Sunday, May 22, 2016

struggling with grace

I know what grace is. I've been taught about this concept since I was a toddler. 
Grace: undeserved favor. 

But really knowing it, feeling it, living a life of grace is a battle I fight everyday.

Because earning it makes more sense to me.

When I sit down to read a book for an hour and should be cleaning a bathroom.
When I yell at my kids instead of calmly explaining myself.
When I have ice cream after 8:00 at night.
When I forego the "to-do" list for the "want to-do" list.
When I purchase a plant for my yard and then let it die because I didn't get it planted in time.
When I start a project and leave it half-completed for a month.
(Wow - now that I've started writing, the list in my mind keeps getting longer and longer!)
Starting the dryer on the same load of laundry for the 3rd time because I can't get it out in a reasonable amount of time to avoid wrinkles.
Forgetting to respond to texts, purchasing birthday gifts at the last minute, rsvping late...
*sigh*
Spending too much money at Ross (which is nearly impossible to do!!)
Spending too much money at Starbucks (which is entirely possible for me to do...)
Getting to bed too late, sometimes simply because I need to watch ONE MORE EPISODE on Netflix.

People! I live a life of guilt!! 

I'm sure not all of you live life this way. And I'm not exactly sure why I do. 
But it is SO hard to get out from underneath this life of "shoulds" and "musts" and "if/thens" and try to embrace grace.

Maybe it's because we live in a world of legalism, of fairness, of earning what we deserve from other people. Maybe there are just not enough examples of grace in our world. 

But I am desperately trying to change my mindset to embrace a Father who loves me unconditionally, who sees me through His incredible eyes of grace. I don't have to earn it. And if I continue to try to earn His love, I am shortchanging the credit He is due as my Heavenly Father. He is full of grace, beyond what I can fathom.

(Little did I know this would be a two-fold lesson for me today - that God...He's so sneaky when He gets me writing...)

And maybe it's time to start adding more grace to each and every relationship I have, to treat the people I come into contact with with a bit more of that undeserved favor. You know, like when you go through the Starbucks drive-thru only to find that the person ahead of you paid for your coffee (or when I pulled up to the window and a friend a few cars behind me had already told them that my coffee was going to be paid for!) 

Tomorrow's goals: 
1. Be grace is someone's life.
2. Read my book for an hour and be okay with a messy bathroom.

KC



Thursday, May 19, 2016

even when it's awkward

Parents, if there is one thing I can ask of you or even beg of you: please talk to your children. 
Open communication doors from an early age.
Even when it's uncomfortable or awkward.
Even when you're not sure what to say.
Even when the subject matter is difficult.
Do not miss opportunities to speak truth into them, to teach them, to direct them, to be there for them.

Three times today alone I have talked to 3 different people about communication with children and how important it is. Kids struggle, even big kids, and when they have no one to talk to, they are alone in their struggles. 

Kids are stressing these days. Anxiety and depression are prevalent. And it's not just teens and college kids. It's starting young - kiddos younger than my daughter (10 yrs) are dealing with panic attacks and stomach aches brought on by stress. I remember having stomach aches since before 4th grade and nervousness through Jr. High and High School and then anxiety from HS into college and into the first few years of my marriage. 

But my parents opened the doors of communication early on for me. They did this by showing me a love that was stronger than my fear of condemnation. I knew that no matter what I talked to them about, even if it was difficult, they would still love me on the other side. They didn't always understand what I was going through, but I could still talk to them knowing that they wouldn't make me feel stupid about it. 

Because of my parents, a couple of understanding friends, and an amazing husband, I came through all of that a stronger person who was supported the entire way through the turmoil. 

My parents communicated with me. They listened to me. Now I do the same with my kids so that when life gets overwhelming, they will know that they are not alone.

Life is too difficult to go through alone, especially as a child.

KC 

Monday, May 16, 2016

speak the good

I know some amazing women. The things they have accomplished, the works they are doing, the incredible experiences they are having...they astound me!!

Crazy thing is, they don't really think they are that amazing. They do what they do for their families or for their careers or because that is what they are called by God to do. But they don't see anything special about the phenomenal sacrifices they make or the grand adventures they are following, or the amazing amount of life they are juggling. My friends are awesome and they don't even know it.

You know what that means? It means that they are not hearing it often enough. It means that I am not telling my friends near enough how much they inspire and motivate me.

Maybe we gals just grew up learning how to fend for ourselves in this world, trying to find our own self-confidence, not realizing that we should be building each other up instead of being self-focused. 

When's the last time you stepped back and looked in wonder at what the women around you were capable of and just how fantastic they were? Tell them. They need to hear it, I guarantee it!
(I know I've used this quote before, but I need constant reminders to speak good into the lives around me.)

KC

Sunday, May 15, 2016

relationships with who?!

Today our pastor said something that I don't recall ever hearing from the pulpit: "Go spend time with non-believers."

Growing up in a small, conservative Christian community, this wasn't encouraged, and as I've grown up some (a little bit, anyway), I've had to work through this, especially raising two kids of my own.

I get it: we want to protect our children's hearts and our own hearts so that we are not influenced by the outside world and become just like it. We still want sin to be a shock, not just something we get used to seeing on a regular basis (which, honestly, I see sin pretty regularly in my own actions soooo I'd say we're not really avoiding it, especially since we all have that "sinful nature"). And I do understand the value of relationships with like-minded Christian friends.

