snuggles

Tonight I took turns snuggling with each child of mine until they fell asleep.  This is not a regular occurrence  around here.  We usually let our children fall asleep on their own.  (Personal parenting choice).  But tonight both kiddos were exhausted.  Neither one was whiny and when I laid down on their beds to say good night, each one threw an arm around me and pulled in real close.

So yo know what I did?  I savored those snuggles.  You know why?  Because my daughter is only 10 years await from being 18.  And my son is only 13 years away from 18.  And if you do the math, we might live to be 80 years but less than 25% of those years are spent raising our children.  

And  I'm going to take those snuggles because I'm not sure how long I'm going to keep getting them.  

I think this quote (via Pinterest) relates my sentiments quite well:

 I'm not ready for my kids to grow up.  I want to snuggle them forever!  Or at least until they are old enough to make me grand babies!  Bit that's a long way away...

KC

your inner freckles

I was drying my daughter's hair with a blow dryer tonight, not something that happens much around here.  She doesn't care too much about making her hair look nice.  (Tonight's blow drying was just one of many steps that we take to avoid the lice epidemic that seems to be happening this year.  It will be a miracle if we manage to avoid it!)

As I continued to dry her hair, I was struck by her beauty, her physical beauty.  She has gorgeous strawberry blonde hair, which is not something that my husband or I have ever had.  She has the most adorable spattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks.  She had the sweetest blue eyes.  She is tall and thin.  And she doesn't care about any of it.  (Except maybe her freckles.  We taught at an early age that they were beautiful and she has taken a bit of pride in them.) 

Now all of this being said, please realize that there is a "mommy filter" going on here.  Of course my daughter is beautiful!  That's how moms are supposed to feel about their daughters!  

About halfway through blow drying I realized that I still needed to spend more time on a very valuable lesson with her.  I want her to understand that her true beauty, the beauty that matters more than any other comes from inside, from the heart.  Not in her hair or her body size or even those freckles.  

Before she even realizes that she has physical beauty, I want her to understand true beauty.

Let me ask you this: have you ever met someone who doesn't necessarily have any striking features but something about them still stands out?  There's just something about them that makes them undeniably attractive.  That is inward beauty.  I, personally, think you can see it in a person's eyes.  

So what makes a person beautiful from the inside out?  

In Galatians 5:22 we are told what the fruits of the spirit are: "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, and faith."  I think theses qualities in a person's life make for quite a beautiful person.

And I suppose this is a pretty important lesson for all us humans as well: 1Samuel 16:7 -  

But The Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him.  For The Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but The Lord looks at the heart."

We have been teaching our kids this concept since we thought they could understand it, usually in regards to other people that they come into contact with.  We want them to understand that what makes a person great is not what they wear or how they look.  It is what's inside that counts.  

But in a world that puts so much value on the outside, I don't think we can spend too much time teaching our children to value the inside, both in others and in themselves.

And it's not a bad reminder for us grownups either...

KC

toothpaste and wrinkled paper

Over the past couple of days I have been working on a specific lesson with my daughter.  Here's the situation:

My girl gets it stuck in her mind that she desperately needs something.  It could be a piece of candy, a cup of hot chocolate before school, a specific water bottle, a shirt that needs to be laundered.  Whatever it is, if I say "no" then the words that come out of her mouth get worse and worse.  From whining to complaining to insulting me with the intention of saying the most hurtful thing she can think of!

So the other day I had her take a piece of paper and crumple it up.  Then I asked her to try and make it perfectly flat and unwrinkled again.  Impossible.  I explained that once the words come out of her mouth and hurt someone (hence the crumpled paper), you can't take those words back and make life just as it was.  Those words leave a bit of hurt on the person you insult (hence the wrinkled paper).  

Then my sister-in-law shared this one with me: If you squeeze a bunch of toothpaste out of its tube, you cannot shove it back inside.  Same with words.  Once the hurtful words come out of her mouth, my girl cannot put them back in again.  Saying "sorry" does not put the toothpaste back in the tube. 

What about you? What stories/methods/ techniques have you used to help your kiddo think before they speak?  Because after all the whining I heard tonight, I'm going to have to try to teach this concept again...

KC

investing time

I was chatting with a mom today and I related to her something I'm sure I had told her before.  She patiently listened to me as she always wonderfully does.

Over the past year I have learned one (well more than one but I'm only going to mentioned one) very important lesson: parenting takes time.  

