Tuesday, April 28, 2015

marriage: whee!

I'm just gonna be real honest with you right now (because that seems to be how I work best): marriage is hard work! Goooooolleeeeee, is it hard work.

I'd like to say this is just a reflection on my own marriage and that everyone elses's is butterflies and sunshine, and flowers, and candy, , but it's not. My husband and I have made it one of our top priorities to make this marriage not only function, but to be happy doing it.
Unfortunately, that is not always the case in every marriage. 


My niece is getting married in 11 days. Eleven days, people! Do you remember that feeling?! So much excitement! Amazing feelings, joy, happiness, never ever gonna stop smiling!! 

I remember that feeling. I remember asking my parents if that feeling goes away, because I never, ever wanted it to leave. 

And with their honesty, they gave me an answer I will never forget: it does go away, it changes, but it gets deeper and better the longer you are together. 

My husband and I are approaching 15 years of marriage. Fifteen years, people! And yes, those giddy feeling change. They change into trust and a feeling of security and of loyalty. We have had our fair share of arguments (one or two...😜) and have come out stronger on the other side. We haven't gotten it completely figured out, but we're hoping we've got a few more years on this earth to work on it.

I don't know where you are in your marriage, but I do know that if you have the commitment of a spouse who is willing to work through the difficulties that marriage brings, you are blessed. 

So, to my dearest Alyssa: I can't wait till your wedding! I know it is going to be butterflies and sunshine and flowers and candy (all in the figurative sense) for your wedding day and for a while after, but just wait, it gets better! 

Auntie KC

PS: I'm pretty sure there will be a sequel and maybe a triquil or something because, well, if you've been married longer than a couple years, you know there's a whole lot more to write on the subject.
,


Friday, April 24, 2015

what are you looking for?

(I have GOT to get out of this habit of writing my blogs so late at night - sheesh!) 
(And who starts a blog post with parenthesis?)
(That's just ridiculous.)
(But I guess late at night is when most of my ridiculousness comes out...obviously.)

I don't know if you all follow me on facebook or Instagram or Twitter, but if you do, you've probably noticed an increase in my somewhat funny posts. (I say "somewhat" because I'm funny, but not THAT funny.) I'm not sure what prompted it, but I decided to start sharing my viewpoint on life through those 3 avenues. Sometimes facebook, (especially facebook), can get so full of garbage that you just want to stay away from it for a while, but you can't because there are things you NEED to know. Right? Yeah, I know how you work - I'm the same way.

But I'm hoping that amongst all the junk you have to sift through, maybe one of my posts will bring a smile to your face, or give you something you can relate to, or be just a refreshing change of pace. 

Honestly, I'm not trying to hide anything behind my posts. Some of them show the joys of being a mom (if you missed the sarcastic tone there, go back and read that again as if it were a teenager saying it). Some share my difficulties in maintaining a house. Other posts are just ways that I am being a goofy mom. And then again about the true joys of being a mom. 

Most of them show you my perspective in life. I am a glass half full kind of person. I am looking for the good in the situation. I am searching for the positive. I am finding the humor in our every day lives. I'm the one who sits in a dentist's chair and makes the gals laugh even though I hate having dental work done (if that doesn't give you a good idea of who I am, then I give up!)

I know life is tough. And it's not always fun. I have plenty of tough, un-fun moments in my days. But if I didn't search for those reasons to find joy in each day, I would be a depressed basket case. (I feel like there should be a quote from the movie Pollyanna right about here, but the part of my brain that remembers movie quotes went to bed a long time ago.) (And the part of my brain that remembers movie quotes verbatim just doesn't exist, so it's probably good I'm not quoting the movie right now.)

Here's my point: look for the good, find the joy, look for reasons to be happy, smile at your kids' goofy antics. It might take a bit of practice to turn around a negative, pessimistic attitude, but it's totally worth it, I promise!

(That Pollyanna quote is going to haunt me until tomorrow morning when one of you guys posts it in the comments for me!!) 

KC

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

words of honey

So I know I've talked about this before, but a good friend reminded me of it again with some very kind words that made my day, so I'm gonna remind you all of it too.

