always, always, always...

We have so much stuff! And when I say we, I say it collectively including probably every one of you reading this blog because if you are reading this blog, then you are on some kind of electronic device meaning that you, too, have stuff. And probably plenty.

I'm not saying that having stuff is wrong. 

But I am one to say that having a lack of gratitude in the face of owning all kinds of stuff is not cool.

We have our fair share of stuff and more:

Beds

Books

Bacon 

Chocolate

Cheezits

(And now I need a snack)

Lights

Running water

Being warm

Not running out of toilet paper

Comfy clothing

More than one pair of shoes

Paper

Crayons

Artwork on the walls

Children who create masterpieces

Phone calls and texts from friends

Encouraging words

Having all our teeth, or at least enough to eat

Sunshine

Grace

It is so easy to focus on material goods and to compare. Theirs is better, nicer, cleaner, fancier (more fancy?). Mine has stains, isn't the top of the line, is not a name brand... the complaint list can get very long.

I'm just sayin that maybe we should make sure our grateful list far outnumbers the list of complaints.

Look around: we have so, so, much to be grateful for.

(Via Pinterest)

KC

grace

Every once in a while I like to give my kids a little lesson in grace. 

Grace: undeserved favor, or getting something that you do not deserve. 

The other day my daughter could not find her wallet. We were heading to Target or some place similar and she was desperately searching for her wallet that might have a tad bit of change in it. She was quite distraught...which doesn't mean a whole lot in our house because she often runs in "drama overdrive." 

The entire 15-20 minute drive to the store, she was so disappointed. So sad. So frustrated. I listened to her whine and moan and complain. Again, this is a usual occurance in our home as she often takes a small thing and turns it into some life-threatening situation in her mind.

(I'm not over-exaggerating. My daughter will someday be an amazing actress or very convincing lawyer. I know there are great things in store for this little girl - her personality is proving her potential everyday! But unfortunately God put me in charge of shaping her and I'm pretty sure I'm not qualified. So glad He's guiding me! And now to get back to the point...)

I managed to keep my calm and not pull my hair out on the drive over and I came up with a plan to demonstrate grace to her. 

I happened to have about $3 in change in my pocket. Once we pulled I to a parking spot, I pulled it out and gave it to her. She kinda looked at me in shock and asked why I was giving it to her. 

She knew she didn't deserve it. Not only had she not earned it, she had acted like a sad and mournful little kid making her brother and me both miserable for the while ride. 

So we talked about grace. 

Undeserved favor.

Then I asked her how she felt after getting the money: grateful. 

And I elaborated. I wanted her to see that when you are grateful for grace, you are more willing to try and please the person who showed it to you.

Jayne knows about the grace that God showed when He sent His son to take every smudge of sin off of us and provided us with our only way into heaven. It's something we've talked about many times. 

But to feel it. To get a little glimpse of what our hearts should be full of: gratitude. That is a valuable lesson because it takes what she knows in her mind and applies it to her heart. 

And that feeling makes all the difference in a relationship with a God.

KC

the battle

The battle.

The uphill climb.

The fight against the odds. 

The struggle.

That feeling of UGH when you know you are traveling in the right direction, going where God wants you to go, but everything seems to be fighting against you.

Creating a routine for devotions, but you are constantly interrupted.

Getting to church regularly so you can be fed, but someone is sick or you slept in or the outfit looks terrible or some other excuse.

Trying to spend more time with your children, but the "to-do" list gets in the way. 

Building a closer relationship with your spouse, but the irritations and petty arguments are more evident than usual.

I've had a couple of "trying" weeks this month. I am striving. Working to create good habits for myself and my family. But around every corner there seems to be something to frustrate me or to make me disappointed in myself. 

But I won't give up. Even when it feels like I have taken one step forward and two steps back, I will keep striving. Because I know those frustrations, those obstacles are not from God, but are the devil's little tricks to keep me from following God.

Don't give up. If God is pushing and prodding you to go in one direction, fight the battle that the devil is going to wage on you so you can keep going where God wants you to go.

The battle you are in simply means you're headed in the right direction.

KC

true value and worth

When I was pregnant with our first child, I had already made the decision to stay at home, giving up my teaching position at a nearby Christian school. This is what I wanted, what I dreamed of doing: being a stay-at-home mommy.

Turns out it was more difficult than I thought it would be. For many reasons. But I was reminded of one reason in particular while I was having a conversation with a friend earlier today. 

There came a point in the first few months after having our baby girl, where I felt my worth had dissipated. I has been a contributing member of our family, working and bringing in an income to pay bills and buy groceries and all that good stuff. But being at home with a baby, I didn't bring in anything to support our family.

I struggled with this for many months. I was bustling around our home, being mom and wife amd a homemaker, but I struggled to find my value. When I finally confided the depths of these feelings to my husband, he made my value and worth very clear to me.

Essentially he told me that if he could put a monetary value on everything I did for our family, he wouldn't be able to afford me with his paycheck. I should earn more than that! But you can't (even though some have tried) put a monetary value on being a mom.

I was so used to seeing my contributions to the family in the form of money that I failed to see my value outside of that. My worth is so much bigger than that! 

