Monday, September 26, 2016

I don't know

Today I watched a video clip on the Black Lives Matter Movement and the All Lives Matter Movement. (Ok, I don't know if they are movements or what because there's so much I don't understand about people these days.) My 11-year-old daughter caught a bit of it but I ended up turning it off because the language was too much for both of us.

As I tried to explain what is going on in our world, she asked, "Is that happening again?" (I've taught her about segregation and our country's history with with salvery and such.) 

My response? "I don't know."

I so desperately want to teach her how to understand our world so she can figure out what her role is in it all. But I don't understand it myself.

So I told her I'd pray about it with the hopes that God would give me a clear way to explain to her what's happening in our country. 

But I don't know what's happening. I don't understand it all. I know there are two sides to every story, but it seems as though now there are 165 sides to every story and the picture is never clear. 

So forgive me if I don't jump in on the comments to support one way or another. 

I'm just gonna keep praying for perspective and for the wisdom to teach my kids how to make this country a better place. 

KC


Sunday, September 25, 2016

word filters

I said something to my daughter today that I hope will stick with her for the rest of her life. Actually, I'll probably have to remind her about 3,474 more times while she lives in this house, but that's just how training works: tell a child to throw their cheese stick wrapper in the garbage and not on the floor 3,475 times and then they will remember to do it on their own... half the time. Progress is progress!

This evening, however, the conversation did not hover around cheese sticks wrappers, even though we still have about 1,450 more training sessions to go on that one. Tonight we discussed how everything that comes out of our mouths should first go through the filter of:  "how would I feel if someone said this to me?"

You see, she had mentioned something to me earlier in our conversation that she had said in jest to a friend of hers and I immediately pointed out to her that she would be totally self-conscious if someone made that comment to her. She got silent and I could see her contemplate that for a moment. And she said, "Yeah, you're right mom." (I wrote that down in my Journal of Good Mom Memories because that phrase rarely happens.)

And that's when I told her about the filter.

And that's when I was reminded of the filter...

And that's when I thought I should maybe remind y'all of the filter.

The Filter: "Before these words come out of my mouth, are they words that I would want to hear?" And if they are not words that I would want to hear, but are words that still must be said, is there are way that they can be said with love?

I know, I talk about kind words on a pretty regular basis on the blog, but that's because kind words are important to me. Words, good or bad, can change lives. And I am a big cheerleader for the kind words, the thoughtful words, the words that build up and do not tear down.

My daughter is going to say things without going through the filter, I already know this. Mostly because I, myself, still do it once in a great while...

But I will continue to show her and teach her and train her to be more like Jesus who had perfect love and perfect tact in everything He said.

KC

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

who I am voting for:

(Ha! Like I'm going to tell you who I am voting for?! So half of you can hate me and unfriend me? 
Ok. I don't actually know who I'm voting for...😜)

People, I have 579 friends on Facebook. I know that's not a lot compared to most of you and that's a load compared to the rest of you. The number only matters a smidge. Because if I had 50 friends or 5000 friends, my point to this post would be the same.

Those 579 people potentially see everything I post. Whether it is something I post directly onto my wall or onto someone else's wall or even a comment that I leave under someone else's post. It is public to very many people and leaving an impression on each and every one who reads my comment, or my status, or sees my photos.

So I am careful.

You're thinking: "Duh! You should be careful on such a public forum!"

But I mean, I am very careful.

Words express so much. They can express passion. And desire. Frustration and ignorance. Words can give an impression that you aren't meaning to give. And your words can end up creating a label for yourself that you didn't mean to create.

I have had a bad taste in my mouth because of comments that people have posted. I have picked up on relationship problems because of people's statuses. I have seen sides of people that I never would have suspected because of subject matter they have posted. Social media can be very revealing...

It's not my place to judge. I could just be reading into a lot of stuff that people are posting. However, it definitely makes me very cautious when I post because what could you being reading into on my posts?!

And maybe I just see Facebook and other such online worlds differently than most people do. I see it as a way to connect with people, to build relationships, and ultimately, if God desires, as a way for me to witness to someone. After all, that's my purpose here on this ridiculous earth: to get us all to a heaven that is perfect, right? Not this jacked up place that will never have complete peace because it is full of imperfect human beings (yes, every one of us - even  you.)

