Sunday, April 17, 2016

look for the good

In the past I, certain I've written about looking for the good in life, searching for the silver lining, all that good stuff.

But lately I've been trying to teach my kids that lesson on a different level: with each other!

They bicker and fight and yell. Maybe that's a reflection on my parenting, but I'm willing to bet, after all the conversations I've had with other moms, that this behavior is primarily just because they are kids. 

But it's getting me down to see my kids constantly tearing each other down so I'm implementing a new rule: anytime they start bickering with each other, I stop them and make them compliment/encourage one another in 3 different areas. 

The other day I pulled over two times to make them stop bickering and build each other up...and it was on the same road! 

My hope in doing this is to redirect their focus on the good things they see in one another instead of focusing on the negative. I want them to value their relationship and I'm hoping this practice will foster that attitude.

And this isn't just good practice for kids, in my opinion. I think it's good in marriage too. I happen to have a perfect husband (*ahem* brownie points, please!) but on the rare occasion when I'm irritated with him, I find myself focusing on that frustration, and then focusing on any other frustration that might have happened in the past couple of days and suddenly I've lost all vision of the good man he is. 

But when I'm totally frustrated, I try to look for the good. My husband has immense amounts of good. But two or three irritations can make a gal lose sight of all that good. I have found it to be a helpful practice to mentally remind myself of all the value that man holds in my life. And I appreciate him that much more. 

Keep looking for the good, people!!
Tha good in our children.
The good in our spouses.
The good in this world.
It's out there - but sometimes you've got to search for it.

KC





Wednesday, April 13, 2016

it will not always be this way

This is what I have learned in my less than 40 years (and yes, I'm going to claim that as long as I can!): this valley, this season of life, the dark place, the pain, this overwhelmed feeling: it will not always be this way.

I know have not lived every terrible situation in life. There are experiences that you have had that I cannot even imagine. And perhaps my future has some extremely difficult roads ahead. 

But if there is something my past has taught me, it's that when I am at my lowest point, I know better days are coming. God has never left me down there by myself, never to come back up again to breathe. 

Hope.

Because God is faithful.

When finances were tough, He provided and we learned to trust Him.
When anxiety ruled my life, He brought healing and made me a stronger woman because of it.
When I watched my dad die, I survived the grief. He never left me. 
When tragedy struck our family, and my heart was broken, He taught me how to be more like Him and to love with that broken heart.
When I struggle as a mom, He gets me off the ground and reminds me not to give up and gives me glimpses of fruit to show me that I'm doing okay.
When it seems easier to stay in bed, He pricks me with a good reason to get up and pushes me through the rest of my day.
When dreams shattered, my devastated heart allowed God to give me bigger and better dreams.

He's proved it over and over and over again: He will take me to the other side of each difficulty and I will be a stronger woman when I emerge. I will survive.

Even in the dark, I can see the glimmer of hope in my future, and it's all because of my past.

KC

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

different

We are all so different from one another.

The older I get, the more I realize how true that is. We were all raised differently wth various ideals and world views taught to us by parents who loved us or perhaps by selfish parents who wanted to pass on their thoughts, right or wrong. We each carry different strengths and weaknesses. Our perspective on life is created by life experiences, upbringing, religion, and our very own personal natures. Even our brains work differently. 

It's amazing, really, how God could create so much variety. Not a one of us is identical to anyone else. My dad was an identical twin. Although the similarities were uncanny and trippy (my brothers and I actually got a kick out of the two of them), my dad and his twin were not the same person.

No one thinks the way you do.
No one has the same perspective and beliefs exactly like you.
No one carries the same strengths and weaknesses that you do.

Yet we expect people to act just like we would in each situation and get frustrated and disappointed when they don't.

I struggle the most with this in my own home, with the people I love the most.

I don't understand why my daughter gets so easily frustrated and angry at life.
I don't understand my son's infatuation with farting and all things gross.
I don't understand why my husband doesn't get a kick out of my humor!
(Dumb, punny jokes are the best. Just sayin'.)

