Thursday, January 23, 2014

investing time

I was chatting with a mom today and I related to her something I'm sure I had told her before.  She patiently listened to me as she always wonderfully does.

Over the past year I have learned one (well more than one but I'm only going to mentioned one) very important lesson: parenting takes time.  

More specifically, properly disciplining our children takes time, but the results are so valuable that it is worth the amount of time it takes. 

I used to throw out warnings and threats to my kids because I was busy making dinner or cleaning up a mess or we were in a hurry to get somewhere.  I will admit that I still fall into this habit on a regular basis (just ask my kids; they know what they can get away with and when to try and do it!)  But nowadays more frequently, I will stop what I am doing and follow through on a warning.  

You want to keep picking on your little brother and make him cry?  Fine, dinner's going to be a half hour later because I'm going to take this upstairs with you and get this resolved.

You want to pull out your "Miss Sassy-Pants" voice with me because you can't find the shoes you want to wear to school today?  Fine, we'll sit in the truck in our garage for an extra 5 minutes till you realize how terribly you treated me.  Sorry you missed extra recess before school!

You want to throw a fit in the backseat because I won't play your favorite song on the stereo?  That's okay. We'll just pull over here until you get your wits about you and apologize for your tantrum.

You want to slam your bedroom door because you are soooo angry?  Well, this load of laundry can wait.  Let me come up there and give you a little lesson in self-control.

And you know what the best part has been?  As I follow through with my discipline immediately, the kids are less likely to try and prolong the negative behavior.  They realize I will handle it right then and there, despite the immediate consequences: late to school (you can tell your teacher that you are late because you were being rude to me), late dinner (I'm sorry you are starving, but you caused the delay).

And if I follow through right away, I don't forget about it! There are days when I tell my kids, "We will handle this when we get home," and then I forget.  Walking into my house that has its own to-do list with 15 things on it tends to make me forget everything else the moment I step inside!

Now here is the discouraging part (for some parents).  If you have a strong-willed kid, discipline can take a whole lot longer - sometimes an hour or two of constant battling (you think I'm kidding; I'm not). And that's not even the punishment part! That's just getting to the part where the kid finally admits that they did something wrong.  Exhausting, I tell ya!  But the pay-off is great.  Taking the time to reach their heart and find remorse after each episode helps them weigh the consequences of their behavior the next time they decide to make a bad decision.

I've lost out on many things because I chose to put my child's behavior before my desires.  I've been late to events because I handled my child's tantrum before we left.  And I've gotten behind in daily life because my children's hearts are more valuable than laundry, grocery lists, or a clean kitchen. 

I'm not great at this yet, but I am better than I was 6 months ago and that gives me hope for the next 6 months.

KC

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