apologies and humility

One thing I really dislike doing is saying, "I'm sorry."  That's probably because I'm never wrong, I'm perfect, and there's no reason for me to apologize for anything!  Okay, so we all know that's not true.  Honestly, though, it is one tough thing for me to do.  My pride gets in the way.  My desire to be right and not admit fault gets in the way.  And the humility!  *sigh*  I just don't like it.

Unfortunately, it's a part of life for me.  I've gotten better at it, probably because I've had to say it so often. I've made financial mistakes when I should have withdrawn from one account and accidentally withdrew from the account that didn't have enough in it (it's been a long time since I've done that - I hate the $18 overdraft fee).  I sold my daughter's favorite stuffed animal at a garage sale (she had colored all over it with marker and never slept with it or played with it and to this day, between her and her dad, I still can't live it down).  I forgot to pack tennis shoes for my daughter on our camping trip to Calvaras Big Trees (you know, where you hike all over through all the trees and on the trails - yeah, flip flops don't work so well for hiking).  I've yelled at my kids for something they didn't do.  I've taken my emotions from the day out on my husband.  And I've even kicked the cat, multiple times (on accident - I'm not an abusive pet owner)!

Early in our marriage, my husband pulled a very frustrated me down on his lap and gently told me that I don't apologize very easily.  I was crying because I knew he was right and the words were so difficult to get out of my throat.  (It's amazing how something that should be mental/emotional can also become a physical feeling).  I swallowed, trying to clear my throat, and through the mess that I was, I apologized.  He hugged me and held me because he knew how difficult that was for me.  Although that is not typically how apologies go these days, it opened the door for humility to step in and my pride to step aside.  Each apology after that has been a little easier.

It's tough to apologize to kids.  I want my kids to respect me and think that I am the almighty parent who does no wrong.  But how will they learn to apologize with their heart if they never see it done?  Since they were little but still old enough to understand, we have tried to apologize to them when we have been in the wrong in a manner that we hope they will follow.  Between the two of them, they have had numerous times to practice saying, "I'm sorry," and there are many times when I think, "Boy, we've got a long way to go till we reach heartfelt!"  But we keep trying and we keep teaching.

A heartfelt apology opens doors between 2 people.  It helps to soothe wounds. It sets an example. It tears down pride. It creates humility, a trait that God desires for each of us.

'Therefore He says: "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."' James 4:6

"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." Romans 12:3

Do you have any apologies to make?  I know the first one is tough, but keep trying!  Start small - it'll get easier.

KC