But lately I've been trying to step back and look through the eyes of my loved ones. (Please take note of the word "trying.") My daughter is not as laid back about life as I am and likes things to be fair. My son is a boy, need I say more? And my husband, well he just doesn't appreciate a good joke when he hears one. I can still make him smile with my corny-ness, but he's mostly shaking his head and laughing at how ridiculous I am. I'll take it! (I love to see him smile).

Understanding.

I think that's the best way to describe my approach to living in a world full of.... well, people. People are everywhere. Some are difficult. Some are mean. Some are amazing. Every one of them is different, and the best way to live in a world of different people is to step back and try to look at life through their eyes. To understand them. 

I cannot pop into my daughter's head to think and feel exactly what she is thinking and feeling. But I can try to understand what it is like to struggle with life not being fair and to deal with the instant feelings of frustration when things don't go her way.

I cannot find the same joy and satisfaction in farts and gross things, like my son does. But I can step back and try to understand why these things would be hilarious to a seven year old boy. And just let him be a seven year old boy!

Maybe it's time for us all to start handling people with more grace and understanding. After all, you're different too.

KC


guilty of facebook

Ya know what? There are a plenty of naysayers out there who are laying on the guilt trips about social media pretty heavy. And maybe there are some who need the reminder to put down the phone or iPad or whatever is distracting you from life. I'll admit that there are times when I allow my social devices to distract. Usually when I need a break from the craziness of life!!

But for the most part, I have benefited greatly from Facebook and Instagram, texting, and whatever social media I am using. For many reasons! So I won't apologize or feel guilty for having them as a part of my life.

I'm not a phone talker. Never have been. In high school, I never ran to the phone to answer it. I still don't. Just ask my husband. He commutes for over an hour and calls me nearly everyday to tell me he's on his way home. He knows about 10 minutes into the conversation that I'm probably not going to hold much of the conversation so we hang up. However, face to face, conversation is almost all mine...poor guy. (So if you want to talk on the phone, be prepared to handle most of the conversation....just sayin.)

That being said, I'll carry on a texting conversation pretty much all day, maneuvering around distractions (like homeschooling and teaching piano lessons- *giggle*..."distractions" .) That is just how I work. So now I have a way to connect, a way that works for me. 

And Facebook keeps me in contact with friends and family. It keeps me in contact with new friends. It reunites me with old friends. I know it's easy to get caught up in political differences and the like, but I usually ignore that stuff and pay attention to what's really going on in a person's life. It's easy to scroll past the stuff that bugs you to find the stuff that's important. 

This week just confirmed the value of all this for me once again. As our family faced another tragedy, the texts poured in, the comments lifted me up, the messages brought tears to my eyes. Your words buoyed me. I can't thank each of you enough for praying, for thinking of me and the ones I care for so deeply. Goodness, you all blessed me so much this past week. I felt so loved. 

So you won't catch me laying on the guilt about social media. The blessings have outweighed the negatives by far. 

So happy facebooking and instagramming and texting and such today! I hope it all brings you blessings. And if it doesn't, text me. I'll figure out a way to bless ya!

KC

Monday, April 11, 2016

understanding the heavy

I've started this post a few times now. 
I guess when you are still processing something heavy, it's difficult to find a starting point.
So I'll just write and see where God takes me.

Behind the brightest smiles, you can also find the most broken of hearts. There is so much more going on in people's hearts and minds than they often let on. Sometimes they ask for help...but sometimes they don't. 
And sometimes there is nothing you can do.

But looking at the bigger picture, maybe there is something you can do.

Our family has had two great tragedies in the past year. My cousin took his life in June and my aunt, his mother, took hers this past Monday. This has been devastating. It is so difficult to process. It's unfathomable. The three surviving children are amazing in how they have handled this great loss - the strength and grace they have shown is astounding. But these three, and their amazing families, understand. 

Perhaps they don't understand in the sense that they have walked the same difficult paths of their mother and brother. But they lovingly understand the struggles that both of them dealt with in this life. 

Overwhelming grief and sadness, broken hearts, insurmountable depression, loss of hope, tired of trying, exhausted by life's devastations...


And this is where I think we can all take steps to make a difference.