I realized a long time ago that one of my love languages (if you've never read the book about love languages, don't worry. Neither have I. I'm not saying you shouldn't, because it's probably really good. I'm just saying that you can probably understand what a love language is even if you haven't read the book because I'm going to explain my understanding of it here in a little bit) is words of affirmation. In other words, one way a person can truly show me that they care about me is by building me up with their words. Some people like to have little gifts brought to them (which I wouldn't complain about, honestly). Other people like to have affection shown - a touch on the shoulder or a back rub. 

I like to be told that I'm awesome. 

Okay, not really. 
But I do like it when someone compliments me on a job well done or thanks me for my efforts on something I've completed. My husband has gotten into the habit of telling me how great my dinners are and how much he likes it when I make breakfast on Saturday mornings. That is one smart man because I enjoy cooking for him so much more now! 

And earlier today a good friend told me I was wonderful, all because I was trying to be helpful. That made me feel good, as if all the bad junk from today could slide off my shoulders. 

Don't hold those kind words back. They are needed. Sometimes more than you know. Often we are surrounded by negative things: words, emotions, vibes. And one kind word, or one uplifting comment can change a person's perspective for the rest of the day, or even longer.

I found this on Pinterest:
Maybe "words of affirmation" isn't your love language, but I'm pretty sure you'd appreciate hearing some of those words yourself!

So go ahead, tell someone that they're awesome.

KC

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

choice

It's ten minutes till tomorrow, and I'm finally sitting down to blog. I've been putting it off for the past couple of evenings (HA! - "evening" would imply a decent hour such as 8:00 or maybe even 9:00 so I guess I should use the word "night" instead...) I've been putting it off for the past couple of nights, letting my busy-ness get in the way (story of my life), but goodness, the itch to write is there every night. So tonight, even though it is a stupid hour, I write.

This morning I got to go to breakfast with the ladies in my family. One of my dear sister-in-laws had a birthday and we were celebrating at the local cafe (which serves amazing biscuits and gravy, by the way). After we had consumed a bunch of deliciousness, my mom told a story that she had heard on the news. I didn't catch all the details, but from what I gathered a young man who had been born without arms had learned to play the piano using his stumps and his chin. 

People, playing piano with 10 fingers is difficult enough! I cannot imagine learning how to perform without them! 

The story of this young man reminded me of something I had come to realize quite a few years back. (It might not come out eloquently, but let's chalk that up to it being around the midnight hour and the fact that I've been painting with some strong fumes probably hasn't really helped....)

This world is full of sin. We chose that years ago along with Adam and Eve when they decided, as we would have, to eat the fruit. Because of that, our lives will be full of adversity. We might be born into it, or stumble into it, or get thrown headfirst into it, but we are going to experience it because this world is infected. 

But here is our key:

We must choose what we do with the adversity in our lives. 

We can let it drag us down, beat us up, and bring us to our breaking point. We can blame our poor choices and our life circumstances on what has happened in our past. We can continue to walk down a path of destruction because that's where we seem to be headed anyway. We can create excuse after excuse after excuse.

Or we can fight. We can strive to come out on top. We can push through the trials, trying to become better people, refined into what God has created us for. We can hang onto hope, the true hope that comes from knowing a God who is immeasurably stronger than we are, who is with us through everything, who only wants the best for His children. We can take those adversities and turn them into life-changing experiences, opening our eyes to the bigger picture that God has set before us. We can hold God's hand and trust Him as He directs us through the muck towards better things, even though we cannot see them.

I know trials are difficult to walk through. I've had a few myself. I know you falter. I've done the same. But ultimately, you have to decide how this imperfect world and all the garbage it throws at you is going to affect you. 

You can give up or learn to play the piano with your chin.

(You better believe I'm going to go search on YouTube for the video of this guy!) 

KC


Thursday, April 16, 2015

i'm annoying

So you know what's annoying about me? 

Lots of things:
I make my husband's lunch for him...but not consistently. 
I clean the bathroom really good...about once a month, if my family is lucky!
I RSVP for things...late or never at all.
I remember birthdays...but rarely send cards and never post greetings on facebook.
I do laundry every week....but sometimes forget to move the wash to the dryer and then...ew.
I delete my emails...after a couple hundred unread ones pile up in my inbox.
I often respond to texts...in my head and forget to respond for reals.
I know how to use grammar correctly...but I don't do it very often.

