Tuesday, April 29, 2014

communication and "discussions"

So I had it revealed to me once again, for about the 75th time in the past year,  that most of the problems in my marriage to my handsome husband have come from miscommunication or non communication. This evening, through a discussion (that's what we call it) he revealed to me something I had been misunderstanding for months. It had kinda bummed me out when we first talked about it. Tonight, once I "got it" it totally made my night. 

I am not a great communicator, although after talking now for about 25 years (I don't think I said more than 3 words in the first very shy 10 years of my life), I have been getting better at it. However, I still try to avoid certain topics because I don't know how to bring them up for discussion. Or I might say something in our discussion that will be understood the wrong way because I don't always have the right words. Usually I have to backtrack and re-explain it 3 times with the hopes that I am making sense! 

But, at least I am trying. 

Communication is difficult, but so important! 

There are many things I have learned about communicating with my husband that have helped this area in our relationship. Here are just a couple (or a few):
1. Do not bring up a subject that has the potential to be frustrating when he is hungry. No good can come from that combination.
2. Name-calling doesn't usually help to smooth things out in the middle of a discussion.
3. Having an important conversation shouldn't happen immediately after he gets home from work: "Hi Honey, welcome home from a job where you had to put your brain to work all day long, tirelessly, as you interacted with people who you had to be nice to, even when you didn't feel like it. Can we now talk about the 12 important things we have going on this week?" 
4. Starting an important conversation shouldn't happen 5 minutes before one of you has to leave. Timing is important.
5. Bringing up something from the past every time you "discuss" gets old. 
6. Comparing your spouse to one of his parents doesn't usually fly very well.
7. Letting my anger get in the way of what I'm actually trying to communicate always ends up hurting me.

I've still got a lot to learn, but I keep trying. Because this relationship is important to me and communication helps us solve problems and avoid future issues. 

KC




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