(Okay, so I can't actually get us all to a perfect heaven. As a matter of fact, I can't get anybody to heaven. I am only a seed planter. God does all the rest.) 

What I don't see Facebook as, is a place to vent all my frustrations and to try to prove that my opinion is right. I don't use it as a way to tear people down or to participate is arguments (mostly because I'm non-confrontational...😶 but also because the arguments that I read through usually seem to do very little good.)

So I'm gonna stay out of it all on Facebook and just keep posting my silly little "Here's Our Quirky Life at the Cragin Homestead" posts. Because I like relationships more than being right. And when I have that close relationship with someone, I'm not afraid to have a conversation with them about my very conservative and strong opinions. Because I know then that our relationship is strong enough to stand through differing opinions. 

Wait, did I just rant right there?! I might have just ranted right there...
Sorry, I don't usually rant.😕
Guess I'm just ready for all this political voting malarkey to be finished. 
*sigh*

KC


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

exhausting harshness

I'm tired of the harshness on social media.
I'm ready for more stories of grace.

Grace.
Because you don't know what shaped someone's worldview.

Grace.
Because you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

Grace.
Because you never know what is plaguing someone.

Grace.
Because you are very far from perfect yourself.

Grace.
Because life is hard.

Grace.
Because God showed it to you first.

Grace.
Because your perspective is not the only perspective.

Grace.
Because you don't know the whole story.

Grace.
Because no one is perfect. No one.

Grace.
Because legalism sucks.

Grace.
Because you need it.
And so do I.


KC


Wednesday, September 14, 2016

meant for good

The kids and I have been studying the life of Joseph since we started school this year.

His life: unbelievable.

Can you imagine being hated so much by your siblings, that they scheme about ways for you to die?
Or being treated so horribly by your siblings that they figure out a way to get rid of you: sell you off and tell your dad that you died so he will never come looking for you, leaving no hope of you ever coming home?
Or being a servant in a home where you are given the highest of responsibilities and respect by the head guy in charge only to be lied about by the wife who really just wants to sleep with you, gets mad when you refuse, and you end up in jail?!
Then helping a fellow out while you all are in jail and he forgets to do his part to pass on the good word about you so there you sit, in jail, for years...

What a crappy life!

Years later, when his brothers come to him for help, not realizing it is actually him, it puts him in quite the predicament. These guys plotted to kill him years ago and now they need food?! The perspective that Joseph has can only be God-given because our human nature would most definitely not see the situation the same way:

He reveals himself to his brothers and tells them not to be distressed or angry with themselves for selling him because it was to save lives that God sent him ahead of them. And even goes so far as to say that it wasn't them who sent him there, but  it was God so that he could save their lives by a great deliverance!

Ummm....wow!

I've had some not-so-wonderful things happen in my life. There have been a number of times when life felt horrible. But my brothers never tried to sell me (as far as I know, anyway!) and my brothers never plotted to try to kill me (pretty sure about that one)! And I haven't been sold from my family to a far away country.

But I'll tell you what: even with my "minor life struggles" (which actually felt/feel pretty huge sometimes), it has taken a lot to bring about a perspective that is even slightly in line with Joseph's.

But what I'm realizing about the tough stuff (although sometimes it comes with pain) is that God means it for good. Whatever I have been through in life, God has always meant it for good. Maybe not the actual anxiety disorders or deaths of people that I love or extremely difficult parenting moments or relationship issues, but the outcomes and the changes and the lives affected because of what I have been through - this is where the good comes. I might not always understand it at the time, but I see it in hindsight.

The future looks a bit scary to me. My kids are growing up in this crazy, ridiculous world and I can only hope and pray that I am preparing them for it. I've also learned that death can be right around the corner for the people I love. And that tragedy can strike at any moment. And I'm not prepared for any of it.

But I am walking alongside a God who is prepared for it. He is prepared to hold me up and to bring about whatever good He is capable of bringing out of the horribleness (which is immeasurable amounts of good because, well, because He's God.)

