When I was younger, I wanted to be in control of every aspect if my life. That feeling was mostly brought on by fear. I knew what I wanted my life to look like: comfortable. I never wanted to leave my comfort zone. I did not like taking risks. I didn't like having the rug pulled out from underneath me. No major life changes.
I knew what I wanted my life to look like.
Unfortunately for me, God and I did not see eye to eye on this.
I ended up with an anxiety disorder which definitely took control out of my hands. The guy I thought I was going to marry dumped me after 3 years of dating without telling me why. In college I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. After I got married, my husband and I had no job, to place to live, and no money (it was great fun living with my parents for a bit as newlyweds). God saw fit to give me (who was the most non-confrontational gal), the strongest, most confrontational daughter ever. He decided to take away my rock when he took my Dad up to heaven, way too early in my opinion. My husband ended up working nights for about 5 years. I wasn't allowed to be fearful without my husband around at night: I was a mom! Talk about not being in control!
And all the other small things that happened in the past 20 years: God definitely had plans to change me.
But I will tell you something that my husband and I have learned: we can plan and hope and make goals for ourselves and our family, but ultimately God is going to put us on the path He wants us to be.
We have hopes and dreams for our future together, but we hold on loosely because, even though sometimes it's hard to see, God's plans for us are greater.
KC
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