right or left

You ever have a big decision that you have to make and just feel uncertain about which direction to go?  Even after you've spent time in prayer, you're just not sure God's listening because you just can't seem to get a clear answer?

When I was a kid I was taught that God always answers prayers.  Not always in the way that you want Him to, but He always answers them.  Here was the mental picture that some awesome teacher gave me that stuck:

Sometimes He gives the green light: Go!  His answer is yes.

Sometimes He gives the red light: Stop! This means His answer is no.

Sometimes He gives the yellow light: Wait! This means His answer is, well... wait! Sometimes the timing isn't right. He does things in God time, not human time, because God time is right on. It's perfect.

As I have grown up, somewhat, I have had more light (ha! ha! didn't even mean to use that there!) shed on this whole "answering prayers" thing.  How do you know what His answer is?  He doesn't (usually) write it on the wall for us.  It's not always obvious when you look up scripture to point you in the right direction either.  And sometimes the wisest, godliest people don't have a good answer for you either.

When I am faced with a major decision, the way that is His way gives me peace.  It might not be the easiest way.  It might not even be the direction I prefer to go. There might be some major roadblocks.  But if I have presented it to God and have been given His peace, it is the right decision.

And one last thing: my dear friend shared this insight with me some time back (not even sure if she remembers it!) She told me that sometimes when you ask God if you should go right or left and He doesn't give you a clear answer, perhaps it's because He is telling you that both ways are good and He will bless you whichever direction you choose to go. 

As I read back through this post I realize that I have truly been blessed to have people share their godly wisdom and insights with me.  They have helped shape me and form me into who I am today.  Blessed, I tell ya!

KC

awww, young love

My niece got engaged this week! I wish that I could be there to hug her and squeeze her with all my excitement!!  But she is halfway across the US and so I will save up all my squeezes and wait till I get to see her this spring.

This niece of mine and I have had so many conversations about relationships.  We have no problem talking about the real stuff.  There really isn't anything that is off-limits.  

I have given her much unsolicited advice over the past year, (and some solicited).  Here's a few gems that were given to me before I got married that I have passed along.

First of all, that guy who chews gum loudly? Or snores when he naps? Or leaves his shoes in the middle go the floor?  He's probably going to keep doing those things after you get married and maybe even until the day he dies. In other words, don't expect the habits that he has now to change when he marries you.  So when you marry this guy, can you live with his habits? Potentially forever?

(I have to give my husband kudos here: he has changed some of the habits that I married him with and is a better man for it! I rarely trip over his shoes in the middle of the room anymore.  My habits, however?...that's another blog!)

My husband and I made a pact before we even got married.  We both agreed straight from the beginning that divorce was not an option.  (Now I know there are the "what ifs" that come up, but I'm talking about the everyday struggles that marriages go through).  We agreed never to threaten divorce in an argument and that we would take necessary steps to save our marriage despite whatever deep waters might come our way.  (I was told on e that if you even mention the possibility of divorce, the chances of it happening are higher.)  Do you know how much security that adds to a relationship?  Tons!! I don't have to worry about my husband seeing me at my worst. He vowed to love me for better or worse and I believe him!  And I have done the same.  

And here's one last one: is the person you are marrying going to make you a better person? Or are they going to bring you down?  It's the whole "iron sharpens iron" thing (Proverbs 27:17).  I don't know about you, but I like having a partner who keeps me accountable and encourages me to be a better woman.  My husband pushes me and desires to see me grow.  I am better because of him.

Now there are a bunch of other things that have popped into my mind as I've been writing, but I just wanted to share a few nuggets that have helped in my marriage.  I've already shared all of these with my niece.  And she thinks I'm the cat's meow and always takes my wisdom to heart so I know she has made an excellent decision in accepting this young man's proposal, keeping all my wise words tucked in her heart... (Ha!  We'll see if she even reads this if I get a comment on Facebook about it!) 

Awwww, young love!

KC

the joys of bedtime (sarcasm should be noted here)

So the schedule around here this vacation is starting to affect us all.  I've got a five-year-old who falls into bed exhausted from playing all day long!  And I have an eight-year-old who takes forever to fall asleep for some reason or another. No, I mean it: she has a reason for not falling asleep that changes 5 times before she actually does fall asleep! The bedtime battle: it's one we've had for years. As a matter of fact if we don't have some kind of drama, THAT is unusual.

But you know what? I handle the bedtime drama 100x better than I did when it all first started. (Okay, maybe not 100x, but at least 10x better.) 

Bedtime was something we dreaded. Everybody else got to tuck their angels in, read them a bedtime story, kiss them on the forehead, say "Sweet dreams!" and "I love you!" and that was that.

Not us.  We followed the same routine but our ending was much different (and before you go thinking that we just stink at this whole "parenting thing", that's not the case, usually.... In this case, we had another kid that did just fine with all the normal bedtime routine stuff).  Often times the evening would end in tears (mine) as my daughter pushed every button she could: guilt, being scared, or too awake, or too tired, or the bed was uncomfortable, or she just wanted to talk, or have a drink, or go to the bathroom, or come out to visit us, and this would usually escalate into anger and yelling and all kinds of good temper tantrum stuff because we didn't give in. 

Bedtime for us was usually a 1-2 hour ordeal.  I hate to admit it, but by bedtime I am over my kids - go to sleep and give me some time to collect my sanity again!! But that didn't happen very often.  So I was lacking my sanity dealing with this child (gift of God, I remind myself). 

So I tell you all this to get to a more important point.  In this area of my life, I have grown.  God has seen fit to grant me patience (usually) and a more level head.  I have more tactics and techniques that work better with her personality.  There is more logic involved (usually) because she is older and can think things through.  

God used a very difficult period of time to "grow" both my husband and me.  All these crazy stages that we go through in parenting are making us into stronger people with more character. And I, for one, think character is an awesome thing to have. 

So bring it on, little girl - I am better because of you!!

KC

afterglow

It's done. Toys are strewn across the floor. Two overly tired children are tucked in sound asleep snuggled in their cozy new blankets, my hair and clothing still smell like the turkey dinner we had at my Mom-in-law's, and my husband is fast asleep after working today and going back to work tomorrow.  And here I sit in the afterglow.  

And tomorrow I'm going to enjoy the afterglow some more.  

Because we rushed up to Christmas with all our busy-ness.  And with excitement we opened all the presents.  We ate all kinds of delicious food even when we were no longer hungry.  We enjoyed every minute of all of it!!! But I, personally, never just sat to relax. 

So tomorrow I will sit.  I will watch the kiddos play with their new treasures.  I might just stay in my pajamas until noon!  And I will sit.  And relax.  And enjoy the afterglow.

Merry day after Christmas to you all!

KC

best gift ever

When I was a kid, Christmas took forever to come around. And when it did finally happen, it took forever for the adults to finish eating dinner so we could open gifts. And when they finally finished eating, it took forever to hand out gifts (but at this point, forever was good because it made the night last a little longer). 

Nowadays, I look forward to Christmas for a much better reason.  Sure, I still get gifts from loved ones, and I love the thought and care put into each one.  But I value my family time now - it is a gift.  My brothers and their spouses as well as my husband sit and joke around while the kids open their gifts. One brother is always throwing a wad of gift wrap at another (I'm talking about my big brothers).  My husband and I exchange looks as our two kids can barely control their excitement.  My mom is always anxious to see if each of us enjoy her extremely thoughtful gifts.  We are now the adults who intentionally take forever to finish dinner as we watch the anticipation drive the kids crazy (just one more bacon- wrapped smokie...).  I love to hug on my nephews who are taller than me and be silly with all my nieces and nephews.  

