Monday, April 30, 2012

crumbling

This evening, my daughter revealed something to me once again.  Here's the story: she had gotten out of bed while I was on the phone.  She sat on the stairs during my short conversation even though I told her to go to bed two times during the conversation (fortunately, this conversation was with my sister-in-law who, with the help of her hubby, has raised a strong-willed daughter herself... and did a might fine job of it!  But still, she was probably snickering as she listened to me scold my girl).  (The two of them do that often: giggle at me and my husband.  It's the "been there, done that, so glad we're through that," giggle).  Getting back to the point at hand, I finished the conversation and told her that she needed to get back into bed or she would lose a privilege.  I turned back to what I was doing and heard her slide down the stairs that she was supposed to be walking back up to get to her bedroom.

I turned back to her and defined rebellion for her:  When you do something on purpose that you know you are not supposed to do.  When you choose wrong instead of right, intentionally.  I told her that when she does that she is not showing her love to God.  I reminded her that she often tells me how much she loves God and Jesus and that it's difficult to believe those words when she purposely disobeys.  The look on her face told me that perhaps I had laid it on a little too thick.  Yikes.  Immediately, her face crumbled.  The tears sprang to her eyes and she was devastated.  And the first words out of her mouth were, " I don't want to go to the bad place!"  (We've had many "come to Jesus" conversations, she and I, including what hell is possibly going to be like, in as gentle of terms as possible for a child's sake.) 

Oh my!  It was worse than I thought! I had not only guilt-tripped her, but had scared her into thinking she was going to hell simply because she didn't get back into her bed when I asked her to!  What kind of Mom am I? 

Today's Gift of Survival: Forgiveness.  I took my little girl by the hand and told her that we could make it right.  I told her that she should do the right thing by going back up to bed and then we would have a conversation with Jesus about forgiveness.  She slowly went back up the stairs and I opened in prayer with her, making her ask for forgiveness herself.  She was in tears again and simply said, "please forgive me?"  This opened the door for further conversation about forgiveness and truly being sorry for our actions.  And, of course, it got me thinking about how I should be applying this situation to my own life.  I'm always being taught through my daughter... (*sigh*)

I will admit that although I have been saved by an amazing Savior, sometimes I still intentionally make choices that He would deem as "rebellious."  Maybe you don't, but I do.  Sometimes I go with the "because I want to" attitude.  It's not right, I know. 

But how often do I crumble and fall at God's feet when I come face to face with my sinful choices?  Not often enough.  I'm not saying that I should be on my knees, begging for forgiveness all day long (even though I probably need to be).  But the fact is this: God sent His son (if you've got a son, or a child, for that matter, you can imagine the agony of the Father) to die.  For me.  Because I make stupid choices.  All the time.  And in order for me to have any chance of getting into heaven, those stupid choices (aka: sin) have to be atoned for.  So His son took ALL my sin, the weight of the whole world upon his shoulders so that I could be cleaned up all shiny and get into heaven.

And what do I do with that?  I take it for granted. 

Every once in a while, the weight hits me and I crumble.  I don't take those "crumblings" lightly.  I take those moments and tuck them into my heart that I might have them with me to remind me: Live a life of gratitude to God.  He sent His son.  Giving Him back my entire life is the least I can do for Him.






Oh my - that was heavy, wasn't it?  So I'll end with one of my favorite corny jokes (and just so you know, I've got about 100 favorite corny jokes.)

What do you call a cow that has just given birth?






decalfinated

KC

Sunday, April 29, 2012

i like bloggin' even when i can't

Believe you me, if there is not a post here, it is because I was either so busy (like yesterday) or extremely tired (like yesterday... and pretty much every other day!) There might be other reasons: family emergency, sickness, writer's block, or... something else important that I just haven't thought of yet. 

I guess my point is that if there is no post here, it isn't because I didn't want to write (lots of negatives there - a triple negative, actually!)  You see, I enjoy writing this blog very much!!  I've been blessed over and over because of it. 

Sometimes I feel like Moses, that God would want to use me! Of what value could I be? I'm no "speaker of great words." And yet He chooses to work through me - what a humbling experience! 

Other times I discover that my difficulties in life are inspiring or motivating to other people (really?!  Little old me?) But I've said it before: if my trials in life help just one person, then it was worth it to go through it. There is always a purpose behind the trials we go through, we just don't always see them.  Sometimes being able to see a purpose behind the difficult times makes them easier to bear.

And I've felt myself looking deeper for meaning and God's purpose each day that I might be able to share it.  Goodness, you'd be amazed at where you can find God, but only if you are looking!!

This blog has also helped me to be accountable.  Not that any of you are holding anything over my head... And my true accountability has always been to God.  But the feeling is there - to hold myself accountable in various areas that I write about so that I might not be a hypocrite. (And yet, in the same breath, I am still working on all of the areas that I write about!  I know... hypocrite.)

But thank you, each of you.  You make me want to write.  I feel that God has called me to do this, but you the readers, my friends, make me desire to sit at the computer for a bit (some bits longer than others) and pour out what God has placed on my heart for the day.

Thank you,
KC

Thursday, April 26, 2012

who he's become

You ever get really frustrated with your spouse for the things they don't do? Me neither. My husband's perfect.  (Maybe I should end the post right there, pat myself on the back, and not delve into troubled waters. I'm pretty sure my husband reads most of my blog posts!)

But to be honest, yes, I do get annoyed with my husband once in a while (and you're lying if you deny this about your spouse). Today was not one of those days, though.  So really, where am I going with this...

Today's gift of survival: appreciating your spouse for who they have become.  This was a lesson my husband taught me pretty early on in our wedded bliss.  Sometimes I would get pretty fed up with some petty little thing that he was not fulfilling in his "husband duties":  "Well, why can't you read my mind?" and: "Did you really just leave your shoes in the middle of the room?" and even: "You ate the last piece of chocolate and didn't offer it to me?".

Sometimes these truly insignificant things would lead into hefty arguments about bigger and better issues.  You know, the irritations that have been building up for days! Weeks, even!! 

So here's the lesson from my husband: quit looking forward to the perfect man you want me to be and take a look at just how far I've come! And you know what? When you look at things from that perspective, it changes everything. Looking back on the 11+ years we've been married, my husband has grown immensely - not quite perfect, but he has matured in so many areas of his life.  And I am SO grateful for the man God has made him to be!

Here's how I was reminded of it today: This evening he not only cleared off the kitchen table after dinner, but cleaned all the dishes.  When I came back downstairs, the dishwasher was running, the counter and table were cleaned off AND he had swept the entire kitchen floor!!

And that gives me hope for our future. All those little irritations  might possibly change - maybe he will become a mind-reader!  Or maybe not.  But I will say that he no longer leaves his shoes in the middle of floor when he takes them off.  And I do admit that I have let go of most of the petty issues. Now we save our arguments for bigger things: "Must you always leave your empty coffee mug in front of the microwave door?"

just say no!

Over the past week I've noticed an increase in how many times I go upstairs only to have to come back downstairs to remember why I've was going upstairs in the first place! This brain of mine...  Sometimes when this happens, I start to believe that I have early onset Alzheimer's.  (I read a book once about a lady who had that and it got my hypochodriac radar up because I had some of the same symptoms, also known in my case as "Brain Loss From Having Children").  In all actuality, I just have too much going on in there and my brain is rebelling by choosing not to function at optimal levels.  Not only am I forgetting things but I've been getting my words mixed up too.  I'll say things like, "Can you tet the sable for me, gear dirl?  It's just about dime for tinner."  And I call things by the wrong name, or forget the name of an everyday item all together.  "Put your dirty dishes in the fridge and the milk in the dishwasher, please.  And make sure all your trash ends up in the... um... that thing you throw trash in!"  My family starts to tease me or correct me and that just adds to the frustration!