More specifically, properly disciplining our children takes time, but the results are so valuable that it is worth the amount of time it takes. 

I used to throw out warnings and threats to my kids because I was busy making dinner or cleaning up a mess or we were in a hurry to get somewhere.  I will admit that I still fall into this habit on a regular basis (just ask my kids; they know what they can get away with and when to try and do it!)  But nowadays more frequently, I will stop what I am doing and follow through on a warning.  

You want to keep picking on your little brother and make him cry?  Fine, dinner's going to be a half hour later because I'm going to take this upstairs with you and get this resolved.

You want to pull out your "Miss Sassy-Pants" voice with me because you can't find the shoes you want to wear to school today?  Fine, we'll sit in the truck in our garage for an extra 5 minutes till you realize how terribly you treated me.  Sorry you missed extra recess before school!

You want to throw a fit in the backseat because I won't play your favorite song on the stereo?  That's okay. We'll just pull over here until you get your wits about you and apologize for your tantrum.

You want to slam your bedroom door because you are soooo angry?  Well, this load of laundry can wait.  Let me come up there and give you a little lesson in self-control.

And you know what the best part has been?  As I follow through with my discipline immediately, the kids are less likely to try and prolong the negative behavior.  They realize I will handle it right then and there, despite the immediate consequences: late to school (you can tell your teacher that you are late because you were being rude to me), late dinner (I'm sorry you are starving, but you caused the delay).

And if I follow through right away, I don't forget about it! There are days when I tell my kids, "We will handle this when we get home," and then I forget.  Walking into my house that has its own to-do list with 15 things on it tends to make me forget everything else the moment I step inside!

Now here is the discouraging part (for some parents).  If you have a strong-willed kid, discipline can take a whole lot longer - sometimes an hour or two of constant battling (you think I'm kidding; I'm not). And that's not even the punishment part! That's just getting to the part where the kid finally admits that they did something wrong.  Exhausting, I tell ya!  But the pay-off is great.  Taking the time to reach their heart and find remorse after each episode helps them weigh the consequences of their behavior the next time they decide to make a bad decision.

I've lost out on many things because I chose to put my child's behavior before my desires.  I've been late to events because I handled my child's tantrum before we left.  And I've gotten behind in daily life because my children's hearts are more valuable than laundry, grocery lists, or a clean kitchen. 

I'm not great at this yet, but I am better than I was 6 months ago and that gives me hope for the next 6 months.

KC

prayer

I saw this on Pinterest yesterday.  It made me smile.  

There are times when I feel like things couldn't get any worse.  My day has been terrible and my attitude is in the same category.  

But I know if I can pull out my fighting attitude and push through all the garbage, I will be a stronger woman on the other side.

But one thing that must remain a steadfast necessity on my worst days is prayer.

Because try as I might, I cannot pull myself out of the depths to clearer vision without the help of God.

KC

apologies

I yelled at my kid today.

As soon as the first angry sounds came out of my mouth, I knew I needed to stop.  I already regretted the words .5 seconds after they came out.

My "calm" arsenal was empty.  My patience had run out about an hour before.  All my other tactics and techniques had flown out of my mind and all I could see was red.

(Now, when I think back to being a kid, I cannot think of an instance where my Mom yelled at me.  I think it's probably because I was a perfect child...  Or she was just a phenomenal woman who could handle everything with calmness.  Or maybe God's grace has erased any yelling that might have happened from my mind. I don't know for sure,  but that makes for a pretty hard example to follow!)

So we got through our late dinner and everyone had mellowed out.  Bedtime happened and I went to sit on my daughter's bed. 

I apologized for yelling at her, for being so angry that I became out of control.  And you know what she said? "It's okay, Mom. It was my fault."

Now here is where I got very clear with her.  You see, I feel very strongly that a child's negative behavior does not warrant poor parenting on our part.  No matter what she had done, I should not have roared (yes, I did take out my roaring voice), I could have found a better way to handle her disobedience.

I told her that although she had made me angry, it was not an excuse for me to yell at her.  I should have had more self-control.  And I apologized again.  This beautiful little heart forgave me, hugged me,  and then asked me to read her a chapter in the new book she had picked out.

This whole apology thing is not new to our family.  My husband and I have both had to apologize to our children when we have wronged them.  How else are we going to set an example of true sorrow and forgiveness if we don't show it to them ourselves? 

KC

establishing dominance

And back to the subject of kids...

