the battle is real

Today I ate cookie dough. I totally deserved it. I probably deserved 5 pieces of cookie dough. You know why? Because I was attacked today. Straight up attacked, I tell you!!

You see, last night I wrote a post about being a mom and all the stresses that accompany that. It is down-in-the-trenches work, some days! And so I was making a choice to find more joy in being a mom, in being me, just in life in general.

These are all good things, and I know it! Seriously and for reals: I wanted to encourage all y'all in life and to be the best me I can be according to what God has called me to do. I know I'm far from perfect, but I know with that post, I was going the right direction. 

And then BOOM!! Out of left field, (or right field? I don't know...) I was faced with an escalating and frustrating and irritating and downright angering situation with one of my kids. Buttons pushed, every single stinking one of them, mean words were said to me, disrespect was thrown followed by disobedience and there I was, standing on the edge. 

That edge has many different directions but once you snap, you're going down. I felt myself snap and went in a direction I later had to apologize for. No children were harmed in the direction I went, but it was not a proud moment. It was all me, I lost it, I went into crazy town until that child finally got out of my sight.

Why, my friends, why?! Why must it be that when we take strides forward, we are pushed and shoved back until we feel like utter failures once again? Oh, the utter discouragement! I had a meeting with a friend shortly thereafter and was in tears and felt like throwing up because of the physical effects of my disappointment. By the grace of God, she was on the exact same page I was and lifted me up and so did another of my dearest friends who pulled me out of my pit with her perspective and words of encouragement and empathy. 

People, the devil does not rest. He targets. He looks for those trying to make strides towards God's calling and then he batters them. It is a battle that we fight for our children and for our own lives. When we recognize the warfare, that it isn't just us being horrible, terrible people, that it means we are making progress because otherwise why would he fight us so hard, that makes it easier to get back up and continue slogging through the muck to fight again.

And mommas, those of you feeling downtrodden, or worthless, or like you couldn't possibly be a more horrible mom - you are not alone. This is why I write. This is why I share with vulnerability. This is why: so that you might know that life is not all about the perfect Instagram post or Facebook picture you see other women posting. This is real life: the ugly, the frustrating, and the sobbing. Today I was all three. 

I need another piece of cookie dough.

KC

challenged

Being a mom is hard. 

We juggle so much and try to appear sane while doing it all.

While inside we are a hot mess of fears and anxiety:

What if I'm completely messing up my kids and their future?

What if my kids need counseling because I screwed them up so bad?

Maybe they are involved in too much.

Maybe they aren't involved in enough.

Maybe they aren't involved in the right activities?

What if my kids end up being entitled brats?

Should I take electronic devices completely away from them?

Should I ban all sugar from the house?

Should I spank? Yell? Use time outs? Vaccinate?

Which friends should they be allowed to have?

Are they brushing their teeth enough?

Have I fed them enough green vegetables?

What if I just truly suck at this whole parenting thing?

And then there's the pressure we put on ourselves and the emotions that we deal with:

Try to be the perfect mom.

Bring delicious and gorgeous baked goods to school.

Do all the volunteering.

Host fun events for other moms.

Don't let anyone see how stressed you are.

Smile. Don't show the sadness.

Pretend you have it all together because everyone else certainly seems to!

What a BUNCH of MALARKEY!!

Where is the joy in being a mom?!

People, we are way too hard on ourselves. We put so much pressure on ourselves that no one else is putting on us, just us! WE tell ourselves to be better. WE tell ourselves we aren't good enough. WE never cut ourselves any slack!!

So here's what I'm gonna do: on my "Surviving By the Grace of God" Facebook page, at the end of every day, I'm going to tell you all something good about the day, about being a mom, about being a woman, about being me! We see more good when we look for it. So let's start looking for it! And my challenge for you is to comment something good about being you because you are amazing!! And please don't think I'm limiting this to moms. Momhood is just where I'm at in my life! Let's find the good, people!

KC

anti-wrinkle cream

I was having a conversation with a couple of gal friends of mine a few nights ago. I told them that I didn't like how, as I got older, I was becoming more high maintenance. As a kid and teen and into adulthood I was never big on spending a lot of time or money on my make up, hair, and most of my clothing. And now I'm buying expensive shoes to wear when I exercise, awesome mascara (which is also costlier than any from Walgreens but I won't give it up for the world because when I see people now, they don't ask if I'm tired or sick!) more expensive shampoo followed by 3 or 4 different hair products, it now takes me longer to get ready because not everything I put on fits just right anymore, I have to watch what I eat and drink and make sure I'm exercising regularly, and, horror of all horrors: I started using anti-wrinkle cream this year! Being 28 sucks!! 

(giggle!)

Wrinkles. 

I gotta stop right there. 