When I look at the list of things I am involved in over the next few weeks, it's no wonder this brain of mine is rebelling!  From boutiques to home parties to fundraisers and the prep involved for each; add that to the huge-mongous hole being built in the backyard and the normal busyness of everyday life with teaching piano lessons and t-ball practices and games and I am on overload!  When I mentioned this to a friend yesterday, she reminded me of a very important word: "no."


Today's gift of survival:  "Just say no".  Ah, yes, the freedom of the word "no".  The knowledge that it's okay to say "no".  Even if it is for something good and wonderful.  I had to pause to reflect on why I don't often say "no".  Could be because I try very hard to be a people pleaser.  It also could be that I genuinely like to help others.  And the other reason is probably just that I don't want to miss out on anything exciting or a great opportunity.

So the next task is figuring out what to say "no" to.  My brother recently reminded me to pray about everything!  If I don't feel peace about a decision to do something, then chances are that God doesn't want me to do it.  And he also reminded me that just because something is good and a worthy cause to volunteer for, doesn't mean that God has it in mind for ME to do it.  Again, I need to seek His will in each decision.  Another friend once discussed those times when direction doesn't seem clear.  She suggested that perhaps those are situations where God will bless you no matter which way you go. 

So, now to tackle the next couple of weeks... I think I'll start by saying "no" to laundry!

KC

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

just do it!

Yesterday was one of those days where I would have been content to just lounge around all day and do a whole lotta nothing.  I woke up without any gumption or motivation.  You know what I did?  I got up and got going!

Today's Gift of Survival: the "just do it" attitude.  I looked at all I needed to get done (on this day that I didn't feel like doing anything at all) and could very well have gotten overwhelmed.  Sometimes when that happens, it is easier to ignore it all and just do what I want to do.  But I have learned to just get started on one project and that gives me motivation to keep on keepin' on.  So I started by emptying the clean dishes from the dishwasher and then moved on to laundry.  I cleaned up breakfast dishes and got started on my grocery list.  And on the day went.  I managed to get a lot accomplished simply because I decided to "just do it!"

This weekend I had the opportunity to help do some rearranging of home decor at my dear sister-in-law's house.  It started out with a shelf that we wanted to straighten out and by the time I went home, we had made our way through 2 rooms!  I loved it.  But taking on a project like that would have seemed HUGE if we had not tackled just one little area at a time.  We set small goals for ourselves and stayed in one area until we were satisfied.  Things got set aside for a garage sale, or to be thrown away, or to be put in a better place.  We were so excited with what we had accomplished and couldn't wait for her husband to notice!  And he DID!!  Major brownie points for him!

Ah!  And another motivator for me: small rewards for jobs done.  It could be a piece of chocolate after folding a load of laundry. Or something bigger like heading out to get a special coffee after completing a huge project (like organizing my scrapbook supplies... which hasn't happened since we moved... 6 months ago).  If I set a reward in my sights, I am more likely to keep working so that I can reach that goal sooner.

One last motivator for me is to strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman.  Starting at verse 10, there is a description of a most amazing wife.  I know that I will never be that woman (the "rising while it is yet night" is probably not going to happen), but it sets a guideline for me.  Something for me to follow and refer to while I try to be a good wife and mom and whatever else God has in store for me.

But I'm thinking the Proverbs 31 woman never sleeps because her lamp does not go out by night and she rises while it is yet night.  Does she nap?  Because I could be okay with that!

KC

Sunday, April 22, 2012

debilitating anxiety

Many who know me now find it difficult to believe that I was ever shy. But, boy was I! When people describe a child as painfully shy, I know exactly what that child is feeling and going through. Even as I got older, I prayed that God would give me the words to hold a conversation because talking to someone I didn't know very well was practically like pulling teeth. You could say that I have pretty much overcome that hurdle. Guess I inherited the "gab" genes from my Mom after all (which is a good thing, Mom, I promise)! Or maybe I just like to be friendly and that desire helped me overcome the shyness. Honestly, I think it was when I had kids that I suddenly had TONS to talk about!!

That shyness wasn't the only hurdle I have had to overcome as a youth. In high school I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, panic attacks and all. I'd have to leave class suddenly. My heart would beat SO fast I was certain I'd keel over right then and there. The thought of being in a crowd or in the middle of an row made me somewhat faint. The worst was at church. Sit in the back, sit by the aisle, know your escape routes - these became my habits anywhere I went. I knew that no one understood what I was going through. I couldn't eat at school (for me this never turned into anorexia, but after this experience, I definitely understood that disease much better). This stinking disorder rode on my back from my senior year in high school, through college, and even into the first years of my marriage. (And here is where I give my husband tons of praise: he held my hand through it all from the moment I told him, even when he didn't understand. By being willing to hold my hand, he made me a stronger woman.)

I was angry. I was bitter. I was frustrated. I didn't understand. Would my entire life be debilitated by this stupid disorder?! The thought of having kids (my heart's greatest desire) scared the living day lights out of me! How could I handle kids in situations that I couldn't even handle all by myself?

I was diagnosed by my family practitioner. She drew me this picture, so simple, that made the reasoning behind these panics attacks so clear. It was a picture of a head with a bunch of arrows pointing at it from lots of different directions. Too much going on in my life. Lots of big changes happening soon. College in a year. Moving away from my family: my security. I was losing all that I had control over. I dropped all sports that year (no big loss to any team). I added nothing new to my schedule. My doctor gave me medication that I took once but never took again because it made me feel loopy.( I did keep them for many years, almost like a security blanket.)

One day in church, as I fought back tears of frustration, the scripture about uttering the name of Jesus came to mind. As the rest of the congregation sang, I said the name of Jesus and was instantly calmed. What?! No way! Yes. Now that didn't happen so amazingly each time, but what it made me realize was that my heart was a battlefield. There was warfare going on in there! Once that became clear, I knew that I could fight this because I wasn't fighting alone.

I started to find techniques that worked for me to handle my panic attacks. First of all, I didn't put myself in stressful situations unless absolutely necessary. (To this day, I prefer an aisle seat in the back). I would keep in mind where exits were or at the very least a bathroom. That way if I needed to get away somewhere to breathe, I could. If I was with my husband and I tightly squeezed his hand, he would lean over to ask if I needed to leave, always willing to go with me. I also started acknowledging this for what it was so when I felt one coming on, it wasn't quite so freaky anymore. They weren't so big once I could identify them. And, I never failed to utter the name of Jesus when one of those panic attacks started happening.

A few years of dealing with this brought me to Paul and his thorn in his flesh. I don't know exactly what his was, but I certainly knew what mine was! But how in the world would God use these panic attacks for good? Then I realized, if I helped just one, only ONE person dealing with this same disorder, then the whole ordeal was worth it. All the years of nerves, anxiety, stress would be worth it if I could just let even one person know that it's okay, you're not alone, I've been there, you're going to be okay. As a high schooler, having someone else understand because they had walked the same terrible path I was on would have made a world of difference. I wouldn't have felt "diseased" or "odd." Don't get me wrong: my dear friends and family walked beside me and supported me. I am so grateful to this day for each one of them. But it was still a lonely walk.

Please, share my story. If your story is similar, please share it. If you are in the midst of this yourself, please know you can contact me. You can email me at klynncragin@yahoo.com.

