Thursday, September 8, 2016

lessons learned

I took a little break from writing. Mostly because: what do you write after someone you love passes away? It all seems trivial. Even though it's not. For a while, it feels like it is.

But even in this crappy, difficult time for our family, I was reminded of a few things that I think are worth sharing:

1. Everyone mourns differently. We don't have the right to tell someone how they should handle their grief. We can share from our experiences, we can relate, we can gently pass along words of encouragement. But you cannot tell someone that the way they grieve is right or wrong. 

2. Always say words. Or, if present, give hugs. Text, message, phone call, stop by: but always say the words. Even if they feel awkward or are the same words 50 other people said: say words. Tell or show the people who are mourning that you care.

3. Don't stop the words. A week, 2 weeks, a few months: if you're thinking of that person, let them know. Seven years after their loved one passes, remind them of their loved one. Holes are made, but the edges get softer as people show they still care. 

I know there are more lessons I've learned over the years as I've lost some incredibly dear people in my life, but my heart and brain are too tired to delve too deep to find them. I'm tired of learning lessons about death. We weren't meant to understand or comprehend or deal with death. And I'm exhausted from the whole process.

So I'll get back to writing the fun/funny stuff (have you met my family?! It's inevitable!) but tonight, this was my heart.

Thank you, my faithful friends, for letting me share the heavy and for always allowing me to be real. ❤️


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