Understand. Don't judge. You know that whole, "...walking a mile in someone else's shoes"? There's a reason that phrase came to be. Because we don't know what the other person is going through, what their heart is feeling, what their mind is struggling with. We are not all built the same. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. So we can work on being understanding. 

There's a part of me that wants to yell: TALK ABOUT IT!! There are still such stigmas surrounding depression, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, emotional breakdowns. But if we talk about them, share our struggles, let people know they are not alone in their battles, maybe we start to make a difference, maybe we teach the teens how to cope with stress and anxiety, maybe we begin to forge hope in people's lives that if she can overcome it or if he can learn how to deal with it, so can I.

And then there is a word that one of my brothers brought to the forefront of my mind earlier this week: be intentional. Text, call, visit, be thoughtful, don't ignore the promptings of your heart to talk to someone in your life. Be intentional in communicating, not only in contacting them, but in what you say as well. Build up. Encourage. Be the bringer of hope. The world needs more hope. 

Hope. That word is the meaning behind life. 
I don't know where you find hope, but I'll tell you where mine comes from.

My hope comes from a Father in heaven who has a place reserved for me, a place that I don't deserve. Yet He loved me so much that He gave me the most incredible gift: grace. He took away all the undeserving parts of me and gave me the gift of heaven. 

This life here on earth is difficult. It is riddled with the results of our sinful natures. But we are here for a time, until God determines it is time for us to join Him. I choose to live a life of gratitude. I live with purpose, knowing that God has me here for His reasons, even if I don't always understand them. I choose to live a life filled with the hope of heaven, a place where sin and sadness will be no more (and where there will be all kinds of amazing candy and no cavities, according to my children - seriously, sometimes kids "get it" easier than we do!)

Life is bigger than just here on earth. 
That's where I find my hope.
Spread that hope.

KC


Tuesday, April 5, 2016

the invisible illness

For those who might not understand:

Mental illness is called that because it is just that: an illness. 
We don't make it all up in our minds.
It's not imaginary.
It affects life each and every day, just like a cold, or allergies, but on a different, deeper, perhaps more difficult level.
It can stem from any number of things, many of which we have no control over: chemical imbalance, stress, genetic disposition, life experiences, tragedy, anxiety, the weather (yes, even the weather).
It can be so overwhelming and focused that it blocks out all logic and reason.
Sometimes it can be hidden beneath years of practiced smiles.
Sometimes it is out in the open, but misunderstood.
It isn't a 24 hour flu-like thing. 
It can take months, years, and even a lifetime to figure out how to cope. 
Not necessarily cure. But cope.
It is affects all types of people. It's not really biased in who it targets.
Chances are someone you know and love is dealing with it in some form or another right now.

The stigmas are still there. 
But I am not afraid to share my story and face the stigmas. 
Because after 7+ years of panic attacks and anxiety as a teen and in my 20's, I am a stronger woman because of it. 
God took the ashes and turned them into something beautiful.

And if I can help just one person because of the mental illness I endured,
Then it was completely worth it.

KC

*There is no professional background here. 
Just my experiences and the experiences shared with me by friends and family. 
No books to back me. 
Just heart.

Friday, April 1, 2016

cheerleaders

I don't know how many of you pay attention to this whole March Madness thing, but I do...a little bit more than the other sports that are on TV throughout the year...which isn't nearly enough, according to my husband. 😕 For those who don't know, March Madness is college basketball in its most exciting form. A huge bracket filled with the top college teams all competing for a National Championship title. 

Now in this huge bracket, each team has its own ranking and the often throughout the competition, a number of upsets will happen - that means the underdog wins and moves on. Those are the best games to watch - the excitement of the winning underdog team is palpable through the TV! And then the yelling commences in the house, either because one of us picked out the underdog or...didn't pick the underdog! Either way: yelling! (Because when my husband and I fill out our brackets, it's usually for a friendly wager involving the buying of new shoes for me, or an hour long back rub for him. Huge stakes, here, people! The yelling is necessary!)

This whole business reminds me of raising kids. Or teaching kids. Or just interacting with kids in general. 

There are golden children. You know who they are: everything comes natural to them. Their athletic/musical/drama/debate/academic abilities shine along with their beautiful face and hair. They get along with everybody and everybody loves them.