I am now married and have two kiddos. And yes, they have put me in situations I would never have survived in high school and college. Children make you survive. You have no choice but to be strong for your children. It is an amazing feeling. My panic attacks are gone. I can't remember the last time I had one. During extremely stressful times in my life, my anxiety has reared it's ugly head in different ways. But once I've identified it as a result of anxiety, it typically goes away. I live a full and busy life these days, not in fear, not shy. I take no credit for this healing or growth in me. But all glory belongs to the Ultimate Healer, Jesus Christ. He has brought beauty from this ugliness, as only He can do.

KC

Friday, April 20, 2012

rat love

We have a rat. In our house. In a cage. She's a pet. Half of you are thinking, "Ewww, a rat. They're tails are so....ewwwww!". The other half of you have had a pet rat and know the sweetness of interaction between rat and owner. My daughter has such a connection with her little rat; it was one of the best decisions we've made for her (although I do not recommend adopting a rat if your child is much younger than 5. My nearly 4-year-old doesn't quite grasp the "gentle" hold). Although he is trying.

Today's gift of survival: the friendship of a pet. When I was a child, I had numerous cats. Not all at once, but we lived on a busy street and each of my cats lived outside so you can figure out their life expectancy.... So ever few years a new kitten was adopted as an older one lost its life to traffic. Those cats were a form of salvation for me as a child. I loved them dearly and they loved me back!

The seemingly unconditional love that a pet will give to its owner is a priceless gift. It can take away a child's loneliness. It can give a child an ear to tell their fears and insecurities to. A pet will seek you out when they know you need them. I can't tell you how many times as a kid I sat on our back step crying about this or that and my cat would wander up and rub up against me:"I'm here. I know you're sad. I still love you. Pet me and I'll purr for you to show you just how much I love you!" They have this God-given intuition to give you what you need when you need it.

(Keep in mind I am generalizing - not all pets are perfect: they make noise, messes, can be stinky, not friendly, or they can be a real pain in the behind. I'm just dwelling on their positive points. Which I tend to do. I'm a glass half full kind of gal.)

My hubby and I have been through a small zoo of animals: birds, a box turtle, a red-eared slider (turtle), a snake, a guinea pig, 2 rats, 2 cats, multiple fish, and now another rat. We both like animals, but now that we have two human pets of our own, we don't need anymore for a bit (currently we just have the 2 kids, 2 cats, and 1 rat). I'm still a sucker for getting a pet - gotta keep an eye on me in the pet store! Saw the little chicks at the Tractor Supply Co today. It took all I had to keep me from asking to hold one... Fortunately, the rest of my sibling's families helps with the variety of pets my children (and I, of course) are exposed to: two puppies, fish, hamsters, a parakeet, 8 chickens, a rabbit, Koi, and another couple of cats - there is a love of animals among us!

Now, I'm not trying to side with your kid here to convince you to buy him or her a pet. I'm simply relaying my feelings regarding pets because of the joy I received from having them. That I still receive! When my husband works the night shift, our little black cat curls up near me to keep me company. If I take her out of her cage, that little rat crawls up onto my shoulder and just hangs out like a little buddy. My children adore her and she makes her home in their hands.

Animals are a gift from God (unless they are making potty on our floor, leaving hair balls for us to step on, or vomiting up their last meal - during those times they are from..., well, they are not from God, I'm pretty sure.)

KC

and friends are friends forever...

(Honestly, I just couldn't come up with a great title so I borrowed one. You are welcome for getting this song stuck in your head.)

All right, you MOMS Club moms - you knew this one was coming! A post about MOMS Club, but also about so much more...

Yesterday was quite a day! The morning started out with a group of ladies from the Ripon-Salida MOMS Club and their adorable munchkins enjoying coffee and snacks in my house (funny, that made it sound like the munchkins enjoyed the coffee - they didn't, just the mommies). There were about 12 of us moms and about the same amount of kiddos. For over 2 hours the noise inside the house was louder than the noise outside (and there was a noisy Bobcat digging a hole in my backyard!)

I can't tell you how many women have mentioned how MOMS Club has changed their life. It is an international organization of Moms Offering Moms Support. And support each other, we do! There are meals for new moms with newborns or for those who are in the midst of a tragedy. There are activities nearly every weekday for the kids and moms to participate in together, including Recipe Club, Crafting, Walking Club, picnics, Tune Time, and even a Moms Night Out once a month for the Mommies to have a night out from the kids!

The best part for me was not all the fun activities that my children have had the opportunity to participate in. It wasn't doing Community Projects together. It hasn't even been the evenings out with just the moms (although those are SUPER fun!). It has been the conversations with moms who can relate to what I am going through or what I have been through. It is being able to tell another Mom that I know exactly what they are feeling because I felt it too when my daughter or son was that age. It is the encouragement I still receive from other moms (and I've been a part of this group for 5+ years!)

Today's gift of survival: Friendship. I have heard many stories of women (often new moms) who feel lonely or depressed because of life's circumstances, whatever they might be. Do you know just how valuable friendship is for that person? It can literally save that person's life! Sometimes life is hard and to face difficult times alone is even harder! But having a shoulder or an ear from a friend, even if there is nothing that friend can do but listen, is invaluable.

I've been through a few rough patches in my young life with an anxiety disorder, the loss of my Dad, and raising a strong-willed child. Without understanding and loving people in my life at those crucial moments, I'm not sure I would have come out on top! (I'm still not sure how things are going to end up with the strong-willed one, but at least I know of others going through practically the same thing.)

MOMS Club has been my salvation at times, but that was because God put those people in my life at just the right time. He orchestrated the friendships I have now. And now, I feel that because of my experiences, perhaps I can be that encouragement, that hope to someone in need. Maybe all the difficulties God walked me through was so that I could be a help to someone walking through the same experiences.

*And just to make sure no one thinks I'm promoting: I do love my MOMS Club friends, but the focus of this post was the value of friendship, no matter where you find it (well, now that I think about it, there might be some places you don't want to go looking for friendships...) And perhaps maybe you are being prodded to be a friend to someone in need. All that stuff you've been through that has "grown" you might actually help to "grow" someone else.

KC

Thursday, April 19, 2012

homeschooling in an RV

*I wrote this while on vacation with my family over Easter Vacation. (And yes, I call it Easter Vacation, because for us it still lands with Easter Sunday and we are celebrating all week long!!)

As our family hangs out in a little cabin in Twain Harte, I feel the pangs of missing homeschooling. I homeschooled my oldest through K and into 1st grade. We chose to do this for numerous good reasons, some personal. One little benefit was the flexibility it allowed our family. My husband works a 7/7. He works 7 nights in a row and then he has a week off. We would schedule camping trips on his week off and I could homeschool my girl in our RV. Honestly, it was pretty cool.

Up here in the cabin, we could do the same thing, and we were hoping to be able to do that in the future, but God brought about some changes in our life and we are here for Easter vacation instead.

I don't, at this point, feel called to share all our reasons for the choices we've made both for homeschooling and traditional classroom education. But I will tell you, my perspective on homeschooling was definitely widened now that I've done it!

Funny thing: people think that homeschool kids are not social. We were a part of an awesome homeschool co-op and I could hardly keep up with my daughter's social life. The other amazing thing about many homeschool kids is that they relate well to all ages. The older boys would grab my little boy (5 yrs younger than them) and pull him into whatever they were playing. They also interacted with adults on a regular basis and were extremely respectful and could hold a conversation with adults.

Another misconception: homeschool kids are behind in academics. Fact of the matter is that no matter how a child is educated, they are going to struggle or succeed in their own weaknesses and strengths. And in the charter school I was a part of, we had access to tutors for all subjects. And I could take a subject that interested my daughter and go as far as we wanted and learn above and beyond!

