Monday, November 11, 2013

bigger than fear

And I am home! And the laundry is (almost) finished! And I'm (almost) ready to get started on another week. 

Except that this week I've got a dentist appointment and I have to make some phone calls asking people to help with something for school. Both of these things are on my "Least Favorite Things To Do" list. (Not that I have a list entitled such, but if I did these two things would be on that list, no doubt!)  

I have always loved my dentist, but never enjoyed my appointments.  And I was never a phone conversationalist... (yep - that's a word, it didn't get auto-corrected) and was very happy to have conversations through email and very happy to be able to text! Plus asking people to do something...what if they say no?! I can't handle people saying no!

So the trend here is fear. I'll admit to it. Fear ruled my life as I grew up, from childhood to adolescence into my adult years. I missed out on a lot because of fear. I developed an anxiety disorder because of my fear.  But, fear did not ruin my life. God did not let that happen.

God gave me very supportive parents who might not have always understood, but were always willing to stand by my side.  God put my amazing and supportive husband in my life who took me as I was even after I confessed my fears and anxieties. He has held my hand through it all, taking what he could from me, but also encouraging me when I had to face things by myself because he knew it'd make me stronger.

I can't tell you the moment that I stopped letting the fear rule my life. Maybe it was having children and not being able to be so afraid. I have to be strong for them. I'm their Mom.  Maybe it was watching my Pa get sick and pass away because I had to rely on God for strength. Maybe it was while my husband worked nights and I was alone all night with two kids but knew that I was never really on my own.  Maybe it is going head to head with a strong-willed child and realizing that I have to win because I am the Mom.

Maybe it was realizing so many years back that the cause if my anxiety disorder was the devil playing with my mind, heart, and emotions.

Honestly, every one of those things have made me stronger and less fearful. Facing each fear head on usually produces the "well that wasn't so bad" feeling.  

So tomorrow I head to the dentist for a check up, probably to find out that I need to have another root canal or just a filling, both of which are not terribly enjoyable.  But those are things to worry about for another day. Tomorrow I will enjoy the conversation with my higeinist (hmmm, that's not underlined - must be spelled correct) and appreciate the hour that I get to sit and not run around. 

Then I will start on the phone calls, making connections with my son's classmates' parents. And that will end up being a wonderful thing, I'm sure.  Because it is great to know the parents of the kids your child spends time with!

So instead of being bummed out, I will look for the positive (practicing what I try to teach my kids) and try to find the good in it all.

While these particular two things are little, there are many huge fears that people face or hide from every day.  One thing I finally had to realize is that God is bigger.  He is bigger than whatever I fear in this life.  When I look back at how He's helped me conquer fears, I can look forward in hope that He will be there with me to conquer future fears.  

Because He is bigger.


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