worriment and fruit

Today, while making dinner, I had the most fantastic realization! So fantastic that the emotions welled up inside of me and I nearly started to cry! But I had also been cutting onions so... 😢

But it wasn't the onions. It was my daughter. She was in the next room over (which in my house is really just  sorta a continuation of the room I was in - it's all very open) and she was doing Yoga, following a YouTube instructional video. I don't know what brought this on. I'd like to say that it was because of my amazing Yoga-ing example, but it's not. I don't do Yoga. But I looked at her and was a little overwhelmed with pride mixed with hope! 

Let me explain where this all stems from. As a homeschooling mom (and I'm sure moms who don't homeschool their kids struggle with this too. I'm just going to relate it from my homeschool perspective because that's where I live!) I am constantly wondering if I'm doing a good job with my kids. I live in a constant state of shortcomings. Just ask my Education Specialist. Every time she meets with me, she has to spend half of her time encouraging and boosting my downtrodden heart and soul! Poor Amy!!

So not only am I worried about their academics, but their social growth as well (because that is the BIGGEST stigma I still fight and I work hard to make sure my kids do not fall into that stigma. Socialization: I stick my tongue out to all of you who think homeschoolers are not socialized. Spend 5 minutes with my kids and you'll find they are socialized just fine! They will interact with almost anyone at any age!!) I also worry about how responsible they are becoming and if I have them in enough activities or too many activities or in the right activities. And if I'm teaching them how to deal with life and their future in the right way and if they are building a relationship with God and, and, and...

I pretty much just live in a state of constant worriment (if it's not a word, it should be!)😳

So today, as I watched my child choose to learn Yoga all on her own, and helped her learn how to use a sewing machine to create her vey first quilt (which, if any of you have attempted it, you know this takes incredible patience and attention to detail, both of which do not come naturally to my girl), and yesterday she cleaned up her atrociously gross bathroom counter and sinks WITHOUT BEING ASKED, I was overwhelmed. Because on top of that (and this might seem insignificant to you, but I think it's pretty awesome), my 8-year old made the perfect sunny-side up egg this morning and ate it, runny yolk and all! And he is already an incredible scrambled egg and omelet maker. And he eats green vegetables, including lima beans, avocados (which my kids will argue is a fruit), cucumbers, and his favorite: broccoli (You know how at Denny's you can get the Kids Grand Slam Breakfast and order any two sides? He gets broccoli...for breakfast...and eats it first! 😂) And he does his own laundry, from start to finish. Both kids do. 

People, I'm scratching the surface, but my point is this: my kids ARE turning into responsible people!! I AM preparing them for real life!! (My son may only eat eggs, but they're healthy so that's fine.) I am so proud of them. The constant hard work is paying off and there is hope that someday my children will be able to live on their own, be responsible, and be godly, contributing members of society! 

Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! 

That overwhelming feeling of pride and hope also gave me relief. I am not failing. I cannot tell you how much I need to hear that and see it. I am not failing. 

Final thoughts on this seemingly silly post on Yoga/quilting/cleaning/eggs/laundry post: 

Don't lose hope.

Don't give up.

The fruit is coming.

Keep striving, Mom and Dad.

The fruit is coming!

KC

oh, Mexico...*sigh*

*Pre-blog note: I wrote this one about 3 weeks ago, on an airplane, coming home from Mexico, feeling great! Find the follow up on the bottom, which will explain while this beauty took a while to get posted...

Women!

This past week I once again experienced the incredibleness (not sure if that's a word but I'm sure I don't care) of women coming together to support each other. I am certain this world would only get better if we continue to build each other up and support and encourage each other, no matter how crazy life gets! 

(PS - this is not an anti-man post. This is just a pro-amazing-women-friends post.)

My husband and I had the opportunity to go on a fabulous vacation last week to Mexico. Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Also known as "HEAVEN." Okay, not really but if you've been there, you can understand why I might feel that way. The weather was gorgeous and we were spoiled being right on the ocean, walking through nearly white sand, swimming in warm pools and eating delicioso foods. I should have gained 10 lbs!

But I didn't gain 10 lbs. Because it wasn't heaven. It was NEARLY heaven, but not during the 24 hours that I got sick and COULDN'T LEAVE MY ROOM! Talk about a raw deal, people! I lost weight...so it was kinda like heaven...kinda. You don't need any more details than that, just sayin. 