And (this I loved) we could choose what would be extra in a typical public school and use it as part of our curriculum: art lessons, music education, sports (Tae Kwon do, gymnastics, even dance), we even had a class called Messy Learning - the possibilities were endless, unless you ran out of funding.

We also had a beloved ES (Education Specialist). She was a credentialed teacher who kept tabs on our progress and made sure we were where we needed to be. I never felt alone in this whole endeavor. She helped me whenever I needed it!

Having the opportunity to homeschool also taught me a very important lesson. Academics are important, yes. I want my children to be able to function in this world and make worthwhile contributions. But more important than that, I want to raise godly children who are going to make a difference for God's kingdom while the are here on this earth. Fact is that I don't need my children to measure up to the world's definition of successful. My desire is for my children to look to God for confirmation.

I don't write all this to make a case for homeschooling your kids. That's between you and God. We, as a family, have had to put a lot of prayer and thought into our education decisions. Currently, my oldest is in a Christian school getting a great education. It is the best fit and what we felt called to do at this point in our lives. I just know there are a lot of people who knock homeschooling and perhaps have never known anything other than the old stigmas attached to homeschoolers: non-social kids getting an inferior education from their mom who only knows how to cook and clean, not educate. That's simply not the case anymore (not that there aren't any like that, but it's not the norm!)

So please be careful when you make comments about those who homeschool. Many of us have been hurt by well-meaning people who thought they should give us their opinion but end up raising our hackles about something we have felt called by God to do.

And now I will step down off my homeschooling soapbox...
KC

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

waffles and alarm clocks

You ever make a ton of waffles and up with a bunch of leftovers? Don't want to throw them away because there are starving kids in other countries, you know.

Today, a couple of gals and I intentionally made a bunch of waffles to have as leftovers. We froze them. Because when you pop a leftover frozen waffle in the toaster, it heats up the insides and puts the perfect crisp on the outside. And that, my friends, is simply delicious!



And we also made blueberry muffins and ham and cheese biscuit bites and even got a hankering to make some biscotti. Oh, and we made a mess!! But that's all part of cooking/baking.

Today's gift of survival:
having breakfast food all ready for those crazy busy mornings.

I'm not an early riser. I think it'd be great if I was. I'm trying to be. But that snooze button is the first temptation of my day! (And just so you all don't think that I get up at 9:21 in the morning, I took this pic this evening simply to have an illustration of the battle between the bed and the clock. Sleeping in till 9:21? Only in my dreams, these days!) I've tried to compensate for my desire to stay in the coziness of my bed a bit longer by getting things prepped the night before. Honestly, this is a great idea.

I've got my daughter's lunch made. I've got her homework folder in her backpack. And now I've got breakfast simplified.
A great idea? Yes.
An excuse to sleep in? Not really.

Those few extra minutes in the morning often end up costing me something on the back end. Usually it is irritation with my kids who are just being, well... kids. "Come on! We've got to get out the door! Go get your sweatshirt. Did you remember to grab your backpack? We're gonna be late! Augh! Come on! That's it. I'm starting the truck and getting ready to go. Both of you need to get your tails in there!!" (Funny thing: as I'm writing this, I can actually hear my tone of voice because I say these words of irritation often, I guess!)

The past couple weeks I've been setting my alarm a bit earlier. Not too ridiculously much. Just a little. And it finally hit me just this morning: wow! The amount of extra time in the morning, even 15 minutes, makes a world of difference! What used to feel like me rushing around finding socks and shoes is now me sending my son to do it, even though it will take him twice as long. But you know what? It's okay, because I've got time for that. And rushing out the door is practically non-existent because we've always got time to spare! And the crowd at school drop off is much smaller when you are even two minutes earlier.

Best of all: we like each other in the morning.

So this is all great and dandy and I have high hopes that we can maintain this morning schedule/routine. But, I'm not always great at being self-disciplined. However, there's always room for improvement. And I've realized that God has already changed so many things about me that I thought were unchangeable. I've got a lot of years left (I hope) for Him to work on me. And you know what's funny? The more He works on me, the more I realize just how much work I need!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

remembering the "rememberable"

I was hit pretty hard today when I read on facebook that the father of a classmate was starting on with hospice after his battle with cancer. Words that familiar bring the past right up to my present - tears instantly came to my eyes. I distinctly remember hospice and my Dad.

But tonight I don't want to dwell on that hardship from the past. I try to save my seriousness for one day during the week. However, while dwelling on this period of my life, I remembered something I did shortly after my Dad passed on: I wrote down as many "rememberables" as I could in a journal; things I never wanted to forget or have fade away.

Like the way he always called his cologne "stink perty."

How he always, without fail, told us to "stick 'em up or I'll drill ya!" whenever he had his cordless drill out (which was always for my handyman Dad).

When driving through the country, he would splat a bug on our windshield and then inevitably say, "Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again!"

He taught me to use WD40 on my fingers when I got sap on them from one of the numerous evergreens in our yard.

He would never just walk by kids selling lemonade at a garage sale. He always gave them a few quarters but never for lemonade, just to see the looks on their faces realizing this guy gave them free money!

He never stopped holding my hand, even at 28 years old, I was his little girl.

He always encouraged us when we got hurt: "it'll feel better when it stops hurting!"

If he got his words mixed up he'd say, "Got my tongue tangled round my eye teeth and couldn't see to talk straight!"

If we had to repeat something to him it was because he was "deaf in one ear and can't hear out the other!"

Today's gift of survival: memories. I'm so glad I wrote these things (and many more) down. I only wish I had started sooner. My Pa was a great man and many people have stories to tell about him. But no one told his stories like he did. And his humor was one-of-a-kind!

I wish I had done more videos of him. I wish I had asked him more questions and taken more pictures. I wish I had gathered more wisdom. I wish I could have spent more time out in the shop with him.

But I take what memories, photos, and videos I have and cherish them. I have 3 older brothers and when the 4 of us spend time together, the spirit of my Dad is definitely within us! We tell his same corny jokes. And we laugh at each other's corny jokes (even though we've heard them over and over)!! The mannerisms of my brothers, their character, their ethics and standards all reflect my Dad. They each have physical attributes similar to Dad's. They share some of his same passions. I encourage my children to build relationships with their uncles because their Uncles (and Aunts, of course) are fabulous. But I also encourage their relationships so that my kids can see reflections of who their Grandpa was in each of my brothers. They never knew him; he died before they could create any memories with him. But with my brothers, he's never really far away.

So I guess I went back to being a bit serious; it seems I tend to do that. I'll leave you with this one:
Whenever passing over a railroad track, my Dad would tell me, "A train just went by!" Amazed (at least the first time, anyway) that he could possibly know this when there was not a train in sight I asked him, "How do you know?!" And he responded with, "Because it left its tracks!"

Now I tell my kids the same joke and I'm sure they'll tell their kids...

KC

Monday, April 16, 2012

sleep and sanity

Tonight, I'm not sure I'm going to survive... My eldest was put to bed 3 hours ago and has used every excuse in the book to stay up (and has employed numerous tears). This is not new. It has been happening on and off for 3+ years. You think I would be able to deal with this without getting extremely frustrated. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I've tried all the tricks I have up my sleeve to soothe this situation, both for me and for her. Not working.

Now, you might think she's not tired, but that's not the case. This child goes and goes all day long. She is the Energizer Bunny in human form. We can tell when she is tired when her emotions run high. The emotions started today at 4:30, about an hour after she got home from school.

As I mentioned, this is not new:

We tried the "Nanny" technique: keep putting her into bed every time she gets out of bed, don't make eye contact, and do this for hours upon hours. Do this for a few weeks. (Until you get so frustrated that your sanity is challenged).