Well cats first and then back to kids.

I have one cat who is over 11 years old.  And another who is the same size as her but is less than a year old.  If it wasn't so annoying, their relationship would be humorous!  There are daily cat fights, complete with hissing, clawing, and growling.  The younger kitten constantly chases the older, trying to establish dominance.  The older keeps fighting back, trying to maintain her place on top.  I used to try and stop this fighting but, for Pete's sake, I've got enough drama of my own to deal with!

My relationship with my daughter is very similar to that of the cats.  That strong little girl is constantly trying to establish her "Queendom" in this house.  She's seriously vying to be the dominant one around here.   But this mild-mannered Mom isn't having any of that.  Oh no!

It took a while before I realized what was going on, but there was one (apparently) very important lesson I learned in my Child Development Course that has stuck with me for many years. Children are egocentric.  They are self-focused.  In other words, they think the world revolves around them.  And that is superbly exemplified in my 8-year old daughter (at least in this house! At Grandma's house, she's almost an angel, Praise The Lord!)

So, of course, there is a valuable lesson that I have learned from all of this: I am the boss.  I am the Queen of this house. I rule over these little minions.  And it's important for them to know that!  So I remind them often.  Even though sometimes when I remind them, I sound like the Queen of Hearts: Ooooooooofffffffff with their heads!!!

And perhaps the best part is this: it is a God-ordained authority. In Ephesians 6:2, children are told to honor their father and mother.  

You know why?  Here's my thoughts on it: we are our children's earthly parents.  We are their first example of the Heavenly Father.  If they do not listen, understand, and obey the authority God has placed over them (us parents) then what makes us think our children will ever submit to God's authority?  

So help them out now: Remind them who's boss! 

(Now if I could just get a raise...)

KC

super ugly ceiling fans

Sometimes I'm so busy looking around at what I don't have that I forget to see just how blessed I truly am.  

(You know, I could finish the post right there and that message would have been enough!)

I'll admit, I have a "want" list:

New carpet in the house

A car for my husband that doesn't have a huge dent in it

A better wardrobe

Flat abs

A nicer front yard

Well-behaved and polite children who remember their manners every time they're supposed to

Ceiling fans that are not ugly

New couches

The ability to be a super-organized Mom

And this list could be a mile long, if I let it.  So I don't. I try to combat my "wants" by being grateful for what I have.  It doesn't always work (because seriously, this fan down here is terribly ugly!) but I try. 

The stains and worn spots on my carpet show that we live here, we enjoy life here.

The dent on the car is a constant lesson in humility and learning not to put so much in our possessions. And it still runs!

I always manage to come out of my closet with clothes that match and I get compliments on my outfits! Even though many of my clothes are second-hand or directly off the sale rack. 

Flat abs - ha! I'm healthy! I'm not ill! Flat abs seem so insignificant when compared to that. (But I'll be honest: I'm going to keep working toward flatter abs).

Who needs a nice front yard when your kids are content to run around and play with the wonderful kids in the cul-de-sac?

If manners are my biggest concern when it comes to my children then I am truly blessed.

Let me tell ya: in the summer if a ceiling fan works and keeps the house cool, it doesn't matter if it looks shiny and brassy!

But worn in couches are so comfy.

Organized...I haven't lost my kids yet, that should count for something!

Reading through this, I realize that I am drawing attention to the things that I don't have but perhaps that's a good lesson for me as well.  Sure, you'll notice the dent in our car every time you see us driving through town now.  But that's okay because it's my constant reminder to be grateful for all that God has given me because He always provides, even if it is in the form of an ugly brassy fan. 

(Seriously, folks, that thing is coming down soon.)

KC

the hardest job I ever had

Kids. They're hard work.  And no one can truly prep you for it. No one can warn you about how much of yourself you will end up sacrificing just in the first five years alone. 

When your one year old wakes up in the middle of the night crying with a barking cough that they just can't stop, you sit in the bathroom while steam pours put from the shower.  Then you take them into your bed and you both sleep sitting up so he can breathe better and rest.

When you are potty training your three year old you don't leave the house for 3-5 days.  Because if you do decide to run a quick half hour errand, that child who has been going on the potty for 2 days will have an accident either in their car seat or on the floor of the grocery store.

When your child wets the bed in the middle of the night, you get up and change him out of his pajamas and make him up a bed of blankets and pillows on your bedroom floor knowing that you will have a couple extra loads of laundry the next day.