Tonight I spent probably a half hour taking fun pictures with my nieces and nephews.  That was a priceless gift (and also created a few black-mail photos if needed in the future).  Grandma even got in the pictures!  Do you know how much laughter was generated from those pictures alone?! 

I like my family.  I have been blessed with a godly family who truly love and care for one another, even when we don't see eye to eye.  And on days like today, I will relish my time spent with each one.  (I even got to spend a little time via FaceTime with my niece-face who couldn't make it home for the holidays).  And tomorrow we will open more presents, but even better than that will be the time spent with family once again.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  May your day be merry as you celebrate with friends and family and may it be bright as you reflect on the true meaning of this glorious day.

And now I present my family:

Here we went with cute and then it got a little crazy...

We are so much fun!!  Or maybe just weird - either way, I love them because they are mine.

Merry Christmas,

KC

hymns

When I was a kid we sang a lot of hymns in church. There were a lot of words that I didn't understand at the time.  It was kinda like singing poetry - do you know how hard that is?  You had to learn new (old-fashioned) words and language and try to sing them in a melody.  Trying to figure out what it all meant while doing all that was impossible.

Then one day I grew up (well, not all in one day - it took a while and I'm pretty sure I'm still not yet grown up), and it started to click: the words had been memorized, the melodies had been memorized, and now as an adult I could focus on the meaning, the depth of these hymns and apply them to my life.  

Take these Christmas hymns, for example:

Joy to the world, The Lord is come. 

Let earth receive her King. 

Let every heart prepare Him room. 

And heaven and nature sing, 

and heaven and nature sing, 

and heaven and heaven and nature sing!

 (It's a Christmas celebration, y'all! Sorry, a bit of gospel influence coming out there).

It came upon a midnight clear, that glorious song of old. 

From angels bending near the earth to touch their harps of gold. 

"Peace on the earth, good will to men from heaven's all gracious King."  

The world in solemn stillness lay to hear the angels sing. 

(You can feel that song - the mood is in the words). 

(My favorite verse: the 3rd verse)

Silent Night. Holy Night. 

Son of God, love's pure light. 

Radiant beams from Thy holy face. 

With the Dawn of redeeming grace. 

Jesus, Lord at Thy birth. 

Jesus, Lord at Thy birth.

(This one creates an awesome mental picture for me each time I sing it).

Words that have been in my mind for years are finally able to sink into my heart so that when I do sing them, they are sung to an amazingly generous God from the depths of my soul. That's worship.  And Christmas is the best time to worship.

KC 

the big deal

Christmas. Why is this our biggest holiday? After all, it was Good Friday when Jesus took all our guilt upon him.  It was Easter when Christ conquered the grave along with every one of our sins.  

But on Christmas morning, God delivered hope. He gave us an answer to our prayers.  He gifted us with a Savior. Jesus' birth was the beginning. 

With the birth of this babe, we have received the greatest gift ever offered: eternal life with a God who loves us unconditionally, in a place that is beautiful beyond our imaginations.

All your pain.

All your struggles.

All the troubles.

Every trial.

Every temptation.

Frustrations.

Irritations.

Sadness.

Sorrow.

GONE!

And just like Christmas, salvation is a gift. He gives it. You simply have to take it.

Christmas is a big deal.  If ever there was a gift to celebrate, the birth of a Savior is the greatest.

KC

boredom kickers

Boredom has already struck. Yesterday at approximately 9:00 a.m. We heard the "I'm boooooooorrrrrred!" Christmas vacation had been in effect for less than a day. The 45 ideas I came up with held no interest for my daughter. *sigh* This is going to be a very long two weeks.

So here's my list of boredom kickers:

-Build a fort - the enjoyment they get out of it is worth having sheets up in the family room.

-Build a puzzle together - this was my favorite as a kid. We set up a card table dedicated to this puzzle that would take a half of a week to finish.

-Make homemade play-doh. There's something neat about playing with smooth, warm dough, no matter how old you are!

-bake together (because there are not enough sweet things in your house right now!)

-paint - there are all kinds of inexpensive little wood items that you can buy at Michaels to paint. I cover my kitchen table with a plastic cover and they go at it. Or we just pull out paper and paint on that!

-marble track - we go through our cardboard recyclables and pull out paper towel rolls, boxes, TP rolls and tape them together to make a marble track.

-build an obstacle course - couch cushions, pillows, chairs, the ottoman - let the kids figure out how to put them together for crawling and climbing.

-have the kids put on a play/skit, complete with costumes.

-dance party - sometimes just putting some music on brightens the mood in the house. My kids like to let loose and be silly!

-pull out random craft items (yarn, popsicle sticks, pom pom balls, scraps of material, paper) and commission them to make gifts for each other and wrap them. 

Well, that's a start!  Hopefully we don't make it through all of these in one day...

KC

enjoying the busy

Christmas this year seems to feel more hectic than usual.  I can't imagine why.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with the piano recital I have coming up, or the presents that still need to be bought and wrapped, or the stack of Christmas cards that need to be addressed and sent.  Nope.  Can't be all that...

Yes, it is true, I have a very full plate.  But a few days back when I looked at all I had to do yet, I made a decision: to enjoy it all!  

Sure, I can take the craziness of the holiday season and allow it to stress me out to the point of no enjoyment, but that would just stink.  So instead I have chosen to one day at a time and enjoy what needs to be done.  After all, these are enjoyable things!

I like transforming my family room into a cozy piano recital hall.  I set up all our decorations and make room for all the Christmas goodies.  I put a bunch of folding chairs out and wait for my nervous little students to arrive.  It is the cutest little Christmas event (but don't mention that to the boys wearing their nice pants and ties!) They each take a turn rapidly telling us their name and the song they will play, they perform their Christmas solo, wait for the applause before they bow, and then quickly return to their seats.  It is quaint and sweet and I love it!

And shopping for presents!! What fun!  (We put the joy back into Christmas by budgeting our Christmas cash into an envelope each paycheck.  By the time I go shopping, I don't have to worry about where the cash is coming from. That takes a huge stress out of shopping!)  I love imagining what each person's expression is going to be when they open their gifts.  It is awesome when you find a great gift for that person who is impossible to shop for. And I'd love to say that I love the challenge of the search, but that'd be a lie.  I know what I want and I want it to be where I want to find it!  I don't want to go 3 cities over for it. So that part is not my favorite....  But otherwise, it's great!

And the cards.  We didn't send them out last year because I just couldn't seem to get it crossed off my to-do list.  But this year we had our fantastic family photos taken by my dear friend Sheroba and they deserve to be on a card!! I can't wait for you all to see how big our kids are and how much personality they have!  And I'm excited that I managed to pick out a card that matches what we are wearing - even if that was purely by accident.  And I just adore getting everybody else's cards and putting them up for display.  It is a bonus Christmas display. Plus when I go through my list of people to send to, I am amazed by the amount of wonderful friends and family that God has blessed us with!!

So I'm not going to share the rest of what is on my to-do list because than I might start to get overwhelmed again.  But I will focus on enjoying it all because it is worth enjoying! 

KC

future worry

When I was a kid, I lived in a world of anxiety.  There was nothing traumatic (that I can recall) that made me that way.  I think that's just the way I was wired! I had numerous stomach problems.  I was very shy and often nervous.  There were great things about being a kid, but this anxiety was almost always there either in the background or right in front of me. 

