What it truly means to say, "I'm sorry."
This morning I got to workin' on a project. It involved moving some furniture around and cleaning some stuff out. Not exciting, but the kids were planning on helping me because they were excited for the change. About a half hour into it, my daughter starts in with, "I'm booooooored..."
Now, mind you, it had taken all my mental capacity to get started on this project because I rather felt like sitting on my rear all day. But I was doing it, maintaining my sanity as I worked. But when the, "I'm boooooooored..." came along and was relentless, there went my sanity, jumping completely off the bridge.
I'm going to be honest right here and tell you about this relentlessness and what it brings out of me, not because I'm proud of it, but because...well, I don't think I'm the only one who struggles here.
It starts with, "I'm booooooored..." as my daughter drags herself into the room I'm "projecting" in. She repeats herself, following me everywhere I go and eventually lays herself on the floor in a puddle, exclaiming, "There's nothing to do heeerrrrrrrrrrrre..." Which is just silly because at this point she is surrounded by toys.
I start with simple suggestions but I don't have a lot of patience right now because I'm "projecting." So them I start in with the "not fun" suggestions: do some laundry for me, clean your room, scrub some toilets. And there are constant negative, moany, sulky responses from my puddle of a daughter. So finally I tell her to get away from me because I can't deal with her complaining. I send her to her room.
Now this is where I think I would laugh if I wasn't so irritated. Telling my daughter to go to her room is like trying to get a cat in a travel box to see the vet. Not even joking a little. In my house we have double stairs which essentially means you can go halfway up from the kitchen and then go back down ending up in the entryway. Imagine the fun!
So I am chasing her up and around the stairs and around the kitchen table. (Yes, chasing my nearly 9 year old daughter. Feel free to criticize, but only in your head because I've already criticized myself out loud!) She knows I'm faster and stronger and that she's going to lose because I can take the stairs two at a time. But she doesn't care, she's makin' a run for it. I eventually grab her arm and lead her up the stairs. She finally goes into her room and decides not to come out (probably because I wasn't saying anything nice during the chase scene). She's in there on her own for probably 30-40 minutes.
When she finally comes downstairs, she's very somber and apologizes. I know she's sorry for how she acted. I forgive her and apologize for getting so upset. And we chat about how some days of summer break are going to be fun, and sometimes we'll have friends over, but some days might be a bit boring and then she just needs to use her creativity and imagination to find something to do. She looks at me knowingly. I'm not telling her anything she doesn't already know.
All of that to get to this: 20 minutes later, she was lying on the stairs saying, "I'm boooooooored..."
AUGH!!!!!
I looked at her and asked, "Do you really want to go through this again?!"
And then the portion of the conversation that we have frequently: saying you're sorry does not just mean that you are remorseful for the behavior that you just had. It means that you are also going to try your hardest not to repeat it in the future. Now, granted, we all fail at this frequently but I certainly am going to try to teach my kids that a repentant heart is a changed heart.
The "Jayne puddle" on the stairs didn't last as long this time and I did make pretty good headway on my project. I even found my sanity back, eventually. But tomorrow....
KC
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