We were on vacation with 5 other couples, over half of them that I hadn't met before we met up in PV. I got along famously with these fantastic folks - lifelong friends for sure now. But let me tell you, when I got sick, after only knowing them for 1 day, those gals in the group stepped up and offered everything they could to help me. I had all the meds I needed to get me through that 24 hours and into the next few days so that I could recuperate and hang out with the crew for the remainder of our time together. 

And it wasn't just those phenomenal gals who cared for me, it was my gals from home and in my heart who were checking in on me and sympathizing from afar and encouraging me. And then my Momma, praying for me like only a mom does. ❤️ She was sending her words of wisdom from the time I told her that I was sick till I got ready to head home.

(And I have to plug my husband, even though he doesn't fall into the "woman" topic of this post - he took care of me and got me everything I needed the entire time I was sick. Go hubs!)

But women!! You are incredible people! Your hearts are beyond amazing, full of compassion. I would be lost and so lonely without the women who fill my soul and come to my rescue.

Do not underestimate yourselves, my friends!

Do not let anyone undervalue who you are, who you have been created to be!

God made women to play a crucial role, nay, many crucial roles in this world!

You are amazing.

You are necessary.

You are important.

KC

*On returning home from this "nearly heavenly" trip, I managed to get sick for another 2 weeks off and on and let me just tell you: I do not have time for that monkey business and malarkey!! But I'll tell you this too: my gal pals came to my rescue and checked in on me and boosted my spirits all that while as well. I couldn't have survived the miserableness without the Gatorade deliveries and the positive spin on being sick: weight loss, a break from work, catching up on Netflix episodes, homeschooling from my bed in my pjs... I'm so grateful for those friends who can help me find a silver lining when I need it the most! Love you all!

bickering bickerers

Let me just put this out there to start with: no matter what I say in this blog, I love my children with my whole heart and love being their mom. I promise.

That being said, I don't always like my children nor do I always like being their mom! And I KNOW I'm not alone in feeling that way...

The current situation that has lead to the challenge of my sanity (this loss of sanity happens weekly, at the least!) is that my children are being the bickeringest bickerers that ever lived!  They cannot shut their mouths to each other. They are in a constant state of one or the other with their mouths open and the most unkind and/or irritating things are flying out of them! 

Oh. My. Stars. And Moons! Shut up!! Just shut up already!! I am ready to lock them each in their own rooms for a month with the hopes that maybe, just maybe they will start to miss each other enough to STOP BICKERING AT EACH OTHER FOR ONE ITTY-BITTY SECOND!!

(I'm slightly over this whole thing, can you tell?!)

So I spent some time on Pinterest, which is truly a place of sanity for me. It's like the world got together and solved all my problems for me with pretty pictures and ideas and things that make me smile. I searched for ideas on how to teach my kids to get along better and there were so many creative and awesome ideas! My favorite has always been the get along shirt: 

I mean seriously, how great is this? Put your stinkers together in this shirt until they figure out how to get along!

But I decided to go a different route. I came across a list of things for siblings to demonstrate love to each other. In my ideal world, this is what I want my kids to do! If they can't figure out how to love each other, are they prepared to go out into the world and love anyone else? (I talked with my boy about God's two greatest commands this past week and you should have seen his shock when I told him that yes, even his sister is his neighbor and he has to love her too. 😳)

So the idea is that when the kids are bickering, they have to pull a slip of paper out of a jar that has a way to demonstrate love to one another. Here are just a few ideas I came across (thank you,  kidspot.com):

- give each other a compliment

- make each other's bed

- draw something positive about your sibling

- read a storybook together, each person taking a turn on each page

- write a poem for the other person

- turn on music and dance for 5 minutes

- play Simon Says for 6 minutes, each person being Simon for 3 minutes

- make each other an "I'm sorry" card

- draw something together

- play Madlibs together

- create a secret handshake together

- give each other a big hug

- pick up each other's toys

- do a chore together (clean bathroom sinks, sweep the kitchen floor, get the mail...)

- tell each other a secret

- do 10 jumping jacks, 10 push ups, and 10 sit ups together

- ask your sibling to tell you one thing they would like you to do differently.