This followed me in various forms through high school where my anxiety disorder surfaced. I had a great support system in my family and friends but it still felt lonely.  A disorder is not something that can just be turned off.  You often feel as though you lack any control over your circumstances or emotions.  I was fortunate enough to fight through and find techniques and mindsets that allowed me to overcome the anxiety. Plus I had loved ones praying for me all the time.

One thing that was a huge struggle was worry.  In Matthew 6:34 it says: "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."  This concept was nearly impossible for me to grasp.  If I had a dentist appointment two days away, I'd be nearly sick to my stomach for two days.  If I had a piano recital the next day, I'd be awake off and on all night, I wouldn't eat a thing beforehand and would be shaking with nerves.  If I had to get shots, if I had an important game coming up, a big test, a speech; whatever it was I was a mess for one to two days beforehand. 

I can't tell you the exact day that I stopped worrying so far in advance, but I'm sure it was after I had my first child.  Suddenly, with a baby, there are enough worries and stresses for the day, the hour, or even the minute that you can't even think about tomorrow!! Their needs are more important than yours and if you can get through this day then you can go to bed, breathe and start it all over again tomorrow!

There are plenty of things to worry about today.  There is no need to pre-worry about tomorrow when your plate is already full with today.  And tomorrow is going to happen whether you worry about it today or not!

Nowadays when a future worry pops into my head, I simply tell myself that it is assigned to another day and that I will do enough stressing on that day for it so there really is no need to start yet.  And then I get back to today's bucketful of stresses....

KC

happy friday

Another dozen things this week that make for a Happy Friday:
1.) smiles. I like smiles.
2.) Christmas carols
3.) the smell of pine trees. I burn candles that smell that way even before the tree is on the house.
4.) scarves - current favorite accessory
5.) slippers
6.) caffeine
7.) blankets. I love blankets!
8.) See's candy
9.) making messes with friends and cleaning up with friends
10.) creating Christmas memories with the kids
11.) putting on warm clothes right out of the dryer!
12.) snuggling with my kids

reading good books

I used to be judgmental.  I still am but not as much as I used to be.  And that's only because I haven't reached perfection yet - my kids and husband remind me of this daily. But I'm trying.

I used to judge a book by its cover.  And by book, I mean person. And by cover, I mean by what they wore or what they drove or how their house looked or how they did or didn't do their hair. 

But I'm sure you've never done that.

Because if you did, you would have missed out on meeting some truly amazing people.  

You see I have a variety of friends who are not perfect.  They laugh loud or are sarcastic or sing all the time.  They can be goofy or immature.  They are young.  They are old.  Their hair is not always perfect and there are dents in their cars.  I've seen them without make up. I've seen them in their work out clothes and usually workout clothing tells no lies. 

But these friends stay up late with me.  They send me funny stuff to cheer me up.  They bring me iced tea just because.  They take me on their adventures.  They teach me things about life.  They inspire me.  They motivate and push me.  They encourage me.  They create awesome memories with me.

And now it's time to turn this around.  I am a book and I'm sure my cover has been judged by many.  A long time ago a dear, dear friend took a chance on friendship with this shy, homely little girl.  Now miles separate us but the connection between us is as if we were still hanging out in high school.  My husband took a chance on a skinny, knobby-kneed college Junior and now he is my best friend.  

You got any books that maybe you need to open so you can see past the cover?  You might be surprised at how interesting their story is.  

That is enough "book" puns for tonight.

KC

me and him

So there's this guy I know. I've known him for over 15 years.  We're best friends.  Sometimes we argue because we are two different people.  Sometimes he's immature and can be annoying on purpose.  He likes me though because he tells me so.  He tells me that he likes to hang out with me.  Sometimes I make him laugh and other times he just rolls his eyes at me.  

We've had a couple of kids together (which is okay because I'm married to him) and they are very important to us.  We spend a lot of our time, effort, and money on them.  They are gifts from God and we want to do right by raising His children. 

BUT...there is a priority list in our family: God, spouse, children.  Our goal as individuals is to put God above everything else in our lives.  Then as husband and wife we make it a goal to build and develop our relationship together (which, just so you know, will continue to happen for the rest of our marriage - always building, always growing, always a work in progress).  And then, with a strong family foundation, we invest in our children.

Now I know we only have our children at home for a short while, but that is part of my point here.  I'm going to be married to this guy for another 60 years or so.  If I neglect our relationship for the next 20 years while I focus all my time and effort into the children, where does that leave us when they move out? Plus, don't our children deserve to have a healthy marriage relationship as an example in their formative years so that they might have an idea of what marriage should be when they start looking for a spouse?  I want them to have high goals and expectation for marriage - I believe that's what God intended!

Now I'm not saying that children should be neglected because you want to spend all your time with your spouse.  But maybe they will value you both more because they see the value you give each other. 

So here's just a glimpse into my relationship with that guy of mine.  We find TV shows to watch together.  We go out for French fries and dessert while Grandma watches the kids for an hour. We try to appreciate each other's differences and show interest in each other's hobbies.  We laugh at each other and bug each other.  We make goals together and go places where we can create memories.  We laugh as we look at the humor category on Pinterest. We both have tried to make improvements in ourselves to make the other person enjoy us better (you know, getting rid of annoying habits or starting good ones).  We try new things together and find things that we both liked to do.  We have conversations, and not just about the kids. 

The fact of the matter is that we both keep in mind that we are going to be together for a while yet. So even when this parenting thing seems to consume us, we try to take time for us.  We, as a unit, are an important feature in our family.  

Plus we actually like each other and that helps a lot!

KC

stages, the short and long of it

(I had three great ideas for a blog last night and didn't write them down. Shooting myself in the foot here!)

It's only been a few days since I last wrote but it feels much longer. I guess writing my blog does as much for me as maybe it does for you.  Last week was quite possibly the busiest week of my life.  From the time I got up to 18 hours later when my head finally hit the pillow, I was busy.  But with a few tired and desperate cries out to God for help and with the support of my understanding family, I made it through last week to this one.

So even though I forgot all my good ideas, I do have this that I pondered earlier today: childhood stages.  You see when we had our first child and struggled through the different phases, it was easy to get stuck on how frustrating that stage was: getting the newborn to sleep through the night, teeth making a crabby baby, potty training a 3 year old, getting a 4 year old to stay in her bed.  

I had a dear friend who gave me some advice that I clung onto through those first years.  She told me that all these things are just stages.  You will get through them.  They won't last forever.  You will not end up with a high schooler who is not potty trained.  Eventually all their teeth will grow in.  And sooner rather than later you'll have trouble getting them out of bed instead of in!  

All of this was good and fine and truly helped me to understand that there would be an end to my frustrations.  But I did some other valuable calculations today...sort of.

I plan on living to 100.  I spent the first 20 years growing up.  We had kids around the mid-20's.  We will probably spend approximately 21 years raising these two.  Then we get old for the next 50 + years.  Now I plan on doing some awesome stuff when I get old so I'm not disappointed in that.  But that means that I will only do this whole "raising kids" thing for about 1/5 of my life.  That's not very long.  

It's a stage in my life, perhaps the most valuable stage.  And eventually it will be gone.  So I've made a conscious decision to try hard not to waste this time. I only have one chance to raise each kid and I want to make it count.  

There are some stages that I am happy to see pass (there was one portion of potty training that was a doozy!)  But I'm going to cherish this overall stage of my life because I will be sad when it is over.  Let me just tell you that when the empty nest becomes a reality, I will be a wreck!! But I have also have spent time building a relationship with this husband of mine so that when that happens I won't be alone...but that's a blog for another day!  I guess I should go write that idea down before I forget again...

