fruit...finally

Sometimes as a parent you can try and try and try to teach a child a lesson but it seems no matter what effort you put into the lesson, it just won't stick. It's like training a dog. Why, oh why will you not just sit when I ask you to?! 

And then, miracle of all miracles, you finally see a bit of fruit! That is the most rewarding part of being a parent, in my opinion. 

This year, my kids chatted with me about Thanksgiving (after the big day was done) and the upcoming Christmas season and their words blew me away! Things are sticking, people! After Thanksgiving, both of my kids told me a short list of what they were thankful for. Neither of them mentioned one material thing! Not toys, games, electronics, clothes...no! They were thankful for the people in their lives, their family members and friends. They were thankful for Jesus and that He gave us salvation. 

THERE WAS NO PROMPTING FROM ME! 

These were not rehearsed answers! 

Woah.

And randomly my Lincoln came up to talk with me about how he loved so many things about Christmas: making gingerbread house, and the birth of Jesus, of course (that was his, "duh, mom - that's the whole point of this holiday!"), and getting to see all his cousins and aunts and uncles and   grandparents. I asked if there was other stuff he liked and he mentioned decorating the tree but not once did he mention opening Christmas presents. 

Maybe he just forgot...yeah, he probably just forgot. 😜

Now maybe you think I'm a party-pooper of a mom. After all, what kind of mom would begrudge her children the happiness of opening Christmas presents?! But that's not the case. My kids have lists and I love picking things from their lists when I shop. I cannot wait to see their excitement when they open up each item that my husband and I intentionally discussed and picked out for each of them. That is such a fun experience that our family shares each Christmas morning!

But they see so much more than that now. And that makes my heart beam with pride. That is maturity. That is perspective. THAT MEANS THEY ARE LISTENING TO ME AND WATCHING ME!! Fruit. 

And fruit gives hope.

And hope motivates.

And as long as I can see a bit of fruit, I will keep on keeping on in this whole crazy parenting world that I call momhood.

KC

ridiculous

Today was ridiculous.

Simply ridiculous.

I'm not sure "simply" and "ridiculous" work together in your brain, but in mine it means that everything that happened today could only be defined as ridiculous. 

There is no other word.

Here we witness the calm before the ridiculousness.

Lights on the tree.

Ornaments on the tree.

Ornaments all over the floor.

Boxes piled everywhere. 

Appointment that ran an hour late.

Childcare that had to be changed in the middle of the day.

Phone dying...dead, for a couple hours (horror of all horrors, I say sarcastically, but in all actuality, with the way my day went, I needed to do some serious communicating and so the stress happened!)

Barely making it home for my first piano student.

Eight piano students.

ALL THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC!! (The piano recital is going to be beautiful, you guys!)

I remembered that I forgot to eat lunch so on to dinner. 

And a number of crazy little things just to add a little ridiculous spice to the day.

I tell you all that to tell you this:

I cannot make it through this life of mine without the amazing support system God has granted me. 

My mom was there to watch my kids and help them with school.

My dear friend was there to pick up my kids when my appointment went long and to tell me not to stress because she had it handled.

My sister-in-law was texting me right after that to tell me she could cover if I needed it.

The mom (who I am blessed to call a friend) of a couple of my adorable piano students commiserated with me as we both vented about our days - much needed!

The texts and prayers of dear ones lifting me up and making me smile in the middle of ridiculous days. 

I am blessed to have my entire immediate family all living within 15 minutes of me. 

But I am also incredibly blessed to have friends who will help me at the drop of a hat, if needed. 

As I sit here and reflect even more on this day, I am astounded by the people who God has put in my life to hold me up when I need it the most. I can think of so many people who I could have called or texted in a pinch. Goodness, it brings tears to my eyes. 

Yesterday I talked about the encouragers, mentors, those pushing you on to being a better you. 

But think of all those who have been there for you when you've needed them the most. The helpers, listeners, thoughtful givers. Don't forget to thank them for being in your life. They are invaluable!

Just a little bit of calm to end my day.

