There are times in life when you need the saturation of scripture. Today there are so many traumas of the past week or so that have built up that there tears continually threaten to spill over. I feel the need to turn to the comfort scriptures that God has granted us for glimpses of peace, rest, hope.
A little more than a week ago, a friend's son was injured and hospitalized. So scary to see this happen to a child so young. But it has been wonderful to see his healing as well as the support of friends helping this family.
A dear friend of mine and her wonderful husband have a medically fragile son who recently underwent a multi-organ transplant. The complications currently occurring are bringing a heaviness to my heart. I cannot even fathom the emotions of his parents as they live in "survival" mode - just getting by living minute to minute.
And this afternoon I received news that the man whom I have been blessed to call pastor has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. With the news being so recent, I am still in a state of speechlessness.
Three others come to mind who are battling various stages of cancer. One is the extremely talented photographer father of a friend of mine. Another is a dear woman who lives in my old neighborhood - sweetest woman ever, never downhearted. And a third is the father of a classmate of mine - I remember as a child he always had the greatest biggest smile ever.
There are many in my life who have walked tough roads. My heart breaks to think of parents who have passed, infants who have lived mere minutes or never saw the light of this earth, sons and daughters lost too young, brothers, sisters, friends gone in a heartbeat and others who we've watched as they've approached death. Sufferings, aches, tears, sadness.
Today's gift of survival:
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:8
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Psalm 62:1-2
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29
There have been times in this life I have come to a complete state of helplessness. There is nothing I can do to make a situation better but open the Bible and search for the words of comfort that only God can provide:
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life;
The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121:1-4, 7, 8
No matter where I am in this life, I am never out of the grip of God.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
getting away to survive
I didn't get anything posted on my blog yesterday, as I am currently out if town. But having a few minutes to sit and mess around I thought I'd see if I could blog from my phone. That'd be neat, wouldn't it?
We decided to get out of Dodge for a bit to focus on our family a bit: create some fun memories, relax, and get away from the huge to-do list that comes with purchasing a new abode and the to-do list that I create just looking around the house!
So we are rejuvenating in a little cabin with a surprising visit from the heavens: snow! We are enjoying the warmth of the fireplace and the hot tub. We've been playing games and eating food, snacks, and more food. We've been focusing on each other and have been admiring God's great creation.
Sometimes to survive, you've got to get away.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
thunder: a healthy fear
I have a vivid memory of thunder and lightning in my mind from when I was a kid. I was sleeping on my parent's floor in the midst of the storm and could see their entire curtain light up, creating fear within me as I waited for the impending boom of thunder. To this day, I am not a huge fan of thunder. Today, as I did a little work outside at my Mom's house, I tried to ignore the thunder until my children came out next to me.
In my mind, I know my fear of thunder is irrational and as an adult, I have mostly outgrown it. It still sends shivers down my spine, but not the fear that makes me want to sleep on my parents floor. My husband thinks it's cute and tells me he'll take care of me whenever we are in the midst of a thunder storm (cute, eh?). As for my children, I tell them that thunder is the sound of God's voice. He is mighty and powerful and strong and can boom like the loudest thunder!
You see, I don't want to pass on my fears to my kids if I can help it in anyway. They have enough of their own to worry about, I don't need to give them anymore! My daughter doesn't like the sound of balloons popping or fireworks. My son doesn't like the eyeballs he sees under his bed sometimes.
My (now little) fears still include heights, getting shots or blood drawn, being in the center of a row, being in small enclosed areas, and dentist visits. I let my husband take them to each of their first "working" dentist appointments (not just check ups - those were easy!) He's so much better at remaining calm - he even talks me out of my anxiety! That's what Daddys are supposed to do, right? Stay calm and levelheaded on the way to the ER... Mommies should keep their mouths shut and not spout out all the "what ifs" that come to mind! My point is, when my children have to face my fears, I try my hardest not to project what I am feeling onto them.