There are a few that I'm okay with erasing. That 11 that forms between the eyebrows when I'm utterly frustrated with my kids or thoroughly confused by some technological issue on my computer. I could do without that. And the high, wavy wrinkles on the forehead that come when I'm giving my kids the hairy eyeball or raising my eyebrows in the: "What did you say to me? I didn't think so!" expression. 

But I've decided that there's a few wrinkles that'd I'd be okay with keeping.

You know the ones by the corners of your eyes that appear when you smile or laugh? And the ones by the corners of your mouth, the little lines that kids draw in when they draw a smiley face? I'll keep those. Those I've earned with laughter and smiles, they are symbols of happiness and joy in my life. They prove the good that has happened in my life. 

When I see those lines on someone else's face, it draws me to them. It tells me that they have looked for and seen the good in life. And those are the people I gravitate towards. 

A long time ago I saved this poem from Pinterest: 

"Scars of happiness." - I love that!

Okay, so I probably won't stop using my anti-wrinkle cream all together. Afterall, I just got a new one that I love from Younique (yeah, I plugged it because I LOVE it!) but I'm going to overload my "11" and my forehead wrinkles and maybe not stress so much about the crinkles around my eyes and smile.

After all, I've earned them.

KC

the legacy of a mom

Just before Christmas I had the privilege of attending the funeral of a gal who was my mom's age when she passed on into heaven. She was a wife, mom, MIL, grandma, and a great-grandma! The church was packed because so many people in our little community knew her and her husband and her kids because of their involvement in the schools, churches, and, well, the community. 

At one point in the service, her kids and grandkids had the chance to share their memories of their mom and grandma. I sat and listened and felt like I was given the chance to peek into their family room and share in their memories and even felt welcomed to do so! It truly was a blessing.

But the biggest blessing for me was the lessons I learned about being a mother from their words. As I sat and listened to those precious memories, the wonderful things that they said about their mom, nothing but honesty about the goodness of who she was, I reflected on my own self and who I was as a mom.

I know I'm not perfect, just as I'm sure their mom wasn't. But as those kids told stories of her love, of how she cared for each child, grandchild, and great grandchild, how her door was always open, how she would dole out her practical wisdom, taught her family her traditions, and always had a smile on her face, it made me want to strive to be the mom that my kids will look back on and know that I did my best, that I tried to use the gifts God gave me, and that I desired to raise them as godly children, just as she did. Her kids are a testimony to her heart as a mother. If you've met any one of them, you know this is true. 

At one point in the service, one of the daughters mentioned that her mom would not want such a big fuss about her, but I thought to myself: I don't think she wouldn mind the fuss if she knew that she was affecting lives like mine and other women in the audience even after she was in heaven. What an inspiration! What a legacy! 

She gives me hope and determination to leave my own legacy for my kids.

So moms: keep momming on!! We are inspiring those around us, just by being moms! ❤️

KC

* I knew these "kids" when we were growing up which is why I call them "kids" throughout today's post. That day when they shared their hearts about their mom, they were kids again. When it comes to moms, we'll never stop being kids. 

**I also didn't share names, even though most of my readers know this family, but that's simply because I didn't ask permission to do so. Feel free to share, if you feel it is shareable! 

***Love you guys!

the greatest of these

I've met a decent amount of people in my life. And I've had conversations with a good variety of people too. Turns out that there's no one just like me out there so far. I mean I heard there was a doppleganger of me somewhere in the US, but I haven't met her yet. But chances are good that we're not exactly the same either. And even if we looked the same and acted the same, we would have different life experiences that shaped us so yep: still not the same.

That might all seem like an obvious point that I'm making there, but I'm making it for a good reason, I promise. It leads into the less obvious point which should honestly be just as obvious as that point! 

None, not one of us, is identical to anyone else, not even identical twins. My dad was an identical twin and although my Uncle Don was so similar in looks and in nature to my dad that sometimes when he visited it felt like we had two dads, there were enough differences to set them apart from each other. 

The truth is this:

You and I and every other person in this world are different. We have different upbringings by different parents. We had a different variety of friends in school who influenced our lives. We grew up in different neghborhoods, towns, states, countries. We have each had experiences, both good and bad, that have shaped us. Our brains and hearts work in their own unique ways. We developed different political views (and if you all think I'm just speaking to one side of the political party today, you all would be wrong.) We have experienced different faiths, different educations, different people, different jobs, and different influences. 

What in the world makes us fight so hard to make sure everyone sees things the way we do? Why must we be right and try to prove it to the world? Why is our pride more important than peace? Are our opinions really more important than our relationships? Do we always have to speak our minds? And why is this "tolerating" business so difficult? Last I understood "to tolerate" someone and their opinions doesn't mean you have to agree with them about everything. But I think the word "respect" should be in its definition...

Because fact of the matter is this: WE ARE ALL JUST TOLERATING EACH OTHER!! We all have differing viewpoints on something somewhere somehow and are tolerating each other everyday. 

