i like me

I had the opportunity to be a part of the MOMS Club here in the Ripon-Salida area for about 6 or 7 years.  What a blessing!!  I learned so much about motherhood and friendship when I was active in the group. But I also learned to be me and to be happy being me. 

In MOMS Club, you could try to impress everyone who came to a play date at your home with a clean house and fabulous snacks, a gorgeously decorated home and a superbly planned play date. Or you could invite them into your family room full of thrift store furniture with toys scattered across the floor, serve up some Ritz crackers and Cheerios, put on a pot of coffee and let the kids play on the afore mentioned floor covered with toys. Whatever you did, the moms were just happy to be there! We got together because of our common bond of motherhood, not because of who did what the best, or because of who had the nicest house.

And I could go on and on about this super supportive, life-changing club, but once again I'll get to my point.  

I had a conversation with an awesome mom today. (I get to have some great conversations with people!) (And it looks like I'm probably not going to get right to my point...) We were chatting about maintaining the standards that we sometimes feel because of all the seemingly perfect moms around us. Through our conversation she got me to thinking, which can sometimes be dangerous, but not in this instance.  Do you ever stop and just think: who do I want to be?  Who has God created me to be? 

It's so easy to get caught up in trying to be like the mom whose kids are perfect or whose house is spotless. You could create a lot of credit card debt making your house look pretty. You could get dressed up nice every time you drop the kids off at school. But is that you? 

I am the mom with the thrift store furniture and the toys on the floor.  I serve a big pot of coffee, Ritz crackers and Cheerios. I wear a ponytail in my hair a lot.  And I am most comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and a pair of Converse. And I'm learning to be okay with that because as it turns out, people like me anyway! 

I like it when you are real.  I like to know that you aren't perfect. It makes you relatable.  

There's nothing wrong with striving to be a better you, but make sure you are being a better you, not trying to be just like someone else.

(Would you look at that? I wrote about comparison and contentment again. There's always some heart issue He's working on with me!)

KC

and on the lighter side

Today I was chatting with a mom and I was once again reminded of just how interesting and neat people are! She has such knowledge and understanding of food and nutrition and health and food allergies and supplements and natural remedies and so much more.  Honestly, I could sit and listen to her talk about it all for two days just trying to soak it all in! And she was so modest about all she knew.  She is fascinating.

And I have met many fascinating people in my lifetime.  I might not be able to tell you about my great feats, but I have a friend who is an Ironman Triathalete.  I know a gal who travels up and down the West Coast promoting Gospel concerts.  Another friend of mine knows so much about horses, sometimes it seems like she's speaking another language.  I have friends living in other countries and others who have moved here from other countries. Their stories are so interesting. 

I could go on and on about the people I have met and known in my (short - yes, I'm feeling young tonight) lifetime but I'll get to my point instead.  You ever look at someone and just decide right away that you'll probably never be friends? Or even acquaintances?  You know, judge a book by its cover? Nah, me neither... But I used to. 

God made each of us unique with different strengths, experiences, lifestyles, and ideas.  And I think it's pretty awesome.  You know why?  Because knowing each of you as made my life richer. 

So go be you because you are quite fascinating. 

And then go meet someone new, because they are probably pretty fascinating too.

KC

passing on

A while back I checked back into the CaringBridge site we had created while my Dad was sick.  I came across the post I had written the day he passed away.  I share it tonight because a dear friend of mine lost a family member this week.

I touch on death on this blog once in a while, not to be morbid, but because the death of my Dad changed my perspective, brought it upward, and changed my life. Also, I have many friends who have also lost family members and can relate to this topic.  I know it touches their heart simply because it touches mine so greatly.  

So if death is not something you like to dwell on or even land momentarily upon, I don't blame you for not reading this post.  But maybe someday you will come back to it.

KC

Posted April 10th, 2007:

"Yes, he is in glory! Last night at around 8:15, my Dad passed away from this earth and up in to a glorious welcome in heaven where he received his beautiful heavenly crown. What an experience to witness, or rather to feel. I have never been so excited for someone in my entire life as the tears poured down my face. I pictured his entrance into heaven and it was incredible, amazing, beyond my imagination. He simply took his last breath and his heart stopped, as peaceful as can be. 