There are some healthy fears that I do try to help my children understand. Don't go near strangers. Don't go out of my sight. Do not let go of my hand in the parking lot. Look both ways before crossing the street. My kids are old enough to understand the "whys" and "why nots" of these so I explain the reasons to them to create a healthy fear in them.
As I finish up, I realize that there's a valuable point to thunder. It is a reminder of the power of our God. And sometimes we need to be reminded to have a healthy fear of Him.
In my mind, I know my fear of thunder is irrational and as an adult, I have mostly outgrown it. It still sends shivers down my spine, but not the fear that makes me want to sleep on my parents floor. My husband thinks it's cute and tells me he'll take care of me whenever we are in the midst of a thunder storm (cute, eh?). As for my children, I tell them that thunder is the sound of God's voice. He is mighty and powerful and strong and can boom like the loudest thunder!
You see, I don't want to pass on my fears to my kids if I can help it in anyway. They have enough of their own to worry about, I don't need to give them anymore! My daughter doesn't like the sound of balloons popping or fireworks. My son doesn't like the eyeballs he sees under his bed sometimes.
My (now little) fears still include heights, getting shots or blood drawn, being in the center of a row, being in small enclosed areas, and dentist visits. I let my husband take them to each of their first "working" dentist appointments (not just check ups - those were easy!) He's so much better at remaining calm - he even talks me out of my anxiety! That's what Daddys are supposed to do, right? Stay calm and levelheaded on the way to the ER... Mommies should keep their mouths shut and not spout out all the "what ifs" that come to mind! My point is, when my children have to face my fears, I try my hardest not to project what I am feeling onto them.
There are some healthy fears that I do try to help my children understand. Don't go near strangers. Don't go out of my sight. Do not let go of my hand in the parking lot. Look both ways before crossing the street. My kids are old enough to understand the "whys" and "why nots" of these so I explain the reasons to them to create a healthy fear in them.
As I finish up, I realize that there's a valuable point to thunder. It is a reminder of the power of our God. And sometimes we need to be reminded to have a healthy fear of Him.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
a mountain and a laundry hill
My daughter makes more laundry each week than the rest of us combined, it seems. She goes through numerous wardrobe changes throughout her day. Most of her clothing ends up on the floor until laundry day. Then the most important pieces get put in her basket for me to clean. I'm not really looking forward to when she is a teenager, but at least then she'll be able to reach her closet rod to hang her clothing back up (and hopefully do it).
Today's gift of survival: I pick one day for laundry and make it my goal to get it done by the end of that day. My laundry day is Monday. I usually get it done by, well, Tuesday. And sometimes Wednesday... But it's good to have goals, right?! Why only one day? Seems overwhelming, right? But for me, when it is done, it's done. It doesn't hang over my head all week. Once it's done on Monday (or Tuesday), I don't have to think about it until laundry day again. And to me, that feeling of freedom is enough motivation to get it done in 1 (or 2) days.
Today's other gift of survival: learning not to make a mountain out of a laundry hill. When I first started struggling with the strong-will of my child (and just to make something clear: my child's strong will is not a negative label on my part. It is an amazing part of how God created her. Our struggles come when we, my husband and I, don't know what to do with it.), my oldest brother pointed out to me something he had learned in raising a strong-willed child also: pick your battles. I took me a while to understand that statement. I didn't want any bad behavior to go uncorrected. If I didn't set her straight right away, then things would get out of control!
But it hit me one day what his comment truly meant: when you are in a situation and you have to decide whether to make a mountain out of it or not, decide whether it is a heart issue. If your child is being rebellious, defiant, disobedient, or a behavior that signifies a heart issue, then the issue must be addressed. (And again, when I say "you" I actually mean "me.") If my child is simply being irritating (kicking the back of my seat in the car, making high pitched screeching noises, leaving a pile of clothing on her floor, doing her homework with sloppy handwriting, having a consistently messy room, eating her food messily, putting her clean clothes on the floor instead of in her drawers, making her eat the disgusting food that I make, and so on - this list is very long in our house), I will usually just let it go. You see, for our strong-willed child, there are enough battles that we must pick and if we went through with EVERY battle, there would be no peace in our house.
