dumb idea

YOU GUYS!!! Why in the world do so many of you want to go zip lining with me?! And why didn't I put "Go on a cruise with all my friends" on my 40 Before Forty List instead of zip lining?! AUGH! Here I was, just hoping that perhaps that one would fall through the cracks this year but NOOOOOOOO, you all are going to get me up on a terrifying platform, hooked to some rope contraption thing, only to be pushed off (because I'm pretty sure I'm not getting off that platform voluntarily) into crazy heights over absolutely no safety nets, hoping to high heaven that I don't pee my pants! I regret sharing my list with you all!!!

Okay, maybe not.
I still like your hearts.
Even if you are trying to get me to pee my pants.

Let me explain my foolishness for adding zip lining to my List.
I have a phobia regarding heights. I struggle to be near the banisters upstairs in my own house. If someone is standing near them, I ask them to move away. I cannot watch videos of people in those tall buildings who are looking out of floor-to-ceiling glass windows. And those RIDICULOUS videos of people walking on glass bridges over stupid heights so that they can see what awaits them if they fall thousands of feet....NOPE. I can't. I struggle if my kids walk over a bridge. You know that one at Knight's Ferry? It's enclosed, people. But there are cracks and I have to concentrate on not looking down through those cracks because otherwise I will never, ever cross the bridge. I do not have any idea where this phobia came from, but it affects me if members of my family are on tall ladders or on our roof or are looking over the edge of anything that is more than 8 feet tall. I seriously even had issues at the playground watching my children climb over and around the structures and I stressed about them falling down.

I am telling you, zip lining is not on the List because I think it would be fun. I probably put it on the list for reasons of facing my fears. Which I now think is a dumb idea...

HOWEVER, once upon a time, I did face this fear. In high school, our volleyball team went on a retreat and participated in a ropes course. One part of the ropes course was a giant ladder that was made up of huge logs held together by I-have-no-idea-what anymore, but it was not safe, I'm sure of it! Our job was to climb all the way up this stupid thing (it looked like 300 feet tall but was probably more like 40 or 50 feet), cross over the top log/rung of it and then climb back down. There was room for about 3 of us to do it at once, but in reality, it was best for just 2 of us to try and maneuver up and over it. If I remember correctly, we were paired up with someone to help each other get all the way up and over. I was paired with the tallest gal on the team who could hit the ball like no on else. She was a fierce competitor if you faced her on the volleyball net. AMAZING. Strong, powerful, full of all the things you want in a front row hitter.

This amazing gal, she got halfway up the ladder and stopped, and started crying, her fears had completely overtaken her. And there I was sitting across from her and my job now was to encourage her to get up and go to the next rung and so on until we made it up and over and back down again. UMMM, WHAT?! I was the skinniest, scrawniest kid in school. I was a setter on the team and "powerful" and "strong" did not define me. But she needed me so I climbed with her through her tears and encouraged her up and over that stupid giant ladder. And any fears I had were completely gone. Why? Because my focus was no longer on me, but were on helping someone else.

Little did I know how true this would be in life. The first time it truly became evident to me was when I had children. I went from an anxiety-ridden woman to a momma bear who would overcome whatever obstacles I needed to in my own life in order to be there for my children. When we turn our focus away from ourselves and our fears and towards other people and how we can meet their needs, it makes our fears seem a little less significant.

God knows this: "There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18.
Perfect Love = God.
Best example ever.

I'm pretty sure, though, that God didn't say: "Kat, you should go zip lining because that is a great way for you to help somebody out..."
So I think I'm going to need a little more convincing, y'all!!

Seriously, guys, couldn't you have all been more excited about helping me grow a garden or write up my will?!

I guess I'll be planning a zip lining trip. Better be some yummy treats awaiting me when I'm done, just sayin'.
KC