Today we had a very calm and rational conversation about this very topic because this very topic had happened probably 5 times before noon today. And maybe it was less calm and rational than I originally said. 😳 I pretty much told her what I had observed from that morning and told her she needed to cut it out.
Now, this is not the first time we've had this conversation. And it won't be the last. And I am mentally okay with that. I am not emotionally okay with that because it DRIVES ME INSANE!!! In which case, maybe I'm not really mentally okay with that...
But it struck me today, as I listened to her lament about why she acts that way and how she just doesn't know how to quit it and she knows when she's doing it but she can't stop herself, that I need to go a step or two further than just saying, "CUT IT OUT, ALREADY!!"
Our children are born with weaknesses. And guess what we parents get to do? We get to spend 18 years identifying the weaknesses and then trying to help our kids overcome them (or we'll ignore them, depending on the type of parent we might be.) And then they will move out completely fixed and ready to face the world with no help from us parents anymore. (And this is where we all throw our heads back and laugh and laugh because we know that last part is completely false.)
So today in the car, I listened to my daughter become frustrated with herself and I told her to stop and be quiet for a minute, which she did. Then I prayed. I prayed for her and for her relationship with her brother and for me and my sanity and for us all to get along. Then I chatted with her about some tactics she could employ when she felt herself going down that button-pushing road. We talked about solutions. And then we talked about how she wasn't going to succeed every time but the important thing was to never give up trying.
And then we arrived at In N Out and everything was right with the world and we all lived happily ever after...for the next 8 hours.
My daughter and I have different weaknesses to contend with. I don't know how her brain works; it's very different from mine. However, there is no one who is a bigger advocate for my daughter than me and my husband. Which is why I will read articles and books and pray and read the Bible and ask advice so I can learn how I can help my child be stronger than her weaknesses.
Parenting is ridiculously hard some days. And it's hard not to take our children's weaknesses personally. And fighting off resentment can be a daily battle. But if we constantly remind ourselves that we are not the enemy, but the advocate for our kids who really just need our help, it makes our job easier and clearer, despite the muddy waters we sometimes have to walk through.
I don't have my kids figured out and I'm often stuck in the mud (not to be confused with a "stick in the mud") but I do know that a burger and some fries from In N Out (along with a bunch of prayer) will go a long way in solving life's problems.
KC
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