Today's battle could have been about getting her laundry ready for me. She did a lousy job of it. But that is a battle I choose not to fight. I simply tell her to put what she thinks is dirty in her laundry basket for me to clean. If it's not in the basket, it doesn't get washed. The pile outside of the laundry basket today was larger than the pile inside. *sigh* She got started, and then got bored with it, or distracted. But I guess on the bright side, I didn't have as much laundry to do today!
My kid might end up having bad handwriting, or always have a messy room. She might have to rummage through the pile of laundry on the floor, sniff-testing to make sure she can wear it to school that day. But maybe, just maybe, she won't go through a rebellious stage (as so many people "expect" their children to do). Maybe she will have a good grasp of respecting others and treating them with kindness. Maybe she will have a living relationship with her heavenly Father. That's what matters to me. The rest aren't worth climbing the mountain for.
Today's gift of survival: I pick one day for laundry and make it my goal to get it done by the end of that day. My laundry day is Monday. I usually get it done by, well, Tuesday. And sometimes Wednesday... But it's good to have goals, right?! Why only one day? Seems overwhelming, right? But for me, when it is done, it's done. It doesn't hang over my head all week. Once it's done on Monday (or Tuesday), I don't have to think about it until laundry day again. And to me, that feeling of freedom is enough motivation to get it done in 1 (or 2) days.
Today's other gift of survival: learning not to make a mountain out of a laundry hill. When I first started struggling with the strong-will of my child (and just to make something clear: my child's strong will is not a negative label on my part. It is an amazing part of how God created her. Our struggles come when we, my husband and I, don't know what to do with it.), my oldest brother pointed out to me something he had learned in raising a strong-willed child also: pick your battles. I took me a while to understand that statement. I didn't want any bad behavior to go uncorrected. If I didn't set her straight right away, then things would get out of control!
But it hit me one day what his comment truly meant: when you are in a situation and you have to decide whether to make a mountain out of it or not, decide whether it is a heart issue. If your child is being rebellious, defiant, disobedient, or a behavior that signifies a heart issue, then the issue must be addressed. (And again, when I say "you" I actually mean "me.") If my child is simply being irritating (kicking the back of my seat in the car, making high pitched screeching noises, leaving a pile of clothing on her floor, doing her homework with sloppy handwriting, having a consistently messy room, eating her food messily, putting her clean clothes on the floor instead of in her drawers, making her eat the disgusting food that I make, and so on - this list is very long in our house), I will usually just let it go. You see, for our strong-willed child, there are enough battles that we must pick and if we went through with EVERY battle, there would be no peace in our house.
Today's battle could have been about getting her laundry ready for me. She did a lousy job of it. But that is a battle I choose not to fight. I simply tell her to put what she thinks is dirty in her laundry basket for me to clean. If it's not in the basket, it doesn't get washed. The pile outside of the laundry basket today was larger than the pile inside. *sigh* She got started, and then got bored with it, or distracted. But I guess on the bright side, I didn't have as much laundry to do today!
My kid might end up having bad handwriting, or always have a messy room. She might have to rummage through the pile of laundry on the floor, sniff-testing to make sure she can wear it to school that day. But maybe, just maybe, she won't go through a rebellious stage (as so many people "expect" their children to do). Maybe she will have a good grasp of respecting others and treating them with kindness. Maybe she will have a living relationship with her heavenly Father. That's what matters to me. The rest aren't worth climbing the mountain for.
Monday, April 9, 2012
jogging next to kids
If you ever see me out for a jog (which rarely happens) and you see me with a silly lopsided grin on my face, chances are a great song just came on in my playlist (which I keep on shuffle - keeps me surprised for each song). And if my hands seem to have a random rhythm all their own, I'm not uncoordinated. I'm playing air drums.