Tried positive reinforcement: put 3 pennies by her doorway. Every time she got out of bed, took one away. If she had any left by the morning, they were hers to keep. She never kept a penny.

Take away toys and stuffed animals whenever she gets out of bed: One day every toy and stuffed animal was removed from her room (including pictures off the walls) and stored in bins in the garage. She didn't care.

Threaten to close her door if she gets out of her bed. She and I stood on either side of the door pulling against one another. It was door tug-of-war.

Allow her to earn special privileges or rewards for staying in her bed. No rewards won.

I have sat in her room and quietly counted to 100 (or 200 or whatever it took), knowing that my voice was soothing when she struggled to calm down.

We have met with her doctor to talk about other methods.

I have read extremely boring stories to her.

I have kept to a routine every night.

I have run her ragged during the day in hopes that she would fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

We allow her to listen to Chris Tomlin (her favorite Christian artist) at bedtime so she has something calming to fall asleep to.

She has a nightlight so it is not too dark and a bit of water by her bedside in case she gets thirsty.

I have tried other methods that I will not discuss on this blog because the world doesn't need to know it all. (Keep in mind, we have been at this for over 3 years - we've tried a lot of ideas with consistency, mind you).

Now, these were not all the techniques we tried. Often times we failed. (I have a picture of her sleeping under my computer desk where I was working on something). Honestly, there are times when it is better to just let go than to let myself get out of control with frustration and anger. Those times when I failed, we were both better off because no one got hurt.


Today's gift of survival: grace. We try very hard not to be a crutch to her when it comes to sleeping at night. My husband and I have agreed that our children will fall asleep in their own beds by themselves. I know every family thinks differently and has different methods for their children. And to each their own (that's my way of saying I don't mean to get into a discussion about right or wrong methods here).

And back to grace: this evening I walked my daughter back to her room and laid on her floor until she fell asleep. We talked about grace and how that means you get something good that you don't really deserve (Mommy staying in her room with her even after the fits and whining and complaining - lest you think I was giving in, this is something that is rarely done and it still took another 1.5 hours before she was asleep).

And then I was able to turn it around to her and me and our relationship with God. I talked with her about how we find a lot to complain about and get upset about. We don't spend enough time with God and we often disobey, doing what we want instead. And yet he shows us grace. He never leaves us or forsakes us. He has given us Salvation: the greatest
undeserved favor.

And what have I learned from this whole experience? Only that I have no patience and that in certain situations I get easily frustrated. And that I have a temper. (What?! KC has a temper? Shocking...) And that I am merely human and cannot rely on myself to make it through trials in life (and to me, yes, this is a trial. If you've been there, you know. I have cried MANY a tear).

When I am in the midst of this situation, I want to scream! When it rises in my throat (along with anger and other mean and nasty stuff) I pray. Nothing fancy, just "God, please help me." And sometimes I just say that over and over and over. Until I calm down enough to take some deep cleansing breaths and have fought back the screaming urge. Then 15 minutes later it starts all over again!

God certainly uses my kids to remind me of how feeble I am on my own. They are a great reminder of how I can't do this parenting thing on my own.

Oh, and a crazy thing I realized a while back: after all the bedtime drama (sometimes a 3+ hour ordeal) I will go back and check on my children while they sleep and suddenly the monkeys from the day are perfect angels to me. God did that on purpose: when they are asleep, we are reminded of why we so desperately love them. Maybe that's why God never slumbers or sleeps: so He can look upon us when we aren't doing stupid human stuff and be reminded of how much He loves us.
KC - still sane, still surviving.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

the saturation of scripture

There are times in life when you need the saturation of scripture. Today there are so many traumas of the past week or so that have built up that there tears continually threaten to spill over. I feel the need to turn to the comfort scriptures that God has granted us for glimpses of peace, rest, hope.

A little more than a week ago, a friend's son was injured and hospitalized. So scary to see this happen to a child so young. But it has been wonderful to see his healing as well as the support of friends helping this family.

A dear friend of mine and her wonderful husband have a medically fragile son who recently underwent a multi-organ transplant. The complications currently occurring are bringing a heaviness to my heart. I cannot even fathom the emotions of his parents as they live in "survival" mode - just getting by living minute to minute.

And this afternoon I received news that the man whom I have been blessed to call pastor has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. With the news being so recent, I am still in a state of speechlessness.

Three others come to mind who are battling various stages of cancer. One is the extremely talented photographer father of a friend of mine. Another is a dear woman who lives in my old neighborhood - sweetest woman ever, never downhearted. And a third is the father of a classmate of mine - I remember as a child he always had the greatest biggest smile ever.

There are many in my life who have walked tough roads. My heart breaks to think of parents who have passed, infants who have lived mere minutes or never saw the light of this earth, sons and daughters lost too young, brothers, sisters, friends gone in a heartbeat and others who we've watched as they've approached death. Sufferings, aches, tears, sadness.

Today's gift of survival:


My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:8

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Psalm 62:1-2

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29


There have been times in this life I have come to a complete state of helplessness. There is nothing I can do to make a situation better but open the Bible and search for the words of comfort that only God can provide:
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life;
The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121:1-4, 7, 8

No matter where I am in this life, I am never out of the grip of God.

Friday, April 13, 2012

getting away to survive

I didn't get anything posted on my blog yesterday, as I am currently out if town. But having a few minutes to sit and mess around I thought I'd see if I could blog from my phone. That'd be neat, wouldn't it?

We decided to get out of Dodge for a bit to focus on our family a bit: create some fun memories, relax, and get away from the huge to-do list that comes with purchasing a new abode and the to-do list that I create just looking around the house!

So we are rejuvenating in a little cabin with a surprising visit from the heavens: snow! We are enjoying the warmth of the fireplace and the hot tub. We've been playing games and eating food, snacks, and more food. We've been focusing on each other and have been admiring God's great creation.

Sometimes to survive, you've got to get away.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

thunder: a healthy fear

I have a vivid memory of thunder and lightning in my mind from when I was a kid. I was sleeping on my parent's floor in the midst of the storm and could see their entire curtain light up, creating fear within me as I waited for the impending boom of thunder. To this day, I am not a huge fan of thunder. Today, as I did a little work outside at my Mom's house, I tried to ignore the thunder until my children came out next to me.

In my mind, I know my fear of thunder is irrational and as an adult, I have mostly outgrown it. It still sends shivers down my spine, but not the fear that makes me want to sleep on my parents floor. My husband thinks it's cute and tells me he'll take care of me whenever we are in the midst of a thunder storm (cute, eh?). As for my children, I tell them that thunder is the sound of God's voice. He is mighty and powerful and strong and can boom like the loudest thunder!

You see, I don't want to pass on my fears to my kids if I can help it in anyway. They have enough of their own to worry about, I don't need to give them anymore! My daughter doesn't like the sound of balloons popping or fireworks. My son doesn't like the eyeballs he sees under his bed sometimes.

My (now little) fears still include heights, getting shots or blood drawn, being in the center of a row, being in small enclosed areas, and dentist visits. I let my husband take them to each of their first "working" dentist appointments (not just check ups - those were easy!) He's so much better at remaining calm - he even talks me out of my anxiety! That's what Daddys are supposed to do, right? Stay calm and levelheaded on the way to the ER... Mommies should keep their mouths shut and not spout out all the "what ifs" that come to mind! My point is, when my children have to face my fears, I try my hardest not to project what I am feeling onto them.

There are some healthy fears that I do try to help my children understand. Don't go near strangers. Don't go out of my sight. Do not let go of my hand in the parking lot. Look both ways before crossing the street. My kids are old enough to understand the "whys" and "why nots" of these so I explain the reasons to them to create a healthy fear in them.