See? Annoying.

But somehow I still have friends.

Maybe the reason I still have friends is that people can see past the annoying things about me and see my heart. Maybe they realize that there is enough good to make the irritating totally worth it. Or maybe they just realize that try as I might, I'll never be perfect and they have chosen to like me despite my imperfections. 

A very close friend made a good point a while back. All of a person's flaws can be dealt with or even overlooked if another person were to look close enough and see the value in the good heart of that person. (Well, maybe not all of their flaws...consistently forgetting to change the laundry can get old and stinky so maybe deal with that one. Speaking of which...be right back!)

I guess my point is this: if we allow ourselves to get sidetracked by flaws in other people's character/personalities, we might just miss out on the amazing person that they truly are. 

So if I don't answer your text right away, just know that I already did in my mind, I just might need a reminder to do it again for real. 😝

KC

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

even the perfect people aren't perfect

I'll be honest with you: I like seeing people's flaws.

I'm not a jerk or anything. I don't take pleasure in the failures of other people because that would make me a horrible person! And although I'm not perfect, I'd like to live in the hope that I'm not a horrible person...

So let me explain:

I'm pretty sure that I am not the only person who creates some pretty high standards for herself. One of which is trying to be perfect. Trying to make my house perfect. Make sure my hair and outfits are just right. Say the right thing at the right time. Act like I've got it together or something ridiculous like that.

But if you've known me for more than 30 seconds (or have spent anytime reading this blog), it would become abundantly clear that I am very, very, immensely far from perfection. And the older I get, the more I realize just how far away I am!

I am covered in flaws, mistakes, and stupid decisions. 
(I hope my mom doesn't stop reading my blog because I used the word "stupid." That right there might have been one of my "stupid decisions!") 

And what makes it even more difficult is meeting those people who seem to have it all together. And I used the word "seem" because I believe that no one truly has it all together. 

Living up to that standard is impossible! So thank you to each one of you who wears a ponytail or hat because you didn't get your hair done this morning. And thank you to those of you whose dirty car rivals mine (seriously, people, we could gather all the cereal from the floor, cubbies, and pockets of my truck and feed both of my kids breakfast.) And thank you to the mom who allows the Legos to be spread around on the family room floor along with 25 other types of toys. And thank you to those of you who actually allow your kids to eat McD's chicken nuggets once in a while (and maybe snack a few yourself...who me? Nah...😁). To the mom who has used bribery, allowed your kids to be on electronics too long, or raised your voice at your kids...thank you. 

I don't thank you in a manner as to applaud shortcomings because having standards is good and striving to reach them is even better! 

However, I do want to thank you for allowing me to take a little pressure off of myself. For realizing that no one is perfect, that we're all just trying to do the best at what God has put us here on earth to do.  

Because this "being perfect" stuff is way too hard to achieve!

KC

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

my poor kids....

Today's post is an opinion post.

Ok, pretty much all my posts are opinion posts, but with this one, if you don't agree with it, you can just write it off in your head saying, "eh, that's just her opinion" and then maybe you won't feel the need to chew my head off because people are allowed to have their opinions and we are even allowed to have differing opinions...and maybe I don't want you to chew my head off!  Let's just call it my opinion disclaimer.

Today I did something I don't think I've ever done: I took my kids, by myself, to the movie theater. We even got popcorn while we were there!

Now my kids have been to the movies with friends before, and my husband and I have taken them to the movies a couple of times. But we do not do this on a regular basis. 

It's not because the movies are so expensive - today it was $5 each for the 3 of us. And it's not that there are never any good movies to watch with them. I happen to love Disney movies! And it's not that I can't handle two kids at the theater by myself because I am (usually) one very capable momma. 

The main reason we don't go to the movies very often is the same reason why we don't go out to eat at nice restaurants with them: we want it to be a special treat. 

Maybe my husband and I have taken a little bit of our own upbringing into how we are rearing our children, but that's mostly because we see the benefits it brought to our own lives. My parents rarely took us out to eat, anywhere! I didn't see a movie in a theater until I was in 8th grade, and it wasn't even my parents who took me. Disneyland? My junior year in high school on band tour. And that was probably also the first time I stayed in a hotel.

