the resurrection and death

Five years ago, Easter landed on April 8th. I will never forget that date because on April 9th, the day after Easter, 5 years ago, as I visited my Dad in hospice, he died. (And 5 years later, I cannot write that sentence without crying.) It was a tough day, no doubt, but an amazing one also. You see, God allowed me a glimpse (only as much as my feeble mind could imagine) of the incredible celebration that took place as my father entered heaven. Truly the greatest privilege of my entire life was to be with my Dad when he passed on.

(The story of my father's battle with cancer is lengthy, but so much of my growth took place during that time. I want to share more of it with you all and will, as God prods).

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer and our family walked an extremely difficult road for 9 months. As my Dad came closer to heaven and we realized his life here on earth was coming to an end, I faced the scary possibility of being with him when he died. I shared with a few people how I really did not want to be in the room when he passed away.

My husband and I went to the hospice house on April 8th to be with my Mom for Easter. They had a lovely brunch served and we then went to my Dad's room for a bit before heading home. He had pretty much been incoherent since he had entered and we had recently been seeing the signs of approaching death, as we had been foretold by the doctors to expect.

On April 9th, in the early evening, I felt the prodding to go and visit again. It was a 30 + minute drive and so one of my brothers drove me while my husband stayed home with our daughter. Some moments of that evening are blurry, but some are crystal clear. As Dad's breathing slowed down, my Mom went to get a nurse. My brother and I watched as my Dad took his last breath, waited to see if there were any more and then looked at each other. He said to me, "Dad's up in heaven getting his crown."

My Mom says she remembers walking back into the room seeing me with tears streaming down my face with a smile. I remember feeling like a fly on the wall in heaven, glimpsing in blurred vision a crowd and hearing cheers, and feeling exuberant. And in that instant, my view of death was completely turned around.

The fear of death was gone. I still have fears of being sick, of being in pain, of leaving my family and other loved ones. But I don't fear death anymore. I had always known in my head that I shouldn't fear it; I was bound for heaven. But I never could shake the fear of the unknown - what death was really like, leaving all that I had ever known and was comfortable with for something far removed from all that I loved. But now, that fear was gone.

Here's why: (and now I understand with more than just my head; I understand with my heart) Today is Easter, the day we celebrate Jesus CONQUERING death (That word, conquer, is a pretty fantastically strong word). That tomb could not hold Him. There was no grave that could. Death was NEVER going to be stronger than my Savior. To be quite honest, I wouldn't want to follow a Savior who couldn't beat death! And we declare: "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" (1Corinthians 15:55). The sting is here on earth where a fallen people live tortured by the devil. But on the other side, there is NO sting. There is NO victory for death.

Where once I feared being in death's presence, I no longer do because when a person is a child of God, the place where they are headed is SO much greater than life here on this earth, it's unfathomable. As much as I miss my Pa, I'd never wish for him to be back here on this tainted earth. He is in the presence of his Savior, my Savior, and there's no greater place to be.

KC