I think somewhere along the lines we got our priorities mixed or maybe we (and I'm chatting here at those who are gung-ho Jesus followers like myself) missed the real message of the Bible: God first, others second, myself last. God doesn't say we can put others last if we disagree with them. And I'm not sure you're gonna win a lot of people over to Christ if you tell them how right you are and how wrong they are before you have even developed a trusting relationship with them. And if I'm being honest (which I am so I'm not sure why that phrase was created, like do you have to guess at my honesty because of the "if"? Weird. #squirrel!), I'm not going to want to listen to someone who shoves their opinion down my throat without even consider how or why I might feel differently. 

Okay, I'll step down off this soapbox, but not until I share one last thing. 

(If you want to skip this whole chapter, do me a favor and read the last verse.)

1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in partand we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhoodbehind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The greatest of these is love.

Mic drop.

KC

why i gave up on resolutions

Years ago...like maybe 3 or 4 years, I gave up on making New Year's resolutions. It wasn't so much that I sucked at keeping them (although I did suck at keeping them...that just wasn't the reason I gave up on them), it was more about setting myself up for the impossible and then living a life of failures or the rest of the year. I couldn't beat myself up like that every year. 

Seriously, in the years that I did try to follow through with my resolutions, I can't think of one, NOT ONE, that I actually followed through with successfully!! So why even try?!

But I also can't live my life without making changes for the better when I see the need. So I decided to create short term goals for myself. And they didn't have to start at the beginning of each year. They could start when I was ready for them to start! I ain't gonna let the end of an old year and the beginning of a new one dictate when I can and cannot set goals for myself! (That might be a little bit of stubbornness and maybe a little rebellion there...)

Okay, so my point is this: achieving success for me means breaking down a big goal into something smaller; into attainable goals. For example: in order to change my eating habits, I struggled to change everything all at once. So instead I made small changes, one at a time: I worked at taking out my nighttime snack (I'm still not always successful with that one, stupid Pringles), and then I tried pulling some of the carbs (i.e. bread, pasta, rice and all things delicious and comforting) out and replacing them with more protein. I've also tried to increase the amount of water I drink on a daily basis (I heard that was good for you...) And then, biggest change of all, I cut out Starbucks almost completely! For those of you who know me and how I drank my strawberry iced tea nearly every day, you know this is kinda a big deal! But I wanted to begin to eliminate the amount of sugar I was consuming.

Now had I tried to make all those changes in a day or a week or even a month, I would have been a grumpy mess of a woman that no one would want to be around! I actually tried that once about a year and a half ago...have you heard of the Whole 30 Challenge?! It was a complete upheaval of all my bad dietary habits and that challenge rocked my world! But let me tell ya, there were a few days when I'm pretty sure no one wanted to be around me... 😳 

So I tell you all of that to tell you this: a New Year's resolution might seem completely overwhelming to you, but it doesn't have to be. If you can see yourself taking baby steps, then take baby steps to get there. If you fail once in a while, don't let those few steps backwards stop you from going forward again. Grant yourself a little grace in your failures and then keep going. Breaking a resolution once shouldn't be the end of trying to attain your goal. 

We've got this year, people! 2017 is ours!!! (In bits and pieces and baby steps...) but it's still ours!

KC

guidelines for posting on social media

(I didn't know I had so much passion about this until I started writing this post! So beware: rant is coming!)

Oh Facebook, you have the potential for so much good. What a shame to see you being used for so much bad.

People, please think of this when you are posting comments on Facebook: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all! 

Is it so important that you put your opinion out there that you end up stepping all over someone else's feelings? Is it necessary to be right and prove your "rightness" at the expense of a relationship? Would you say it to that person's face, out loud, with hundreds of other people listening to you (because essentially that's what you are doing when you comment on someone's post)? And for many of my readers who are followers of the One and Only Jesus Christ: are your words and actions a good witness to anyone else who might read what you have written?! Or what you have re-posted?! Or whatever you are putting out there for so many people (believers, non-believers, potential believers, anti-believers) ti read?!

I beg and plead of you: think twice before you write. Shucks, think 3 or 4 times before you write! 

I cannot tell you how many times I have verbalized to my husband a response to something on social media and then chose NOT to respond on social media. This is a good way for  me to get all my angst and frustration and irritation out without the whole world being able to see it.

You all have a right to post whatever you want, all your opinions and feelings and comments. But keep in mind: your words affect other people. Think about how you want to affect other people because that power lies in your fingertips. 

Perhaps my words are not convincing enough. In which case, maybe these hold a little more power and persuasiveness:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk (or typing) come out of your mouths (or fingertips) but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs (not your needs) that it may benefit those who listen."

Ephesians 4:29 

*with a few additions in parenthesis from yours truly,

KC