Today's Gift of Survival: I like the idea of jogging for lots of reasons. It gets me out of the house and gives me some alone time. I get to pick the music I listen to while I jog. The feeling of accomplishment when I'm finished. Trying to jog just a little farther each time. The runner's high that follows. A more fit body for the rapidly approaching summer. Knowing that I burned off all the calories from the overly sweetened coffee I drank earlier in the day. And, of course, the health benefits for my body, God's creation (that's supposed to be the kicker for me).
But, I'm not a consistent jogger. I'd like to be. I'd love to be able to say, "Yeah, I jog too." But the infrequency of my jogging disqualifies me from being a legitimate jogger. I've got quite a list of excuses to keep me from hitting the road in my jogging shoes. It's too hot. It's too cold. There are too many bugs out there. It's too dark out. It's too bright out. I'm too tired. I just ate. I don't have good jogging shoes. I've got too much to do around this house. See? Quite a list. Here's my problem: I'm not accountable to anyone but myself. If I don't feel like jogging, the only person I have to convince is myself. And I'm a pushover.
This afternoon I had convinced myself it was time to try it again. (I've convinced myself that someday I will be a habitual exerciser... but even if I don't get there, I figure going once in a while is better than not at all.) I mentioned at dinner that I was going to go for a run after my dinner had settled. Immediately my 6.5 year old daughter exclaimed, "I wanna go! I wanna go!" To which I immediately responded: "Nope. This is my time. I'm going to jog by myself." Which immediately brought forth a pout from my girl.
After dinner I did dishes and folded some laundry and finally came to the realization: why can't I take her for a jog? We are trying to promote healthy lifestyles in our children and here I am telling her to stay at home and play on the computer while I go jogging! So I told her to put on some running clothes and shoes and together we jogged around the block then I dropped her off at home with my hubby and continued on my way for the rest of my jog. She loved it!
While I finished my jog, I realized that in order to train our children in healthy habits, we need to take them up beside us and show them how it is done. We lead them best by our examples. You want your kids to have a devotional time? Let them see you doing yours. You want them to know how to pray? Give them the example of your prayers. And then give them opportunities to do the same. Sometimes after dinner we let my 3.5 year old pray. His prayers are typically in this manner: "Thank you for our dinner. Thank you for plates. Thank you for milk. Thank you for spoons. Thank you for the carrots and thank you for the salt and the pepper." Not terribly in depth, but complete! And it is good practice.
I'd like to think I take every opportunity to be a great example to my kids and show them how to make good decisions. But I don't. But writing posts like this are a lesson to myself as well; something for me to take to heart also. Imagine that! It's probably because these lessons are not really from me, they are revelations from God. Good thing, because He's a great deal wiser than I am!
KC
- If you see me limping around tomorrow, please don't laugh. As a matter of fact, I'd appreciate the applause! I ran farther today than I ever have in the past. And I'm sure it will be worth the pain...pretty sure, anyway.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
the resurrection and death
Five years ago, Easter landed on April 8th. I will never forget that date because on April 9th, the day after Easter, 5 years ago, as I visited my Dad in hospice, he died. (And 5 years later, I cannot write that sentence without crying.) It was a tough day, no doubt, but an amazing one also. You see, God allowed me a glimpse (only as much as my feeble mind could imagine) of the incredible celebration that took place as my father entered heaven. Truly the greatest privilege of my entire life was to be with my Dad when he passed on.
(The story of my father's battle with cancer is lengthy, but so much of my growth took place during that time. I want to share more of it with you all and will, as God prods).
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer and our family walked an extremely difficult road for 9 months. As my Dad came closer to heaven and we realized his life here on earth was coming to an end, I faced the scary possibility of being with him when he died. I shared with a few people how I really did not want to be in the room when he passed away.
