meant for good

The kids and I have been studying the life of Joseph since we started school this year.

His life: unbelievable.

Can you imagine being hated so much by your siblings, that they scheme about ways for you to die?
Or being treated so horribly by your siblings that they figure out a way to get rid of you: sell you off and tell your dad that you died so he will never come looking for you, leaving no hope of you ever coming home?
Or being a servant in a home where you are given the highest of responsibilities and respect by the head guy in charge only to be lied about by the wife who really just wants to sleep with you, gets mad when you refuse, and you end up in jail?!
Then helping a fellow out while you all are in jail and he forgets to do his part to pass on the good word about you so there you sit, in jail, for years...

What a crappy life!

Years later, when his brothers come to him for help, not realizing it is actually him, it puts him in quite the predicament. These guys plotted to kill him years ago and now they need food?! The perspective that Joseph has can only be God-given because our human nature would most definitely not see the situation the same way:

He reveals himself to his brothers and tells them not to be distressed or angry with themselves for selling him because it was to save lives that God sent him ahead of them. And even goes so far as to say that it wasn't them who sent him there, but  it was God so that he could save their lives by a great deliverance!

Ummm....wow!

I've had some not-so-wonderful things happen in my life. There have been a number of times when life felt horrible. But my brothers never tried to sell me (as far as I know, anyway!) and my brothers never plotted to try to kill me (pretty sure about that one)! And I haven't been sold from my family to a far away country.

But I'll tell you what: even with my "minor life struggles" (which actually felt/feel pretty huge sometimes), it has taken a lot to bring about a perspective that is even slightly in line with Joseph's.

But what I'm realizing about the tough stuff (although sometimes it comes with pain) is that God means it for good. Whatever I have been through in life, God has always meant it for good. Maybe not the actual anxiety disorders or deaths of people that I love or extremely difficult parenting moments or relationship issues, but the outcomes and the changes and the lives affected because of what I have been through - this is where the good comes. I might not always understand it at the time, but I see it in hindsight.

The future looks a bit scary to me. My kids are growing up in this crazy, ridiculous world and I can only hope and pray that I am preparing them for it. I've also learned that death can be right around the corner for the people I love. And that tragedy can strike at any moment. And I'm not prepared for any of it.

But I am walking alongside a God who is prepared for it. He is prepared to hold me up and to bring about whatever good He is capable of bringing out of the horribleness (which is immeasurable amounts of good because, well, because He's God.)

So I can either choose to live in resentment for the tough stuff of life, or I can look for the good that has come out of the difficulties.

I choose to look for the good.
(But sometimes I need a reminder to do so!)

KC

not so personally

So, here we are, back to my late night thoughts.

As I thought about what I should write this evening, I kept coming back to a realization I had regarding my incredibly amazing 11-year-old daughter who also happens to be incredibly strong-willed and who happens to be very opposite of my personality (at least when I was a little girl) and who happens to drive me crazy!!

I homeschool this red-headed beauty of mine so you could say that we see each other a lot. A LOT. And when you see someone frequently, there is definitely opportunity for you to get on each other's nerves.

We get on each other's nerves. A lot. This results in "discussions" a lot. And disagreements a lot.

And this mom gets frustrated. A lot.

Earlier this week it struck me through a conversation that a very good mom friend of mine and I were having, that I take my daughter too personally. That maybe I'm not the bad guy, but that life is the bad guy and she needs to take it out on someone, so who better to take it out on than someone you know who already loves you unconditionally, even when you are a pain in the butt?!

Maybe I need to stop taking her frustrations so personally and I should start showing this 11-year-old more grace.

After all, when I've had a rough, frustrating, upsetting day, I don't have a problem heading to God to complain about it. And He's always willing to show me grace, despite my attitude.

So I guess it looks like I've got a few more lessons in patience to learn and I need to react less and to think a little more before I talk. And I've got to put myself in her 11-year-old shoes. And I've got to learn to be the mature one...

When do I get to stop growing up?!?!

KC

lessons learned

I took a little break from writing. Mostly because: what do you write after someone you love passes away? It all seems trivial. Even though it's not. For a while, it feels like it is.

But even in this crappy, difficult time for our family, I was reminded of a few things that I think are worth sharing:

1. Everyone mourns differently. We don't have the right to tell someone how they should handle their grief. We can share from our experiences, we can relate, we can gently pass along words of encouragement. But you cannot tell someone that the way they grieve is right or wrong. 

2. Always say words. Or, if present, give hugs. Text, message, phone call, stop by: but always say the words. Even if they feel awkward or are the same words 50 other people said: say words. Tell or show the people who are mourning that you care.

3. Don't stop the words. A week, 2 weeks, a few months: if you're thinking of that person, let them know. Seven years after their loved one passes, remind them of their loved one. Holes are made, but the edges get softer as people show they still care. 

I know there are more lessons I've learned over the years as I've lost some incredibly dear people in my life, but my heart and brain are too tired to delve too deep to find them. I'm tired of learning lessons about death. We weren't meant to understand or comprehend or deal with death. And I'm exhausted from the whole process.

So I'll get back to writing the fun/funny stuff (have you met my family?! It's inevitable!) but tonight, this was my heart.

