i'm sorry

We taught our kids at an early age to apologize when they had done something wrong. It's important for them to realize what they have done and how to make it right. We, as parents, have also swallowed the humility pill and have apologized to our children when we needed to (because of the whole "lead by example" thing in parenting).

This was a good habit until one day I told my daughter that I wouldn't accept her apology. She was devastated. But the lesson learned that day was the beginning of understanding what a true apology entails.

Whatever had happened between the two of us must have been royally big. I'm sure I was not only angry, but hurt as well. My daughter is still in the process of understanding that when you are angry, that's not an excuse to just let the words fly out of your mouth fueled by angry emotions instead of controlled words that you actually mean. She had probably stomped on my heart pretty good. And, although I've learned that I shouldn't take everything that comes out of my daughter's mouth personally, it is difficult not to. Plus, I guarantee this was not the first offense, or second, or probably even her third. 

After the blow up, she came back around to apologize to me. 

Nope! Not accepted.

Wide eyes with the expression of "Whaaaaat?!" 

And then I told her this: When you apologize for something you have said or done, it has to be more than just words that make the situation right as rain. A true apology comes with the intention that you will change the negative behavior that led up to the apology to begin with. You might fail. You might commit the same behavior again, but at least you will have tried to correct the behavior. 

When you apologize, don't do it until you are ready to admit that what you did was wrong and you will try hard not to do it again. 

Otherwise, I won't believe you.

And "click!" it made sense to her. And then she apologized again and said she would try harder not to be so mean to me. 

I still remind her when she apologizes to me: "Don't tell me you're sorry unless you're going to try really hard not to do it again!" 

I don't expect perfection. I know very well that when I apologize to God for what I've done that I have high hopes that I won't commit the same sin, but I am realistic enough to accept that I probably will. But I try.

And that's all I ask of my kids.

KC