KC

never give up

I was planning on getting to bed before 11:00 tonight which would be phenomenal, considering the week I've had, but I was nudged to write a bit of encouragement.  And I try not to ignore the nudges.

I seem to stick on this "parenting" subject a lot.  Probably because it is consuming and what I spend most if my time doing.  But I've got a message for those of you raising the strong-willed kids:

Never give up.

I know I written this before, but it is a message that bares repeating.  Those strong-willed ones posess the will to change the world.  They are going to stand strong and do amazing things for God's kingdom.  They are going to amaze you with the choices they make and the directions they go: things you were never brave enough to do yourself.

(Now those of you who have even-keeled kids, I'm not saying that they won't be amazing.  They probably already are!  But for those of us with iron willed kids: we are going insane trying to raise them and we need a ton of encouragement and perspective to do it!!)

You know something else?  God not only desired that you should raise that soon to be amazing little person, which is a privilege all on its own, but He desired to refine you in the process.  That's right! He's making you amazing too!

But back to my point:

That kid is going to frustrate you.  She is going to embaress you.  She is going to be obnoxious and rude and downright mean to you.  But don't give up.  Keep trying to figure that kid out.  Keep trying to parent them. Get advice from people who have or are raising strong-willed kids.  Get advice from godly people.  Find tools to help you (books, podcasts, videos, sermons). Keep swimming.  Just keep swimming.  And PRAY!!

Because what 's going to happen if you give up?  You will be even more miserable.  Not only will you have to live with a brat, but you will have to swallow the fact that you gave up on them.  

It's a privilege; I promise!  You might now feel it now.  You might not understand it now.  But someday it will all be worth it. Just don't give up on that kid.

KC

little steps

We use cloth napkins for dinner at our house.  That might seem insignificant to you, but to me it symbolizes something greater than cute cloths to wipe our faces on.  It reminded me that I can make changes in my life but sometimes I have to take baby steps to get there.

I have this continually growing list in my mind of what I'd like to change about myself or the way I live or who I am.  Eat healthier.  Take better care of my teeth. Be better with finances. Keep the house cleaner. Teach the kids to be more responsible.  Save more money on groceries.  Get more sleep (ha!).  Write a book. Practice the piano more. Be more thoughtful. Be more diligent in prayer.  And on and on it goes...

A couple years back I thought it'd be great if our family tried to use cloth napkins in an effort to save a few cents and be a little greener.  But I didn't want to spend a ton of money buying cloth napkins.  It took a little time to acquire the napkins and to use them habitually, but we do now!  I know.  Not a big deal, but it was the symbolism of the whole thing.

At times my ongoing list seems unachievable.  It's overwhelming.  I want to be all those things already. Right now. But it takes time and some of them take baby steps.  

Our family might not eat the healthiest yet, but I am making better choices in the grocery store which means the kids are making healthier choices at home.

My teeth...let's just say after my last appointment we are going through a lot more dental floss around here!

After years of trying, I finally have an exercise schedule and regime that I love.

Finances.  I can just thank my husband for his amazing budgeting skills and ability to keep me accountable.  But it took us a few years to get that going!

Everything took small steps but the most important thing was taking that first step.  You aren't going to go anywhere if you don't start walking. (Right now at 12:30 that sounds so deep and profound, but it's really not. It just makes sense.)

Thanks for listening to my midnight ramblings!

KC

tonight's bedtime chronicle

Those kids...constantly working on me.  I've only got two kids.  It really shouldn't be this hard to raise them.  But it is.

Take bedtime tonight: one kid jumping off the wall before she even went upstairs to brush her teeth.  The other exhausted.  Teeth are brushed, potty done, in their beds, stories read.  All done, right?  Nope.  But we head downstairs to sit and watch a bit of TV thinking we might get away with it. 

"Mom, I'm not tired! I need something to help me sleep!  I've been doing somersaults on my bed!!"
"Lay down and read a book!"
"But my stomach hurts!!"
Head upstairs... "Do you need something for your tummy?"
"No, I think I just drank too much water."
Back downstairs.
"Mom!  My tummy hurts!!"  (This is from the little guy this time).
Back upstairs..."Would you like something for your tummy?"
"Yes, please."
Meanwhile in the crazy girl's room: "You need to mellow out, Child!"
"But I don't have anything to do!"
"Go to sleep!"
Back in the boy's room: "Whimper, moan, whimper..."
"What's wrong with you, buddy?"
"Jayne is the special-est.  She is more special than me!"
"What?!  What makes you say that?!"
After some nonsense, I distract him into laying in his bed correctly and give him a big hug so he feels special too.
Head back downstairs...
"Mom, I'm bored!! I'm bored.  I'm boooooooored!  I'm borrrrrrrrrrrrred.  I'm boooooooored.  Booooooored!  I'm soooooo boooooooooooooored!..."
"Child!  Sleeping is not about being entertained!  You are supposed to be trying to go to sleep, not trying to find something to do!!"
Husband heads upstairs to give her a good talking to.
He heads back downstairs after saying his piece.
Slight moment of silence....
"I'm boooooooooored......"
I head back upstairs to have a heart to heart conversation. Peek in on little boy to see him sleeping through the yelling.
Conversation over.  I head back downstairs....
"Moan, complain!!  Complain, moan, whimper!  Whiiiiiiinnnnnne, mooooooan!!"
*sigh*

This is parenting.  This is a pain in the neck.  This is developing my husband and me into something awesome.  I'm not sure what kind of awesome and I'm not sure when we are going to get there, but someday, we will be awesome.  Maybe only awesome to our own kids when they start having kids of their own, but still awesome.

You know how I know this?  Because God gave us these kids to grow us into something better than who we were.  Eight years ago when we started this parenting thing, we were pretty much experts.  Yep, experts.  We knew exactly what we needed to do to be perfect parents and to raise perfect children.  And then our child was born and we took her home and had to parent for real.  Every year that went by, we realized just how ignorant we were!  More and more each year.

But as each year passes, we can also look back and see just how much we have grown.  Growth in patience, wisdom, character, humility (because with children, pride goes out the window, especially when they are throwing a huge hissy-fit in Target!), understanding, humor, and so much more.

So, yeah.  Nights like tonight stink.  We've had nights 10x (I dare say 100x) worse than this.  Those really bite!  But those nights are developing things within us that would never have been there if God hadn't put these two strawberry blondes in our lives.

Can you see the character God is developing in you because of someone He put in your life? 

KC

 Rom 5:3-5 (NIV) Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

happy friday

This happy Friday has been brought to you this week by:

1.) the will power to eat only 2 very small pieces of homemade fudge.  Well today, at least.

2.) a play date for my son that went 6 hours instead of 3 because they played so well together!

3.) completed project (one of many, but still one done!)

4.) a compliment from a friend.

 

5.) clean counter free of dishes (well, not right now but somewhere amidst all the Thanksgiving festivities, the counter was clean and that felt good).

6.) playing Christmas music and not feeling guilty because Thanksgiving has passed!

7.) Christmas lights up on the house already!  My husband does nice work.

8.) a drama-free family.  We might not see eye-to-eye on everything in my family, but we do a pretty good job of keeping things mostly drama-free.

9.) caffeine.

10.) listening to my son sound out words and start to read.  That is so exciting!!

11.) the smell of those little beads that you throw in the washing machine that dissolve and make everything smell so good!!