My husband and I went to the hospice house on April 8th to be with my Mom for Easter. They had a lovely brunch served and we then went to my Dad's room for a bit before heading home. He had pretty much been incoherent since he had entered and we had recently been seeing the signs of approaching death, as we had been foretold by the doctors to expect.
On April 9th, in the early evening, I felt the prodding to go and visit again. It was a 30 + minute drive and so one of my brothers drove me while my husband stayed home with our daughter. Some moments of that evening are blurry, but some are crystal clear. As Dad's breathing slowed down, my Mom went to get a nurse. My brother and I watched as my Dad took his last breath, waited to see if there were any more and then looked at each other. He said to me, "Dad's up in heaven getting his crown."
My Mom says she remembers walking back into the room seeing me with tears streaming down my face with a smile. I remember feeling like a fly on the wall in heaven, glimpsing in blurred vision a crowd and hearing cheers, and feeling exuberant. And in that instant, my view of death was completely turned around.
The fear of death was gone. I still have fears of being sick, of being in pain, of leaving my family and other loved ones. But I don't fear death anymore. I had always known in my head that I shouldn't fear it; I was bound for heaven. But I never could shake the fear of the unknown - what death was really like, leaving all that I had ever known and was comfortable with for something far removed from all that I loved. But now, that fear was gone.
Here's why: (and now I understand with more than just my head; I understand with my heart) Today is Easter, the day we celebrate Jesus CONQUERING death (That word, conquer, is a pretty fantastically strong word). That tomb could not hold Him. There was no grave that could. Death was NEVER going to be stronger than my Savior. To be quite honest, I wouldn't want to follow a Savior who couldn't beat death! And we declare: "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" (1Corinthians 15:55). The sting is here on earth where a fallen people live tortured by the devil. But on the other side, there is NO sting. There is NO victory for death.
Where once I feared being in death's presence, I no longer do because when a person is a child of God, the place where they are headed is SO much greater than life here on this earth, it's unfathomable. As much as I miss my Pa, I'd never wish for him to be back here on this tainted earth. He is in the presence of his Savior, my Savior, and there's no greater place to be.
KC
(The story of my father's battle with cancer is lengthy, but so much of my growth took place during that time. I want to share more of it with you all and will, as God prods).
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer and our family walked an extremely difficult road for 9 months. As my Dad came closer to heaven and we realized his life here on earth was coming to an end, I faced the scary possibility of being with him when he died. I shared with a few people how I really did not want to be in the room when he passed away.
My husband and I went to the hospice house on April 8th to be with my Mom for Easter. They had a lovely brunch served and we then went to my Dad's room for a bit before heading home. He had pretty much been incoherent since he had entered and we had recently been seeing the signs of approaching death, as we had been foretold by the doctors to expect.
On April 9th, in the early evening, I felt the prodding to go and visit again. It was a 30 + minute drive and so one of my brothers drove me while my husband stayed home with our daughter. Some moments of that evening are blurry, but some are crystal clear. As Dad's breathing slowed down, my Mom went to get a nurse. My brother and I watched as my Dad took his last breath, waited to see if there were any more and then looked at each other. He said to me, "Dad's up in heaven getting his crown."
My Mom says she remembers walking back into the room seeing me with tears streaming down my face with a smile. I remember feeling like a fly on the wall in heaven, glimpsing in blurred vision a crowd and hearing cheers, and feeling exuberant. And in that instant, my view of death was completely turned around.
The fear of death was gone. I still have fears of being sick, of being in pain, of leaving my family and other loved ones. But I don't fear death anymore. I had always known in my head that I shouldn't fear it; I was bound for heaven. But I never could shake the fear of the unknown - what death was really like, leaving all that I had ever known and was comfortable with for something far removed from all that I loved. But now, that fear was gone.