I am a wife. 

I am a mother.

I take care of the family God gave me.

These make me valuable.

Everything else that I do in my life is secondary.

KC

TEAM ANGEL

Last night I tried to write, but every time I tried, I sobbed. My dearest friend from many years ago and her husband and their two youngest had to say good-bye for now to their 15-year-old son and brother yesterday. 

Their story of the past 12 years is full of amazingness, miracles, superheroes, incredibleness, and much that is beyond belief simply because it has been governed by the hands of God. And God's hands are now holding their son's hands. Goodness, people - can you imagine that?! The feeling of being with God?! He knows now - their son knows that feeling...

So I don't sob for him - my heart is full of joy for him.

I sob for my friends, his family, who are here on earth left with a huge void. I sob for his brother and sister who feel this loss to their core. I sob for unties and uncles, cousins and grandparents who have deep bonds with this amazing boy. I sob for the numerous people whose lives he touched just by being his superhero self. 

I sob because I am a mother and I cannot imagine or even fathom the loss of one of my children.

Life here on earth is hard. It is unfair. It is devastating and unbelievably overwhelming. We were not created for this. We were not made to understand and know how to deal with death. 

But even with this great and heavy sadness, there is beauty. Because that is God's way. If you have the opportunity to read Angel's story (copy and paste: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Team-Angel/222567347803759 or simply go to Team Angel on Facebook), you will see so much beauty that it would be impossible to miss God's hand in Angel's life. 

Praise God for His beauty from the ashes because that is where we find hope.

a choice

A few years back, a former student of mine posted a question on Facebook: what is love to you? There was a variety of answers including how the other person makes you feel and what the other person does for you, the typical "hearts all a-flutter" answers. And then I came in with my practical answer: love is a decision.

Somebody taught me that. (Surprise, surprise! Everything I know that sounds wise or amazing is from someone else...) I don't remember who but I remember that it was early in my marriage.

When my husband and I were engaged, we had that giddy, goo-goo ga-ga, puppy-love. That feeling you hope will stay there for ever! Happy happy joy joy. I remember asking my parents if that would change because I never ever wanted it to go away. And they said it would change, but into something deeper and better.

And they were right, but not without bumps along the way.

I haven't been married all that long, going on 15 years this year, but long enough to have some major downs to go along with our ups. And truth be told, the down parts in a relationship really suck. There have been a couple of times (okay, maybe a few times) when my husband and I have not liked each other. If you've never had that then I'm pretty sure you're lying. 

But even when we are at odds and don't like each other, we still love each other. You wanna know why? Because we choose to do so. Early on in our relationship, we choose to love each other, even when the feelings aren't always there. Even when one of us is steaming mad at the other person. Even when one of us does something stupid. We choose to love each other.

This kind of love isn't based on feelings. It doesn't fluctuate with our situations. It's a commitment. 

God loves us, even when we don't deserve it. Even when we do something stupid and even when He should probably smite us instead. 

1 John 4:11 (KJV)

Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

I'm glad that He set that example, because otherwise I'm not so sure my relationship with my husband would be what it is today. Afterall, I have let the pool overflow...I've left the garage open all night...I made tuna casserole once (ew - never again)...I borrowed his wire cutter and never returned it...ever...and this could end up being a very long list....

KC

driving in the fog

This morning, as we were headed to church, we found ourselves driving through thick fog. It was like driving through soup. We couldn't see the stoplights until we were right upon them. It was nearly impossible to see the cars in front of or behind us. My husband adjusted his speed to allow for the fact that we couldn't see very far in front of us. We were a little late for church, but that's not all that uncommon for us. 😜 But it's been a while since our family had been in fog like that together.

My daughter sat in the backseat and seemed a bit nervous at first. She was concerned before we even left the house, wondering if we should skip church. Afterall, she couldn't see our neighbor's house across the court. But as we drove on the freeway, I reassured her that her Daddy was driving the car and she could trust him - he had lots of experience driving in fog. She agreed and seemed to mellow out.

And Boom! That's when God sent me my lesson for the day, before I even stepped into church! (Although I will tell you, He taught me a few more while I was in there listening to our incredible pastor.) 

I don't always know where I am going in life. I thought I had it all figured out, but when I chose years ago to give my life to be used by God, He decided to take it in His own direction. And to be quite honest, I'm still not exactly sure where He's going with me and what He is going to use me for next. But it doesn't matter because I trust Him. He's driving, not me.

Do you know the incredible amounts of peace that you can receive when you are no longer trying to drive the car? As my husband drove today, I closed my eyes and relaxed, because I trust him. And it's the same in life. I don't always know what's going on, but God does. I'm going to go ahead and sit back and let Him drive. 

{As I wrote this post, I am reminded of a song released just this past year by a friend. The song is called Drive and can be found in iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/drive/id796699481 The lyrics are just continually going through my head now... Go listen so you can enjoy it too!}

You know what the worst thing about fog is? The fear of the unknown. You can't see the cars around you. You can't see lights or people. And sometimes being in fog can feel lonely.