12.) the extra blanket on the bed.  By morning I might be sweating, but the extra weight when I snuggle into bed at night (or ridiculously early in the morning after finishing my blog) is just so comforting!

What made you happy this week?

KC

enjoying less stress

So maybe I'm just growing up or maybe it's been a good year, but the last couple of major holidays haven't stressed me out!  Usually I'm stressed about the food being ready on time. I get too worried about things being just right. I see it all as work, not enjoyment.

This Thanksgiving morning was a good morning. I was responsible for a few different items (not drinks, dinner rolls, and plastic eating utensils, although sometimes I wish...) for our family dinner.  I have a few recipes that I like to make because I think they are tasty and my husband likes them also: homemade cranberry sauce, corn casserole (corn has never tasted so good), and stuffing (okay, I'm not sure my husband likes stuffing, but he always tries it for me because he's such a good sport). Oh! And I made a ham which was difficult: put it in the oven and take it out two hours later.

But my point is this: these recipes take prep, time, and effort which can sometimes lead to stress!  But this year it was enjoyable.

The cranberry sauce made the house smell so good.  The stuffing with the mushrooms, celery, water chestnuts, and apples was my favorite, again.  And the corn casserole has bacon in it.  I really don't think I need to say anymore about it.  And I discussed the level of difficulty the ham took already.

But here's what I learned that maybe finally sunk in: 

1.) (this one my husband's been telling me for years) It's okay if it's not perfect.  Just do your best.  If people don't like it, too bad for them!

2.) (another from my husband because he's good at helping me keep things in perspective) If we aren't on time, it's okay.  We'll get there when we get there.  Just do what you can do.  (It's not that being on time isn't important to us - we try really hard and are usually pretty successful at being where we need to be on time.  He just knows that sometimes I focus so much on being on time that I lose the enjoyment of what I am doing.) 

3. (this one's mine) Find enjoyment in what I am doing.  I think sometimes we put so much pressure on being "someone" (you know: that someone who always looks her best or cooks the best or is the best) that we forget to enjoy ourselves in the process.  This morning I put on my pretty little pink apron and I enjoyed myself.  I even had time to make a batch of fudge!  Which seemed like a good idea at the time.  Now I'm not so sure the temptation was worth it!

Anyway, as my husband has been trying for years to teach me, quit putting so much pressure on yourself!  Do what you can do and find enjoyment in it.  

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

(Nuts. By the time I post this, it'll be Friday.)

KC

about last night...

Yesterday I subbed all day in my daughter's third grade class.  It was great!  It's been years since I have taught for an entire day.  The kids were stinkers (affectionately said), as kids often are, but I had a great time.

I came home, had no piano students, got started on prepping dinner and then went to CrossFit.  I came home and did a little of this and a little of that.  We put the kids to bed and I sat for a while messing around on my iPad.

I went upstairs to work on my blog last night while my husband and his brother watched Sportscenter (or some sport-themed show).  After my brother-in-law left, my husband came upstairs to find me pretty much passed out, half in my pjs and half in my workout clothes with my iPad on my lap. I woke up long enough to realize that it was only 9:30!  Woah!  That is early for this night owl.  

That's why there was no blog post last night!

But it also made me think, once again, of how valuable our teachers are.  

There were 24 kids in that 3rd grade class and they kept me on my toes!  I was so very excited for the half hour they went to PE.  There was no downtime the entire day.  I was correcting papers and working with students during recesses, not wanting any "fixers" to slip through the cracks.  I only went to the teachers' lounge long enough to use the bathroom.  I ate my snack and lunch in the classroom (and drank my iced tea and frappe because you know I needed a bit of extra energy!)  And I didn't have to prep anything or take work home like the real teachers do! 

And I passed out before 9:30.

Sheesh.

So here's a friendly reminder: if your child's teacher is awesome, let them know it.  I'm sure the encouragement is appreciated!  If you are not sure about your child's teacher, open up lines of communication (if meeting face to face is intimidating, start with an email).  You might discover some truly amazing perspectives from these teachers who have taught for years.  (Or maybe you did get a bad apple and this is a good opportunity to teach your child how to get along with people who are tough to get along with - yikes!). But the communication works both ways: you might be able to give them insight into your child as well that will end up benefitting him or her in the classroom.

These past couple of days were great reminders of how much I loved teaching. But I will tell you this: I'm glad this was a two-day week!

Tonight I pushed through to stay up a bit later and get this post finished.  It helps to know that I can sleep in tomorrow!

KC

sunday morning battles

So I realized something a while back about Sundays.  And here's where I get honest and admit a struggle I've had for quite some time.  I have a hard time getting us up and out the door for church on Sunday.

I have 50 excuses and none of them are valid.  As I go through them in my head, they are just reee-diculous! 

But I discovered the real reason for the difficulty in getting to church.  There is a battle going on.  You know how I know?  Because I fight the battle every Sunday morning. 

Most Sundays we don't even start church until 10:45.  There can be 15 different things that go wrong in the morning from complaining children to an outfit that just won't come together.  We might be out of waffles or the cat just threw up under the bed.  Whatever the case, there is always something trying to get in the way of us getting to church.

You know how else I know there is a battle going on?  Because once I get to church (not on the drive, not even when I park because the struggle is still there, but once I am inside our church), I am so filled by worship and the Word that every excuse falls by the wayside. 

At our church we worship for about 30-45 minutes straight.  I'd say that about 50% of the time I end up with tears in my eyes because the Holy Spirit is weaving mightily throughout the building.  And when our pastor opens his mouth to speak, life-changing truth comes out for another 45 minutes.  And when I pick up my kids, the lessons they have learned are impressive.  We need to be there!

On Sunday morning before church, there are about 5 other places I'd rather be, but when I walk into that building, there is no other place I'd rather be.  So if that's not a battle taking place, I don't know what is.

If this isn't a struggle for you, praise the Lord.  But I'm convinced the devil does not want me at our church.  And every time I go, I feel as though I have punched him in the face!  (I'm not a violent person, but that feels pretty good.)

KC

as to the Lord

So I cleaned the shower tonight.  That's what I like to do on my Saturday nights: clean the shower because I'm a party animal.

Actually, I hate cleaning the shower. I can't even give you a good reason why I hate it; I just do.  It doesn't gross me out.  It doesn't take very long.  It feels so good when it's done, but I hate it.

So as I'm cleaning it I am reminded of a lesson that was taught to me many years ago, early in our marriage that has saved me from many troubles in our relationship.  I think it was my pastor who taught the lesson.

Every great once in a while, not often at all, very infrequently my husband and I don't see eye to eye. (Ha!). All right. So we argue once in a while. And we don't always come to a happy conclusion right away.  There might be some stewing that goes on for a few hours or maybe a day.  

And then came time to make dinner.  Or fold a load of laundry with his shirts in it.  Or it was a day when I was cleaning the bathrooms. Whatever it was, if it had anything to do with "doing something for my husband," I didn't want to do it.  Spite.  Rebellion.  Call it what you want, but my heart wasn't there.  And it made me angrier that I was doing something for the man who had made me so angry! (It was never my fault, you know.  Always his fault because I'm perfect and always right.  And if you cannot catch the sarcasm there, go back and try it with your best sarcastic tone.)

There were times when I didn't do what was my normal routine for him because my spite got in the away.  Well, as you can imagine that just made the situation worse and everybody angrier!  

And then I learned the invaluable lesson:

When you cannot do something for your spouse out of love for them, do it as if you were doing it for the Lord.  Do it out of love for the Lord, out of obedience.  Do it because He asked you to.  When you are doing these chores for Him, it makes it a lot easy to get them done because you are not swallowing the big "spite" pill to do it.  

