Sunday, October 9, 2016


I have come to the realization that no matter how old I get, I will always have some sort of battle going on within me. It's unavoidable.

- I'm a horrible mom. But I'm going to be a mom for the rest of my life so I'll probably always feel that way. Even when my kids are parents, I'm still going to fighting regret and figuring out how to parent my kids who don't want to be parented anymore.

- I'd like to say that I'm super duper confident in myself and that I never, ever compare myself to other woman, ever. But that'd be lying. So I won't say that.

- And I wish I could pretend to have it all together. I can't even pretend!!! If, at any point in time, you look at social media and see me having it "all together," you should probably make sure you're looking at the right person's page.

- I struggle with being a good friend. 
- I suck at cleaning the house.
- I can't grow a good vegetable garden to save my life! For reals: if my family needed to survive off of my gardening skills to date, we'd be eating basil and parsley. 
- I'm seriously lacking self-discipline in pretty much every area of my life that doesn't depend on me for survival. Sure, I feed the family regularly and make sure everyone is clothed and I don't run out of gas in my truck, but I can't seem to exercise regularly or avoid sugar or get my 45 projects completed...

And this list goes on for a long time, people. Being a people-pleaser doesn't help this either.

So then I guess I have to stop trying to figure out how to get rid of my battles, and simply learn how to live in the midst of them.

With grace.

I hate being a failure and even more so: I hate being a disappointment. But that is who I am. Because I am a human with free will. I have been given this gift of free will so that I can make stupid choices and live with the consequences.

But then there is grace. The battles are always going to rage within me, but if I can view them with the perspective of grace, I'll survive every battle. I don't have to be perfect. Grace has me covered on all fronts. 


No comments:

Post a Comment