KC 

*So on a side note, I feel like this particular post is all over the place. So it if seems that way to you too, it's probably because it is. My brain is kinda feeling that way too, so that might explain it! If, by chance, it flows amazingly and you get my drift on being grateful for the people in your life who'll be there for you when you need them the most, then God went ahead and took over the post again. So let's hope that's what happened!

yay for coffee (dates)

(I put "dates" in parenthesis because that's really what the blog is about, but I'm also very excited about coffee these days, as well as tea, and anything else caffeinated.)

This morning had a great little surprise for me: a coffee date with a friend who has known me for years! Golly, I'm not even going to guess at how long she has known me, but we've been close friends for 6 or 7 or 8 years or so....

And I gotta say that the way it all transpired, it was God-directed. The timing, the amazing behavior of my children (umm, yeah. I did just say that 😳), the conversation, the tears, the mutual blessing, the shared hopes and dreams, the hugs: totally something that God had pre-planned to happen, even though we threw it together at the last minute.

He's pretty amazing that way. He's put some phenomenally encouraging and strong women in my life to help direct me, especially when I am fighting Him tooth and nail to go my own direction. He's put mentors in my life to push me and tell me what I need to hear. 

Those good people in your life? 

You know who they are. 

Listen to them. 

They are there for a reason. 

Probably because God put them there. 

I am so grateful He did.

KC

adulting

Over the last few days I've had a few moments of shock as I realized once again that not only am I an adult, but I'm a mom! It's as if I'm transported back to my college years and I'm looking into my future of adulthood and I am not prepared!

You ever have that? Where you're walking around doing adult things and you think maybe you're not ready for that much responsibility, even though you've been doing it for over 10 years?! Not only am I responsible for myself, but for 2 children too! Who thought that was a good idea?! 

I don't know where those strange realizations stem from. Maybe a lack of confidence in my parenting skills. Maybe a disbelief that I could be old enough to have a 10-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son. Maybe it just comes at moments of extreme stress or tiredness when I'd rather be taking a nap but can't because I'm responsible for 2 other living beings that I have to keep alive! 

Fortunately those feelings are usually just there for a split second. Well, the tiredness and disbelief that I'm old enough to have a 10-year-old are always there, but the inability to "adult" leaves rather quickly.

That's because: GOD! 

I know I'm not doing this alone. Even when it is just me and the kids, I'm still never doing the mom thing by myself. As a matter of fact, any time I'm "adulting," I'm never doing it by myself. The stress, the schedules, the driving, working, wife-ing (we're going to call that a word), the mommying: never just me. 

He is with me always, whether I remember that He is or not! He's keeping my kids safe. He's protecting my car. He's guiding my thoughts as a mom. He's making me more conscientious as a wife. He is growing me up. 

He is helping me "adult" even when I feel like eating cereal out of the box while watching a Disney movie. Now I just have kids to do it with.

KC

*this one cracked me up!

in the deep

Lately I've begun to feel like my posts are a bit sad, maybe depressing.... 

I was starting to feel like maybe I'm bringing my faithful readers down.

I'm not actually walking around continually sad or depressed. 

But some days, some moments, some seasons are difficult.

And I have chosen to be real here with you all.

I write what's on my heart. I write according to the promptings that God puts on my heart. So maybe there are a bunch of you who have needed to hear this.

Life is hard. It can bring you to your knees. 

It can make you want to sob. 

You are not alone.

Some of the smiling faces around you are faking it just like you are.

You live life despite your hurt or pain.

You fight the feelings of depression.

You desperately try to find contentment.

You constantly swallow your disappointment in trying to find happiness.

Unfortunately, we were never promised a life of sunshine and tulips (because I like tulips better than roses). We were never told that we would have happiness all the days of our lives here on earth. If we believed that, we'd be fooling ourselves.

And if we were actually granted all days of happiness, we'd be missing out on the deep.

Because in darkness is where strength grows.

Relationships deepen.

Understanding, care, and unconditional love become realities.

In the lowest of lows is where life changes because perspective changes.

You become refined in fires.

You become grateful in loss.

You find more patience, more grace, more mercy for those who need it.

And humble. Oh, the humility you are blessed with in the shadows.

You are becoming less like you and more like Him. 

My heart hurts for those of mine who are in pain. 