There have been times when I have had to repeat to myself: "as if unto the Lord, as if unto the Lord, as if unto the Lord," just to keep my perspective focused where it needed to be.  

So I cleaned the shower tonight because I know God would have wants me to.  (It was getting to the disgusting level and my husband had not complained once). But tonight I also cleaned the shower for my husband because it'll make him happy.  And I like having a happy husband.

KC

happy friday

A dozen things that make me happy:

1. Having one day where no laundry needs to be done.

2. Watching my kids do a project together without bickering.

3. Pulling my sunglasses out of my purse with no stray bits of gum stuck to them.

4. Making a dinner that everyone likes and no one complains about (with only 4 of us, you'd think that'd be easy, but no.)

5. Sitting by the fire in my fireplace (I particularly like this in November, not June) (Kitty likes it too).

6. Printing a document from my ancient computer without any problems.

7. Vacuum lines in the carpet.

8. Freshly changed bed sheets.

9. Boots. Any kind. Dressy or simple or Ugg or rain boots (my personal favorite!)

10. Children singing in the car with me (makes me feel like I'm raising a choir!  Or a duet, rather.)

11. Strawberry gum.

12. The right words at the right time.

What made you happy this week?

KC

you can't do anything about it

You ever look at something in your life, hoping it will change but never believing it actually will?  It's something you wish could be out of your life forever.  Something that you have struggled with for years that just won't go away. Something you have resigned yourself to live with forever.  

A physical ailment.  A mental or emotional issue that seems to control your day-to-day life.  Baggage that you cannot seem to leave behind.  An addiction (I'll freely admit to a caffeine addiction).  A financial hole you can't dig out of.  A person in your life who brings you down, you know, like your mother-in-law... (I can say that because my mother-in-law will never read my blog. But I will admit, my mother-in-law does not fit the typical definition of "mother-in-law."  She's pretty wonderful.  But I'll get back to the subject at hand because I'm not even going to win any brownie points here).  

I've had a few of those.  Things I had given up hope on.  But a while back I heard a sermon and the only thing I can remember from it is this (It's not that I wasn't listening to the rest. I took notes!  This is just what stuck out to me):

God is bigger than our limitations. He can do the Impossible. Don't put it past God.

So you can't change it. But God is so much bigger and better than you!! (Sorry, but someone had to let you know.) He's smarter, He knows the future, He knows what's best for you because He knows you better than you know yourself! 

And He has his own way of accomplishing His plan for you.  In His time and in His direction.  

The worst thing you could do is limit Him.  If you limit God, you destroy hope.

And I, for one, can't live without hope.

KC

pumpkin muffins and meatballs

I made a couple of easy recipes that I wanted to share with you.  I'm not necessarily the healthiest cook, but I'm trying to be better.  And I don't have time to make anything fancy, even though I really like to cook and bake.  But at this stage in my life I'm searching for easy and tasty.  Two (mostly - and by mostly I mean that one of my picky kids doesn't like either recipe) successful recipes here:

Pumpkin Muffins (http://martysmusings.net/2013/09/easy-pumpkin-muffins.html )

This recipe I found on Pinterest because I needed to finish up the pumpkin purée and I had all the ingredients.  I added the chocolate chips because that's what I do, I chocolatize muffins and breads.  

Here goes:

1 box of yellow cake mix (this ingredient makes me think that cupcakes would be a better name for these "muffins")

1 (15 oz) can of pumpkin purée

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

1/4 tsp. cloves

(Or you can throw some pumpkin pie spice in there)

chocolate chips added to your own preference (I put about 1/4-1/3 Cups)

Heat your oven to 350. Mix everything until smooth. Put in muffin cups - I usually end up making about 15.  Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Enjoy!

And for my next trick:

Easy Tasty Crockpot Meatballs (yeah, I made that up - not sure where I found this - probably on Pinterest.  So I'm not taking credit, I just forget where it came from!) (here's a similar recipe: http://www.mommyenterprises.com/moms-blog/30598/ultimate-party-meatballs-crockpot-recipe/)

Meatballs, frozen (seriously, I don't have time to make meatballs from scratch)

1 jar of chili sauce 

1 can of cranberry sauce, no berries, just the jelly (I also found a recipe with grape jelly - gonna try that next time!)

I put the meatballs in the crockpot first and then combine the two sauces to my tasting. I don't end up using all the chili sauce, but I use the whole can of cranberry sauce. Pour the combined sauces over the meatballs and let cook for about 3-4 hours (the low setting on my crockpot is still pretty hot so I adjust accordingly. 

I usually make rice to go along with it for dinner, but these would be good on a toothpick at a party!  So yummy!

Easy + Tasty = Success in my book!

KC

time and kids

I had a conversation today (many of my blogs start that way, don't they?) with my sister-in-law, Dawn, via text. We get pretty in-depth in our texting conversations!  Through our conversation she reminded me of a very important thing. 

She told me of a conversation she had years before with a lady.  It was one of those "stick in your mind" conversations (those are the most valuable conversations).  She only met this lady once but Dawn determined that God had put her in Dawn's life to tell her something she needed to hear.  (He's cool like that, ya know?) 

The lady had decided not to work full-time because she wanted to spend the time with her kids instead of earning more money. (Now before anyone gets up in arms, this post is not a conversation about stay-at-home moms vs working moms.  Please read on).

This lady had watched her sister who was in her 30's die of cancer without the chance to see her children grow up. This affected her so greatly that she decided not to work full-time so she could spend the time with her kids now because someday she might not have the choice to be able to do so. 

This story struck me. And I've been pondering it ever since and it will be something I will be thinking through for months as we make decisions regarding jobs and children. (Didn't know your story would affect me so much, did you, Dawn?!)  

I'm busy.  And I tell myself that I can handle it. I can, decently.  Not excellently, but decently.  But is it too much?  Are my kids missing out?  I think what hit me the most was thinking about the future.  I need to invest time in them now because someday they will grow up.  And I don't want to regret anything. (I'm pretty sure that's going to be impossible.  I regret stuff every day! But I don't want to regret missing out on stuff with them). 

There's so much to do with them. So many conversations to have. So much to teach them.  Am I bypassing potentially important things because I am too busy?

Time to make more conscientious choices with my time.  Time to determine what stays and what goes.  Time to bring my focus more sharply to my family. 

KC

simple joy

Today was a busy day.  I crammed a whole bunch of stuff into my day, which isn't unusual, but keeps me constantly on the go. I had about 10 minutes to eat my lunch before my piano students would arrive.  They start at 2:15 so that tells you how late my lunch was.  After a healthy lunch (well, okay, it wasn't fully healthy, but the cheese and chicken on my nachos have to count for some good!),  I was scooping a spoonful of homemade chocolate almond butter (seriously amazing butter that my friend Chrissy makes) out of a jar to savor, followed by about 3 or 4 more scoops when a thought hit me: 

In the busy-ness of my life, I need to make sure that I am taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures that each day offers, otherwise I will miss so much!  So I started paying attention and appreciating...

Listening to my husband laugh as he reads and shares something funny from the web.

Adding chocolate chips to my pumpkin muffins (because apparently I don't think muffins should be healthy).

The smell of the new hand soap by the kitchen sink.  It's not fancy or expensive because I only get fancy and expensive soaps as gifts from other people.  But it smelled great nonetheless.

A brownie with a Reese's PB cup sunk into the middle of it, brought over by a friend who was thoughtful enough to think I might like it (thank you, Julie - so delicious!!)