As I finish up, I realize that there's a valuable point to thunder. It is a reminder of the power of our God. And sometimes we need to be reminded to have a healthy fear of Him.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

a mountain and a laundry hill

My daughter makes more laundry each week than the rest of us combined, it seems. She goes through numerous wardrobe changes throughout her day. Most of her clothing ends up on the floor until laundry day. Then the most important pieces get put in her basket for me to clean. I'm not really looking forward to when she is a teenager, but at least then she'll be able to reach her closet rod to hang her clothing back up (and hopefully do it).

Today's gift of survival: I pick one day for laundry and make it my goal to get it done by the end of that day. My laundry day is Monday. I usually get it done by, well, Tuesday. And sometimes Wednesday... But it's good to have goals, right?! Why only one day? Seems overwhelming, right? But for me, when it is done, it's done. It doesn't hang over my head all week. Once it's done on Monday (or Tuesday), I don't have to think about it until laundry day again. And to me, that feeling of freedom is enough motivation to get it done in 1 (or 2) days.

Today's other gift of survival: learning not to make a mountain out of a laundry hill. When I first started struggling with the strong-will of my child (and just to make something clear: my child's strong will is not a negative label on my part. It is an amazing part of how God created her. Our struggles come when we, my husband and I, don't know what to do with it.), my oldest brother pointed out to me something he had learned in raising a strong-willed child also: pick your battles. I took me a while to understand that statement. I didn't want any bad behavior to go uncorrected. If I didn't set her straight right away, then things would get out of control!

But it hit me one day what his comment truly meant: when you are in a situation and you have to decide whether to make a mountain out of it or not, decide whether it is a heart issue. If your child is being rebellious, defiant, disobedient, or a behavior that signifies a heart issue, then the issue must be addressed. (And again, when I say "you" I actually mean "me.") If my child is simply being irritating (kicking the back of my seat in the car, making high pitched screeching noises, leaving a pile of clothing on her floor, doing her homework with sloppy handwriting, having a consistently messy room, eating her food messily, putting her clean clothes on the floor instead of in her drawers, making her eat the disgusting food that I make, and so on - this list is very long in our house), I will usually just let it go. You see, for our strong-willed child, there are enough battles that we must pick and if we went through with EVERY battle, there would be no peace in our house.

Today's battle could have been about getting her laundry ready for me. She did a lousy job of it. But that is a battle I choose not to fight. I simply tell her to put what she thinks is dirty in her laundry basket for me to clean. If it's not in the basket, it doesn't get washed. The pile outside of the laundry basket today was larger than the pile inside. *sigh* She got started, and then got bored with it, or distracted. But I guess on the bright side, I didn't have as much laundry to do today!
My kid might end up having bad handwriting, or always have a messy room. She might have to rummage through the pile of laundry on the floor, sniff-testing to make sure she can wear it to school that day. But maybe, just maybe, she won't go through a rebellious stage (as so many people "expect" their children to do). Maybe she will have a good grasp of respecting others and treating them with kindness. Maybe she will have a living relationship with her heavenly Father. That's what matters to me. The rest aren't worth climbing the mountain for.

Monday, April 9, 2012

jogging next to kids


If you ever see me out for a jog (which rarely happens) and you see me with a silly lopsided grin on my face, chances are a great song just came on in my playlist (which I keep on shuffle - keeps me surprised for each song). And if my hands seem to have a random rhythm all their own, I'm not uncoordinated. I'm playing air drums.

Today's Gift of Survival: I like the idea of jogging for lots of reasons. It gets me out of the house and gives me some alone time. I get to pick the music I listen to while I jog. The feeling of accomplishment when I'm finished. Trying to jog just a little farther each time. The runner's high that follows. A more fit body for the rapidly approaching summer. Knowing that I burned off all the calories from the overly sweetened coffee I drank earlier in the day. And, of course, the health benefits for my body, God's creation (that's supposed to be the kicker for me).

But, I'm not a consistent jogger. I'd like to be. I'd love to be able to say, "Yeah, I jog too." But the infrequency of my jogging disqualifies me from being a legitimate jogger. I've got quite a list of excuses to keep me from hitting the road in my jogging shoes. It's too hot. It's too cold. There are too many bugs out there. It's too dark out. It's too bright out. I'm too tired. I just ate. I don't have good jogging shoes. I've got too much to do around this house. See? Quite a list. Here's my problem: I'm not accountable to anyone but myself. If I don't feel like jogging, the only person I have to convince is myself. And I'm a pushover.

This afternoon I had convinced myself it was time to try it again. (I've convinced myself that someday I will be a habitual exerciser... but even if I don't get there, I figure going once in a while is better than not at all.) I mentioned at dinner that I was going to go for a run after my dinner had settled. Immediately my 6.5 year old daughter exclaimed, "I wanna go! I wanna go!" To which I immediately responded: "Nope. This is my time. I'm going to jog by myself." Which immediately brought forth a pout from my girl.

After dinner I did dishes and folded some laundry and finally came to the realization: why can't I take her for a jog? We are trying to promote healthy lifestyles in our children and here I am telling her to stay at home and play on the computer while I go jogging! So I told her to put on some running clothes and shoes and together we jogged around the block then I dropped her off at home with my hubby and continued on my way for the rest of my jog. She loved it!

While I finished my jog, I realized that in order to train our children in healthy habits, we need to take them up beside us and show them how it is done. We lead them best by our examples. You want your kids to have a devotional time? Let them see you doing yours. You want them to know how to pray? Give them the example of your prayers. And then give them opportunities to do the same. Sometimes after dinner we let my 3.5 year old pray. His prayers are typically in this manner: "Thank you for our dinner. Thank you for plates. Thank you for milk. Thank you for spoons. Thank you for the carrots and thank you for the salt and the pepper." Not terribly in depth, but complete! And it is good practice.

I'd like to think I take every opportunity to be a great example to my kids and show them how to make good decisions. But I don't. But writing posts like this are a lesson to myself as well; something for me to take to heart also. Imagine that! It's probably because these lessons are not really from me, they are revelations from God. Good thing, because He's a great deal wiser than I am!

KC

- If you see me limping around tomorrow, please don't laugh. As a matter of fact, I'd appreciate the applause! I ran farther today than I ever have in the past. And I'm sure it will be worth the pain...pretty sure, anyway.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

the resurrection and death

Five years ago, Easter landed on April 8th. I will never forget that date because on April 9th, the day after Easter, 5 years ago, as I visited my Dad in hospice, he died. (And 5 years later, I cannot write that sentence without crying.) It was a tough day, no doubt, but an amazing one also. You see, God allowed me a glimpse (only as much as my feeble mind could imagine) of the incredible celebration that took place as my father entered heaven. Truly the greatest privilege of my entire life was to be with my Dad when he passed on.

(The story of my father's battle with cancer is lengthy, but so much of my growth took place during that time. I want to share more of it with you all and will, as God prods).

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer and our family walked an extremely difficult road for 9 months. As my Dad came closer to heaven and we realized his life here on earth was coming to an end, I faced the scary possibility of being with him when he died. I shared with a few people how I really did not want to be in the room when he passed away.

My husband and I went to the hospice house on April 8th to be with my Mom for Easter. They had a lovely brunch served and we then went to my Dad's room for a bit before heading home. He had pretty much been incoherent since he had entered and we had recently been seeing the signs of approaching death, as we had been foretold by the doctors to expect.