But you're not alone. And your driver knows what's on the other side of the fog. So let Him drive. He'll get you where He wants you to be.

KC

(Photo from Pinterest) 

my girl

Let me tell you a little about raising my daughter...

She threw a fit once about getting a half of a piece of gum instead of a whole piece. The fit lasted over 30 minutes.

I once took everything she owned out of her room, except her bed, one blanket and pillow, and a few changes of clothing. She didn't care enough to earn it back.

I had to lock myself in my room away from her for sanity's sake so that I wouldn't snap. She found a paper clip and UNLOCKED MY DOOR. 

I have had to stop making dinner to handle one of her "situations" and didn't get back to it for another 30 minutes.

She yells every time I try to brush her hair, and gets upset every time I want to straighten or curl it.

Bedtime...don't even get me started on bedtime. Bedtime is not snuggles and cuddles. Bedtime is drama.

Now before you start critiquing my parenting styles or throwing all kinds of advice at me, let explain the purpose of this post:

God created my daughter with a very strong will. I am very well aware of what I am dealing with when I handle my girl. I may not be perfect at it, but I have read books, researched, and gone to counseling so that I might do my best to raise my daughter. 

And I tell you all that to tell you this: I am a blessed woman because I have this little girl in my life.

I have not always felt this way. And sometimes I don't feel it in certain frustrating and exasperating moments. 

But I KNOW it deep inside. I am blessed.

This strong willed girl has been used by God to teach me, to grow me, to stretch me, and to make me strong.

I know I have a long way to go, but I am a better woman because God gave her to me. 

So don't let anyone make you think it is a shame to raise a child who is strong willed, or who has ADD, or who struggles in school, or is shy, or (put anything here that makes your child different from anyone else's children). 

God gave you that child for a good reason: and when you finally get it, you will know that you are blessed.

KC

routines

Well, for those of you who know my life, you can probably guess why I have been missing from the blogging world these last few days. Back to school, of course. I jumped right back into homeschooling my 2 kiddos and started in on my full schedule of piano students once again. I tend to write late at night when the rest of my home is asleep, but this week I found myself asleep right along side them. Getting back into a routine is exhausting!!

Well maybe a starting a routine is just exhausting for me. I tend to prefer a bit of a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" schedule. However, that doesn't work so well when you have a family relying on you for meals and laundry and, oh I don't know... maybe their education?! So I try my best to buckle down and set the routine so everyone knows what the expectations are around here with the hopes that things will run smoothly. *Hope* is the key word there.

And I suppose it's good for me too:

I procrastinate less.

I build important things into my day, like my workouts, for example (or as I tend to see them: my time to rebuild my sanity)

I am more self-disciplined.

I am even more focused.

But I added something new, or rather changed a bit of my routine. Usually I try to read devotions while I'm eating breakfast at the kitchen table, but I tend to get distracted and things don't stick very well. So my devotional now sits right next to my bed. I don't like to jump out of bed right away anyway because: cozy!! So now I give myself the time I desperately need with God before my feet even touch the ground. 

Huge difference! Before I have even started thinking about my crazy day, I have had time to hear God speak to me about myself and my life. What a blessing.

And then I get up and get ready and my whole day is just wonderful! 

Ha!! I homeschool, people! There is absolutely no way that entire day can be wonderful. And I will freely admit that I do not end up being the perfect mom just because I started my day with devotions. Unfortunately, that imperfection is there all the time. BUT, my mindset from the beginning of my day is more focused on God's purpose for the day rather than my own. 

And that helps.

And to be quite honest, I need all the help I can get!

KC

make it last a little longer...

I haven't taken down my Christmas tree yet.

I think my reasons are two-fold:

1. It is work. And I am already trying to stuff a whole bunch of projects into these two weeks because I'm on vacation from homeschool and piano lessons and that's what vacation is, right? Getting stuff done that you can't get done during the school year! And the pine needles, and the ornaments going into the correct boxes, and then getting everything all put away only to discover a little snowman snowglobe that got left in someone's room. And then it's all packed...except the little cutsie decorations you decided to put in the bathroom this year. And two days later you find a couple of ornaments under a chair and when you move the chair you find more pine needles! Gotta get the vacuum out again! What a process.

But I honestly don't think that the "work" of taking down Christmas is why I haven't taken down the decor yet. This year I think it's a little something else.

2. I'm not ready to say good-bye to Christmas yet. I'm usually a fan of getting things cleaned up and having fresh starts (I mean I've been purging this house of excess for a week and a half now! Good times...) But there is something so calm and relaxing about seeing our tree all lit up in the corner over there. This year was different from the past. I enjoyed Christmas much more. Once the break started, God just changed my focus. He pointed my perspective in the right direction and kept it there. I wasn't exhausted or overwhelmed. I enjoyed it all, even the busy days. 

I guess you could say that I'm apprehensive about jumping into next week. Because when the craziness starts up, my focus tends to waver. And then I get exhausted and overwhelmed all over again.

I just want to hold onto Christmas a little bit longer...

But, if my tree is still up a month from now, then you might need to sit and have a serious conversation with me! 🎄

KC