Listening to my piano students as they learn their Christmas recital pieces - they are so excited!

The random hugs my son gives me as he walks by.  This happens all the time. He just likes to hug.  I'm a lucky mom.

Sharing inside jokes with a friend. 

Reaching a PR in my Deadlift (I know, I know - not everybody likes CrossFit but it was an awesome moment for me!)

Super sweet strawberries even in the middle of November!

The sprinkle of freckles across my sleeping daughter's face - beautiful.

So maybe tomorrow morning I should start looking right away for the simple things that just make my day or make me smile, because sometimes those little pleasures are the brightest moments in my day.

KC 

headshots

A little something extra today because I just got a CD with a bunch of potential head shot pictures, hence the new profile picture for my blog (which my brother thinks is a funny word: "blog - something you might try to spit up," he says.  Gross.  He's a boy.  They don't grow up.)

Anyway, I'm so very excited and have to share just a few of the pictures because my friend, Sheroba is incredible.  She captured a bunch of the real me:

 And my personal favorite:

Okay.  I had some fun.  I always do when a camera is pointed at me!  

Why be just smiley the whole time?  That's not me.

But I did take some time to be more serious and these are a couple of my favorites:

 Did I ever mention that I wanted to be a model in my naive years?  

That's a story for another blog post.

Today we had the chance to take family photos with Sheroba.  I cannot wait to see how they turned out!  I will share them as soon as I can!!

Please go see her work by clicking on her name - it should be linked up to her facebook page. 

Beautiful, just beautiful...

not one of us is perfect, not one

I can't remember a time when I was perfect. Not even a day. And by perfect I mean attaining all that I wanted to be physically.  

In Jr. High I was trying to grow out my bangs. Y'all remember what that looks like, don't ya? There was no creativity on my part to hide the in-between stages. And I was trying to figure out how to have straight hair when my hair was naturally wavy.  The learning curve there was pretty steep.  Mind you, I had no older sisters to look to for guidance.  Try figuring that out on your own!

In high school the one thing that sticks out the most to me was my knees, my ugly knobby knees. I was a stick with knobby knees.  Yep, the only curve I had to my body was my knees. (That's pretty funny...well it is now, wasn't then!)

College: a time to blossom!   Nope.  Still a skinny stick.  But I did meet a guy who saw my potential to grow into a woman.  So I guess that was a bonus!

Wedding day: felt perfect. Except for the zit that began to pop out on my forehead.  (Seriously?)  Fortunately a friend and bridesmaid was an incredible make up artist and covered all blemishes making me feel beautiful! 

Pregnancy. Who am I kidding?! Said good-bye to whatever figure I had, not knowing it would be good-bye forever!!  (On the plus side I ended up with 2 kids so I guess that's good.)  

And then 30.  My body decided that it didn't want to cooperate with me anymore.  Eat right? Exercise?  Sheesh, such hard work and discipline!  And I know it's going to get a little harder each year from here on out.  And I've still got 60+ years to live! 

So, guess what.  This body of mine is not perfect. Never has been, never will be. 

And when I look around I know that there is not one person in this world who has been created perfectly.  Sure, physically some women look perfect, but I promise that they are not perfect because who they are runs so much deeper than how they look. 

So don't be fooled. Don't let that envy settle in too deep.  The people around us are so much more than just how they look.  Sometimes all they have to do is open their mouth to speak and you'll hear the imperfections tumbling out.  Sometimes you just have to watch for a bit to see what their actions say about them.  Sometimes you never see the imperfections because they are hidden and are secret or happen behind closed doors. 

Biggest thing I'm taking from today's post (yes, I learn stuff from my own writings because they are pretty much my own day-to-day struggles that God is working on with me) is that there is no one who is perfect, not one, even if they seem to be: they're not.

KC

who i was, am, and am going to be

Sometimes I look around my house and reflect on my life here and think: "I have so far to go, so many things to do in order to get this wife/mom thing right." 

There's the ping pong table (you can discover my problem with the ping pong table somewhere in this post).  There's the housekeeping routine that most weeks is pretty much non-existent.  The idea of creating healthy meals rolls around in this head frequently.  The organizational skills are lacking when it comes to paperwork and all things crafty (which is why my crafty stuff has all been relocated to a room that is far from where company can discover it).  Teaching my kids to be responsible would require me to be more self-disciplined.  I wish I remembered everyone's birthday on their birthday.  I wish I sent more cards in the mail. 

And that list of who I wish I was and what I wished I could accomplish could go on for figuratively (because I really don't think the word "literally" works here) miles and miles!

But then I have to step back and look back.

Who I was 10 years ago, even 5 or 2 years ago is completely different than who I am today.  I have made great strides by setting goals in my life and taking steps to get there.  I'd like to say that I am awesome and did it all by myself, but I'm not and I didn't.  I have a very supportive husband and family but I also have an awesome God who has given me what I've needed when I've needed it.

I used to think it was a great "meal" when I got the macaroni and cheese served (still warm!) with a side of crescent rolls (still warm!).  Now I am even impressed sometimes at the meals I can create (did you catch the "sometimes"?  It's not a frequent event at our house for me to create impressive meals).

I thought I was a great multi-tasker because I could 2 things at once.  HA!  Throw some kids in the mix and I'll show you multi-tasking at its finest (can I get an AMEN?!!)  Sometimes I lose track of how many things I am multi-tasking because I am doing so many things at once.  Starting upstairs carrying the cleaner downstairs, coming across a stray jacket, and noticing the random quarter on the counter, and going over to start the dishwasher, dropping off the cleaner in the laundry room where I will switch the laundry and bring that random jacket back upstairs to its owner's room... and how did this quarter get in my pocket again?!

Money?  Tell me to deposit $100 and I'll end up withdrawing $100 getting us a nice little fee on top of it! Financial organization was not my strength (and it's still not, but I've got an amazing guy helping me, well pretty much just telling me how to keep us organized.  Phew!  This whole marriage thing worked out pretty well for me!) 

I was proud when I could get myself out the door and to work on time.  However, just this morning I managed to feed 2 children, get their lunches packed, make sure everyone was dressed, try to ignore the moanings of my daughter and her sore neck from sleeping all cock-eyed, running to get her a dose of pain reliever and sew a hole closed in my son's backpack.  AND I managed to put together an outfit that showcased the scarf I really wanted to wear. 

And exercise?  I didn't need to exercise!  I was skinny (skinny, mind you, not healthy).  Now I can't imagine not getting some form of exercise in at least 3 times a week!  (That's a combination of figuring out what happens to your body after you have kids, after you hit your mid-30's and finally discovering that exercise can be enjoyable and give great results!)  Plus, when I exercise I don't get sick near as often.  Honestly, I haven't been sick once since starting CrossFit (now that's not a guarantee and I'm sure I'll get sick next week, but I don't have time to get sick so being sick less often is HUGE for me!)

So when I look back at who I used to be and how far I have come, I can be more content with where I am now.  If I have grown so much over the past 10 years, then I can be confident that I'm going to grow some more during the next 10 years. Even if it is setting small goals and taking small steps to get there. Because I know that even taking baby steps forward is still moving forward. 

KC

the value of time

Time.  Even in little increments, time is a valuable commodity. So I'm trying to be careful about where I spend it.