Thank you, my faithful friends, for letting me share the heavy and for always allowing me to be real. ❤️

KC

I don't have the words...

There have been some hard posts to write, and this one is right up there with those.  Not only is what I'm writing about difficult, but because I'm still in shock, I'm struggling for words.

On Tuesday morning, my father-in-law suddenly passed away from a heart attack. I received the phone call from my mother-in-law and then had to make the difficult phone call to Scott, my husband. 

(Another reason why this is difficult is because many of you are close friends of Scott and I, and are hearing about this for the first time. Because how do I just post my father-in-law's passing on social media without absorbing the shock myself and without it being a shock to others? It's impossible.)

I'm familiar with death. And I should be familiar with the shock of it. 

But I'm not.

My own Pa passed onto heaven 9 years ago.

But Bob was my dad too.

He loved me and cared for me as his own daughter (even though he didn't have any daughters of his own, he did a great job of being a father to me!)

He respected me.

He encouraged me.

He listened to me.

He was considerate of me.

He was interested in me and what I had to say.

He valued what I brought to the family.

And I have always been family to him.

I thought maybe I knew how to deal with this sudden shock, but I don't. 

It's brand new all over again.

And I'll never get used to it.

KC

3 things you should never tell God:

1. "I can't."

Every time He heard this, God must just think: "Ha! Let me just show you how much you CAN!!" and then ups the stakes (not that God is by any means a gambling God) by tenfold.  You know why? Because you CAN'T!! Unless you have His purpose and power behind you, then you absolutely CAN TENFOLD!! And even though we forget it, He doesn't. When we tell Him we can't, He tells us that we don't have to because He's got this and we are just His vessels for carrying out His will. 

So there: you CAN!!

2. "Please teach me to have patience."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! 

Quite possible the stupidest thing I asked for. 

Do you know what it takes to acquire patience?? So many impatience-inducing people and situations!! There's a reason that one of "patience's" synonyms is "long-suffering." 

But I'll tell you what: it works! I'm not perfectly patient, but I can suffer a lot longer than I could 10, almost 11 years ago!

3. "Use me."

Oh no. Do not utter these words unless you MEAN them! Because God will begin to poke and prod you to do and say things that you never before had the courage to do and say and since you told Him to use you, you've got to listen to that voice telling you that this is what God is pushing you to do. You might be scared, but OH! the places you will go and the people you will meet and the things you will do all because you gave yourself over to be used by God. 

So just beware of what you say to God. He might just end up doing some amazing things in your life, if you're not careful...

KC

big brothers are the worst

The kids and I are studying the story of Joseph.

If ever there was a life that could have turned to resentment, depression, and despair, this is it.

Short story: Joseph's brothers hated him, sold him, told his dad that he had died. He ended up in Potiphar's house where the guy's wife lied about him which ended up getting him thrown in jail. While there, he interpreted some dreams and then those guys forgot about him (well, one of them died so that's understandable). From favorite son to forgotten in jail.

If ever there was a life that shows God's amazing work through trials and devastation, this is it.

After all that garbage in his life, he ended up second-in-command only under Pharoah, and because of that position, he was able to save the lives of the guys who sold him to begin with. 

Redemption. 

So I'm thinking that if God can take the messed up rigamaroll that was Joseph's life and turn it into something amazing and incredible, then He can do the same for each of us who might have lived through a bunch of junk ourselves. 

And the craziness of it all is that the people who did all this horrible garbage to him, he ended up not only forgiving them, but helping them too! Man, that took gutsy forgiveness. 

The Bible's full of lives that parallel ours here on earth. 

Good reading, I tell ya. 

That God, He knows what He's doing a whole lot more that I know what I'm doing.

KC

for reals

I love Instagram filters. I can make an average picture look gorgeous just by changing the filter. I can brighten up a drab picture or focus in on the good, editing out the bad. And Snapchat filters are even better! Goodness, I didn't know I could be so perfect until I used Snapchat filters! 

That's all good and fun, but it's not reality!! 

Reality isn't gorgeous. Reality isn't close to perfect. Reality doesn't have a filter that makes my skin flawless and puts a butterfly crown on my head. 

Reality is crying out of frustration as a parent.

Reality is dealing with my shortcomings as a wife.

Reality is the mess hidden underneath the bed or behind the couch or in the closet.

Reality is the bag of Munchies I finished off today. (SO GOOD THOUGH!)

Reality is the pile of stuff just out of the Instagram post of perfect home decor.

Reality is the strained relationship with a friend or family member.

Reality is exhaustion and fatigue, stress and anxiety, worry and concern.

But reality is also full of hope.

Today I had texts of encouragement.

Today I was reminded that I have amazing friends.

Today my sister-in-law brought us dinner (people, I cannot even tell you how this made my day!! It was so good and I was blessed!!)

Today God never left my side.

Today His grace is the reason I survived today. 

I am #survivingbythegraceofGod every day. 

KC

 (Ridiculous)

PS - I write because I feel God's call. I write because He's got a purpose for these words. My little self wants to keep this blog to just a few followers, but it's not really up to me, right? So I'll put this out there and let God do what He wants: please feel free to share my blog at anytime with anyone.