So I can either choose to live in resentment for the tough stuff of life, or I can look for the good that has come out of the difficulties.

I choose to look for the good.
(But sometimes I need a reminder to do so!)

KC



Tuesday, September 13, 2016

not so personally

So, here we are, back to my late night thoughts.

As I thought about what I should write this evening, I kept coming back to a realization I had regarding my incredibly amazing 11-year-old daughter who also happens to be incredibly strong-willed and who happens to be very opposite of my personality (at least when I was a little girl) and who happens to drive me crazy!!

I homeschool this red-headed beauty of mine so you could say that we see each other a lot. A LOT. And when you see someone frequently, there is definitely opportunity for you to get on each other's nerves.

We get on each other's nerves. A lot. This results in "discussions" a lot. And disagreements a lot.

And this mom gets frustrated. A lot.

Earlier this week it struck me through a conversation that a very good mom friend of mine and I were having, that I take my daughter too personally. That maybe I'm not the bad guy, but that life is the bad guy and she needs to take it out on someone, so who better to take it out on than someone you know who already loves you unconditionally, even when you are a pain in the butt?!

Maybe I need to stop taking her frustrations so personally and I should start showing this 11-year-old more grace.

After all, when I've had a rough, frustrating, upsetting day, I don't have a problem heading to God to complain about it. And He's always willing to show me grace, despite my attitude.

So I guess it looks like I've got a few more lessons in patience to learn and I need to react less and to think a little more before I talk. And I've got to put myself in her 11-year-old shoes. And I've got to learn to be the mature one...

When do I get to stop growing up?!?!

KC



Thursday, September 8, 2016

lessons learned

I took a little break from writing. Mostly because: what do you write after someone you love passes away? It all seems trivial. Even though it's not. For a while, it feels like it is.

But even in this crappy, difficult time for our family, I was reminded of a few things that I think are worth sharing:

1. Everyone mourns differently. We don't have the right to tell someone how they should handle their grief. We can share from our experiences, we can relate, we can gently pass along words of encouragement. But you cannot tell someone that the way they grieve is right or wrong. 

2. Always say words. Or, if present, give hugs. Text, message, phone call, stop by: but always say the words. Even if they feel awkward or are the same words 50 other people said: say words. Tell or show the people who are mourning that you care.

3. Don't stop the words. A week, 2 weeks, a few months: if you're thinking of that person, let them know. Seven years after their loved one passes, remind them of their loved one. Holes are made, but the edges get softer as people show they still care. 

I know there are more lessons I've learned over the years as I've lost some incredibly dear people in my life, but my heart and brain are too tired to delve too deep to find them. I'm tired of learning lessons about death. We weren't meant to understand or comprehend or deal with death. And I'm exhausted from the whole process.

So I'll get back to writing the fun/funny stuff (have you met my family?! It's inevitable!) but tonight, this was my heart.

Thank you, my faithful friends, for letting me share the heavy and for always allowing me to be real. ❤️

KC

Thursday, September 1, 2016

I don't have the words...

There have been some hard posts to write, and this one is right up there with those.  Not only is what I'm writing about difficult, but because I'm still in shock, I'm struggling for words.

On Tuesday morning, my father-in-law suddenly passed away from a heart attack. I received the phone call from my mother-in-law and then had to make the difficult phone call to Scott, my husband. 

(Another reason why this is difficult is because many of you are close friends of Scott and I, and are hearing about this for the first time. Because how do I just post my father-in-law's passing on social media without absorbing the shock myself and without it being a shock to others? It's impossible.)

I'm familiar with death. And I should be familiar with the shock of it. 
But I'm not.

My own Pa passed onto heaven 9 years ago.
But Bob was my dad too.
He loved me and cared for me as his own daughter (even though he didn't have any daughters of his own, he did a great job of being a father to me!)
He respected me.
He encouraged me.
He listened to me.
He was considerate of me.
He was interested in me and what I had to say.
He valued what I brought to the family.
And I have always been family to him.

I thought maybe I knew how to deal with this sudden shock, but I don't. 
It's brand new all over again.
And I'll never get used to it.

KC