Last night I finished reading abook to my 5 yr old son while on his bed.  When I was done, he threw an arm around me, as if I were a giant teddy bear.  He didn't want me to leave yet. (Usually we leave the room to let our kids fall asleep on their own.). He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, grinning once in a while.  But I knew he was tired and would be asleep too so I stayed where I was. Two minutes later he was asleep and I was content.  I watched him rest for a bit then slowly lifted his arm to get off of his bed.

Just a few minutes but so valuable.

I try to go out for coffee with my Mom a couple times a month.  I love her - she's a wonderful mom.  Sometimes we can sit and chat for a couple hours, sometimes for forty minutes.  But the topics we cover in that amount of time are important, world changing topics!  Well maybe not world changing, but it is always important conversation.

Just an hour or two but so valuable.

Every once in a while I will have a seemingly unimportant text conversation with one of my nephews.  Random movies quotes, funny inside jokes, a typical quirky Aunt Kathy conversation.  But we are doing so much more than textng about nothing .  We are connecting.

Just a short conversation but so valuable.

And I could come up with a thousand other examples go the value of time but since I can't keep my eyelids open, I will stop at 3 and close with this:

I might be one busy wife and mom, but I am striving to make each moment count .  Because each moment is valuable and I don't want to waste any of it.  

KC

bigger than fear

And I am home! And the laundry is (almost) finished! And I'm (almost) ready to get started on another week. 

Except that this week I've got a dentist appointment and I have to make some phone calls asking people to help with something for school. Both of these things are on my "Least Favorite Things To Do" list. (Not that I have a list entitled such, but if I did these two things would be on that list, no doubt!)  

I have always loved my dentist, but never enjoyed my appointments.  And I was never a phone conversationalist... (yep - that's a word, it didn't get auto-corrected) and was very happy to have conversations through email and very happy to be able to text! Plus asking people to do something...what if they say no?! I can't handle people saying no!

So the trend here is fear. I'll admit to it. Fear ruled my life as I grew up, from childhood to adolescence into my adult years. I missed out on a lot because of fear. I developed an anxiety disorder because of my fear.  But, fear did not ruin my life. God did not let that happen.

God gave me very supportive parents who might not have always understood, but were always willing to stand by my side.  God put my amazing and supportive husband in my life who took me as I was even after I confessed my fears and anxieties. He has held my hand through it all, taking what he could from me, but also encouraging me when I had to face things by myself because he knew it'd make me stronger.

I can't tell you the moment that I stopped letting the fear rule my life. Maybe it was having children and not being able to be so afraid. I have to be strong for them. I'm their Mom.  Maybe it was watching my Pa get sick and pass away because I had to rely on God for strength. Maybe it was while my husband worked nights and I was alone all night with two kids but knew that I was never really on my own.  Maybe it is going head to head with a strong-willed child and realizing that I have to win because I am the Mom.

Maybe it was realizing so many years back that the cause if my anxiety disorder was the devil playing with my mind, heart, and emotions.

Honestly, every one of those things have made me stronger and less fearful. Facing each fear head on usually produces the "well that wasn't so bad" feeling.  

So tomorrow I head to the dentist for a check up, probably to find out that I need to have another root canal or just a filling, both of which are not terribly enjoyable.  But those are things to worry about for another day. Tomorrow I will enjoy the conversation with my higeinist (hmmm, that's not underlined - must be spelled correct) and appreciate the hour that I get to sit and not run around. 

Then I will start on the phone calls, making connections with my son's classmates' parents. And that will end up being a wonderful thing, I'm sure.  Because it is great to know the parents of the kids your child spends time with!

So instead of being bummed out, I will look for the positive (practicing what I try to teach my kids) and try to find the good in it all.

While these particular two things are little, there are many huge fears that people face or hide from every day.  One thing I finally had to realize is that God is bigger.  He is bigger than whatever I fear in this life.  When I look back at how He's helped me conquer fears, I can look forward in hope that He will be there with me to conquer future fears.  

Because He is bigger.

KC

"seemingly perfect"

So yesterday I wrote about the "seemingly perfect" women out there.  The ones who have their hair done beautifully every day.  The ones whose homes are clean and decorated fabulously.  Those moms who have their kids involved in a bunch of different activities and are never late to one!  I'm gonna be honest with you right now: those women really do exist, but do note the "seemingly" part - I've been told that no one is perfect.  Although I think I know a couple of women who might be...

I know a gal whose house IS always clean, even if you come by unannounced!  But you know what?  She likes to clean, yes, enjoys it. 

I have another friend who always brings the best appetizers and desserts to our parties and events. She's a Pampered Chef consultant so she practices being awesome at cooking and baking and makes it look effortless. 

And then there's the mom who throws the most memorable play dates.  Everything is thought out to the smallest detail. She takes that Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar book and has about 25 different related activities for the kids to do. It is her gift, she's good at it and she loves it. 

The mom who's got her kids involved in a bunch of different activities?  She's organized.  And she cares about what her kids enjoy and makes it her passion.  And she's organized.

I've got a group of mom friends who go jogging very early in the morning and train for half marathons and full marathons.  Seriously.  And they look fantastic.  But that is their passion.  They love it! 

And then the woman who has such great understanding of the Word, who can recite the right scripture at just the right time.  But you know what?  There have been a great many experiences in her life that have led her to the Bible over and over again.  And it is a part of her everyday life.  She immerses herself in it because it blesses her.

There are a lot of women who do amazing things.  I decided that I can either be jealous of their "perfections" and let it be a separation in our friendships or I can look up to them for inspiration.  Who you choose to surround yourself with makes a big impact on your life. 

I love the women in my life.  They are motivational.  They are encouraging.  They make me want to stop making excuses and be a better me (not a better imitation of them, a better me).

Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one (wo)man sharpens another.

KC

i like me

I had the opportunity to be a part of the MOMS Club here in the Ripon-Salida area for about 6 or 7 years.  What a blessing!!  I learned so much about motherhood and friendship when I was active in the group. But I also learned to be me and to be happy being me. 

In MOMS Club, you could try to impress everyone who came to a play date at your home with a clean house and fabulous snacks, a gorgeously decorated home and a superbly planned play date. Or you could invite them into your family room full of thrift store furniture with toys scattered across the floor, serve up some Ritz crackers and Cheerios, put on a pot of coffee and let the kids play on the afore mentioned floor covered with toys. Whatever you did, the moms were just happy to be there! We got together because of our common bond of motherhood, not because of who did what the best, or because of who had the nicest house.

And I could go on and on about this super supportive, life-changing club, but once again I'll get to my point.  

I had a conversation with an awesome mom today. (I get to have some great conversations with people!) (And it looks like I'm probably not going to get right to my point...) We were chatting about maintaining the standards that we sometimes feel because of all the seemingly perfect moms around us. Through our conversation she got me to thinking, which can sometimes be dangerous, but not in this instance.  Do you ever stop and just think: who do I want to be?  Who has God created me to be? 

It's so easy to get caught up in trying to be like the mom whose kids are perfect or whose house is spotless. You could create a lot of credit card debt making your house look pretty. You could get dressed up nice every time you drop the kids off at school. But is that you? 

I am the mom with the thrift store furniture and the toys on the floor.  I serve a big pot of coffee, Ritz crackers and Cheerios. I wear a ponytail in my hair a lot.  And I am most comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and a pair of Converse. And I'm learning to be okay with that because as it turns out, people like me anyway! 

I like it when you are real.  I like to know that you aren't perfect. It makes you relatable.  

There's nothing wrong with striving to be a better you, but make sure you are being a better you, not trying to be just like someone else.

(Would you look at that? I wrote about comparison and contentment again. There's always some heart issue He's working on with me!)

KC