just so you know

Just so you know, anything about me that is wonderful, kind, thoughtful, generous, and all around amazing is not really of me.  Half a dozen years ago, I was slapped in the face with the realization that overall, I am not a good person.  Nope.  Just a sinful human being.  I make a lot of mistakes.  I do stupid things.  I don't think things through and get myself into a few major messes and quite a few minor ones.  I go where I want to go and do what I want to do a lot of the time, acting on my selfishness.  That stuff is me. 

Anything that is good in me is only that way because of God.  If there is wisdom coming from me, it's really coming from God.  If there is a thoughtful gesture, it's really because of the prodding of God.  If I seem very giving or generous, it's because God pushed me to be that way.  God = good.  KC = not so good.

When I was slapped (not physically, just metaphorically) a while back, it was because I had failed in some way at a friendship.  I can't remember all the details, but what I do distinctly remember was being held up to the standard of something that I wasn't.  Oh, I wanted to think that I was a good person, a great friend.  But in this failure, I harshly realized that I was very imperfect. Ooooh, the humility God was showing me.  Painful.

I have to admit that I still need to be reminded on a pretty regular basis that it is God within me that brings out any good.  All the junk is just me.  For example:

When I started writing this blog, I simply wanted to write what God was prodding me to write.  He's got messages to send out, not me.  But I constantly have to fight the "look what I wrote" to get to the "look what God's doing here."

I suppose that's often how it is when God starts to work through us to further His kingdom.  Satan's not very fond of us being used by God.  He works pretty hard to get in the way using, well, just using ourselves!  We get in our own way pretty good!

So it is with this blog:  I'll try to get out of the way so that God can do some good.  If it were up to me, it'd be a mess!