I don't feel deprived. I never did. But the times my parents took me to the Velvet Creamery were reserved for very special evenings. And I can tell you today what that first movie was because it was so memorable (Oliver and Company). And my trip to Disneyland was absolutely amazing! 

So here's the opinion part: I think that kids are getting a lot of stuff and things these days. They are getting to go places and do a lot of things. Maybe there's nothing wrong with that, but for my kids, I want them to see these things, these adventures, these memories as privileges. Not something to expect or as something that becomes commonplace to them because they do it all the time. I don't want to lose the "specialness" of creating these memories.

And you know what? To me, that's not preparing my kids for real life. As an adult, real life is hard work. Going to work everyday can be a pain. Money does not grow on trees. Trips to Disneyland don't land in your lap; they usually require a lot of financial planning and work to pay for it. Responsibilities often get in the way of fun. Things will not be handed over to you without a bit of effort on your part. Some days are going to be boring and there's not always going to be someone there to entertain you. That's life. That's "adulting."

Maybe you think that makes me a mean parent. 
I'm totally fine with you keeping your opinion to yourself. 😬 (My oldest gives me her opinion of me all the time and that's enough for me!)

But let me bring to light just one more thing, one that I'm not always good at teaching my children, but I'm trying because I know there is value in this one: maybe, just maybe, my children need to learn to heed the call of God on their hearts to give more and live with less. There is so much value in learning to sacrifice yourself by giving to others. Not only giving financially, but of their time and their talents. And the rewards of doing that are unmatched by going to the movies or to a fancy restaurant.

I'm sorry if I stepped on any toes, but I did start off with my "opinion disclaimer." Not that it's legally binding or anything, but I'd like to stay friends. 😊

KC



Tuesday, April 7, 2015

calling it what it is

Sometimes I think my communication skills as a parent really stink. Usually it's a lack of time or patience to explain something. Sometimes I just don't have the right words or cannot figure out how to address an issue. 

The other day I was at my brother's house with my kids. I asked my daughter to do something and she told me, "no!" This is not really a shocker to me simply because I hear it often and have to address it on a regular basis. However, at this point I was failing as a mom and telling her that she needed to do as I asked. I threatened her with some form of discipline. And then my brother stepped in.

Now, let me tell you a little something I feel is valuable in parenting. I believe that it does take a village to raise a child, you just have to make sure you have good people in your village. That being said, my brothers have every right to exercise authority over my children because they have my children's best interest at heart. They truly love my kids and understand what it takes to raise good, godly children.

Back to the story, my brother stepped in. He called her out. Her told her exactly what she was doing. She was being defiant. Defiance towards your parents is a sin and it is not tolerated in his house.

Now maybe she was a little embarrassed to be scolded by her uncle. Or maybe she realized that he was right. But she stepped in line and did what I asked her to do. 

Since that day I've realized that my kids need to hear that more often. They need to hear a sin called a sin. They need their actions defined for them so they can realize that their actions and words have deeper meaning behind them. 

Defiance
Rebellion
Disobedience
Disrespect
Selfishness
Laziness

These can be displayed in many different ways, but they each show me that there is a heart issue that needs to be addressed. By calling it out, I can start to address the heart, which is the most valuable part of our child.

And on the other side of things, there is ample opportunity to show them their positive actions as well. Drawing a picture for Grandma: thoughtfulness.
Buying a sucker for your sibling with your own money: generosity
Allowing your friend to choose what to play: conscientiousness

I believe we need to speak more truths into our children so that we can work with them on their heart issues and encourage them in their gifts and strengths. 

And the same rings true for us adults. (Don't you hate it when our children's lessons become our lessons?!) but really, it's the truth. We can make up excuses for our short comings all day long. But if we were to truly look at our hearts, we'd see the deeper issues that we need to address. I know I'm guilty of all 6 of those I've listed up there, but I'm pretty sure that's not the end of my list!

You know what? The older I get, the more I realize just how much work I still need to do on myself. Good thing I have some heavenly help!

KC

Monday, April 6, 2015

love for my crazy fools

Did you know....

There is no one in the world who is exactly like you. 
No one who thinks and feels exactly as you do. 
No one who carries the exact same opinions as you do.