When your child throws a huge tantrum in Target and you are the family that everyone is staring at, you have sacrificed all of your humility.  Or worse yet, you have a loaded cart of groceries that you have to leave because of their behavior. (Unless you are the type of parent who can handle a screaming child while grocery shopping. I, personally can't).

Your money is no longer yours.  It goes into all the stuff a baby needs. And then into all the stuff a toddler needs. And then into all the stuff a preschooler needs. And then a nice family car and braces and dance or gymnastics or sports!  

And the car. The nice clean car certainly struggles to remain that way.  Sometimes I just give up.  Honestly, I'd love a spotless car but the war against "car mess" drives me insane!

You sacrifice your money, your sleep, your time, your heart (beware: it gets stomped on!), your tears, for your kids.  And what do you get for it?!

So much more than you can imagine.  

You didn't know your heart could love so much.

That love for your child and the love they show back is worth every ounce of sacrifice you have ever given. 

Every night I go in to peek in on my children as they sleep.  And every night it is the same feeling: my heart catches somewhere up in my throat as I just adore my little angels.  *sigh*

Ha! Let's see how I feel in the morning!!

KC

the priority of time

It's been a few (busy) days since I've posted but it's not for lack of things to write about.  Each day my kids alone give me about 4 topics to write about!  God is constantly revealing things through them as long as I am willing to watch for those things.

No, the writing didn't happen mostly because of my order of priorities.  My biggest priority each day is to listen to what God has for me and to try to follow His prompting.  Just below that is my family: my husband, followed by my kids.  And the thing they need the most from me is time.  

When I write my to-do list (often mentally) for the day, it usually includes a variety of things that are done for my family: groceries, laundry, going to the bank, prepping meals, cleaning and straightening the house, etc.  But those things are the necessary, unseen ways that I take care of them.

This is not to say that they don't appreciate these things.  But these are not necessarily the things they yearn for the most.  No, my husband wants to sit and have a conversation with me or watch a TV show together with no interruptions.  My kids want me to read books with them or play a board game on the floor with them.  So with the short amount of time I have in my schedule with them, I try to make them my focus and the other stuff can wait until the next day. 

And sometimes I can get everyone in bed and come downstairs to write my blog.  But sometimes my need for sleep wins out. Because if I am exhausted the next day, I'm not very good for my family no matter how much caffeine I am trying to survive on!

So I guess I start writing my blog a bit earlier, maybe right after I have my iced tea!  That should be interesting...

KC

being

I've probably touched on this subject a time or two, but I'm gonna touch on it again.

Be you. 

Don't be who your mom thinks you should be (sorry, Mom).

Don't be who you think your friends want you to be.

Don't try to impress people by acting like something you're not.

Be You.

Be who God created you to be.

Who is that? Spend some time with Him.  He'll show you.

(Think this particular blog post was written just for you? Good! But it's also about me.  He's been poking and prodding and pushing and pulling me to stop "being" for everyone else and to "be" His.  And with this personality of mine, I'm bound to be anything but normal!)

KC

natural consequences

A friend of mine taught me this term a few years back when I was describing our daughter's personalities and some of the incidents we had experienced with her.  She has a tendency to learn things the hard way, wanting to see the results herself instead of heeding our warning.  Natural consequences.

Watching her suffer these consequences can sometimes be difficult for me.  You play too rough with the cat, she will scratch you.  You take out your frustration on a toy, it will break and I will not replace it.  You leave your little earrings all over the house, one is going to find its way into the vacuum.

But today I saw fruit. And having a stubborn and strong-willed child of God, I live for fruit!! 

This might seem insignificant to you, but for this mom it shows growth.  It gives me encouragement.

This afternoon after school she was wearing a brand new pair of shoes that her Aunt had delivered and was so excited to wear them!  She went outside to play with the neighborhood kids (and in our neighborhood the kids go full force into play, which is awesome but not so good for maintaining nice shoes) and I followed shortly to tell her to take them off.  But instead of telling her to, I laid out the pros and cons and let her make the decision.  

"If you wear these outside, they might get thrashed before you have even had a chance to wear them to  school.  I suggest you wear these other shoes instead and keep the new ones nice for school."

She was quiet for a moment while she weighed these two things in her mind: "wear them right now because I am so excited!!!! Or keep them looking sparkly and wonderful so I can be happy wearing them to school tomorrow.... "

30 seconds later, she was out the door wearing her old shoes, the new ones set aside for tomorrow. 