I have been preparing to write this entry for a long time, since the first time Dad was in the hospital. I feared writing it. But after experiencing Dad's passing from earth to heaven, I didn't fear it anymore. You see, death doesn't scare me anymore. Death is simply a passing from this world to an amazing heaven where God has specifically prepared a place for each of us who are saved. My niece is quite convinced that Dad has a "fishy" room! That is the first time that has ever been put into perspective for me: He's preparing a room for me. And he is preparing a place for you. And he prepared a place for my Dad. When our ministry here on earth is done, when God has fulfilled His purpose in each one of us, then we will go to be with Him also.
I actually got a little jealous of Dad last night realizing that he is experiencing life beyond our imagination. I want to be there too! I wish I could have seen his arrival, although I think God allowed me a little glimpse of it last night in my finite mind. But until my ministry here on earth is done, I will stay.

Dear friends, I hurt for you. I hurt when I see our friends crying. I hurt for my Mom, for the 2 toothbrushes that I see in her bathroom drawer, for the entire bathroom remodeled with my father's hands. I hurt for my future here on earth, for the experiences that I will have without my Dad around. I hurt for my children who will not get to know their Poppy. But, I don't hurt for Dad anymore. He's not hurting, he's not sorrowing, he's doing his little jig up in heaven. What a wonderful picture."

And this was posted a bit later:

"Well, today marks 3 months since Dad passed away. I wonder where that phrase came from: "pass away." I think I would call it "gone home to a place so wonderfully perfect that our feeble human minds can't even fathom it." So, then, it has been 3 months since Dad went home to a place so wonderfully perfect that our feeble human minds can't even fathom it. There, that sounds just right." 

 

This post was written for those who needed to hear it tonight.  

the blame game

Maybe I'm not in much of a position to write about this topic.  But then again, maybe I am.  How often do you look at who you have become and blame someone else for the negative parts of who you are?  You know, the imperfect parts of your body that you genetically inherited from your parents, the fact that you never excelled in anything because your brother always made fun of you, your lack of confidence because you were always criticized by your dad, how you work so much and never see your family because you never had money as a kid, or the opposite: you have terrible spending habits because of the examples you had in your life.  There are a million things about ourselves that we can blame someone else for!

I know some people who are like that.  I understand it.  Sometimes there are scars that are built up that are difficult to get past.  You've been this way for so long but it's because someone else treated you terribly some years back and you can't get over it. Someone's cruel words stuck and you can't shake them. There are lots of reasons (excuses) to keep living the way you are living.

Here's my thought:  what someone else did you to will continue to control you until you decide to change it.  You can wallow in it and allow it to keep shaping who you are.  Blame someone else, that's the easy thing to do.  It gives you an excuse to keep being who you are and not change your habits.

OR you can decide to change and be who YOU want to be.  Or even better: who God has created you to be!

Today's challenge (or tomorrow's depending on when you read this): Dig down deep, figure out what part of yourself you are blaming on someone else, quit blaming them and make the decision to change!  It might take a while.  It might mean some major changes in your life.  But isn't it worth it?

KC

p.s.  I have seen some amazing things happen to people who step up and take control of their lives, including my own.  You should try it.

the generation of olders

Today I got the chance to sit and chat with my mom for a couple hours.  We chatted about church and marriage and kids and parenting.  My mom gave me advice, as moms do, and I did some defending as daughters often do - but I think that's just because I want my mom to think I am a good mom.  She tells me that I am all the time, but when you are in the middle of parenting, you need to hear that a lot! I listen to and take my Mom's advice more than she knows: she's a very wise lady (and I'm not just saying that to win brownie points because she reads my blog; she is very wise).

When you are young, you think older people know nothing.  They are from a different generation.  They don't get it.  As you start to grow up, which really doesn't happen till you are into your 30's...or 40's for some, you start to realize that you don't really know what you are doing and that you should have listened to your parents' advice 10 years ago.  

And now that I am in my 30's, I try to tell those kids who are close to or in their early 20's to listen to the older generation (and I'm realizing that that generation thinks I am the older generation - sigh). It is often in these younger years that we make some of our most important decisions: higher education, career path, marriage: all potentially lifelong decisions.  And we are too young and inexperienced to make those decisions!!  

