intentional conversation...huh?

One thing I've figured out about this whole parenting thing is that it sure takes up a large portion of my day! And if I'm being honest, some of that time has been difficult to give. 

The middle of the night call from your newborn who is unhappy because the dirty diaper is squished halfway up his back. 

Sleeping (sorta) next to your 4-yr-old on the floor because he got Hand, Foot, and Mouth and is constantly waking up to pain on his feet and toes.

Listening to your toddler yell and scream for an entire 20 minute drive home because she didn't get what she wanted at the store.

Hanging out watching Dora the Explorer again because your little girl wants you to watch it with her. "Swiped, no swiping!" 

(I'm pretty sure there were some Little Einstein episodes that I had memorized.)

But if I'm honest once again, some of the most time consuming incidents have been the most valuable times with my kids. Either they have learned something or I have learned something. Either way, it was important time spent with my children.

One of the things that took me a while to gain patience for was having intentional conversations with my kids. Essentially, I identified topics that I could see were important to discuss with my child, and then made time to talk with her about it. One of the pastors at our church kinda led us in that direction. 

Here was one example that got us started in the right direction:

Our daughter thinks she rules the roost (she's thought this way since she was a toddler). At around 7 years old, I sat her down on our couch and explained that she was not the boss of this house, but that Mom and Dad were. We talked about what that meant for her, how we expected to be treated and what our expectations for her were. We didn't wait to have this conversation with her until we were upset with something and just completely frustrated with her. She doesn't really listen well in that type of situation. I chatted with her in a calm manner and engaged her in the conversation with questions so that she was listening and responding and participating in this intentional conversation. 

I'd love to say that one conversation changed her whole outlook on who's the boss of this here house but she was 7 and needed a few more conversations for it to sink in. Kids tend to learn lessons better through repetition (like training a puppy...)

We've had conversations about how to treat the ones you love (for example little brothers who are so easy to hold down and pick on). And talked about what God gave us hands and feet for (again, not for hitting or kicking little brothers).

We've had serious conversations about how no matter what happens in life, Mom and Dad will always love you. Even when you think you've made some stupid decision, or you think you have hurt our feelings or made us super mad. Even then, we will still love you and be here for you. (This was a few years back when a young man took his own life and I wanted my children to know that this mom's love was unconditional.)

We have had very intentional conversations about the private parts on their bodies and who is allowed to see them. These are boundaries that we needed to establish for our children so that their innocence might be better protected. They are too young to understand when they might be getting taken advantage of so we gave them their boundaries and opened the door of conversation about a topic that might otherwise always remain hidden.

I have had numerous conversations about God and His awesome plan of salvation and how my kids can get that salvation. Because as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing more important than where my children go after this life for eternity. And both of them have Jesus in their hearts as their own Savior. (Call me blessed!!)

I think you've probably got the idea of what intentional conversations (or "on purpose chats with pre-determined subject matter") are and this post went a bit longer than I intended... Sorry. 

However, I have at least one more post to write on this subject. So stay tuned!

KC

PS- what are you going to chat about with your kiddos today?

the fruit of intentional conversation

Sometimes when you're a parent, life comes to a screeching halt. Whether it's something major or minor, having kids in your life can foil your best laid plans.

Tonight, after saying good-night to both kids, I set about the house to get all those pesky little chores taken care of so I could sit and relax just for a bit: dishes, sweeping the kitchen floor, straightening up the family room, doing one last load of laundry. I had a blog post or two that needed to be written and maybe an episode or two of a Netflix show to watch.

As I got started on the chore list, my Jayne called me from her room. Thinking it was just a quick snuggle she needed, I headed upstairs. 

Nope! Turns out she needed to have a couple of deep conversations, tears and all. When those conversations happen, I grab ahold of the opportunity to speak to my girl's heart and give it as much time as I need to teach her whatever God has in mind for me to teach. 

When she calls me upstairs to have these conversations, I feel blessed. My daughter wants to share her heart with me. She is not afraid to have difficult conversations with me. I have worked hard to create that open door of conversation with her and am grateful for the times when I see it pay off. Someday she's going to be a teenager and the conversations are going to be even more difficult. I hope with my whole heart that she will still call me up to her room to chat about the tough stuff. You better believe that I'm going to keep working at it so she will!

Intentional conversation: probably one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received in raising a strong-willed child. But I believe that it is valuable for every child. Even my son comes to me with questions all the time about subjects that I would think are beyond him. These little minds are constantly thinking and trying to figure out life. Taking the time to talk with them and explain the "whys" and the "hows" helps them understand life a little more. And I think when you understand, then life seems a little less scary and a little easier to manage.

(Need a little more help understanding this "intentional conversation" thing? Stay tuned this week...)

Tonight's subjects with Jayne were pretty awesome. I see about 5 different blog posts from this conversation alone. 

The floors can stay dirty until tomorrow....

(Me with a couple of cute goofballs!)

KC