On April 9th, in the early evening, I felt the prodding to go and visit again. It was a 30 + minute drive and so one of my brothers drove me while my husband stayed home with our daughter. Some moments of that evening are blurry, but some are crystal clear. As Dad's breathing slowed down, my Mom went to get a nurse. My brother and I watched as my Dad took his last breath, waited to see if there were any more and then looked at each other. He said to me, "Dad's up in heaven getting his crown."

My Mom says she remembers walking back into the room seeing me with tears streaming down my face with a smile. I remember feeling like a fly on the wall in heaven, glimpsing in blurred vision a crowd and hearing cheers, and feeling exuberant. And in that instant, my view of death was completely turned around.

The fear of death was gone. I still have fears of being sick, of being in pain, of leaving my family and other loved ones. But I don't fear death anymore. I had always known in my head that I shouldn't fear it; I was bound for heaven. But I never could shake the fear of the unknown - what death was really like, leaving all that I had ever known and was comfortable with for something far removed from all that I loved. But now, that fear was gone.

Here's why: (and now I understand with more than just my head; I understand with my heart) Today is Easter, the day we celebrate Jesus CONQUERING death (That word, conquer, is a pretty fantastically strong word). That tomb could not hold Him. There was no grave that could. Death was NEVER going to be stronger than my Savior. To be quite honest, I wouldn't want to follow a Savior who couldn't beat death! And we declare: "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" (1Corinthians 15:55). The sting is here on earth where a fallen people live tortured by the devil. But on the other side, there is NO sting. There is NO victory for death.

Where once I feared being in death's presence, I no longer do because when a person is a child of God, the place where they are headed is SO much greater than life here on this earth, it's unfathomable. As much as I miss my Pa, I'd never wish for him to be back here on this tainted earth. He is in the presence of his Savior, my Savior, and there's no greater place to be.

KC

Saturday, April 7, 2012

using children to grow adults

When I started this blog, I thought I had a whole bunch of ideas about what I was going to write about. Funny how things change (goes along with my last post - my plans are not always His plans). It turns out that God's got a bigger agenda and He revealed again to me just this evening. Brought me to tears, it did.

Here's the back story: My daughter and I have had a tumultuous relationship since she was one. She's now 6.5. Her strong will and my lack of knowledge in training a strong willed child have not always turned out for the best. But we've both learned a lot and have come a long way. And as mentioned in another post of mine, our love for each other is never in doubt. The past two days have taken us back to the worst of times between us: whining, moaning, head shaking and rolling eyes (those last two were me, I'm ashamed to admit), disobedience, disrespect, whining, hurting her little brother, pushing my buttons, whining, and running away from discipline (literally, running around the house from me when discipline is in order, and while this might seem funny to imagine, it's not humorous when you are the adult chasing your child up and down stairs, around rooms, over furniture, all the while avoiding toys on the floor.)

So what was really irksome was that I felt like I had done so much to try and make these two days enjoyable. Yesterday was full of fun activities at home and today we started the morning out with donuts from an awesome Daddy who bought them before we were even out of bed! We went garage saling, a highlight for my kids. My daughter got a whole array of her favorite things: shoes, clothing, dolls, and other little knick knacks. And their oldest cousin came over for hours; another highlight. We made a mess with all the empty Easter eggs we had and danced around together in the mess. And there were a couple other things that I did especially with my daughter in mind ... and she RUINED it all with her attitude.

Okay, so here comes the point:


As I'm explaining how much it hurt me that she would disrespect me during a day when I had done so much to make it fun for her, it hit me: How much do I ignore and disrespect Jesus after all He has sacrificed for me. Here we are in the midst of Easter weekend: He gave up his LIFE for me and how much time do I give Him? How much appreciation do I show Him? How often do I find something to complain about? It was as if the 2 days of whining and complaining were to teach ME a lesson, not my daughter. (Funny how He does that. Someone once told me that God gives us our children to grow us, not just to grow them.)

And here's where it hit home even harder: For devotions this evening, after all the drama, I read my daughter the story we were up to in her Children's Bible: the story of Abraham and His sacrifice of Isaac. I'd always struggled with this story as a child. Why would God ask Abraham to do such a thing? But I was taught that it was a foreshadowing of what was to come - another Father sacrificing His only Son. When you read the story of Abraham, your heart is wrenched to know that this man is going to lose his only son. You can picture him trodding up the mountain, feeling sick to his stomach, thinking about a future without his son... Can you imagine how God felt? He went through with it! He actually did allow His only son to be sacrificed...for you, and for me.

When I finished the story, I turned to my daughter to explain what it meant to have to sacrifice in order to be saved from our sin. I could tell this story of Abraham and Isaac kind of confused her too. But as I explained how God would come do the same thing with His Son and what His sacrifice meant for us, it was a bit less confusing. (We've had the salvation talk numerous times, so this is not new to her. She's pretty bright and grasped it at a young age.) This evening we talked in detail about what it meant for Jesus to die on the cross. We talked about how much it would hurt and how He did it all because He loved each of us SO much.

After we prayed, I started to walk out of her room and she said, "But you wouldn't do that for me." She wasn't questioning my love; it was an innocent, matter-of-fact statement from a child. I walked back to where I could look her in the eye and I said, "Yes, I would, honey. I would die on a cross for you." Her eyes got real big and I went on to explain it in today's terms for her: "Honey, if a car was going to hit you, I would push you out of the way and let the car hit me to save you, because I love you that much. I would die so that you could live."

He died so that I could live.

KC

Friday, April 6, 2012

friday fun

My daughter and son were both home on this Good Friday. We had options of what we were going to do, but since both of my kiddos were recovering from nasty coughs, we decided to take it easy at home. Typically, after about 2 hours, we all get on each other's nerves because I've got a long to-do list and the kids get bored.

Today's gift of survival: a bunch of ideas fostered by Pinterest. I went onto Pinterest to search for ideas to do to keep busy and it was a success! For them. For me, not so much. I was hoping to get a bunch of stuff done, but was busy looking up ideas, cleaning pans from projects, helping create, and cleaning up the rooms after the projects. So I did get a lot done... just not what I was planning on getting done.
While researching some ideas, the kids got a kick out of these,
because we are severely lacking in the balloon supply in our house.


We moved on to making play-doh,

because all our other play doh is grey.


Lunch came and since the kitchen table was covered in play doh paraphernalia
the kids had a muffin tin picnic on a blanket in the family room.


I, however, had cold Pizza Plus pizza out of the box and enjoyed it very much!


I got some cups out of the pantry and they got their creativity on.
Pretty soon my daughter was selling ice cream, for free.
(We need to work on the entrepreneurial part of her.)


Making helicopters, or whirlygigs was my favorite!

Watching from upstairs is really cool!
Taking a picture truly does not capture it.



Then we built bridges with boards and furniture and rolled our numerous
little cars down and across the bridges.


We created a resurrection garden.
See the tomb?



We played with baking soda and vinegar and food coloring...
and watched the color fizz!
(This was my kids' favorite activity.)


And I... cleaned the litter box and washed some dishes.
Oh! I did get one more thing done: I have a solid black coffee table that had been picked at by my children, making it a bit unsightly. I decided to sand it down a bit so that I could repaint it. But as I started working on it, I realized that I loved the way it looked after I had distressed it with the sander.
And here's where God revealed to me the purpose of today's blog: We can plan the way we want our lives to go. I have. I know what I want to have happen in the next 10 years of my life. (I don't really want to think much past that yet). However, things usually don't go as WE plan. They go as God has planned for them to go. As irritating as that is (not that God is irritating, but things not going according to how I plan them is irritating), I know that His reason for the direction of our day, our week, our lives is so much bigger than what we've got planned. And the crazy thing is, we might not ever understand why things happen in our life. But God does and I trust Him. And chances are pretty good that if we let him take our plans and turn them into His, things are going to look a lot more beautiful than what we could accomplish on our own; like a day full of fun memories created with my children, or a scratched up coffee table, originally destined to be red but instead, becoming an awesomely distressed black table after all.