Here's why: (and now I understand with more than just my head; I understand with my heart) Today is Easter, the day we celebrate Jesus CONQUERING death (That word, conquer, is a pretty fantastically strong word). That tomb could not hold Him. There was no grave that could. Death was NEVER going to be stronger than my Savior. To be quite honest, I wouldn't want to follow a Savior who couldn't beat death! And we declare: "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" (1Corinthians 15:55). The sting is here on earth where a fallen people live tortured by the devil. But on the other side, there is NO sting. There is NO victory for death.
Where once I feared being in death's presence, I no longer do because when a person is a child of God, the place where they are headed is SO much greater than life here on this earth, it's unfathomable. As much as I miss my Pa, I'd never wish for him to be back here on this tainted earth. He is in the presence of his Savior, my Savior, and there's no greater place to be.
KC
Saturday, April 7, 2012
using children to grow adults
When I started this blog, I thought I had a whole bunch of ideas about what I was going to write about. Funny how things change (goes along with my last post - my plans are not always His plans). It turns out that God's got a bigger agenda and He revealed again to me just this evening. Brought me to tears, it did.
Here's the back story: My daughter and I have had a tumultuous relationship since she was one. She's now 6.5. Her strong will and my lack of knowledge in training a strong willed child have not always turned out for the best. But we've both learned a lot and have come a long way. And as mentioned in another post of mine, our love for each other is never in doubt. The past two days have taken us back to the worst of times between us: whining, moaning, head shaking and rolling eyes (those last two were me, I'm ashamed to admit), disobedience, disrespect, whining, hurting her little brother, pushing my buttons, whining, and running away from discipline (literally, running around the house from me when discipline is in order, and while this might seem funny to imagine, it's not humorous when you are the adult chasing your child up and down stairs, around rooms, over furniture, all the while avoiding toys on the floor.)
So what was really irksome was that I felt like I had done so much to try and make these two days enjoyable. Yesterday was full of fun activities at home and today we started the morning out with donuts from an awesome Daddy who bought them before we were even out of bed! We went garage saling, a highlight for my kids. My daughter got a whole array of her favorite things: shoes, clothing, dolls, and other little knick knacks. And their oldest cousin came over for hours; another highlight. We made a mess with all the empty Easter eggs we had and danced around together in the mess. And there were a couple other things that I did especially with my daughter in mind ... and she RUINED it all with her attitude.
Okay, so here comes the point:
As I'm explaining how much it hurt me that she would disrespect me during a day when I had done so much to make it fun for her, it hit me: How much do I ignore and disrespect Jesus after all He has sacrificed for me. Here we are in the midst of Easter weekend: He gave up his LIFE for me and how much time do I give Him? How much appreciation do I show Him? How often do I find something to complain about? It was as if the 2 days of whining and complaining were to teach ME a lesson, not my daughter. (Funny how He does that. Someone once told me that God gives us our children to grow us, not just to grow them.)
And here's where it hit home even harder: For devotions this evening, after all the drama, I read my daughter the story we were up to in her Children's Bible: the story of Abraham and His sacrifice of Isaac. I'd always struggled with this story as a child. Why would God ask Abraham to do such a thing? But I was taught that it was a foreshadowing of what was to come - another Father sacrificing His only Son. When you read the story of Abraham, your heart is wrenched to know that this man is going to lose his only son. You can picture him trodding up the mountain, feeling sick to his stomach, thinking about a future without his son... Can you imagine how God felt? He went through with it! He actually did allow His only son to be sacrificed...for you, and for me.
When I finished the story, I turned to my daughter to explain what it meant to have to sacrifice in order to be saved from our sin. I could tell this story of Abraham and Isaac kind of confused her too. But as I explained how God would come do the same thing with His Son and what His sacrifice meant for us, it was a bit less confusing. (We've had the salvation talk numerous times, so this is not new to her. She's pretty bright and grasped it at a young age.) This evening we talked in detail about what it meant for Jesus to die on the cross. We talked about how much it would hurt and how He did it all because He loved each of us SO much.