I have a feeling with the amount of bickering that has been going on lately, we are going to blow through this list preeeettttyyyy quickly. So give me some of your ideas! Share them in the comments and help stop the sibling bickering happening in the Cragin house!!! 

Please!!

KC

Stupid Nacho Cheese Doritos

So it turns out that I have a huge weakness for Nacho Cheese Doritos. I think maybe I didn't realize this sooner because we rarely buy chips and when we do, it's never Doritos. But then I got sick and was without an appetite for a couple weeks so I purchased a couple things that sounded good and appetizing to eat: (*ahem* Nacho Cheese Doritos, BBQ Pringles, Sour Patch Kid Watermelon Slices, Gardettos - if you don't know what Gardettos are, you need to trust me with your whole heart and try them: all kinds of deliciousness!) and that was a stupid thing to do!

Because now that I'm pretty much mended (well...almost...mostly...) all I want to snack on are those blasted Nacho Cheese Doritos!! I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY!!! 

And here I sit, fighting my way through Dorito-loving-guilt and grace. Isn't this just the exact story of our lives?! Well, maybe not for all y'all, but I, myself, am constantly in a tug-of-war between feeling guilty for not being good enough and trying to hang on to that grace that says I don't have to be perfect! 

For example:

Parenting

Wife-ing

Friendships

Cleaning 

Eating Doritos

Being the best sister ever

(My brothers don't read my blog so I'm totally getting away with that one.)

Exercising

Parenting...again

It doesn't matter what I'm striving to be good at, I'm always finding myself somewhere in a balance of feeling horrible for being so bad at it and living in hope because of grace. 

And that is why I chose the name of this here blog: Surviving by the Grace of God. Because if it wasn't for that grace, I wouldn't be surviving. I'd be covered in or cheese powder from eating Nacho Cheese Doritos every day.

KC

pushing buttons

My daughter is an incredible button-pusher. I don't know how she does it, and I'm not sure she knows either. Not only can she push my buttons one day, and then push her brother's buttons another day, but by pushing his buttons, she can simultaneously push mine! That's talent!

Today we had a very calm and rational conversation about this very topic because this very topic had happened probably 5 times before noon today. And maybe it was less calm and rational than I originally said. 😳 I pretty much told her what I had observed from that morning and told her she needed to cut it out. 

Now, this is not the first time we've had this conversation. And it won't be the last. And I am mentally okay with that. I am not emotionally okay with that because it DRIVES ME INSANE!!! In which case, maybe I'm not really mentally okay with that...

But it struck me today, as I listened to her lament about why she acts that way and how she just doesn't know how to quit it and she knows when she's doing it but she can't stop herself, that I need to go a step or two further than just saying, "CUT IT OUT, ALREADY!!"

Our children are born with weaknesses. And guess what we parents get to do? We get to spend 18 years identifying the weaknesses and then trying to help our kids overcome them (or we'll ignore them, depending on the type of parent we might be.) And then they will move out completely fixed and ready to face the world with no help from us parents anymore. (And this is where we all throw our heads back and laugh and laugh because we know that last part is completely false.)

So today in the car, I listened to my daughter become frustrated with herself and I told her to stop and be quiet for a minute, which she did. Then I prayed. I prayed for her and for her relationship with her brother and for me and my sanity and for us all to get along. Then I chatted with her about some tactics she could employ when she felt herself going down that button-pushing road. We talked about solutions. And then we talked about how she wasn't going to succeed every time but the important thing was to never give up trying. 

And then we arrived at In N Out and everything was right with the world and we all lived happily ever after...for the next 8 hours. 

My daughter and I have different weaknesses to contend with. I don't know how her brain works; it's very different from mine. However, there is no one who is a bigger advocate for my daughter than me and my husband. Which is why I will read articles and books and pray and read the Bible and ask advice so I can learn how I can help my child be stronger than her weaknesses. 

Parenting is ridiculously hard some days. And it's hard not to take our children's weaknesses personally. And fighting off resentment can be a daily battle. But if we constantly remind ourselves that we are not the enemy, but the advocate for our kids who really just need our help, it makes our job easier and clearer, despite the muddy waters we sometimes have to walk through. 