Then there are the non-golden children: struggling to figure out their strengths, glaring weaknesses, shy, weird, non-social, or whatever they've got that makes them different from the mainstream. The underdogs, if you will (and I will because that right there pulls this whole thing all together!) 

Those underdogs need someone to cheer for them, to encourage them, to build them up and look for the amazing qualities that will hopefully someday define them. Those kiddos with the glaring weaknesses need someone to pull for them, to help them figure out how to succeed.

And when they do succeed, that is when we YELL!!! We jump up and down and express our pride in that child because they won! And unlike the college basketball teams that we just somewhat randomly pick in a bracket without any personal involvement in whether they win or lose, we actually play a part in getting these kids to succeed. THAT is something to be excited about.  

What kid do you know who needs you to cheer for him or her? 

I've got a few who come to mind...time to start cheering for them!

KC

Laurel's Vintage Cafe - Ripon

As I sit in quite possibly the most adorable little restaurant in town, I just feel like I have to write about it!

You see, this little town of ours has so much potential for quaintness and uniqueness. Our town is something special, in part because of the wonderful community's for folks who live here, but also because of these businesses who are striving to succeed in bringing those unique elements to our town. In a town where "word of mouth" can make or break you, I think we need to be extremely conscientious of those words and strive to build our town up wherever and whenever we can. That's how Ripon thrives.

So this morning, instead of getting the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from Carl's Jr. (yes, I'm a huge fan of that glorious fattening deliciousness), and instead of plopping down at Denny's to write, I intentionally chose Laurel's because I had never been here and the fabulous green signage has been catching my eye every time I drive around the corner of Stockton and Main.


The retro design of this place immediately made my heart happy - there has definitely been a makeover from when it was the delightful Corner Stop Eatery. Everything: the floors, tables, chairs, countertop, and colors - totally my style, even the classics in the speakers: Singing In the Rain, the Rat Pack, oldies to my heart's content!  The strawberry blonde sporting a kerchief in her hair was super sweet as I was chatting her ear off about the varieties of food/coffee to see what choices I had. I settled on a breakfast sandwich, as that seems to be one of the most popular breakfast items at Laurel's, and after my first bite, I understand why! Eggs, smoky bacon, and cheese on a soft bagel, so good! But if I'm going to be honest, I can't wait to come back and try their biscuits and gravy!  I ordered a white mocha because caffeine! and it's one of the best I've had in a long time. I'm looking forward to trying lunch here as well - lots of sandwich choices!

(PS - if you're a junky of pastries, all of Laurel's are homemade from scratch, right here.)
 
I just want to walk around taking pictures of all the quaint little touches in this place, but with the current guests in this little place, that might seem a little weird...

(And I must mention the most adorable little gal, whom I can only assume is the owner's daughter, who is helping out behind the counter in her polka dot kerchief, (faux) cat eye glasses, aqua Converse Allstars, and cute little skirt and sweater combo. She's school age now, probably on spring break, but you can tell she wants to be a part of this little place! I love it!) 

Go visit Laurel's - you won't be disappointed in the ambiance or the flavors. Better yet, let me know when you're going, and I'll join ya! (Saturday morning breakfast sounds like a good idea...hint, hint!)

KC

PS - Ripon is full of fantastic businesses with hard-working owners. Although this little blog of mine isn't much, I'm thinking I am going to post "business reviews" for my faithful local readers so we can all come together to support this town. Or just come together for our daily caffeine intake! (Don't worry, I'll still keep up on the regular Surviving posts as well.😉)

Just a little KC disclaimer: 

*One thing to keep in mind, I'm a pretty patient and understanding person, so if I have to wait a bit because of a learning curve or because someone has a large order in front of me, I'm okay with that. If my order has a mistake, I tend to remember that no one's perfect. My goal is not to critique, unless I have a terrible experience based on how a business owner/worker treats me (which has only happened once in this town). I just want to encourage people to support these businesses of ours and their hard-working owners so that we can build our downtown and surrounding businesses into something great! I'd love to see our town become a destination for out-of-towners because we have bragged it up so much!