leaning toward grace

Tonight I'm battling the feeling of failure. This happens on a pretty regular basis for me. It's just so easy to look around and see all the ways that I fall short every single day. My house, my kids, my routines and organization (both of which leave a little to be desired), my spouse, my job, my friendships... Every day I am faced with knowing that I could be doing better at one (or 10) of my responsibilities. 

That feels overwhelming. And frustrating. And discouraging. And I don't like feeling that way.

The crazy thing is that my family is not placing unrealistic standards in my life. My husband appreciates me and loves me for who I am. My kids love to spend time with me...even when I'm not so enjoyable! I'm pretty sure most of my students actually like coming to piano lessons and my friends keep calling and texting and wanting to spend time with me... So where does that feeling of failure come from?

Me.

I  get down on myself when I can't seem to get a project (like cleaning out a closet) completed. I get frustrated with a to-do list that is 10 feet long (I write big). And then there is homeschooling. That is just a world full of doubt and insecurities! The birthdays that I missed. The workout I should have done. The money I should have saved. The healthier lunch I should have served...although I do so love Kraft MacNCheese. 😋

It is SO easy to get caught up in what I am not getting accomplished, what I'm doing wrong, what I'm missing. It can be difficult to see the good, to see the victories, the fruit, the accomplishments. 

And the grace.

I'm trying to be perfect at everything. How ridiculous of me. Impossible. I'd need 25 of me working without sleep to make that happen, and even then...

If I were perfect, I'd have no need for a Savior, for someone like Jesus to lean on. And let me tell ya, I do like that feeling: leaning on Jesus and soaking up His ever present grace.

KC