Hooray!!!  One small victory!  Enough of a victory to know that she is learning from natural consequences so that when she gets older and natural consequences are SO much bigger, maybe she'll avoid those too.  That's my prayer.

I still make dumb choices that lead to natural consequences: overload on the junk food over the holidays and you'll be up half the night feeling sick to your stomach!  You'd think after years of this, I'd figure it out.  Nope.  

Maybe I'm the one who needs prayer...

KC

that guy (again)

You know why I like my husband?

He makes me laugh.

He has the best laugh!

He works hard for our family.

He is always trying to be a better man.

He unloads the dishwasher (sometimes).

He is handy.

He is good at the things I stink at.

He desires God's will for our family.

He's hot stuff.

He brings me flowers, See's candy, and Strawberry Iced Teas just because.

You ever need to remind yourself of why you are married to that guy? (Or girl?). Write a list. Remind yourself. Take your focus off of their irritating habits and focus on their awesome and best qualities. Because it's easy to forget all the good when the ugly gets in the way...

KC

the up-side to optimism (see what I did there? clever.)

I found this quote on Pinterest a while back.  

I'm an optimist.  Sometimes too much of one.  I always look for the good in people, assuming the best of them and their character.  I suppose that could get me in trouble someday but again, I'm too optimistic to think that would happen.  

Some might think I am naive or perhaps dumb.  I don't have enough experience in this world.  Perhaps that is true, but I prefer to think that I walk in faith and that accounts for my optimism.

I have experienced sorrow.

I have had hardships.

I have cried countless tears.

I have fought secret battles.

I have walked uphill without shoes on. 

And I have survived.  How can I look back at all I have been through so far in my life, see how often God has carried me through (which is every time) and not be optimistic?  Goodness, He's taken care of me my whole life!  Why is He going to give up on me now?!

So yeah, I'm optimistic. I blame my faith.

KC

slow resolutions

Here we go, 2014!!  

I used to make resolutions. It was a great way to fail at something in the month of January.  (I think maybe I flossed my teeth for a an entire January, so I guess that counts as something!) We tend to think that we need to make big changes in our lives at the beginning of the year, but that's a lot of pressure to put on the whole year ahead. 

Here's what I started doing:

I look at my life regularly (not just once a year) to see what kinds of changes I want to make.  I set goals and come up with ideas of how to make it work.  And then I do it slowly.  I'm not great at making a huge change all at once.  (Except when we gave up soda.  That was all at once.  No more soda here.  Just healthier teeth.)  

Here's a couple (or a few) examples: 

We wanted to eat healthier so we stopped buying chips and cookies for the pantry and started buying more fresh fruits and veggies as well as more nuts and trail mix.  To change our entire diet overnight is SO overwhelming for me to tackle, but little steps have made huge changes for our family.

I had to give up coffee because I was killing my stomach with it.  Too much acid or something.  So I found a substitute with less caffeine but awesome flavor: strawberry iced tea.  I'll freely admit my addiction here, but I do feel better on a daily basis because of it.

I struggled to find a form of exercise that I liked so I was lucky to get 3 days of exercise a month!  But in 2012 I finally took the advice of numerous friends of mine: I signed up to run a half marathon.  Signing up made me accountable.  I had to train or I would be terrible on the day of the event.  My husband set up a training schedule for us and together we accomplished our first half marathon (He rocked it!! I finished it).  I will not say that I love running, but I am now "fond" of it.  (I did find a love of exercise in joining CrossFit, but I won't go into that because as you all know, those who CrossFit love to talk and talk and talk about it!!)

Laundry.  That used to be a bad word around here.  Mostly because sometimes I forget about the loads in the washer and sometimes also the loads in the dryer.  But also because it was never-ending.  So a few years back I decided to have A Laundry Day (being a stay-at-home mom helped accomplish this). I made one day (Monday) the day to get it all done.  Then I didn't worry about it for another week!  That felt awesome. Now because of my busy schedule my laundry day is usually 2 days long, but having 5 days off from laundry feels great to me. 

My "resolutions" list is still very long in my mind. Sometimes overwhelming.  But I pray for strength and self-discipline and determination on a daily basis, and I tell myself to tackle one thing at a time and eventually I will be able to look back at what I have done and be proud.

(And currently I'm on a roll flossing my teeth! And not just since this month started...) 

KC