So this is what I find truly amazing:

A friendship between two people who do not think, feel, or have the same opinion as each other. Don't you think that should result in arguing or dispute or just some major incompatibility? 

Honestly, those are the people I truly value in my life: those who think differently than I do, who have different opinions than I do, who see things through a different worldview than I do. These people challenge me and make me strong in my beliefs, even though/when we disagree!

But what makes these friendships work is a mutual respect for each other. A somewhat unconditional love. An understanding that although we do not share the same opinions, believes, or emotions, we can still develop a strong and understanding relationship. 

Why? 
Because we choose to.
And because that's what Jesus did.
Poor guy didn't get to walk on this earth with a single person who was like Him. 
No other soul was perfect.
But He hung out with some crazy fools.

Some of my friends are crazy fools, but I love them.
But I also know that they love me, even though I am a crazy fool too!

KC

Sunday, April 5, 2015

stupid bad mood

So maybe I'm the only one guilty of this... Ok, no. I know I'm not the only one guilty of this: you're having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day* (because grown ups have those too). The toilet got clogged, some kid spilled cereal all over the kitchen floor (oh, the horrors of walking barefoot!), the low fuel light came on in the car, the cat vomited on the carpet, you forgot to switch the laundry last night and it all stinks, you're missing two ingredients for dinner and didn't realize it till you actually started making dinner, someone put a completely empty carton of milk back in the fridge, and you cannot find your phone!!! 

You've been there, I know you have. Well, if not there, some situation very similar to that. And how do you feel at that point? Peachy keen? Sweet as apple pie? (Not sure why all the fruitiness...)

I'm guessing that anyone who comes up at this point in your day and asks, "What's for dinner?" is probably going to get their head chewed off! And that's a pretty educated guess because I've been there and I've done that. 😬

And here it is, the part I don't like because it means I have yet another weakness that I need to work on (ugh, that list is getting long!) 

Just because I had a bad day doesn't mean I get to take it out on anyone else. 
Just because I'm irritated with life doesn't mean I get to yell at my kids for a simple mistake.
Just because I'm an emotional wreck because my feelings got hurt by a friend doesn't mean I get to treat my husband like dirt the minute I see him.

Now please do notice that I didn't say that we can't be in a bad mood. Some days it happens because of circumstances. Some days it happens because of emotions. Bad moods happen. 

But for me, that is where I have to start exercising my self-control so that I don't end up making everyone else's day as terrible as mine. 

In my life, this happens at home. My family gets the brunt of it. But I know that it happens at work or with friends or even when you're driving on the freeway! They don't deserve it (usually). 

Let me share the wisdom of Pinterest here: 
And here:

And to help you smile:
And again (because smiling's great):
And for the cuteness factor: 

I hope your day is just wonderful!

KC


*This is a partial quote from the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst, which has been one of my favorite books since one of my classmates (memorized a large portion of it and recited it for a local festival. I still hear it in her voice when I read it to my kids!

Thursday, April 2, 2015

be encouraged

You're exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. 

Your children are running you ragged.
Your marriage is nothing like you hoped it would be.
Going to work each day is frustrating, to say the least.
The money isn't there.
The motivation to do anything active is gone.
Looking in the mirror is a disappointment.
Fighting the depression or the stress or the anxiety is just exhausting.

Don't lose hope!
You're not on this path by yourself.
You're not the only one who has walked where you are walking.
Sure, no two people are living in the exact same situation, 
but I know there are people who can relate to what you are going through.
And many of those people have survived!
But more importantly, God's walking next to you. He never left your side. 
Crying in your room, driving alone in your car, weeping in your closet (been there!) - He's been with you every single time.

And that strength you need? That motivation? He's got it! You just gotta ask.

I know this to be true because He's proved it over and over in my life. He has placed the "just do it" attitude in my soul. Exercising, pinching pennies, raising kids, facing fears...I've done it all when I haven't felt like it. And the more I "just did it," the easier it became to keep doing it. 

Not with a perfect record, of course. My self-discipline isn't that great. (Those Oreos are calling from the pantry right now!) But I'm getting better at it and that gives me hope.

Tap into that well of living water. God's got what you need. Just ask and then do it. 

I'm praying for you. ❤️

KC