However, our ultimate purpose here on earth is to reach other people and tell them about God's grace, which seems pretty impossible to do if we are spending all our time with the people who have already received this grace. 

I'm not suggesting it's time for all of us to go hang out in bars and such, but maybe it's time to stop being so judgmental of other moms at school and to start cultivating relationships with the tough ones. Or to spend a few extra minutes talking with the gal taking your order at the restaurant. Or to go out on a limb and chat with a new set of parents at your kid's baseball game. Or reaching out to that co-worker. And especially teaching our children how to stand strong in their faith, but to be a good friend to anybody. (Life lessons, people, life lessons.)

I've got a variety of friends in my life. Christians, non-Christians, people who might be Christians but I'm not sure yet - pretty much whomever God puts in my path and prods me to build a relationship with. Not because I'm priming any of them to say the sinner's prayer, but because I happen to like all kinds of people and I know God can use me to plant a seed. Seeds are easy - a word, a deed, living a life of example, following God's prompting. I can do that. The rest of it is up to God.

But to plant that seed, there has to be a relationship first, right? 

Time to step out of the comfort zone....

KC



Thursday, May 12, 2016

good kids

Over the past few years I've tried to be a parent who creates intentional conversations with my kids. I make a point to take time to explain things to them and to discuss their behavior and its outcomes. I try to be purposeful in what we are discussing so they can apply it all to their own lives. 

But I realized a couple days back that I was greatly lacking in one area of intentional conversation. I do not build my kids up near enough. I might think about their strengths and notice their good behavior. I even talk about their successes with other people. 

But I do not tell them often enough how proud I am of them. It was evident today by a simple compliment I paid my daughter. I told her that she had amazing musical abilities in singing and playing piano and that I was very proud of her ability to spell. Her countenance changed immediately. Her face brightened and she lifted her chin up in pride. All it took was 3 sentences.

Later on in the day I pointed out to her how her attitude and behavior had changed for the better since she got grounded earlier this week. That she seemed happier and more agreeable in the midst of her discipline. As she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed, she told me how good that made her feel.

People. We don't need to inflate these little egos to the point of "I'm better than you," but these little hearts do need to hear that they are good! 

I spend so much time correcting behavior that I forget to point out the positive. I've got great kids, but I definitely don't tell them often enough. 

Think about it: when someone encourages you or builds you up, it makes you want to continue to be amazing at whatever they complimented you on, right? Same with our kids. 

Build them up with your intentional conversations. I know that I need to see my kids smile more often. When they feel good about themselves, it shows.  

KC

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

wisdom

So here is my great wisdom for today in this world of parenting:

The longer I am a parent, the more I realize just how little I know. 

Don't let my kids know this, but by the time they are 18, I will be a complete idiot. When they know everything about all things because they are the wisest 18 year olds to walk the face of the planet, I will, in fact, be that fool that they think I am. 

*sob*

But honestly, folks, I knew how to parent before I had kids. It made total sense how it was all going to work out. 

Then I had kids and realized how big of a fool I was pre-child. 
(I'm not calling any of you pre-children or non-children folks "fools" but I am claiming that title for myself.)

There are days when I think I have a grasp of what I'm supposed to be doing, that maybe I've got a little bit figured out, but that is usually followed up shortly by the rug being pulled completely out from under me. And I'm left sitting on my rearend wondering how in the world am I supposed to deal with THIS new situation. And why are there still new situations? Haven't I dealt with enough life situations with my kids?! #exhausted

So if you see me around town with two well-behaved children and my truck is clean and my hair is done all nice and pretty, just know that I really don't have it together. It's all being held together by hairspray and duct tape. 

That might seem a bit precarious, holding life together with duct tape, but have you used that stuff before?! It's pretty amazing.

And my duct tape, what's holding everything all together for me, is a Heavenly Father who has me in the palm of his hand. 

I don't know it all, but it's okay because HE does. And He is carrying me through this parenting "test" that I didn't study hard enough for. I am so grateful He is, because without Him, I'd probably give up.

Yay for God-shaped duct tape! 

KC

(To be honest, I didn't see this post going in the direction of duct tape, but now that it did, I'll never look at duct tape the same again!) 

Sunday, May 8, 2016

for the mommies

Another Mother's Day in the books. 

Even though I'm not his mother, my husband did a pretty killer job of making today a good one.

The kids, however.... *sigh*

Although it frustrated me to no end this morning to have my 10-year-old bring all focus on herself and throw the rest of the house in a tizzy thereby practically ruining my Mother's Day (just ask my husband - he was gone for about 30 minutes today and during that time, the texts he received from me put him on a fast track for home!), I realized that this whole Mother's Day thing isn't over after today. I have worked too hard for it to only be for 24 hours.

When my kids show kindness to each other = Mother's Day
When my son folds his laundry without prompting = Mother's Day
When my daughter creates a card telling me how wonderful I am = Mother's Day
When the two of them work together on a project with NO fighting = Mother's Day
When my daughter empties the dishwasher on her own accord = Mother's Day
When they both cooperate to get schoolwork complete = Mother's Day

Every day potentially holds a little something for me to grasp onto as a mom and say, "Yay! All this hard work is worth it!" 

So if your day yesterday was not super fabulous, it's ok. There a little celebrations to be found in pretty much every day. Some days you just have to search high and low for them!

Happy Mother's Day Monday! May your children keep the cereal off the floor and the gum out of their hair today. (Those small things add up!)

KC