!" to intimate conversations with my daughter as I "try to reach her heart."  Locking myself in the closet because I remember the story of the mom who used to climb in the Pack-n-Play when she needed a break (and all the kids knew not to bug her when she was in it!) Remembering that children "go through phases" and "this too shall pass!"  Being a good example in front of my children because they will "listen more carefully to your actions than your words."  And remembering to tell my children frequently that I love them so that they might never doubt it.

Thank you, friends, for the words that have made mommyhood surviveable.

KC