I just want to find every one of you and hug and squeeze you.

Partly because I want the hug back!

But mostly to let you know that I love you.

KC

9 years and still grieving

As I sat at the piano for a rare few moments this afternoon, I smelled him. It didn't register at first and then suddenly the tears came. I could literally smell my dad. Not his cologne or after shave, but the woodsy warm leathery smell that my dad possessed. 

I don't know why. There is nothing in this room that he wore. But the scent was strong as I continue to finish my song at the piano.

I wasn't a kid when my Pa died. I was 28. 

But I was still his kid. 

And I still needed him as a dad.

No matter how old you get, I'm not sure that you stop wanting your parents' approval, their pride in you, their constant love through word and deed, their encouragement to keep on striving. 

My Dad was my rock. He was steadfast. He was my constant. I didn't even have to use words and he would get it. My mom has stepped in to fill those roles the best that she can and she has done an amazing job of being my support.

But I miss my Dad.

I wish he could be here to see what I've done with my life so far. (Do you know hard it is to type through tears - I can hardly tell what blurry letters I'm typing!) I wish he could enjoy my kids because they are so much fun and the neatest kids ever! He would get such a kick out of them. He was also so proud of my smallest achievements. There are things I've done and ways that I've grown that would make him beam with pride. He was my biggest fan, my constant encourager, and a fierce protector of my heart. 

I want him to know my friends, the close friendships I've made over the past nearly decade. I wish they could have known him. I wish he had more time so he could have touched more lives like he did just by being him. 

My Dad was a good man. 

I hate that he is not here on earth.

But it wasn't my decision. 

And even though God and I didn't see eye to eye on this decision,

God knows best.

And I love knowing that my Dad will greet me when I join him someday. In heaven. 

So much love from me to those of you who cry like I do at the most unexpected times because the gaping hole is still there and sometimes the realization of that loss is too great to contain. 

KC

let it go

Seriously, that was the cruelest thing I could do: make the title of this blog the lyrics to a song that everyone hopes to forget about for long periods of time. #sorrynotsorry #okayalittlebitsorry

A good friend of mine and I made plans to meet at my house for a bit today. We're both busy gals so when we can get an hour or two together we take it! Before she came over, I had schooling to do with my kids and then an errand to run and I made it back to my house approximately 3 minutes before she did. 

As I pulled into my court, I was thinking about all the things I would have liked to have had done before she came, all the straightening up that would have made my house more presentable. And then the yard and planters came into view and I thought about how little amount of work I had done to them since moving in 4 years ago. 

But in that same moment, where I began to feel bad about all that I wasn't accomplishing, God reminded me of something greater (He is quick like that!):

I am in a season. And this season of my life has priorities that don't include creating a beautiful yard or keeping my house perfectly clean (ok, honestly, I'm not sure I'll ever be in a season where I will keep my house perfectly clean...) 

So I let it go!

My season of life is focused on my husband and my children and my relationships with other people. If I don't get the laundry finished when I want to because I chose to hang out with our neighbors instead, that's because those people are important to me! If I have an hour break from my kids because they are attending gymnastics and I choose not to clean the bathroom, but to spend time having a cup of coffee with my mom, it's because my time with her is WAY more important than a clean bathroom.(D oesn't that make you feel special, Mom?! 😜) 

I know my life is packed. Between homeschool, a mini-career in teaching piano lessons, being a homemaker (yes, I like that term), maintaining this God-given passion to write (seriously, people, even if I take a break for a week or so, He is still poking my heart to get back on here and write!) and about 25 other hobbies/passions/priorities, I don't feel bad for setting aside the vacuum for another day or for letting the herbs get a little crazy in the front planter.

And friends, like my gal Kris, don't really care what the place looks like. The good friends, the true ones come to see me because they like me, despite my lack of house-keeping priorities. 

(Now, lest you think I shun those who keep a clean house, I will clarify: I don't shun you! Some people truly enjoy keeping a clean home, just as I enjoy playing piano or writing. To each their own priorities for each season of life. Mine will just never be cleaning the house. By the way, my husband is looking for recommendations for good housecleaners...)

KC