After we prayed, I started to walk out of her room and she said, "But you wouldn't do that for me." She wasn't questioning my love; it was an innocent, matter-of-fact statement from a child. I walked back to where I could look her in the eye and I said, "Yes, I would, honey. I would die on a cross for you." Her eyes got real big and I went on to explain it in today's terms for her: "Honey, if a car was going to hit you, I would push you out of the way and let the car hit me to save you, because I love you that much. I would die so that you could live."
He died so that I could live.
KC
Here's the back story: My daughter and I have had a tumultuous relationship since she was one. She's now 6.5. Her strong will and my lack of knowledge in training a strong willed child have not always turned out for the best. But we've both learned a lot and have come a long way. And as mentioned in another post of mine, our love for each other is never in doubt. The past two days have taken us back to the worst of times between us: whining, moaning, head shaking and rolling eyes (those last two were me, I'm ashamed to admit), disobedience, disrespect, whining, hurting her little brother, pushing my buttons, whining, and running away from discipline (literally, running around the house from me when discipline is in order, and while this might seem funny to imagine, it's not humorous when you are the adult chasing your child up and down stairs, around rooms, over furniture, all the while avoiding toys on the floor.)
So what was really irksome was that I felt like I had done so much to try and make these two days enjoyable. Yesterday was full of fun activities at home and today we started the morning out with donuts from an awesome Daddy who bought them before we were even out of bed! We went garage saling, a highlight for my kids. My daughter got a whole array of her favorite things: shoes, clothing, dolls, and other little knick knacks. And their oldest cousin came over for hours; another highlight. We made a mess with all the empty Easter eggs we had and danced around together in the mess. And there were a couple other things that I did especially with my daughter in mind ... and she RUINED it all with her attitude.
Okay, so here comes the point:
As I'm explaining how much it hurt me that she would disrespect me during a day when I had done so much to make it fun for her, it hit me: How much do I ignore and disrespect Jesus after all He has sacrificed for me. Here we are in the midst of Easter weekend: He gave up his LIFE for me and how much time do I give Him? How much appreciation do I show Him? How often do I find something to complain about? It was as if the 2 days of whining and complaining were to teach ME a lesson, not my daughter. (Funny how He does that. Someone once told me that God gives us our children to grow us, not just to grow them.)
And here's where it hit home even harder: For devotions this evening, after all the drama, I read my daughter the story we were up to in her Children's Bible: the story of Abraham and His sacrifice of Isaac. I'd always struggled with this story as a child. Why would God ask Abraham to do such a thing? But I was taught that it was a foreshadowing of what was to come - another Father sacrificing His only Son. When you read the story of Abraham, your heart is wrenched to know that this man is going to lose his only son. You can picture him trodding up the mountain, feeling sick to his stomach, thinking about a future without his son... Can you imagine how God felt? He went through with it! He actually did allow His only son to be sacrificed...for you, and for me.
When I finished the story, I turned to my daughter to explain what it meant to have to sacrifice in order to be saved from our sin. I could tell this story of Abraham and Isaac kind of confused her too. But as I explained how God would come do the same thing with His Son and what His sacrifice meant for us, it was a bit less confusing. (We've had the salvation talk numerous times, so this is not new to her. She's pretty bright and grasped it at a young age.) This evening we talked in detail about what it meant for Jesus to die on the cross. We talked about how much it would hurt and how He did it all because He loved each of us SO much.
After we prayed, I started to walk out of her room and she said, "But you wouldn't do that for me." She wasn't questioning my love; it was an innocent, matter-of-fact statement from a child. I walked back to where I could look her in the eye and I said, "Yes, I would, honey. I would die on a cross for you." Her eyes got real big and I went on to explain it in today's terms for her: "Honey, if a car was going to hit you, I would push you out of the way and let the car hit me to save you, because I love you that much. I would die so that you could live."
He died so that I could live.
KC
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