Now I'm not saying that every older person you chat with is going to have great words of wisdom.  As a matter of fact, you might find out some choices they made that you don't want to make because you can see the outcome in front of you: family relationships ruined, habits and addictions that are hard to break, and broken marriages.

But, if you listen, you will understand that there are many years of experiences talking, a lifetime of decisions that affected this person, hurt and heartache, love lost and love gained, so many memories to draw from, all building wisdom.  And if we choose to dismiss the older generation, we risk the chance that we are throwing away a wealth of wisdom to draw from. 

KC

blessed

Struggle #164: contentment

You ever look around at what other people have and feel discontent with your own situation?  If you answered "no," I'm thinking you might be lying.  Somebody's always got it better than you.  They have more.  They have better.  They are faster, smarter, richer, _______________ (you fill in the blank).  And here is where struggle #164 meets struggle #163: comparison.

This is an every day issue for me.  From how I look to what we own, I'm always searching for contentment.  It's hard to focus on just your own blessings and not take note of those around you who have it "better than you."  

But do they really?

Or are they "up to their eyeballs in debt?" 

Or fighting depression or an anxiety disorder?

Or fighting constantly with their spouse?

Or struggling to be a good parent?

Or maybe they are hiding something else in their closet.

Whatever it may be, chances are that things are not exactly what they seem on the outside!

When my kids start to complain, I strive to turn their perspective around.  Instead of seeing what they don't have, I tell them to start listing the things they do have that they can be thankful for. And not just the physical things, but more in depth: they are thankful that they have two parents who love them. They are thankful for a Daddy who works tough hours so he can pay for stuff they have.  They are thankful that Jesus died on the cross for them.

When you start to look at the blessings around you, you focus on what you do have instead of what you don't have and that's where contentment starts.

KC

dusty blinds and fan blades

Seriously.  Sometimes I race around this house for two hours doing stuff that falls into the "cleaning" category and when I look around I see so much left to do, it's as if you can't even see the two hours of work I put in!  I know there are a bunch of you moms shouting "Amen!" right now. It feels overwhelming, to say the least.  

It is a constant game of catch up that never seems to get won.  Even when we have a group of friends over and I get the house looking clean, what you don't see are the clothes piled up in the laundry room (behind closed doors) or the Cheerios that I neglected to vacuum up from under the couch so I just shoved them further back, or the stuff that is shoved in the closet and please don't open that drawer...or that cupboard...or go into the guest bedroom! 

Currently, I am trying to teach my kids more responsibility.  At this point in the game I still feel like a supervisor.  Instead of saying, "Clean up the Family Room," it is more of a bit-by-bit process.  "Pick up those Skylanders.  Good, now put them by the PS3. Okay, next are the shoes - make sure they are actually in the shoe basket , not just near it!  And the socks have a home too - laundry basket.  And all those books shouldn't be on the floor, they live on the book shelf. Pick up the Cheerios from the floor before the cat eats them!" I like that I get to stand in the middle of the room and tell them what to do, but there are still so many other things I could be doing!  

And that's where the perspective comes in on all of this.  

Priorities.

What is more important? Having a perfectly clean house that I am constantly stressing about?  Or taking the time to train my children how to properly clean up a room?  Cleaning my fan blades or making sure my kids' homework is done correctly (although I have to give credit: my husband does nearly all the homework with the kids: what a stud!) Should I be cleaning all the mirrors and windows in the house or spend some time hanging out with my husband? Should I rake up all the leaves on the front patio or help my kiddos write a thoughtful card for their Auntie's birthday?  

I feel like this time right now, while my kids are still in this house, my focus should be on them.  Reading them books at night, talking of Jesus, dealing with hour-long tantrums, teaching them to floss and to make healthy food choices. Because when they have moved out, I will have plenty of time to clean my house!  

Here's my list of priorities (in order of importance):

God

Husband (because we've got to be together for a long time so we've got to build us up now!)

Children 

Everything else

So, honestly, those dusty blinds are probably gonna stay that way awhile.  Maybe another 15 years.

KC