I don't have my kids figured out and I'm often stuck in the mud (not to be confused with a "stick in the mud") but I do know that a burger and some fries from In N Out (along with a bunch of prayer) will go a long way in solving life's problems. 

KC

Netflix and momhood

Do you know why I love Netflix so much?!

Besides the obvious reasons: 

-No commercials

-Watch what I want when I want

-Watch in my room on my iPad

-Watch something other than Pokemon or annoying TeenieBopper Disney shows

-Watch for 10 minutes or 40 minutes or 2 hours...

-Watch romantic movies by myself because no one else will watch them with me

-Ditto on the comedies...

But here comes the main reason: 

I love Netflix because I'm a mom and my brain is constantly going in 10-15 different directions simultaneously, all day long. I could be making dinner, answering questions about why I can't order something off of Amazon.com right then, listening to my son name all the different Pokemon characters, while trying to remember if someone got the mail that day and if I remembered to change our dentist appointments...amd still manage to burn the garlic bread! (It's not too tough. Just work on 5 different things at once while the garlic bread is under the broiler, with no timer set because who needs a timer when it's only going to take 3 minutes (apparently I do) and then just wait for the smell of burnt toast to fill the kitchen. Ta-Dah! Burnt garlic bread! Again!)

And I tell you all that to tell you why I love Netflix: while I watch Netflix, I turn ALL of my brain off, except the part that laughs at stupid jokes and the unrealistic life situations of fictional characters. 

Sometimes, when I take a lunch break, I go into another room and eat away from my kids for about 25 minutes while I watch Netflix. When everyone is in bed and I'm trying to get started on my blog, I'll often watch an episode of something or another to clear the day out of my head. Sometimes I watch 4 episodes of something or another which is why some nights, there's no blog post. 😳 And then there are the days when I fold laundry and watch part of an episode simply because I don't like doing laundry and watching Netflix takes my focus off of the fact that I'm doing dumb laundry! 

So yeah, Netflix is a bit of an escape. It allows my brain to turn off the 15 switches that have been on all day and have exhausted me. 

Maybe I should be doing something else like reading a book or memorizing scripture or practicing Yoga. But if I'm being honest, I'm just not that good of a person! I tried being perfect a few times and found that to be impossible! Just freakin' impossible!

So, yes, there are probably a hundred things I could do that would be better than watching Netflix but I'm pretty sure I don't care. Because: I'm surviving by grace! GRACE!! Not perfection, but grace. ❤️

So tell me, what're you watching these days? I need some ideas...

KC

sunshine, glorious sunshine

Can I just say: Praise Jesus and Hallelujah for the sunshine!!

It has been so nice to see blue skies and puffy white clouds and I don't even mind having to squint while I drive because I forgot my sunglasses, because my bones are finally starting to get warmed up by the sunshine! It. Is. About. TIME. People!!

I hate rain. 

Okay, okay, "hate" is a pretty extreme word...I greatly dislike rain! 

I know we need it and it's good for our state and our crops and animals and people and whatever. 

But it's not good for me. It is not good for KC.

The grey skies, cold weather, wetness, and overall inconvenience of rain makes me miserable.

I am not a fan of anything related to rain EXCEPT rain boots and puddles to jump in while wearing rain boots! (See? I can still find a silver lining!)

Too much of the rainy cloudy weather will begin to make me feel gloomy. There is actually a disorder named "seasonal affective disorder" (S.A.D. - imagine that?!) that brings on depression, most commonly in winter. I might not suffer from that to the deepest depths, but it certainly bums me out!

People talk about being cozy by a fire, reading a book and drinking hot cocoa while the rain falls outside their window....WHO ACTUALLY HAS TIME FOR THAT?! Not me! I'm busy running around and doing all the crazy stuff I normally do, but in the rain! And the wind has epdecoded to join the rain, but only  at night WHILE I AM TRYING TO SLEEP! And the kids? They're not playing outside. Nooooooo, all the more time spent inside with yours truly. 

And yours truly is already suffering from "Rain Bums Me Out-ness" so yours truly is completely DONE with this rain.

So I'm going to do my happy dance all over my dry driveway and driving around surrounded by sunshine and while my kids play outside because sunshine makes me happy!! 

Because it looks like it's going to rain again in another week.

That's it. I'm going to Mexico.

KC