KC

Thursday, April 5, 2012

singing your heart out

For those of you who know me, you know the value of music in my life. This value was something my parents instilled in me, as well as my brothers from an early age. They cultivated our musical talents the best they could and as much as they could afford. Now the four of us are doing the same with our own kids. It is amazing to see the musical talent in my nieces and nephews (and my kids, too, of course!)

This morning, my daughter had a program at her school for all the grandparents. It was full of music! It was obvious that it brought joy to the whole event. I am so grateful for the music education for my child.

Today's gift of survival: the joy that music brings to life. I could go into all the reasons why music is so important (because there are LOTS), but I'll just stick with the most important one: music is an incredible and emotional way to worship God.

Some may say that they don't have any musical talent, or they can't sing on key. That's okay. Worship is not about talent or even staying on key. It is about our heart.

There is a man at our church who we sit in front of sometimes and this man sings with all his heart. Now our worship leaders play quite loud (perhaps so we are not self-conscious when we sing out) but this man sings louder! And he doesn't always stay in tune. And he sometimes adds parts that don't really fit or tries to harmonize. I know this is irritating to some (sometimes I choose not to sit in front of him, because I know I won't be able to concentrate because some mornings when I haven't had enough coffee I am easily distracted and some mornings when I have had too much coffee I am easily distracted...) but who am I to tell this man to tone down his worship of the Lord? It's between him and God, not him and me. He truly is singing with all his heart and that's what worship is all about!

Listening to the little ones sing this morning was not about hearing how talented they are (however, I tend to be biased and think our school's music program is phenomenal). It was about the joy pouring out of these kids as they sang their hearts out! And I, for one, loved it.

KC

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

grabbing 10

Yesterday was busy. After getting my oldest off to school, my youngest and I ran some errands. I also had a dentist appointment around noon which lasted 3 hours! (okay, it was closer to 1.5 hours, but it felt like 3). I taught piano lessons in the afternoon and after a quick dinner, got my already-exhausted oldest child ready for her Open House and music program at school (which was so delightful, by the way).

So amidst the busy-ness of my Tuesday, I still manages to get a small variety of chores done around the house using a technique that I call "Grabbing 10". I'm pretty sure that I read about this concept on a blog somewhere once upon a time, but I've tweaked it to make it mine.

Today's gift of survival: The day is full of bits of time that you can make work for you. If I've got a spare 10 minutes before my dentist appointment, I'm going to do something with it. Yesterday I grabbed those minutes throughout the day and accomplished the following (each is about 5-15 minutes, so I average it out to 10):
-Swept and mopped the entryway
-Put away clean dishes from the dishwasher and drying rack
-Straightened up the playroom
-Straightened up the pantry
-Scaled down on my daughter's kept schoolwork (I keep it all when it comes home from school and then go through it regularly to keep just a few precious and memorable items in her "keep" box)
-Did a quick vacuum of the downstairs
-Ran through of downstairs picking up odds and ends and deposited them in appropriate rooms
-Raked the leaves that had been bugging me out of one of our planters


So I only got a picture of one of the accomplished chores. I was busy doing all the others!

And when we got home from the program that evening and my children instantly fell asleep, I felt like I could actually sit and relax in the quietness. But I didn't. I stressed out about the fact that my face was still numb! (I was fine by morning. Phew!)

The most important 10 that I grabbed yesterday was the time I spent in devotions. (I'm using "10" figuratively here. The amount of devotional time varies for each person and varies for me each morning!) It doesn't matter what else I get done in the day, if I don't grab my time with God, I feel like I'm doing everything by myself. (Not that He won't hang out with me if I don't do devotions, it's just that I feel like something's missing). So even if it is just 10 minutes that I can grab over a cup of coffee and toast, I take it, because it's the most important time in my day.

What can you accomplish in 10 minutes?

Monday, April 2, 2012

dentistry and distraction



I have always liked my dentists, even my endodontist is great! (For those of you who have never had the pleasure, an endodontist is the special guy/gal who gets to perform root canals). Each one has been friendly, feeling more like a friend than an acquaintance. But I certainly do not like their job. I know it is an important job, an extremely valuable job, but I do not like it. If you've ever seen the inside of my mouth, you'd understand.


(I know, not the most attractive picture,
but these are the teeth I was blessed with - no braces.)

You know how Paul had a thorn in his flesh? My teeth are my thorn.

I can even remember as a 2nd grader losing a partial filling on a baby tooth because I had gnawed off the head of one of those sticky red cinnamon bears. It was replaced with a silver cap. (Imagine the tooth fairy's surprise when it fell out!) I remember another time when I was approximately middle school aged, coming out of the dentist with the news of needing 9 fillings. WHAT?! Are you KIDDING me?! (How come no one told me that cavities could form in between the teeth? I might have taken flossing a bit more seriously!) Then when it was time to pull my wisdom teeth, my amazing dentist did the work for me. Now, mind you, he did this as a huge favor to save my parents some money because we did not have dental insurance. And I have never held it against anyone because I knew it was necessary, BUT the only anesthesia that I was given for the pulling of four wisdom teeth was local. That's right, lots of needles, but awake the entire crunching time. (I take a little pride in surviving that one.) I have had 3 root canals with crowns. Those are my best looking teeth, especially the gold one (gave myself a little bling, I did!)

I had a dentist appointment today. To repair a cracked filling that had a cavity forming beneath it. Why, oh why can these fillings not last until I die? Somedays I think I would just like all my teeth pulled so that I can wear dentures the rest of my life and not have to worry about fillings, root canals, crowns, and all that stuff. My dentist just shakes her head at me and says, "No, you wouldn't want that!" I'm not sure why I wouldn't. They would be nice and straight and white and I could take them out and scare little kids - that'd be fun, right?! Anyway, the numbing alone took an hour. My stinkin' mouth does not cooperate with the whole numbing process.

Today's gift of survival: I have found a number of ways to make this whole dentistry process work a little better for me. First of all, my current dentist is about 4 minutes away from my house. This means that I don't have the anxiety of a 30 minute drive, waiting in the waiting room, and then waiting in the chair. That used to kill me!

I bring mindless stuff to do - crossword puzzles, magazines that have good pictures, nothing too in-depth to read, and my do-almost-everything phone has made that even better! Pretty much, I like having something mindless to do that keeps my mind off of what I am waiting to have done.

I like to have the dentist or endodontist explain what they are doing. It keeps my mind busy and distracted from feeling the things in my mouth. Plus, I find it kind of interesting. I often keep something in my hands to fiddle with too. The pianist in me taps out rhythm to whatever music is playing on the sound system. Anything to keep my focus away from my fears.

I have found in the worst of all my dentistry struggles, I pray. Simple as that. I pray for myself, because I need the prayer (I am in the dentist chair, after all). I pray for my husband and kiddos. I pray for anyone and anything I can think of to pray for. Sometimes I get distracted from my praying because something falls back into my throat (I HATE that!) or my dentist asks me a question or whatever I'm praying about leads me on some thought tangent that is really more thinking to myself than praying (I know you've done that; don't deny it). But when I am praying, I am focusing on something more important that the mess that is in my mouth. When my mouth is good to go again, I have accomplished much more than surviving another trip to the dentist.

Today, I survived the dentist. Oh the relief when the paper bib comes off and I am done! When I leave the office, I always thank the ladies and tell them I hope to not see them again for quite some time, no matter how nice they are.